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14 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

2 - 5

"Hello Zoran! I am Quiyakaso and my head still hurts from being knocked out yesterday. Today is the seventh day of the Olympics! Last night was amazing as expected and we won a few medals as well! Starting with swimming, in the 1500 m freestyle swim, Immookalee Yeduyvnesi made it in second place overall and qualified for the finals with Adahy Sonedumi who qualified for the finals in ninth place. Sadly Immookalee was short of a second too late of reaching third and instead made it in fourth place while Adahy came in ninth again. In the 200 m backstroke Selu Quidedaduya came in seventh place overall and in the finals she came in first earning us our second gold medal!

In the Kayak 200 m sprint, Kemili Tlegeona came in fourth place and Tsiyi Yitagvase came in tenth place, both did their best and showed excellent sportsmanship before, during, and after the event. 

In the gymnastics vault, Elu Luhe-Dvas came in eighth place, Halona Ani'-Wah' came in fourteenth place,  Mitena Genessee tied fifteenth with two other gymnasts, and Tehoma Wetsanu came in eighteenth place. All of them did their hardest and we praise them for their dedication to the sport. However, in the gymnastics individual all-around, Elu came in third place and won us our fifth bronze medal! Congratulations Elu!

Overall, our athletes did well yesterday and I hope for them to do well again today! Today we will see the 200 m Freestyle and the 200 m Backstroke in swimming. Our gymnasts will be performing on the balance beams today as well! Our sailors have a chance to make a comeback in the multihull sailing event today so let's cheer them on as loud as we can! The trap shooting event will also begin today and I wish our marksmen the best of luck! Our wrestlers will also be stepping up to the mat today and I wish them success in today's events. Lastly, today is the quarterfinals for the team sports so let's cheer our teams on to victory! That is all for me today Zoran and I hope you enjoy the games!"


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Within This Very Newspaper Publication, The Sixth Of Reviews Dedicated To The Teams Competing On Behalf Of The Hertfordian Olympic Committee And Indeed For Our Proud Country, By The Two Reporters As Well As The Trustworthy Crew Making This Venture Possible, From This Reliable Source Point Of Purely Local Traditional News Broadcasting Is Literally Only One Single Part, Which Is About Volleyball Yet Again. | Wiđìn Đis Věri Ņjüzpeipe Păblíkeisn, Đe Sikso Av Rívjüz Ďedikeitid Tu Đi Tīms Kėmpītin An Bíhäf Av Đi Häřtferdie Ęlimpik Kęmitī N Ińdīd Foči Aue Praud Ķantri, Bai Đi Tü Rípočites Ez Wel Ez Đi Țraswĕđi Krü Měikin Đis Věntse Păsibl, Fram Đis Rílaiebl Sočis Poćint Av Pjūeli Ļeukl Trędisnel Njüz Bŕočidkästin Iz Ļitreli Ęunli Wan Pät, Wits Iz Ębaut Vălibočil Jet Ęgen.

Apologies for the obscenely long title, but we think it got the message across. If you haven't turned over to some DIY restoration program, then read on for the results of the final volleyball Group Stage match.

The Team Rankings For Day 5



Hertfordia 3-2 Yorubrailia


That is it. No really, that is all. We will be back very soon with the schedule for the seventh day.

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Review-Day 6 of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics

"Hello, I'm Ausrelian and again I'm going to review the matches of day 6. First of, we did very terrible. So bad that we dropped down from 8th to 10th. There is a reason for that since there was only 2 sports we participated in. In 1500m freestyle swim, none of our athletes made in the final round. Fortunately in volleyball, we qualified for the Quarter finals of Volleyball, defeating Bobki. But the bad thing is that our place is dropping down from 6th to 10th in just 2 days and we only have 18 athletes and 2 teams surviving in Lacrosse and Volleyball. I hope we get more medals in the future and see you tomorrow."


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Day 6 of the Olympics

Anne Krevelsted reporting live from St-Josalyn Track and Field, here to bring you a recap of Day 6! Our athletes are still optimistic despite losing to their respective opponents, and we also won 2 more medals! (Our editors were itching to change the medal tally for TV.) Here's the summary of events:

In the 1500 m Freestyle Swim event, Novasamita's athletes Mikel NaGrahe and Jan Hulsten performed not so good, being 8th and 27th, respectively in the overall rankings, while in the Gymnastics: Vault event, Marie Jenssen wins yet another medal for Novasamita, this time bronze. Her co-athlete Brien Klassen, meanwhile, was 9th placer. In the total all-around, Jenssen and Klassen ended up 7th and 22nd, respectively.

In the Karate Kata event, Jaekob Trannen managed to defeat Della Vancee of Nieubasria in the semis and Ollie Kassman of T&C for the gold medal match, managing to win another gold for Novasamita. Our volleyball team managed to defeat Teralyon in a slim victory against them, making their record so far 3 wins and 1 loss. 

That's about it for today's report! Thanks for tuning in and hope to see you tomorrow. 





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This is an announcement by the Hertfordian newspaper team for the HCOC. Unfortunately, due to severe technical difficulties, the review of the individual athletes of Day 6 has been unwittingly removed from publication. We do not have the sufficient resources or time to rewrite the entire article. Instead, we must get on with the business of the Day 7 schedule. So we will.



*In the main newspaper printing room*


Reporter - "You are a witless dodo!!"

Deputy Reporter - "Look at it! Our Day 6 review is ruined!"

Editor - "Erm... If I can do that, IMAGINE what we can do for the next issue."

Reporter - "You're a cretin!"

Deputy Reporter - "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!"

