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CLARENDON (CP) - The "Tyranny over the Telegraph" is officially coming to an end, yet even 156 years later some think it is too soon. Titanic's iconic telegraph 'voice' may be recovered. But some say ...

The Esquiry has officially approved the legislative package from the Hier which includes the removal of an entire section of law regulating the telegraph industry. Included were monetary penalties of 100฿ for "failure to deliver messages in an expeditious manner", and a strict regulation of where telegraph stations and lines may be established. 

The first instance of a national telegraph law is found in 1264 which set the first fines and a prohibition of telegraph stations in private residences. These restrictions were met with scathing rebukes from the telegraph industry, which was just beginning to reach wider scales of use. One such industryperson was Jaida E. Hall, founder of the Astorian Telegraphic Company published an opinion which coined the law as the "Tyranny over the Telegaph", a term which is used to colloquially refer to the regulation of telegraphs by hobbyists even today. 

Before we had mobile phones, the utility of the telegraph could not be overstated. Used extensively in the conflicts against Dalimabri expansion, the first trans-astorian telegraph line was laid from Saint-Josalyn to Clarendon in 1261. Kneecapping the existing messenger lines, the trans-astorian was later expanded to run from Saint-Mattis to Saint Aiaden. 

While the laws have not been changed in any substantive manner since 1312 and there have been no penalties or fines issued under the regulations since 1367, some worry this will endanger their communication. 

The CP met with a group of concerned centenarians at the Hills Rest Home in Clarendon to discuss their concerns. This Rest Home is the last one in Nieubasria to provide telegraph service to their residents. The program begin in 1404 when staff uncovered a bricked-over telegraph station during renovations, and an ambitious care worker with a hobby for telegraphs took to restoring it and setting up contacts for the seniors to communicate with. The contacts are telegraph hobbyists around the country, who routinely send messages back and forth to the residents via this station, and the residents are worried that the removal of telegraph regulation will mean a decline in the speed at which they can receive their messages from the staff. Ethel Rehren, resident of the home stated- "Now listen 'ere, if these younin's need the fear of a good slap from the State to light the fire under their behind, then so be it! I enjoy my dailies, and I needn't have them become weeklies!" 


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Apologies For The Inconvenience, We Were Delayed | Ępaledeiz Foči Đi Inkeńvīniens, Wī We Díleid

Sorry for our absence, people of Hertfordia, our news lorry was trashed by rioters. Now that we have finally managed to get the studio repaired, let's review how the teams done on Day 3 of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics. Most of the team sports were full of joy as Hertfordian sports teams recorded victories in 5 out of 6 competitions, the odd one out being football where we were defeated 3-2 by Irador. Just like against Giovanniland, it was a comeback loss. The Lacrosse and Basketball teams thumped their respective opponents, Hertfordia Lacrosse defeating Nieubasria 9-17 while the Hertfordia Basketball Federation hammered Marble Mallorca 57-106. Victories were also brought to the table in Baseball against Novasamita, Handball against Giovanniland and in Water Polo against Marble Mallorca.

The groups in Handball and Lacrosse have concluded and we are happy to declare that Hertfordia have qualified for the semi-finals as group winners in both professions! Now there's something to cheer about! We currently sit at the top of our Baseball, Basketball and Water Polo groups, currently undefeated in all of them. However, we sit at rock bottom in our football group with 0 points. As for Rugby and Volleyball, they were not played on the third day, so they will not be featured in our ranking.

The Team Rankings For Day 3



Marble Mallorca 57-106 Hertfordia



Hertfordia 32-22 Giovanniland

(Hertfordia have qualified for the Handball Semi-Finals)



Marble Mallorca 5-7 Hertfordia



Nieubasria 9-17 Hertfordia

(Hertfordia have qualified for the Lacrosse Octo-Finals)



Hertfordia 4-1 Novasamita



Hertfordia 2-3 Irador


For those wondering when the interviews are going to be, they are never going to arrive. Hertfordia is generally a quieter nation than the rest. We will happily speak, we just prefer to let our actions do the talking.

We shall be back shortly for the Day 4 Preview

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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 3rd Day

It is your awaited Giovannilandian Olympic Report here! Without further ado, let's review the events of yet another day in the Olympics. 

Handball: The Giovannilandian team sadly not qualify for the knockout round, as they lost 32-22 on a close match to Hertfordia. The team couldn't get the best runner-up spot either, as Teralyon and Bobki had greater goal differentials.

Baseball: It wasn't a wonderful day for the baseball team either, as they lost 3-0 to Fujai. It is not over yet, though, as the team can still advance as best runner-up. They need, however, to win against Irador, the group leader, and score as much as possible.

Basketball: Yet another loss (against Nieubasria) ended the hopes of Giovannilandian basketball fans. The team now sits at last on the group with zero points, and even a victory against Bobki won't save it.

Football: A close match against Tara & Cambray resulted in a draw, even after extra time. The last match against Irador will decide if the team goes to the knockout stage.

