Per the request of Badger, some notes:
- Nearly everything here appears to be legal (with the possible exception of the treaty name there, but that'd be a mod ruling more), 'game created region' is an illegal term under R4.
- "in the feeder region" is a bit unnecessary, as in theory work in any suitably large region can be worthy of a C&C. Comma is unneeded there either way.
- Clauses should generally end as if the entire resolution is a giant run-on sentence, usually meaning all lines not in a list end with a comma, semicolon, or colon (in the case of lists)
- Otherwise, the basic needs to make this a successful proposal is detailing the accomplishments already summarized (like, what did Saint Mark do as MoFA, or what actual positions did they hold in Osiris, Albion, and TSR) and explaining why those things matter in some cases (for example, why does it matter that NSToday said they were one of the most influential nations?)
In general, an excellent first attempt, especially with the almost entirely legal nature, that's rarer to get on a first draft of a first attempt.