UTWP Project: Commend The Holy Principality of Saint Mark

[Guest]

Recognizing The Holy Principality of Saint Mark as a leader in many aspects of NationStates.

Realizing Saint Mark has influenced many Nations by serving as a leader in the feeder region, [region]the West Pacific[/region]:
-Serving as Delegate of the West Pacific 
-Serving as the Minister of Foreign Affairs.
-Serving as a Guardian of the West.
-Green-lighting the the The West Pacific Armed Forces, helping bring peace to game created regions and their allies

Also remembering Saint Mark’s Service as a Regional Officer in [region]Osiris[/region], [region]Albion[/region], and [region]The Sasquatch Republic[/region].

Observing Saint Mark’s recognition by NSToday as one of the 20 most influential nations.

Appreciating the establishment of the Protect our Players Accord by the Holy Principality of Saint Mark, which created a fun and safe environment for all.

Seeking to commemorate the Influence and goodwill of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark.

Hereby commends the Holy Principality of Saint Mark.

 

authored and researched by @Teralyon, @TUMS, @Kurabis

[Magica De Spell]

Per the request of Badger, some notes:

- Nearly everything here appears to be legal (with the possible exception of the treaty name there, but that'd be a mod ruling more), 'game created region' is an illegal term under R4.

- "in the feeder region" is a bit unnecessary, as in theory work in any suitably large region can be worthy of a C&C. Comma is unneeded there either way.

- Clauses should generally end as if the entire resolution is a giant run-on sentence, usually meaning all lines not in a list end with a comma, semicolon, or colon (in the case of lists)

- Otherwise, the basic needs to make this a successful proposal is detailing the accomplishments already summarized (like, what did Saint Mark do as MoFA, or what actual positions did they hold in Osiris, Albion, and TSR) and explaining why those things matter in some cases (for example, why does it matter that NSToday said they were one of the most influential nations?)

 

In general, an excellent first attempt, especially with the almost entirely legal nature, that's rarer to get on a first draft of a first attempt.

[Armaros]

Most of what I think has been said by LD already. Some minor things:

- Influence has a capital letter, I think you might want to change that.

- You might wish to specify what he accomplished during his time as Minister of foreign affairs and what is role as Guardian meant.

- Like LD noted, more specified information is needed on his involvement in Albion, Osiris and TSR.

Really good first draft, though!

[Wymondham]

Overall I want to echo Joe and LD's thoughts. As a first draft this looks amazing. On the NSToday point - you may wanna put region tags around it and put the full region name in so those who don't know what it is can find out. Mentioning Halo's role in giving NSToday a lot of support, by coming on podcasts, signing the TWP agreement etc. when we were just starting to get established might be useful if you want to expand on that point. Expanding on the TWP achievements point by mentioning some of the many things Halo achieved as Delegate and MoFA might also be a good idea.

[ALON]

1) Something you could include under "Delegate of the West" is the promotion of TWP Culture via implementing the Imperial China theme.

2) Are you allowed to include a link to nations? You have links to the regions' pages, but not one to Saint Mark.

[Giovanniland]

16 hours ago, TUMS said:

Appreciating the establishment of the Protect our Players Accord by the Holy Principality of Saint Mark, which created a fun and safe environment for all.

Not sure if this was already suggested, but I think that is illegal under Rule 4(c) - You cannot refer to the game, or events or actions in it, as part of a game. I think referring to nations as players is akin to referring to the NS universe as a game. 

[Teralyon]

17 hours ago, Magica De Spell said:

- Nearly everything here appears to be legal (with the possible exception of the treaty name there, but that'd be a mod ruling more), 'game created region' is an illegal term under R4.

- "in the feeder region" is a bit unnecessary, as in theory work in any suitably large region can be worthy of a C&C. Comma is unneeded there either way.