Rugby Sevens: Giovannilandian rugby fans were also sad after seeing a loss against Zoran, ending most chances of qualifying as the Zoranians now top the group with 6 points. There's still a match against Nieubasria, however the team would need a miracle to win enough points and be the best runner-up. 

Volleyball: To end with a good news, Giovanniland won 3-1 against Reçueçn on volleyball, as they initially lost a set but went on to win all the following ones. There is lot to come as the team will meet Tara & Cambray, Fujai, and Nieubasria soon.

So... I guess lots of you didn't like our news report. Well, you should blame the athletes, and not us at the news, though! That said, be sure to tune up tomorrow for another Olympic Report. Bye! 

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Thursday 11th June 1420 - Preview of Day 4 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 4 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


A tragic sight. Our news lorry, after being attacked and vandalized by rioters from back home. How they actually managed to tip the HGV over in the tunnel we scarce understand.

Day 4 and there will be a good set of events. Most of the individual sports contain more than 1 member. Currently, the Hertfordian Olympic Team hold 3 gold, 3 silver and 4 bronze medals to the name of our country. Undoubtedly, they will be aiming for more. The Handball and Lacrosse matches are over for the time being, but the other 6 sports all have a chance of being on. There really isn't much else to do, apart from contact Hertfordia 5-0 about the rioter issue, so now you will get to see the schedule for the fourth day of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics. Enjoy!

*Barely audible sounds of a phone call in the background*

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
3m Springboard Diving Armando Todorov
4x100m Relay Run Junpei Lyubomyrovych, Ongo Vidopliassova, Shuichi Bušs, Soda Ihorovych
Marathon Falco Vitalijovych, Aneurin Landmanis
Long Jump Ivo Ostrovskis, Squidwars Rozītis
Gymnastics Parallel Bars Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Judo Individual Stage 1 Amitie Ilev
Matchday 3 Baseball, Basketball, Football, Rugby Sevens, Volleyball, Water Polo Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Football Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Rugby Union, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

For Day 4, Hertfordian athletes will take part in up to 12 competitions. There will be others today, such as Fencing and Tennis Doubles, but we have already been eliminated from both of those. We also found an event, Rowing Coxed Eights, that no one on the Olympic team or Committee actually had any knowledge of until today. So we found something that one of our boys and girls aren't participating in in any way. Who would have thought it! There is also the team version of Equestrian Dressage, but as you all know by now, Zeidmanis won bronze yesterday in the individual dressage, and we are not in the team dressage.

People to watch include Ongo Vidopliassova, one of the stars of Hertfordia's rugby world cup campaign back when it called itself Hertfordshire and Jammbo, and Aneurin Landmanis, seen as a hero for his efforts in creating the rather young Confederal Health Service, a public health body accessible to all legal citizens of Hertfordia. We also have an example, like yesterday, of an athlete that ended up here as a result of Hertfordia's freak accident which involved the entire nation sliding into the ocean. This example is Squidward Rozītis.

Thank you all so much for being patient with our situation, we only hope we can return the favour with a news feature in the future. On that bombshell, it's now time to end. Goodnight!

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After a hesitant first 3 days in the olympics, where the Mallorcan delegation nearly avoided failing to earn any medal thanks to the effort of Echo and Fear Teplas and their silver medal in badminton. However, the trend changed in day 4 with the arrival on the stage of Mallorca's most competent athletes as well as the surprising victory of our own head of state, Unordille, in fencing. What we could call "The Marble Counter-Attack" starts in the infamous high jump event, where Cocoa Choclatè and Wospy Midwisia respectively won silver and bronze in the high jump, only missing the gold medal by a 2cm average! Later that day, Unordille defeated Glen Woods (who had notably defeated Mandarin Or-an-Ger in the first round) in a close 8-7 victory in the individual foil, creating worldwide surprise as to how a head of state who had not trained in two years before the olympics had managed to achieve the highest title for fencing in TWP. Finally,  Roy Rasprec and Taffy Jabreku ended this 4th day of the olympics by winning bronze in the tennis doubles. 

When interviewed, Nico Unordille was quite happy concerning  his victory and jokingly affirmed "I now know what I'll be doing in my retirement!"

This was Rick O'Shea, for the Rollout news, until next time!

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Day 4 of the Olympics: Another Gold For Me! 
Hello Novasamita! This is Jan Stebbelhaum reporting from the Athlete's Village in Saint-Josalyn, and I'm here today to give you a summary of the events that happened yesterday!

In the 3 meter springboard diving event, Tylle Marke ended 4th, being beat by T&C, Irador, and St. Mark. Johanna Killassen met the same fate, although she had a much lower ranking, being the second to last. Our 4 x 100 meter relay team, comprising of  Viktor Sumaawalait/Kyle Senning/Jonas Nordhelm/Kristen Radwel (NTA) managed to finish 9th place, Jonas Nordhelm and Kristen Radwel ending 6th and 16th, respectively, in the Marathon event, and long jump athletes Emeri Laahanogu and Nicholas Janssen finished 5th and 18th.