Reporter - "None of this was ever properly planned and now look at what you have caused, we've lost an entire morning's work and recieved a dissatisfied fan/reader base in return!"

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Good show, Your Royal Highness! You recovered just in time to help the Saint Mark team win the Gold in Team Equestrian Jumping!

The prince was feeling much better today and looked delighted over the team's Gold.

Thank you, Edward. Even though the Saint Mark medal tally may be a little light, every one of the five is Gold!
I'm proud of our athletes. Perhaps we will even put in a bid to host the next Summer Olympics!

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The Saint Aiaden Faire D'Heroiques announced today that it will be expanding its Fantasticka areas with three large attractions for the 1421 season. The Faire is the largest historically-themed event in the country and regularly attracts a quarter million visitors a year, according to the organizers. Located an hour's drive north-east of Saint Aiaden in Isca Aelia, the three month event hosts over one hundred ships, and dozens of performers, musicians, and buskers set in a village modeled after a typical 10th century Astorian village. 

The Faire's multi-year expansion initiative will see the addition of a "Lordly Manor", an improved jousting pitch, and a major addition to the Fantasticka marketplace. Smaller additions and improvements were also announced, including the refurbishment of the Olde Market, new seating in the Auditoria, and a shift to some scent-free areas. 

With the new marketplace, the Faire is set to expand to approximately 150-175 vendors and are accepting applications. Contact jan@fairedheroiques.nb if interested. 

The Fair's 1420 season will run Aug 1- Oct 31 and introduces a new themed week of "Castles and Cryptids" along with classics such as "High Seas Hoopla", and "Hallowed Hallows" closing weekend. This year does feature several new vendors and performers, as well as new rules for the Faire Campground which is set on the Faire's 2.3 sq. km land. 

General admission tickets start at 85฿ for adults, 45฿ for children ages 6-13. Weekend passes start at 130฿ and camping packages begin at 450฿ for two adults. 


Is the Armed Forces' crackdown on leaks about security — or avoiding embarrassment?

CLARENDON - Some leaks are obvious security risks — others not so much.

This can partially explain why Basric defense administration has begun forumluating new directives to crack down on the handling of information - classified and unclassified. 
Current vice chair of the Esquiry's Security and Defence Assets Panel, Esq. Lou Szianna confirmed this process actually began last fall, timing that military and political insiders have called "significant and suspicious" as the news of a leak from the Air Force to the defense manufacturer who leads the Nephele Project broke. 


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Sunday 14th June 1420 - Preview of Day 7 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 7 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


This isn't actually the hospital of Saint-Josalyn, we could not get permissiom from the staff to show it. So we are showing this picture of The Great Parndon Hospital instead. Either way, Saint-Josalyn hospital is where Aneurin and the unnamed hippy health guru were seen arguing. Ignore the code, we forgot to remove it.

We are now at Day 7 and if the number 7 has been anything to the nation, it has been reliable. For reasons beyond our explanation, any time a 7 crops up in something, it always means very good things for Hertfordia, no matter the medium the number is found in. Always. But enough obsessing over a numerical unit, down below is the schedule for Day 7. We honestly do not want to write much because we are still a bit miffed at the pleb of an editor, for reasons you can view our previous public statement to see. But we will anyway, since not writing much would be quite lazy. By the way, we currently have 5 gold medals, 5 silver medals and 8 bronze medals, a total of 18 medals.

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
200m Freestyle Swim Peter Venev, Fideo Vitanov
200m Breastroke Swim Junya Liepiņš, Lemres Feodosijovych, Blumiere Zirnis
Discus Throw Maxie Valchev, William Ilev
Road Cycling Time Trial Kevin Olehovych
Gymnastics Balance Beam Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Rowing Single Sculls Luigi Havrylovych, Sig Ivankov
Multihill Sailing James May, Pete Zhelyaskov
Trap Shooting Volodymyr Lukanov, Zuzana Strautmanis
Karate Kumite Individual Finals Eugene Siliņš
Freestyle Wrestling Stage 1 Rumen Radev
Semifinals Handball, Lacrosse Hertfordia Handball Federation, Hertfordia Lacrosse
Quarterfinals Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, Water Polo  Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

Right, the first thing we have noticed is that the gymnastics balance beam event is labelled. We can't help but think that this competition has already been performed, but until we find out for sure during the actual performances themselves, we are not in a position to tell you. In other observstions, it seems to us that there is a particularly high amount of events going on today. 16 to be precise, which we believe to be an increase on last time. Among the events is the final of the Karate Kumite. Confusingly, despite being listed as part of the events yesterday, it never did happen. Perhaps there were not enough entries by the nations attending the Olympics. We also have the sneaking suspicion that the quarterfinals of Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball and Water Polo will not come to fruition. At the very least, Volleyball is the only one we believe will be on. We could be wrong, but for now we shall go with that.

Some say that we ranted at our editor for very much disclosed reasons, and that because our editor also rigged a phone vote, we now have a new way of ending the publication. All we know is, it's time to say !thgindooG

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Olympic Media Centre, Saint-Josalyn

A handful of cameras flash as Frøydis Haugen, hammer thrower and FIF delegate, addresses the press conference, standing in front of the other members of FIF’s governing council.

“–become a disgrace to these games. They see fit to come here under the spirit of honest athleticism and international cooperation as if they weren’t here by grace of their lineage. No fewer than four nations have sent relatives of high ranking political figures or those political figures themselves as athletes. You cannot honestly expect those of us who came here on sporting merit to believe that they are here for the same reasons,” they say.

