Jump to content

The Roofur Review

Recommended Posts

Roofur Review header

Do you have a satirical news story you'd like published? The Roofur Review--the most reliable news source in Andolia, The West Pacific, and the world--is now accepting submissions from across the region. 

Based in Cangham, Overthinkers, the Review aims to bring some levity to the often-intense international politics scene. Because what are politics for except to be mocked? (Running a country, you say? Preposterous.) 


[OOC] Submission Guidelines:

  1. Include a name and nation for the "writer"--for example "Carl Marks, Overthinkers". The Review's in-house team, based in Overthinkers, mainly covers Andolia but accepts submissions from aspiring satirists around TWP.
  2. Ideally, submissions should have at least 3-4 paragraphs. By submitting to the Review, you grant our editors permission to edit for grammar, change titles, and/or add an appropriate photo.
  3. This is for RP articles, not articles on GP and players OOC. Examples would be "BREAKING: Fujaian sees another Fujaian" or "Darkesian government very intimidated by Crandolan tariffs".
  4. Preferred submission format is DMing me a Google Docs link (Forum or Discord), though other submissions will be accepted within reason. 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

About Us

In a dark dorm room at Cangham University, communications major Ryan Saunders was having a crisis. He had less than 24 hours to turn in his idea for his senior project, and any ideas he had had so far had been taken by classmates. The oressure was becoming unbearable.

Then a light pierced the darkness as his roommate, Jerry Poole, entered the room. Jerry had in hand a freshly-graded paper from another communications class. The assignment had been to write a mock news article, but Jerry's was so dripping with satire and sarcasm that the professor had failed it, noting that it “reeked worse than marsupial dung”.

As Ryan looked over his friend's paper, the gears of his mind slowly began to turn. And thus was the Roofur Review born.


Our Staff

Ryan Saunders

Editor in Chief, Advertising Director

Ryan's dream is to someday make his living off the Review. Unfortunately that is a long ways off, so he had to get a real job selling advertisements for a news outlet in Cangham. He got an A on the project, by the way,

Jerry Poole

Head Writer, Editor

Jerry has been writing satire since he could type. He subsists on the hatred of internet commentors and humorless professors. Since graduating from Cangham he has moved to an undisclosed location where OTBI can never find him.

Sydney Gardner

Technical Director

Ryan and Jerry know nothing of how to build a website so they hold their friend Sydney prisoner and force her to fix things for them. She hasn't seen sunlight for two years. Please send help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Bran Astor featured this topic
  • 8 months later...

Dilberian Rugby Team Mascot Tells Schoolkids “Say Yes to Drugs”

by Jerry Poole, Head Writer


With Rugby World Cup hype sweeping The West Pacific, figures in the world of rugby have been looking to use their platform to be a force for change in the region. Dopey, the Dilberian national team mascot, is no exception. In between matches, he has been busy visiting Dilberian schools, encouraging kids to “say yes to drugs”.

“Drugs are the coolest,” Dopey told one class in Dilber City Middle School, through a mascot-to-Dilberian interpreter. “Just look at all the amazing things you can do.” He then showed the children a video of 11-year-old rugby player Frank Henry getting steamrolled by a hefty Fujansk player, only to pop up unharmed immediately.

The Last Legitimate Minister of Education in Dilber reports that his office has gotten numerous calls from concerned parents, but has been shrugging them off. “I see no problem here,” he told the Review.

“The Dopin' Dogs are fully committed to educating children on the truth about drug use,” national team coach Ivan Mihovolivic said in a press release. “Namely the unquestionable benefits. Just think, no more children will be bullied if they can all bench press a small car, would they?”

Keep following the Roofur Review as we continue to follow this story, as well as investigate the needle shortage developing in Aura.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Zoranian Civil War Rated #1 TV Drama in Overthinkers


by Jerry Poole, Head Writer

AURUM, Overthinkers — The National University of Aurum’s College of Fine Arts released its annual TV ratings study for 1420, and to no one’s surprise, the hard-hitting international drama Civil War Zoran demolished local productions such as Law and Disorder and Joan of Accounting.