Meanwhile, in the Gymnastics-Parallel Bars event, we once more won another gold! Marie Jenssen managed to finish 1st place in her game, thanks to the overwhelming amount of her family members and relatives attending. In our interview with her, she said "her confidence and the sheer number of fans attending gave me courage to reach for gold." Our lat remaining fencing athlete, meanwhile, Fredrik Jagred, was defeated in both Semifinal and Bronze games. Although losing, Jagred was smiling and laughing at the end of the matches, saying that the games were a blast for him and that he'd like to participate in the next Olymipcs.

Judo athletes, Kyle Rommen and Anna Kimarue, were defeated by Giovannilandian athlete Ulysses Yang. Novasamita's basketball team comes out with more success as they defeated Fujai, 70-94 in their latest game. The rugby sevens team is also experiencing success, defeating Larxia, 28-24. 

That's about it for today's summary! Here's an athlete list for Day 4:

Novasamitan Athletes for Day 5 of the Olympics
Athlete Event
Karl Furhjel
Michael Van Helsen 
10 m Platform Diving
Richard Krungkonen Javelin Throw
Marie Jenssen, 
Brien Klassen
Gymnastics Rings
Jaekob Trannen Karate - Kata
Novasamitan Team Lacrosse, Baseball, Basketball, Rugby Sevens, Volleyball

Thanks for tuning in to the Channel 2 Olympic Update, see you in the next one.

*followed by commercial break*


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12 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

0 - 2

"Hello Zoran! I am Quiyakaso and yesterday's events were phenomenal as always! Unfortunately, Uku was eliminated from the semifinals after a great match between him and Fredrik Jagred! However, he did win the bronze medal match and won another medal for Zoran! Our springboard divers didn't make it to the top three but they did make it in sixth, ninth, and nineteenth place! Our runners in the marathon had a similar situation as they came in eighth, twelfth, and twenty-second place! In gymnastics, our gymnasts are not doing so well with out gymnasts coming in at seventh, eleventh, fifteenth, and twentieth place. Hinola has not been performing well either as she came in twentieth place and it appears that whatever familial issue that is going on at home has really been affecting her, we can only hope that it won't affect her for much longer. Meanwhile in Judo, all three of our athletes have made it to the finals after three incredible matches where they defeated their opponents with ease! It is likely that one of our three athletes will bring home a gold medal, but we cannot let ourselves grow overconfident as the event still has to occur but we must cheer for out athletes as much as we can! Sadly our volleyball team lost another game yesterday but our football and rugby teams are still going strong as they won their matches yesterday! We must keep supporting our teams and cheering them on!"

*sneezes into elbow*

"Sorry about that. Tonight on the fifth day of the Olympics, we will see our athletes perform the 10 m platform dive and we will see our swimmers perform the 10km marathon! We will also see the Canoe 1000 m sprint, I have no doubt in my mind that our canoers will do well due to our history with the canoe and the fact that our canoers trained going up and down the rivers of Zoran as well ad developing their strength! Today we will see our gymnasts perform on the rings, while their performance so far has not been stellar we should still cheer them on and pray that they will make a comeback here! We will also see the finals of the judo competition and see if one of our three athletes brings home the gold! We will also see our teams compete once more so let's support our volleyball, football, and rugby teams so they can win their matches! I will see you then Zoran!"

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Review - Day 4 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 4 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

If Day 3 was the best day so far, then Day 4 was undoubtedly the worst, with Hertfordia dropping to 4th in the medal table below Cambria and Bobki, who performed a coup on us and the Astoric Duo to go top of the table, with 5 gold medals and 1 bronze medal. Numerically, Hertfordia have 10 while Nieubasria and Cambria both have 14-15 each. We suspect home advantage is playing in Tara & Cambray's favour. You might have noticed that this official Olympic news broadcast from the Confederal Olympic Committee of Hertfordia (COCH/HCOC) claimed that we have 10 medals and you're probably thinking "Wait, 10 medals??? That seems rather off, wouldn't you agree?". Our answer to that is you're totally right, because here is our medal count for today!


No, we are not making this up, Hertfordia achieved exactly 0 medals on the fourth day. While a few of our athletes did perform well, it wasn't well enough to get them into those coveted medal-rewarding positions. A few of our lot performed rather poorly aswell. In team sports, it was a lot better, as Hertfordia qualified for the Semi-Finals of Baseball, Basketball and Water Polo as group winners. In Basketball particularly, Hertfordia were edged out of a victory by just 3 points against Irador, but due to our overwhelming points difference advantage over the rest of our group, we still took first place with the highest points difference of the group stages. In Footbal and Rugby, Hertfordia were eliminated in the Group Stages. In Football, Hertfordia had pretty much no hope of qualification anyway, after two comeback losses in a row. So at least we were able to leave the Football competition on a high, as Hertfordia dispatched the host nation Cambria 2-0, finishing 3rd in the group, in which Giovanniland won with 7 points. In Rugby, the exit was more painful. Hertfordia defeated Cambria 24-10 to finish second in a group that Fujai won. However, Hertfordia could not join them, missing out by a PD of just 2 to Giovanniland, who qualified as the best runner up from Group A. Marble Mallorca found themselves in a similarly heartbreaking position, missing out by a PD of 1. Only 1! How close must it get?!