A reporter from KBD Idrott seizes the brief pause, “Frøydis, what about those elites who did perform as well as others? Should they not get their chance?”

Frøydis takes a moment, “I appreciate the question, because it’s arguably the most important one. Yes we are certain that these people from Zoran, Saint Mark, Mallorca, and Hertfordia received special treatment in national athlete selection—it would be miraculous if they didn’t, but that is on them to prove, not us. At the same time, yes, some of them have genuine athletic talent.

The problem is that most have lived their entire lives in the lap of luxury. Prince Marcarius is the heir to an absolute monarchy—one of the most powerful nations on the planet. Three members of the Zoranian president’s family are here, Mallorca’s head of state, and Hertfordia’s king and prime minister. This is ignoring the fact that they sent a war criminal to these games.

Through their privilege, they all had infinitely more access to funding, training facilities, trainers, and anything else they could want, while the rest of us made our way through life on talent and hard work. They claim to represent their nations, but they represent only the systems which push down their own people.

FIF is especially disappointed in the National Athletics Clan of Zoran for their choices. As they claim to be a fellow egalitarian society, we find it hard to understand why they sent three high members of the Ani’-Wah’ family. Did the other clans and families receive that treatment? What of the people who they claim to represent, did they?

Fujais Idrottsforbund calls on the World Olympic Council to investigate these instances of blatant corruption and preferential treatment in national athletic selections, and pass more stringent rules on selection processes to ensure this does not happen again. As a National Olympic Committee dedicated to the cultivation of sport in all its forms, we cannot stay silent on this matter. Olympic athletes are determined by effort and talent—not by the circumstances of one’s birth.”

The assembled reporters from Fujai and elsewhere begin trying to ask questions as Frøydis steps away from the podium, back to the other delegates in attendance. Already in Fujai is the internet abuzz over FIF’s corruption allegations, and most seem to support them.

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Hello Mallorcans! As you may know the last three days of the olympics have been full of heart-felt victories, com-from-behind performances and thrilling finals, but over in Mallorca, two victories have a special place in everybody's mind! First Starry Tegal's notorious sub-13 seconds hurdle performance, giving Marble Mallorca's second gold, but also Mallorca's national boating team, the Green Ducks who, after missing the podium in the 2-person canoeing sprint by merely one spot and two tenths of a second! However, as the original team assembled for their last event, the coxless fours, the Green Ducks quacked away to victory and joined Starry as well as Unordille in the "gold medal club". Though gold medals is not everything in these olympics, and we would fail to bring you the news if we didn't mention every other medaled athlete! First off of course is Vespa Horne, who won bronze in the Javelin throw. An excellent touch for this ex-convict in a truly breath-taking performance! We then of course have Wospy Midwisia who came second in the backstroke swim only to Sell Quiddedaduya of Zoran. And finally, although he has not yet won any medal, I think we can look forward to the karate performances of Diego Indista, who is now in the semi-finals for karate, only time will tell if he gets gold or not...

This was Rick O'Shea, for Rollout news, until next time!

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14 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

2 - 5

*Video does not begin with Quiyakaso in T&C but instead begins live in Zoran where chairman of the NACZ, Tagwadihi Tscadine, stands behind a podium to give a response to the FIF's criticisms of the NACZ and their entries*

"We here at the NACZ have read the criticisms and accusations made by the FIF and are disappointed at the organization's failure to even do the proper research in our history and in the people we have entered. While the Ani'-Wah' family is prominent in Zoranian society, the president has no influence over the NACZ and, in fact, has no real power whatsoever in the country and made no attempt to contact us on this in any way. We only worked with a small number of Security Council members to discuss logistics of sending our athletes and whether they wish to contribute to sending our entries or not. Furthermore, Halona Ani'-Wah' is not a member of the main Ani'-Wah' family line, she is a member of the family yes but she the niece of our president and did not grow up in the same way as Jistu or Walela. Her father, a brother of the president, is not as wealthy as his brother and did not accept any financial support that Apenimon Ani'-Wah' offered him even before he became involved in politics. Halona grew up in a working class household and started gymnastics when she was five years old and her parents struggled to pay her membership in order for her to be part of the gymnastics team. Thus to say she grew up in the lap of luxury would be false. In terms of Jistu and Walela, while they did grow up in the main Ani'-Wah' family that owns the world renowned communications and security company, AW Encrypted, Apenimon Ani'-Wah' never did spoil them. He made them work for everything they wanted, if they wanted a toy they had to prove to him in some way that they deserved it either through athletics, academics, or hard work at home. He kept them humble as the Divine Shaman Adanvdo taught us as the Ani'-Wah' family is known in Zoran for their piety and religiousness. Also the twins did not have any special training facilities or anything of the sort, they started their respective sports at five years of age as well and were signed up in a small swim and canoeing sports teams in the area and were given no special treatment. The three members of the Ani'-Wah' family were treated like other members of their teams and received standard coaching like anyone else. Their family name was never considered in those matters.

