Okay it’s not a bad first attempt, mostly legal. Game created region is, as has been noted previously, an R4 violation. I suspect the mention of players in Protecting Our Players Accord is also an R4 violation, though it might be best to get a Mod ruling on that.
The biggest issue for me is that all you’ve really given is a list of roles/positions held by Halo. There is no detail on how he influenced the region or the NS community at large, the achievements in the various roles. Good Commendations (and Condemnations) are built on detailed research, not laundry lists.
Have a look at the recent Commends/Condemns that have passed the SC. Read up on some of the ones that failed as well and see how much work has gone into the writing of both types.
My notes above are pretty close to the reaction you would get if you published the current draft in the NS SC forum.