Because there were no medal winners, no one on this best to worst ranking list will get a description...


Draco Myronovych  - Finished 5th in the Gymnastics Parallel Bars



Falco Vitalijovych - Finished 7th in the Marathon



Armando Todorov - Finished 8th in the 3m Springboard Diving



Kokichi Pencis - Finished 10th in the Gymnastics Parallel Bars



Amitie Ilev - Eliminated in the Round of 16 of the Judo



Milan Balkanski - Finished 12th in the Gymnastics Parallel Bars



Ivo Ostrovskis - Finished 11th in the Long Jump



Squidward Rozītis - Finished 13th in the Long Jump



Vojislav Petrovskis - Finished 16th in the Gymnastics Parallel Bars



Aneurin Landmanis - Finished 23rd in the Marathon



Junpei Lyubomyrovych/Ongo Vidopliassova/Shuichi Bušs/Soda Ihorovych - Finished 11th in the 4x100m Relay


And Now, The News...

As promised, here is the news! The news today is that the Hertfordian Constabulary have been contacted about the incident involving our news lorry and are now launching an investigation into the culprits, starting a hunt to apprehend and arrest the guilty party. This is music to our ears of course, especially since Hertfordian police officers are some of the least corrupt in the world. The nation takes law enforcement seriously, with a 'firm but fair before the law' approach which has seen success never before precedented in a country that has historically struggled with controlling crime, especially youth crime.


On that mixed day it is time to end, thanks for coming, we'll see you tonight and now, a dejected goodbye!

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Review-The 4th day of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics

"Hi, I'm Ausrelian Ifanov and I'm going to review the 4th day of the Olympics. Today was the day where we won the most of the medals. We won 1 Gold and 2 Silver medals today. Making the total 2 gold, 3 silver and 2 bronze medals. Currently, we're in 6th tied with Fujai on the Medal Table. Now, let's move on to the matches, in 3m springboard, Calana Dezervin won a silver medal for us. In the Marathon, Zarem Liftue got 5th and Oliet Krinoryc didn't finish in time. In tennis doubles, we got the best record so far. Both of the teams went into the finals then Ertoir Corihis and Alon Urus won the gold and the Peyxs brother, Mihail and Sewent won the silver medal. In team sports, we did very terrible. We only made it in the semi-finals of Lacrosse. In Volleyball, we're currently in 2nd in group 3. Tomorrow, we're going to interview some of the players which participated in this Olympics."


Edited by Irador

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Frankly, There Are Zero Excuses For Tardiness On Our Part | Fřankli, Đë Ä Żiereu Iķskjüsez Foči Țädines An Aue Pät


Border Patrol Agents arresting the vandals. They are border patrol officers, yes. So what? We already have a fence on our border, a border wall if you will, that has more than enough officers on it. Why not transfer some officers from one station to another?

There are no excuses, we should have done this earlier. Either way, news now that the rioters have been apprehended and in news which will shock no-one, one of these crazy vandals turned out to be the wild fan that pestered Quiyakaso, the Zoranian news reporter, a couple of days earlier. He has now been taken in for police questioning, as have the rest of those vandals that so rudely tipped our van over.

The Team Rankings For Day 4



Hertfordia 11-9 Fujai

(Hertfordia have qualified for the Water Polo Semi-Finals)



Bobki 4-10 Hertfordia

(Hertfordia have qualified for the Baseball Semi-Finals)



Hertfordia 76-79 Irador

(Hertfordia have qualified for the Basketball Semi-Finals)



Hertfordia 3-2 Missourtama



Hertfordia 24-10 Cambria

(Hertfordia have been eliminated in the Rugby Sevens Group Stage)



Cambria 0-2 Hertfordia

(Hertfordia have been eliminated in the Football Group Stage)


We shall be back shortly for the Day 5 Preview. We'll need to be, it is getting late and the events will be starting soon.

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Friday 12th June 1420 - Preview of Day 5 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 5 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


The Hertfordian Constabulary (Confederal Police Force of Hertfordia) borrowed this station near Saint-Josalyn for the Olympics and are currently interrogating the arrested vandals.

Day 5, it is nearly halfway through. Hertfordia, after Day 4's general failure, are on 10 medals - 3 gold, 3 silver, 4 bronze - and siting 4th in the medal table behind Bobki, Nieubasria and Tara & Cambray. Lacrosse goes beyond the group stages and into the Octo-Finals. There are multiple recgonizable athletes, all known extensively for their other professions, some of which are actually rather brilliant. As you saw in the caption, our law enforcement officers are doing their job and interrogating the rioting vandals that they arrested. We have nothing else to say, so now, the schedule for the fifth day of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics.