The FIF also claimed that we chose these three members of the Ani'-Wah' family because of privilege or because of political influence, but this is incorrect. the NACZ has always been privately owned and not for profit since our founding in 1285. As I have said earlier, the President does not have any real influence in the country and only speaks for the people of Zoran in the world. All communications that the organization makes can be found in the National Database, which everyone in the world is free to access as long as they go to the Zoranian embassy or their local consulate and go through the proper paperwork, and you can see that no communications have been made between the president or the NACZ and should you believe that we paid to have the information privatized, you can look at our financial records to see that nothing like that has occurred as it has been a NACZ policy to keep ourselves as transparent as possible. The way we selected our entries is via accessing competition records and we made a list of athletes who performed well in competitions on the national and regional levels and the three members of the Ani'-Wah' family were among those that performed well so they were invited. We also looked at people who weren't known but had a lot of potential as an athlete and invited them to be a entry, two such people were Elu Luhe-Dvas and Aiyana Muaislo who have both won gold medals for Zoran and came from low income families. We look at the athletes as a whole and this includes their performance during competitions. Everyone was given a fair chance and since this was the first Olympics we plan on improving this system but for now we feel we have done well in selecting our athletes to send to this event. To say that we send athletes based on their social class or privilege would be false and the information is there in the National Database to back our statement and we are disappointed at the FIF for not doing its proper research on the athletes we have sent and on our organization and we request that should they make an apology soon. Accusations and claims should be backed by facts and evidence not by assumptions or personal bias. I wish all our athletes the best of luck in their events today and wish all of Zoran a good day."


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Review - Day 7 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 7 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

We will open this review with a very blunt statement. Luck means absolute [censored], as it turns out. So much for lucky number 7 because the winning of only 1 medal, a silver one, means that Hertfordia have plummeted to 5th place in the main medal table, and remain 3rd in the total medal table. Hertfordia appears to have stagnated in the most recent of days, it has only been going down since the massively successful Day 5, when we won 6 medals including 2 golds. To be frankly honest, we really need to start winning a ton of medals again, if we are to keep up with the Astoric countries. In fact, we are now below both Saint Mark, who have pretty much onlyearned gold medals, as well as some other state we can't remember. Check yourself, we aren't always going to spoonfeed people.

Šilve: 1

You now realize what we meant by stagnating. We could only manage one silver medal on the seventh day, meaning our total medal count now looks like this - 5 gold, 6 silver, 8 bronze. We are still puncing above our weight, for a nation which can very easily be called 'The Farm of The West Pacific', but we really do want, and need, to start doing that once again. Here's to hoping. In other news, the team sports went much better, not for the first time. The Handball and Lacrosse teams both made it to their respective finals by defeating Larxia and Irador respectively. They have therefore booked a place in the finals, and what a coincidence, they both have to battle Nieubasria. In Volleyball, Hertfordia dispatched of Bobki relatively effortlessly and made it to the Semi-Finals. In many individual events, our athletes missed out on medals by only 1 place. So yeah, that is it. 7 should be known as the unlucky number in Hertfordian sports

Luck means nothing in an event like the Olympics.


Junya Liepiņš- Finished 2nd in the 200m Breastroke Swim. He is quite a strange man, but the only properly known thing about him is that he absolutely loves alcohol.



Peter Venev - Finished 5th in the 200m Freestyle Swim Final.



Zuzana Strautmanis - Finished 4th in the Trap Shooting Final.



Sig Ivankov - Finished 9th in the Rowing Single Sculls.



Fideo Vitanov - Finished 14th in the 200m Freestyle Swim.



Eugene Siliņš - Finished 4th in the Karate Kumite Individual.



Lemres Feodosijovych - Finished 7th in the 200m Freestyle Swim.



Maxie Valchev - Finished 7th in the Discus Throw.



James May/Pete Zhelyaskov - Finished 5th in the Multihill Sailing.



Volodymyr Lukanov - Finished 8th in the Trap Shooting Final.



William Ilev - Finished 11th in the Discus Throw.



Kevin Olehovych - Finished 18th in the Road Cycling Time Trial.



Rumen Radev - Eliminated in the Round of 14 of the Freestyle Wrestling.



Luigi Havrylovych - Finished 24th in the Rowing Single Sculls.



Blumiere Zirnis - Finished 19th in the 200m Breastroke Swim.


And Now, The News...

We have noticed that many people both at home and abroad are confused by the complete mess that is the Hertfordian political system. Some foreigners notably tend to mix up the system of government with that of our traditional hereditary monarchy and thus Hertfordia gives off an aura of privilege. So here, we will clear up a bit, and also describe qualification to represent Hertfordia at the Olympics. This will be a massive post, so we will include it separately. Basically, coming up later is the HCOC's Response to the FIF's baseless accusations.

In the other news, the police have finally discovered the rioters motives for tipping our news van over, and it is two reasons. One half of them were far-left agitators furious against our reporting of Hertfordia on the stage. They believe we should be using our platform as a newspaper to campaign against the current government and in favour of revolution, violent if necessary. The other half though is slightly more confusing. That half claims that the HCOC has enabled a highly condemned person to infiltrate our campaign. We will be investigating these matters further in conjunction with the Confederal Police Force.


On that piece of information, it is now time to end, goodbye!

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Day 7 of the Olympics

Anne Krevelsted at the Athlete's Village in Saint-Josalyn, here to bring you another update on the Olympic games here! Today has been an incredibly lucky day for our team, gaining 4 medals in total today, which is fairly good in comparison to the previous days. The wins today has raised our total ranking to 7th place from 4th place. Here's the recap of events:

- In the discus throw event, the first event with Novasamitan participation, we won our first silver medal thanks to Mikel Snowberg, narrowly beaten by Holly Lally of T&C. Paul Kringen, however, ended up 5th in the final tally.
- We were even more luckier in the road cycling time trial event, with Kyla Uenssen grabbing the gold for Novasamita, at a speed of 34 minutes and 46 seconds.
- Our Karate Kumite athletes Rosa Helmer and Art Sylvessen won bronze and gold respectively, thanks to their tireless training and preparation.
- Finally in the Volleyball quarterfinals, Novasamita managed to defeat the Iradorian team in all but the second sets.

That's it for the daily update on the Olympics, see you tomorrow!