- Clauses should generally end as if the entire resolution is a giant run-on sentence, usually meaning all lines not in a list end with a comma, semicolon, or colon (in the case of lists)

- Otherwise, the basic needs to make this a successful proposal is detailing the accomplishments already summarized (like, what did Saint Mark do as MoFA, or what actual positions did they hold in Osiris, Albion, and TSR) and explaining why those things matter in some cases (for example, why does it matter that NSToday said they were one of the most influential nations?)

 

In general, an excellent first attempt, especially with the almost entirely legal nature, that's rarer to get on a first draft of a first attempt.

Thank you for the advice! it's really appreciated!

I'm not sure how to proceed with "Protect our Players Accord" since that is what it's called and all three of us felt it was important to add but at the same time looking at it now after its been mentioned it is skirting rule 4c quite close. 

My associates and I will definitely be discussing on how to make sure this is not a rule violation.

We will also make sure to add more detail about Saint Mark's time as MoFA and roles held in the other regions. 

 

15 hours ago, Armaros said:

Most of what I think has been said by LD already. Some minor things:

- Influence has a capital letter, I think you might want to change that.

- You might wish to specify what he accomplished during his time as Minister of foreign affairs and what is role as Guardian meant.

- Like LD noted, more specified information is needed on his involvement in Albion, Osiris and TSR.

Really good first draft, though!

Thank you for the advice as well! Again it's really appreciated!

Along with the minor things, we will definitely be making changes and expanding upon what was mentioned about what Saint Mark did as MoFA and the other positions that were held in the other regions.

8 hours ago, Wymondham said:

Overall I want to echo Joe and LD's thoughts. As a first draft this looks amazing. On the NSToday point - you may wanna put region tags around it and put the full region name in so those who don't know what it is can find out. Mentioning Halo's role in giving NSToday a lot of support, by coming on podcasts, signing the TWP agreement etc. when we were just starting to get established might be useful if you want to expand on that point. Expanding on the TWP achievements point by mentioning some of the many things Halo achieved as Delegate and MoFA might also be a good idea.

Thank you for the advice!

Tags shall be added and my associates and I will discuss what to add about NSToday.

6 hours ago, ALON said:

1) Something you could include under "Delegate of the West" is the promotion of TWP Culture via implementing the Imperial China theme.

2) Are you allowed to include a link to nations? You have links to the regions' pages, but not one to Saint Mark.

1) Great Idea Alon!

2) Yes, A oversight that will be fixed, Thank you.

2 hours ago, Giovanniland said:

Not sure if this was already suggested, but I think that is illegal under Rule 4(c) - You cannot refer to the game, or events or actions in it, as part of a game. I think referring to nations as players is akin to referring to the NS universe as a game. 

It has, but your comment reinforced my belief that TUMS, Kurabis and I will need to look into it and make it completely legal, Thanks Gio.

[Magica De Spell]

Try the SC Q&A threads, you may be able to get a mod ruling out of Sedge/Ransium/Jakker. Just ask if that treaty by name would constitute a violation - it might not since it's technically a treaty (which may be covered under the same rules as region names that'd otherwise violate R4), not an actual reference to players.

[Sensorland]

This is a good draft and something to build upon. I agree with what's been said in this thread thus far. It's especially important that you get more detail about Halo's contributions and how they impacted TWP and NS specifically and on a larger scale.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Okay it’s not a bad first attempt, mostly legal. Game created region is, as has been noted previously, an R4 violation.  I suspect the mention of players in Protecting Our Players Accord is also an R4 violation, though it might be best to get a Mod ruling on that.

The biggest issue for me is that all you’ve really given is a list of roles/positions held by Halo.  There is no detail on how he influenced the region or the NS community at large, the achievements in the various roles.  Good  Commendations (and Condemnations) are built on detailed research, not laundry lists.

Have a look at the recent Commends/Condemns that have passed the SC.  Read up on some of the ones that failed as well and see how much work has gone into the writing of both types.

My notes above are pretty close to the reaction you would get if you published the current draft in the NS SC forum.