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
10m Platform Diving Galeem Stefanovych, Archie Serhijovych
10km Marathon Swim Xavier Boichev, Davy Vladyslavovych
110m Hurdles Axel Teicāns, Will Nankov
Javelin Throw Mina Alexandrov, Clarkov Clarkson
Canoe 1,000m Sprint Dimentinov Alksnis, Bryce Iliev
Equestrian Individual Jumping Michael Tinchev
Gymnastics Rings Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Karate Kata Individual Stage 1 Colin Hedanijovych
Octofinals Lacrosse  Hertfordia Lacrosse
Matchday 4 Baseball, Basketball, Football, Rugby Sevens, Volleyball, Water Polo Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Football Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Rugby Union, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

Day 5, and approaching the halfway point, we have up to 15 events for us, including, confusingly, the Octo-Finals of Lacrosse. Yeah, we never heard of that either, but it is happening. We have many notable competitors today. The prime contestant in terms of notiecability is the Hertfordian Prime Minister Clarkov Ongo Jammbonev Clarkson, or Clarkov for short. He is the conservative nationalist leader of Hertfordia and is currently very popular for many reasons, which include his crackdown on political corruption, protection of the nation's people and their way of life and creation of the elective monarchy system that Hertfordia now runs on. In fact, that's how Mečislavs Deben became king. All this and he is still legally a child (Age unknown, estimates of his age are shown somewhere below) Mind you, inclusivity is nowhere to be seen, but inclusiveness is not a Hertfordian value. Clarkov is a national expert in throwing large spear-like poles over obscenely long distances that then wedge into the ground, or in other words, the Javelin Throw, which he is in alongside Mina Alexandrov. Question is, can he do it on an international level?

It would be a grave injustice to focus on only our PM, as we have others who are also notable. Mina Alexandrov is an 'older child' (no one knows the age of any of the Jammbonians, incuding Mina and Clarkov. The general guess of Mina's age is between 12 and 16, the general guess of Clarkov's age is 16), but is already a scientific genius on the levels of esteemed national heroes of the scientific profession. So frightening accuracy is almost completely guaranteed. Do realize that power is also needed for the Javelin Throw She is also very boring, so she would likely get along well with James May, who is very old. Galeem Stefanovych, one of the most beautiful, and most terrifying, woman in the country is here aswell. She is terrifying due to her incredible natural skill. Finally, Davy Vladyslavovych was picked up from a rickety old ship that never sinks and has fittingly ended up in an aquatics event, the 10km Marathon Swim. This is a day you do not want to miss!

*Disclaimer - Jammbian and Jammbonian are two different things. Jammbians are far more prevalent in Hertfordia.

On that describing, it is time to temporarily end our news broadcast of the Hertfordian Olympic Effort, until tomorrow, when the review of the individuals and then the review of the teams will be aired right here from the outer edge of Saint-Josalyn. Until then, we bid thee farewell, and goodnight!

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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 4th Day

Can you guess who it is? Yes, indeed it is your awaited Giovannilandian Olympic Report here! Without further ado, let's review the events of yet another day in the Olympics. 

3 Meter Springboard Diving: Giovanniland had no luck, as Armando Neves, its best player, only got a 5th place. The other athletes, Vënus Mercuria and Manoela Sá, got bad finishes as 15th and 18th.

Judo: Not the best combination of events happened here, but there is still hope. Tamära Jacques and Ernesto Schmidt got both eliminated by Zoranian athletes, but Ulysses Yang won both round of 16 and quarter-finals to be the only non-Zoranian athlete in the semifinals. Will he win?  

Baseball: Surprisingly, an upset occurred, where Giovanniland defeated the group leader, Irador, with a large margin of points. This allowed the team to catch the 1st place in the group and advance to the knockout stage.

Basketball: Giovanniland wasn't so lucky in basketball. As they were eliminated already, even the close win against Bobki didn't save them, as group leader Nieubasria won another match to get 9 points.

Football: In a close match against Irador, the winning goal for Giovanniland came in the last minutes of the second half. The runner-up, Tara & Cambray, was unlucky and lost to Hertfordia, deciding the group and enabling the Giovannilandians advance to the knockout stage.

Rugby Sevens: Here, Giovanniland won against Nieubasria by such a large margin, but depended on other teams to get the best runner-up spot. Luckily, all runners-up from all groups had 3 points, however Giovanniland's +4 point advantage was a bit bigger than Marble Mallorcan Republic's +3 and Hertfordia's +2, earning a place on the knockout stage for our team.

Volleyball: Giovanniland lost to Nieubasria, but there are 2 matches yet to come. The situation's still unclear, but we hope for the best!

Water Polo: To finish with more good news, Giovanniland qualified to the Water Polo semifinals even with a loss to Teralyon, with a runner-up place being enough to secure a place.

This is it for today! Be sure to follow our Olympics Report tomorrow for more news about our Giovannilandian athletes. See you all!