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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 6th and 7th Day

1 Gold - 2 Silver - 0 Bronze

Hello at the Giovannilandian Olympic Report. Unfortunately, due to the storms in central and northern Giovanniland, we were unable to broadcast a review of the 6th Olympic Day, and we heartily apologize for that. Don't worry, though, because today we'll cover both days!

6th Day:

1500 m Freestyle Swim: Yesterday, in this event, only one Giovannilandian could qualify for the finals - Andriana Viryä - but they did not succeed, as they were placed 7th overall. Other athletes, namely Helena Vladimir, Edna Pessoa, and Viniciös Caetano, did not even qualify for the finals.

Volleyball: Now for some good news, Giovanniland won their last match against Fujai, and topped the group with 9 points. Then, our team advanced to the quarterfinals.

7th Day:

200 m Freestyle Swim: Only one athlete succeeded on the qualifiers - this time, Nilton Äaron. Other ones didn't do so well, as Valkyria Yang-chen got 21st, Teresa Blacksmith got 24th, and Farlina Arruda got 30th. However, on the finals, our athlete Nilton Äaron brought the second silver medal to our country, as he finished 2nd overall!

Volleyball: Giovanniland won against the Unified Missourtama States on the quarterfinals! As other teams get eliminated, we hope our team succeeds on this event.

This is it for these two days! Although not much happened, we're happy to see another medal for our country and a successful road so far for our Volleyball team. More to come tomorrow, so stay tuned!

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The Countess of Uia sipped her Special Royal Blend, savored the earthy sweetness, and placed her cup on its saucer.
She glanced again at Luke Waterman, something she found difficult not to do, and turned back to His Royal Highness.

Did you hear what that hammer thrower from Fujai had to say about our athletes, cousin? Essentially, he declared our delegation to be nothing but aristocratic dilettantes.

Now, Susan, we mustn't concern ourselves with the comments of the ill-informed and uneducated. Edward told me that this man didn't even know that I had already ascended to the throne two years ago, calling me the heir. Of course our athletes are from the upper classes, but not everyone is titled. Luke, here, for example won Gold in the 200 meter breaststroke, and although a gentleman of course, is hardly a Peer.

Luke Waterman, almost mythically handsome, flashed a smile and raised his cup.

Seven Golds, sir! Regardless of background, each of our athletes has worked hard to prepare for competition in these olympics. Our success speaks for itself.

Congratulations to the both of you. You make Saint Mark proud.

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Hertfordian Confederal Olympic Committee - Häřtferdien Ķenfedrel Ęlimpik Kęmitī

Hello and welcome to this handy guide to the monarchical system of Hertfordia. This has been penned in response to accusations of foul play within our qualification system that decides who will become an athlete for our nation. We wish to explain to those who get confused with the country's system in the best possible way we can. Strap yourselves in, folk!

Part 1: The Monarchy

Hertfordia is a monarchy. That is only the tip of the story, though. Hertfordia runs a rather unorthodox system known as 'Confederal Parliamentary Elective Constitutional Monarchy' or CPECM for short. Basically, the monarchy of Hertfordia has existed since ancient times, when the country was first founded. Only recently in 1418 did the previous Prime Minister issue a proposal, which passed overwhelmingly in the Verkhovna Anglia, to abolish the hereditary monarchy and replace it with an elective monarchy.

To be able to run for the position of King/Queen/Tsar/Tsaress of Hertfordia (Formerly Grand Duke), a few requirements need to be met: 1) You must be 21 or over - 2) You must have completed all forms of mandatory education - 3) You must have taken a university course in politics and/or national history - 4) You must be born in Hertfordia to native parents - 5) You must not have ever committed a crime of any sort.

If you can meet all these criteria, them you can easily be accepted as a candidate, and then start convincing the people why you should be the head of state. There are reasons for each of these. 1 is purely traditional, we have always had elections where people can join from 21 years of age. 2 and 3 are to make sure the monarch is not just some bumbling fool who drives Hertfordia into the ground. 4 is to make sure only Hertfordians/Jammbians/etc. can rule Hertfordia and has the express purpose of preventing foreigners from being eligible for the Crown of St. Edmund. 5, well, who wants a convicted criminal in power?

Often, there are many different candidates, but only a few can be considered properly qualified.

To conclude, no, the King is not in power due to his lineage. He is in power because we, the people, have willed him to be in power, through his policies alone.

Part 2: The Qualification Process

This will be a long part. Simply, our qualification process is open to everyone from Hertfordia with descent tied to the peoples of this nation. Wealth is not considered and access is equal. Both the King/Tsar and the Prime Minister entered because they wanted to be able to represent the country on a global sporting stage, and just like everyone else they have had to go through qualification to make sure they are suitable enough to be chosen.

The evidence is clear that these two were brought here on the merits of sporting talent, not some fictional reason relating to privilege. For proof, just look at their performances. King/Tsar Mečislavs Deben achieved third place in the Mountain Biking and as for the Prime Minister, well, Clarkov Clarkson has a gold medal in Javelin he would love to talk to you about, but we advised, no scratch that, TOLD him not to do that the almost certain grounds that everyone listening would literally die of boredom. We also have athletes from a poor background, so don't go lecturing us about privilege when even those in poverty can join in on the Olympic fun. It is not a good look.

Long story short, people have come on merit alone. Privilege plays absolutely no part, in fact the use of one's position to gain advantages of any form in selection is illegal under both HCOC rules and Hertfordian law. We do not want to act as a puppet of the rich and powerful. So we aren't.