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Review-The 5th day of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics

"Hi, it's me, Ausrelian and I'm going to review the 5th day of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics.It is going to be short since there was only 1 sport our athletes competed. In Diving: 10m Platform, Qolos Solem got 3rd and brought us the only medal for today.  Arren Hirlivic got 20th and Joren Seft got last place. In Volleyball, we didn't had a match today and there's only one match left against Bobki who's 3rd. To make it into the quarter finals, we have to defeat Bobki or else there would be very, very low chance of going through. Since the review was very short, I'm going to review some other things."

"Tomorrow, our athletes participate in the semi finals of Lacrosse. In 1500m Freestyle Swim, Murius Lefron and Quoram Derjan is going to participate. We're 8th now behind Fujai. I hope we get more medals and see you tomorrow."

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Of course Your Royal Highness knows best.

Edward had been puzzled why the prince had been doing so poorly, especially in the equestrian and fencing events, where he knew him to be second to none, but when he was eliminated from the Individual Jumping when his horse actually ran off the course!?! He knew something was drastically wrong. As it turned out, His Royal Highness has been ill and today almost passed out when he returned to his chambers. He had had a fever earlier, but at least that had broken about an hour ago and the prince was finally resting comfortably. He insisted, however, that the press not be told and that he would continue to compete and to celebrate the victories of his countrymen. His Highness was quite proud with Saint Mark's four Gold medals so far and had no intention of taking the focus off of those that had trained so hard. Keeping the spotlight on them was worth a little tarnished image.

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Day 5 of the Olympics: Recap

Jan Stebbelhaum again reporting from the Novasamitan Embassy today, here to recap Day 5 of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics!

Karl Furhjel of the 10 meter platform diving event ended up 21st in the overall rankings, performing not so good. His poor diving attempt has made rounds across the Internet, and has become a meme on the chat boards Deddit, 5kun, Tumble, and 10joke.

Karl Furhjel achieved fame not in perfromance, but in failure, as a photograph by Olympics reporter Jan Krebels went viral.

His co-athlete in the event, Micheal Van Helsen, did not so good either, ending 23rd out of all.

In Gymnastics: Rings, Brien Klassen tied with Kristian Ringstad for 13th place, while gold medalist Marie Jenssen tying with 2 others for the 18th spot, with Kolchi Pencis and Kristian Bevan.
Jaekob Trannen of the Karate: Kata event defeated Dernie Minute from Recuecn, while our volleyball team suffered their first loss against Zoran!

That is about it for today! Jan Stebbelhaum again, reporting from the Embassy of Novasamita at Tara and Cambray today! See you in the next report!




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13 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

1 - 4

"Good morning Zoran! Last night was incredible folks! Our athletes did an outstanding job and won our country some medals! In the 10 m dive, Kanagatucko Yodadvnane come in at second place with an inward dive earning us our first silver medal! In the 10k marathon swim, our swimmers came in sixth, thirteenth, and eighteenth place! In gymnastics, our gymnasts made a come back with Elu Luhe-Dvas performing an almost perfect Victorian on the rings earning us our second silver medal! Just behind her in third place was our Tehoma Wetsanu who earned third place! In Judo our athletes took first, second, and third place earning us our first gold as well as our third silver and our fourth bronze medal! One of our Judo athletes, Aiyana Muaislo, was able to defeat all of her opponents only using a judo chop, something that I am going to ask about in the interview I will have with her later today! As today is the fifth day of the Olympics we have more events to look forward to! Our swimmers have the 1500 m Freestyle swim and the 200 m Backstroke! Our kayakers have the 200 m Sprint while our gymnasts have another chance to make a comeback with the gymnastics vault and individual all-around! Lastly, our teams have their octofinals today so lets cheer them on so they can make it to the finals! That is all from me for now, I will see you all soon!"


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Review - Day 5 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 5 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

Hello and welcome! The big question today is, was that not the most superb contrast you have ever seen?! Surely, you at home all know what we are rambling on about. Day 5 saw a transition from the worst day of the Olympics, to it's greatest so far. Hertfordia gained a whopping 6 more medals on the fifth day than on the fourth day, and despite some poor performances riddled around, overall the athletes did an excellent job! We nearly had seven, but this mystery performer (*cough* Vojislav *cough*) was pipped to 3rd place by a Zoranian. We are, safe to say, very pleased, so we can't wait to show you all the results. So we won't.

Geuld: 2 Šilve: 1 Branz: 3

Do we have to re-iterate that this is not a joke? No? Good, because this medal count is very much real (voice in background says "You kinda just did re-iterate it"). Well, we'll gloss over our blatant and shameless lie and get on with the review. Because of today's haul, Hertfordia move right back up to second in the medal table, with the following count - 5 gold, 4 silver, 7 bronze. Nieubasria managed to reclaim top spot although barely, having won 1 gold on day 5 to prevent Hettfordia from assuming first place for the first time. Now we can't be bothered to give any further description, we will now show the ranking for the individuals. Best to worst, you know the drill.