We also must point out that Radovan, the war criminal, was not chosen by us. He smuggled in past security and if anyone was paying even the slightest bit of attention they would have noticed Radovan Artemovych being arrested by Cambrian 5-0 with help from Hertfordian law enforcement during the mountain biking event. He registered with us under the false pretext of qualification. Yes, we admit, our security measures are a bit awful, hence why Artemovych was even in the Olympic roster at all. We will therefore take measures to improve our security and make sure such a transgression does not occur again.

Conclusion: the claims of the FIF and specifically Haugen are twaddle. It is all a load of absolute rubbish and we will hear no more nonsense from our Fujar counterparts. We are in no mood to battle against baseless accusations, because we still want to be able to enjoy the Olympics without matters of so-called privilege infecting this proud period in sporting history. Frøydis knows nothing about us, our sporting scene or our nation and frankly he has no right whatsoever to go to a press conference and falsely slander the name of the HCOC! We will simply not tolerate lies on any level, and that is a fact!

The Confederal Olympic Committee of Hertfordia hereby requests a retraction of the lies made by Frøydis and the FIF. It is our opinion that they owe the accused, especially Hertfordia, an apology for the Fujai Idrottsforbund's blatant falsehoods broadcast to the world.

Part 3: The Public Opinion

Okay, this will be a short part simply about what the public think. They believe that Fujai has got our system completely wrong and that Frøydis in particular clearly does not understand Hertfordia or the way we do things here. Some people reckon that it is because of political viewpoints. Hertfordia is perhaps one of the most nationalistic, most right-wing areas in the world and while that is not the cited reason, it does influence the reasons given. Many respondants to our previous question of what they think of Haugen's claims say that it is typical of someone from Fujai, considered the polar opposite of Hertfordia. Whereas Hertfordia is nationalistic and right-wing, Fujai is seen as a nation of socialist hippies by many citizens, both of which are very much frowned upon.

Obviously, we are in no position to confirm or deny these claims. It is up to Fujai alone to decide what it is. There we go, that is all.

We thank you for listening and joining in. Now, the news team will prepare the team sports review. Cheers and goodbye.

P.S. - If we decide to put new info into this post, we shall show you via an edit message below the post.

P.P.S. - "The problem is that most have lived their entire lives in the lap of luxury"?! What a joke! The King/Tsar has a luxurious life now, but before his reign, he was still a member of the middle class. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister is actually from a rural working class background and even as PM he has vowed to remain an ordinary, if slightly weird, citizen at heart. We had to clear that up for all you readers who have been watching us perform.

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Clarendon Press Organization
The Press Organization has noted the widespread criticism of the nations implicated in the Fujai Idrottsforbund delegate's messages about privilege and elitism in sport, and has developed this release to highlight the fact that Nieubasria is not immune to this issue. 

Esquires, and particularly Nobly-Esquired persons are overrepresented in the 1420 Olympic Delegation, whereas jurisdictory persons and particularly non-juristdictory persons are severely underrepresented. 

The Clarendon Press Organization condemns ignorance in all forms, and calls on all those contributing to this narrative to educate themselves and take appropriate actions.





With respect to recent events, the Estates-Ministry of Sport and Tourism is confirming its intent to promote socioeconomic diversity 
in all levels of sport. Recognizing the exploitation of privilege in sport is important so our society may consider the individual excellence and accomplishment of the athlete, consistent with our Tamaric values. The Estates-Ministry is today announcing its immediate actions as a result of an internal process 
in counsel with all relevant stakeholders. 

The Estates-Ministry announces that the National Fund for Sport, the public charity administered by the Estates-Ministry
will be devoting 5% of all funds -with a regulatory minimum of 18 million basmarks- to an Opportunity Development Initiative.
The Initiative will have the sole purpose of development of high-level athletic opportunities for the unesquired and
nonjurisdictory subjects of Nieubasria. 

The Estates-Ministry has mandated all National Sport Organizations collect and share with the Estates-Ministry an
accounting of the jurisdictory, esquired, or noble status of each athlete and their parents for the purpose of publication of
anonymous statistics. These statistics will be used to direct the National Fund for Sport's Opportunity Development Initiative. 

In light of these developments, the Estates-Ministry maintains that sport should be accessible to all and thus will not
be reevaluating the long-standing ban on any form of quotas in the athletic membership of National Sport Organizations.




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Below is an excerpt of the "NB, Briefly" guide developed by the Estates-Ministry of Sport and Tourism





Status of Subjects


Citizens of Nieubasria, rather than a traditional ‘citizenship’, are considered Subjects of the Crown. Whether by natural birth or naturalization, being a Subject entitles a person to live, work, and access Government programs. Some subjects have more advanced titles and rights, as  Jurisdictor or Esquire. 


Being a Jurisdictor, a Subject is granted the right to vote for and stand as Delegate to the Hier. Jurisdictory status is granted to those Subjects which have attained it by the following:

  • University Degrees, including advanced degrees achieved in equivalent foreign schools

  • Professional Certification, as a Trade Master or in a Royal Society (ex. Law or Medicine)

    • Due to this Professional Certification, many industries and careers have organized under a Society or College in order to grant Status. For example, Grocers, Sailors, etc. 

  • Armed Service

  • Emergency Services 

  • Royal Grant for other service or accomplishment

  • Knightly and Religious Orders 

  • Esquired Status


Being an Esquire, a Subject is granted the rights as a member of the class of Nobility as protected by various constitutional documents, such as the Restoration Pact. The most notable of these being the right to sit in the Esquiry. Esquiry status is quasi-military and has been historically tied with Officer ranks in the Royal Forces (this is reflected by the offices of the Esquire-General and Esquire-Majors and their attending staff), and is attained through the following:

  • Hereditary Titles 

  • Certain Noble or Religious Orders

  • Exceptional Service as Jurisdictor

  • Royal Grant


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We Finally Managed To Publish This, Hooray! | Wī Făineli Mănide Tu Păblis Đis, Húrei!