A whole lot of work went into this. Don't even try to ask us to make this review longer...


Draco Myronovych  - Finished 1st in the Gymnastics Rings. Much like Richard Hammond, she loves to fight and is quite talented at it, when she's not being utterly awful at it. Draco also gets lost and is rather slow. Basically, she is what happens when you mix Richard Hammond, James May, a near-obsession with beauty contests and a bit of fire.



Clarkov Clarkson - Finished 1st in the Javelin Throw. The Prime Minister of Hertfordia. Clarkov is highly fond of trains, music (mainly classical and VGM) and sports, as well as having a vast knowledge of anything political and historical. Oh and he looks pretty much identical to Ongo Vidopliassova. So prepare to be confused when you see them both next to eachother. Mind you, he is also very pedantic, easily becomes lost and he is, if we're fully honest, a bit heartless, by which we mean almost completely heartless. He is also afflicted with autism, epilepsy and skin cirrhosis.



Axel Teicāns - Finished 2nd in the 110m Hurdles. He had quit permanently from sport after his younger sister had a vehicle accident, although for whatever reason, do not ask us, he has returned. For some convenient timing, as soon as he finished 2 in his event, the aforementioned sister began to wake from her coma.



Xavier Boichev - Finished 3rd in the 10km Marathon Swim. This guy was formerly an orphan, along with quite literally most people in the body of sport he used to be part of. That body was led by a man who acted as an almost literal father figure, the only one he and the others had. Unfortunately, that same man tried to avenge his biological son's death and ended up cruelly using Xavier and the others at the orphanage. Nice! 



Will Nankov - Finished 3rd in the 110m Hurdles. Oh, not another government agent. Yez, really, he is part of the Hertfordian Secret Service and is very effective. They tried to stop him from coming, how did that work out for them, eh? Now they have to erase some memories.



Vojislav Petrovskis - Finished 4th in the Gymnastics Rings.



Dimentinov Alksnis/Bryce Iliev - Finished 3rd in the Canoeing 2 Person 1,000m Sprint. Dimentinov... let's not talk about this complete maniac. As for Bryce, he was part of the same body as Xavier, the main member of a football team known inside as 'Diamond Dust'. There was a rivalry between them and another team known as 'Prominence'. They are both pretty much gone now. Psst, don't give Clarkov any ideas. He has a habit of restoring old things.



Galeem Stefanovych - Finished 12th in the Diving 10m Platform



Archie Serhijovych - Finished 18th in the Diving 10m Platform



Milan Balkanski - Finished 15th in the Gymnastics Rings



Mina Alexandrov - Finished 13th in the Javelin Throw



Davy Vladyslavovych - Finished 18th in the 10km Marathon Swim



Michael Tinchev - Finished 7th in the Equestrian Individual Jumping



Kokichi Pencis - Finished 18th in the Gymnastics Rings



Colin Hedanijovych - Eliminated in the Quarter-Finals of the Karate Kata


And Now, The News...

 Aneurin Landmanis has vanished! That's all. It's not really news, he vanished when he was thinking of the CHS. I guess a search party has to be sent out now.


On that inconvenience, it is now time to end, goodbye!

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13 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

1 - 4

"Hello Zoran! I am Quiyakaso and welcome to Zoranian Times Live! I am here with Aiyana Muaislo, the gold medalist for the Judo competition who defeated all of their opponents using the Judo chop!"

"Thank you for the introduction Quiyakaso, it is a pleasure to be here today." says Aiyana,

"The pleasure is mine, you are the first Zoranian to earn a gold medal at the first annual Olympic games! How do  you feel about that?" asks Quiyakaso,

"It feels amazing, I didn't think I would do it to be honest but it makes me glad to be the first to bring home the gold for the country." she answers,

"I can understand that, now why the judo chop? How did you manage to take down every single one of your opponents with one judo chop?"

"Like this." She answers as she judo chops Quiyakaso in the head, knocking him out immediately, "Oh...probably shouldn't have done that...I will just go..."

*Aiyana awkardly gets out of her chair and walks away, leaving Quiyakaso's unconscious body on the floor*

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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 5th Day

1 Gold - 1 Silver - 0 Bronze

Five days already! Today we present another Giovannilandian Olympic Report, and what is that on the top of our screen? Yes, you guessed it, our medal count. We totally didn't copy other broadcasting platforms to include it, so don't worry. Anyways, let's review the events of yet another day in the Olympics. 

10 Meter Platform Diving: Giovanniland had no luck on another diving event, as Lourenço Nakamura got 15 place, Ivo Espíndola got 22nd, and Gabriela Sant'ana was close to last place with a 27th position. 

Judo: Ulysses Yang was unlucky on both games, as he ended up on 4th place while Zoran claimed gold, bronze and silver medals. 

Volleyball: Giovanniland won against Tara & Cambray, with 2 wins and 1 loss currently. The last match against Fujai will decide which teams will advance to the knockout stage. 

This is it for today! That was fast, don't you agree? Don't worry, though, because more will come tomorrow! Follow our Olympics Report for more news about our Giovannilandian athletes, and see you all again tomorrow!

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-and welcome back to Home Seekers Intercontinental on AGTV. Today on Home Seekers, we follow the story of newlyweds Jordana and Michel Mons. 

Michel is giving up his dream job of Amateur Taxidermist and Quilter at an agricultural commune in Aura to follow his wife to Saint Aiaden for her high paying Circus Choreography career. But will his need for excessive luxury beat our her shrewd maintenance of the family budget? We will find out as the Mons head out on the lakeside town of Saint Aiaden. 

Their budget is only 7.3 million basmarks (1.46 million international), but it might be a difficult range for the exorbitantly-priced lake front property close enough for a commute for Jordana. [Real Estate Agent] makes sure to mention it will be cheaper if they're willing to have more of a commute, which Michel denies even though he works from home. 

Michel says he needs three things: having a great lake view out of the kitchen, being close to city center, and making his wife spend as much as possible. An updated kitchen and 8 car garage wouldn't hurt either. 

A major sticking point to tick all of Michel's boxes is that they have to choose a home that makes sure Jordana's commute takes no less than [Obscene Amount of Time]. Jordana agrees on this, as long as the home is close enough to a beach so she can spend as little time near Michel's taxidermy as possible. 

[Real Estate Agent] shows the couple three houses: 


House 1- "Lakeside Retreat" 
A stunning home listed for [unbelievable amount more than the budget], set on an overlook of the lake and exceptionally private. The underground garage makes Michel worry there won't be enough airflow to dry out his projects, whereas the 30-minute commute for Jordana is very appealing. 








House 2- "Backwoods Bluebell"
Nestled into a gated community surrounding a cove, this cottage-inspired getaway is a mere 5 hour drive into Saint Aiaden and comes in well under the budget at 7.2 million basmarks. The Home Owners' Association fees are only 250 thousand basmarks a year, and the community shares a private beach- giving Jordana the sun and sand she was looking for. 




Three Side By Side Luxury Lakeside Homes With Dock, Sandy Beach ...

House 3- "Opportunity Abounds"
This home set on a private lake is much cheaper, characterized as a "development opportunity" by [Real Estate Agent]. While technically on a lake, the couple was hoping for access to Lac Cabot du Nord, not some "hillbilly splashpad" as Michel put it. 

Set at only half the couple's budget, but with plenty of dead animals to be found in the forest, Michel is conflicted. 


After seeing the three houses seemingly chosen for their scripted arbitrarily divisive differences, they’re not sure what to do. Give Jordana her beachfront haven or Michel his dead animals?

After much discussion, Jordana finally drops the classic Home Seekers Intercontinental, “Happy taxidermist husband, happy life.”

Opportunity Abounds it is.



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There Is Not Much Point, This Is Only The Volleyball | Đë Iz Nat Mats Počint, Đis Iz Ęunli Đi Vâlibočil

Just read the above. We won very well, and are now top of the group, but it is so strange to have only 1 team sport on for a day.

The Team Rankings For Day 5



Marble Mallorca 0-3 Hertfordia


That is all, see you for the Day 6 preview, coming up!

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Saturday 13th June 1420 - Preview of Day 6 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 6 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


This man, Aneurin Landmanis, is currently missing. There is a search party currently out. He is believed to be somewhere near the local hospital in a foul mood. But why?

Day 6. It is now the second half of the Olympics, and we have many medals and even more fun. With 5 golds, 4 silvers and 7 bronzes, Hertfordia is in position number 2, still trying to overtake Nieubasria at the top. We are sure we will manage to, and we will try our hardest to make this come true! Now, without any more further ado, apart from the sentence this preview is posting at this point in time, here be the schedule.

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
1,500m Freestyle Swim Chihiro Adamovych, Phoenix Avramov
200m Backstroke Tommy Karavelov, Wolfgang Ganev, Mendelssohn
Hammer Throw Jeremy Clarkson, Garan Botev
Kayak 200m Sprint Steven Bachev
Gymnastics Vault Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Rowing Coxless Fours Sonic Dinev, Ringo Vītoliņš, Miles Leontijovych, Benjamin Semenovych
Karate Kumite Individual Stage 1 Eugene Siliņš
Quarterfinals Handball, Lacrosse Hertfordia Handball Federation, Hertfordia Lacrosse
Octofinals Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, Water Polo

 Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

Welcome to Day 6! Yes, there is a glitch again! We don't know why we're putting exclamation marks at the end of these sentences! *Whispering into ear by news printer.* Oh wait, you already knew it was day 6. Oh well. Either way, we would usually go through some of the athletes if we deemed them noteworthy. But we will not. The descriptions and knowledge of each athlete should only be seen through their efforts and performances, by actually earning their place in public knowledge and in the nation's lengthy history books. Well that, and we have barely any time left before the 'cutoff'.

And so, on that bombshell, it is time to end. Thank you all very much for watching, we're off to get very drunk, goodnight!

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