If you have decided to read this publication, you most likely caught a glimpse of the HCOC actually making an official statement! Wow, we know, very shocking. Nevertheless, we have 3 team sports to quickly review and all of them went very well. In Handball, a hard-fought battle against Larxia ended in our favour. There was less fighting back in the other two sports. Hertfordia dispatched comfortably of Irador while in the Volleyball Quarter-Finals, Hertfordia decided that it wanted to slaughter Bobki, so they did. Both the Handball and Lacrosse teams have made it to their respective finals, and will both take on Nieubasria. In Volleyball, Hertfordia joins Novasamita, Nieubasria and Giovanniland in the Semi-Finals. Alright, coming up are the rankings for each team sport that took place on Day 7. 



Hertfordia 11-4 Irador



Hertfordia 29-21 Larxia



Bobki 0-3 Hertfordia


Very soon, we shall have the preview of Day 8 ready. Until then, stay comfortable and wait for our analysis of what is to come.

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Monday 15th June 1420 - Preview of Day 8 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 8 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


Again, the Saint-Josalyn healthcare staff would not let us in. Well, we couldn't use the same hospital picture that we used in the last preview, so here is the entrance to the Princess Alexandra Hospital in Harlow. Multiple athletes, all suspiciously of Debenian or Hertmeran descent have been found injured in some form or another. (We never bothered translating it to the national languages)

We can tell we are nearing the end of the Olympics, for now Day 8 has arrived! The athletes have been training long and hard over the weeks to prepare themselves, and they have been instilled with a mentality that just screams 'winning is the most important thing, but that doesn't mean fun should be neglected'. Essentially, Hertfordia believes that even when chasing victory at all costs, sports should always be fun to play and fun to watch. Of course, above is the unfortunate news that multiple athletes have been injured. Most of them are medal winners, for some reason. The injured athletes are: The Stig, Phil Yevhenovych, Richard Hammond, Colin Hedanijovych and Benjamin Semenovych. The Stig in particular is very hard for doctors to work with. Not only does he seem to walk away from explosions completely unharmed, but he also never speaks. Ever. So don't even try. Anyway, here comes the schedule.

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
200m Butterfly Swim Monokuma Romanov, Edward Kostyantynovych
100m Run Aran Sīlis, Nathan Eduardovych
Cycling Track Sprint Whisker Nikolov
10m Air Pistol Edvard Mucenieks, Martin Varbanov
Park Skateboarding Gitanas Valters
Gymnastics Team All-Around Stage 1 Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Tennis Singles Stage 1 Rodrigo Brunkevičs, Charles Broxbourne
Handball Finals Hertfordia Handball Federation
Lacrosse Finals Hertfordia Lacrosse
Semifinals Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, Water Polo Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

We are not sure if we are actually in the Gymnastics Team All-Around, but since we believe that the HCOC entered the full number of athletes for Gymnastics, we are going with the benefit of the doubt and sticking it on the above schedule. We will be entering 12-13 events today. Today sees the finals for both Handball and Lacrosse, which will both be fought against Nieubasria. Baseball, Basketball and Water Polo resume and join Volleyball in holding the Semi-Finals. In terms of notable faces (Yes, we are doing this again, even though we said we wouldn't anymore. Sorry.), there really aren't a whole lot, but one does not need to be recognisable in order to be successful. There is Charles Broxbourne, the former king who lost re-election for a second term to the current incumbent, Mečislavs Deben, and the Olympic team also has Monokuma Romanov, who people claim is a descendant of the old dynasties that ruled Hertfordia as a hereditary monarchy back in the Grand Duchy days. Of course, the Handball and Lacrosse teams will both be battling for gold and trying their damn hardest to achieve it. Yes we mentioned them more than once, we aren't going to change that.

Some say he thinks BDSM is a driving school, and that following the vote on gay marriage, he's gotten engaged to James May......'s lawnmower. All we know is, he's called The Stig. But we aren't. We are the Hertfordian Olympic Newspaper and we thank you very much for reading our completely free (other than initial purchase) news. Goodnight!

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Review - Day 8 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 8 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

The penultimate day of these Olympics went a bit better compared to yesterday, with the Hertfordia Olympic team winning a total of 2 medals, both of them in the team sports. We noticed an error within the results of Park Skateboarding as the wrong Hertfordian athlete was placed there. For unknown reasons, Gitanas Valters name was replaced with Martin Varbanov, who had already been placed in the 10m Air Pistol anyway. So, the Day 8 medals.

Geuld:1 Šilve: 1

So yeah, it did go a bit better. Hertfordia now has 6 golds, 7 silvers and 8 bronzes, leaving the nation in 5th overall in the main table, while we believe we are third in the total medal table. There is only one day left, so we need to put in the best performances of all, in order to end on a high. The ambitions of the Hertfordia Confederal Olympic Committee are to, of course, finish 1st overall, and if that is not feasible, then at least finish overall in the top three. We want this to be a sports event to go down in history, and just like with the TWPRWC, we aim to win, and win as much as possible. The Hawks will not go down without a fight!

Here are the rankings for the individuals. Read them (or not).


Charles Broxbourne - Currently in the Quarter-Finals of the Tennis Singles.



Rodrigo D. Brunkevičs - Currently in the Quarter-Finals of the Tennis Singles.



Nicholas (Monokuma) Romanov - Finished 5th in the 200m Butterfly Swim Final.



Edward Kostyantynovych - Finished 6th in the 200m Butterfly Swim Final.



Edvard Mucenieks - Finished 5th in the 10m Air Pistol Final.



Aran Sīlis - Finished 24th in the 100m Run.



Whisker Nikolov - Finished 12th in the Track Cycling Sprint.



Martin Varbanov - Finished 13th in the 10m Air Pistol.



Nathan Eduardovych - Finished 32nd in the 100m Run.



Gitanas Valters - Finished 17th in the Park Skateboarding.


And Now, The News...

There really isn't much. All we know is that the injured party have recovered suprisingly quickly. Obviously the culprit of the sudden attack must be utter garbage at their job. Police now believe they know exactly who has been causing all the events recently, and to be honest we think everyone else is clocking on aswell. However, we are unable to yet confirm their suspicions because the guilty party has yet to be apprehended, and as the investigation info is highly confidential, we daren't reveal it in case the Plod barge through the front door. That is all. We are going to do 'some say' endings from when they begun until the very end, as we do find them enjoyable to write.


Some say that he voted for Tony the Tiger in the Markian General Election, and that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Fujai. All we know is, we aren't The Stig, but we are The Stig's least favourite newspaper! Goodnight!

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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 8th Day

1 Gold - 2 Silver - 0 Bronze

Hello at the Giovannilandian Olympic Report, again! I see we've got a large audience today, and we're proud to have the chance to inform you all for 8 Olympic days already! Let's review yet another day in this inter-regional event. 

100 m Run: Giovanniland did well in the qualifiers, as Cyro Wilsim and Roberto Quërnio qualified, while Teles Arnold and Anna Uryth did not. However, in the finals, no medal was acquired, as Roberto was placed 4th and Cyro, 7th.

Tennis Singles: In the first round, Amanda Sousa qualified, winning both sets, but Carlos Ërb lost in a close match against a Hertfordian athlete. Amanda further won another match in the second round, paving the way to play more matches in the upcoming days. 

Baseball: Amazing news, Giovanniland is on the final! The Giovannilandian baseball team won 5-0 against Hertfordia, and will meet Nieubasria on the final. 

Football: After a 1st half with no goals, the 2nd half of the semifinal against Fujai was very eventful. Fujai got the lead on the early minutes of the second half, however it was not the end, as Giovanniland quickly reacted and scored 2 goals in an amazing comeback! Just like in Baseball, the team will now meet Nieubasria on the final.

Volleyball: Not everything can go the right way, sadly. After a close semifinal match, Giovanniland lost against Hertfordia, and will dispute the bronze medal with Nieubasria - seems we can't escape them even in the 3rd place match...

Water Polo: Another loss happened here, after the Giovannilandians lost 6-8 against Nieubasria. The 3rd place match is scheduled to happen soon, against Teralyon. 

For today, it's done! We've seen a great effort by all teams and individual athletes, even if the results weren't the most favorable. As the Olympics soon come to an end, we hope you liked watching all sports, and our report as well! See you for more tomorrow.

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   Wait, Six Team Sports? Huh, It Has Been A While Since That Happened. | Weit, Siks Tīm Spočits? Ha, It Hez Bīn E Wail Sins Đat Hăpend.

Hello, we have six team sports to review, so at last we can finally have a good ol' proper review, writing a newspaper article down by the rolling green hills of the countryside. Almost everything related to team sports went brilliantly. In Handball, the team won gold by defeating Nieubasria, but we lost to the same opponent in Lacrosse, by just one point in overtime. Surely that was the closest lacrosse match that the sporting fans of the nation have ever seen. During the baseball, a whitewash defeat to Giovanniland, one which no citizen saw coming, has booked us a third place match with Fuentana. Speaking of Fuentana, they are also our next and final opponents in the Basketball, only this time in the Final, as Hertfordia defeated Novasamita by a measly 2 points, while Fuentana had a 4 point squeeze past Nieubasria. Of course we are out of Football and Rugby Sevens, but we can say that it is our presumptions that Fujai have made the Finals for both, and will take on Giovanniland and the dark horses Zoran, who completely ran the Giovannilandians into the ground with dirt shoved in their gaping mouths, respectively. Back to Hertfordian teams. In Volleyball, Hertfordia will be up against Novasamita after dispatching of Giovanniland. At first, it was almost completely one-sided to the favour of the Blades, but when Giovanniland started fighting back, Hertfordia got serious and after two more close sets, Hertfordia emerged triumphant. Finally, in Water Polo, Hertfordia are in the Final, this time beating back a semi-resiliant Teralyon. As a result, Royal Navy will now set their sets on a victory over Nieubasria. In fact, all our remaining teams will seek victory over the enemy, make no mistake.



Hertfordia 38-23 Nieubasria

Hertfordia finished 1st in the Handball.



Hertfordia (10) 9-9 (11) Nieubasria

Hertfordia finished 2nd in the Lacrosse.



Hertfordia 3-1 Giovanniland

Hertfordia have qualified for the Finals of the Volleyball.



Teralyon 5-8 Hertfordia

Hertfordia have qualified for the Finals of the Water Polo.



Hertfordia 74-72 Novasamita

Hertfordia have qualified for the Final of the Basketball.



Hertfordia 0-5 Giovanniland

Hertfordia have qualified for the Third Place Match in the Baseball.


The day has come, the end of the road. But trust your abilities and fear not the enemy, for the hour of the Anglians will arrive once more!

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