Political dramas have consistently outperformed other subgenres in Overthinkers by wide margins,” the study stated. “However, Civil War Zoran is the first Auran production to gain this much traction in local markets.”

The study also notes that international governments’ attempts to involve themselves in the plot generated a lot of interest within Overthinkers. Some Civil War fans have even lobbied Aurum to do the same, though as of press time President Auguste has refused to oblige.

Civil War has also drawn its fair share of criticism from both the industry and the public. The show’s unorthodox advertising methods, including frequent spots on nightly news broadcasts across several networks, turned off many viewers. Social media sites have regularly blown up with angry calls for networks to not concern themselves with shows from distant lands.

The producers of Civil War Zoran could not be reached for comment due to ongoing technical difficulties in the area.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 11 months later...

Einherfell Fan “Just Happy to Be Here” as Fields Burn Behind Him


by Dean Morris, Guest Writer

DANINOGISGV GALOSGA, Zoran — As international tensions and unique cultures clash during Group B competition of the 3rd World Cup, an easygoing rugby fan from Einherfell told reporters that he is “just happy to be here”.

After ducking to avoid shrapnel from a leftover mine, he continued: “I mean, I came an awful long way to get here. It’s great to see my homeland in the World Cup.”

He was again interrupted by Basric cursing as a Nieubasrian and Fujansk simultaneously converged on a Dalimbari fan across the field. The Einherfella gestured toward them. “I gotta say, you don’t get this experience on live TV.

”I wish my family could have been here, but I’ve made some friends already. Like Ronald over there.” He pointed to a young man passed out on the bleachers, wearing a Dilber shirt with a half-empty cartridge of unspecified content beside him. “He’s really chill.” 

By this point the Dalimbari fan had lit a portion of the field on fire in the fight and royal Zoranian authorities were attempting to regain control of the situation to no avail. Asked if he planned to make the trip to future World Cups, the Einherfell fan smiled serenely. “Provided I survive this one.”

Edited by Overthinkers
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Anti-colonial sentiment in Giovannilandian Andolia reaches new high as man is mildly upset about taxes

by Jerry Poole, Head Writer

smiling-cashier-using-cash-register-while-standing-with-male-customer-at-checkout-in-organic-store-MASF24537.thumb.jpg.40ef4b1bd1ab146ffb42b1b50d8d10d7.jpgANDOLIAVILLE, GIOVANNILAND — Global experts indicate that tensions in Giovannilandian territory in Andolia have reached historic highs after a man expressed minor irritation about Giovannilandilandian taxes.

Flavio Deresse-Lumine, of Andoliaville, was purchasing a bag of milk at the convenience store. He reportedly sighed upon seeing the total ring up. According to witness testimony from the cashier, he then said “Those taxes are adding up, huh?”

This brazen anti-government statement is the latest and most severe action by separatist movements in Giovannilandilandilandian Andolia. As news broke, Giovannilandilandilandilandian state media was very quick to discredit it, claiming that Deresse-Lumine was a “Varanian operative” sent to justify invasion and reiterated that “the residents of Andoliaville are very happy to be Giovannilandilandilandilandilandian.”

Liza Corden, a social media figure openly associated with the Andolian Freedom Fighters, spoke out in Deresse-Lumine’s support. “Flavio is a hero of the Andolian revolution,” she proclaimed. “His act of bravery will inspire other oppressed souls in Giovanniland-occupied territory to cast off their colonial shackles and be free.”

Deresse-Lumine could not be reached for comment. It is assumed he is being held in a Giovannilandilandilandilandilandilandian prison. The Review will deliver updates as they become available.

Edited by Overthinkers
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Following reports of “savages”, Giovanniland scrambles to colonize Nur

by Jerry Poole, Head Writer

giovasionland.png.0c2c12a815748c81395b6579b1ceef34.pngNURVILLA, GIOVANNILAND—As state news sources in Nur report on various encounters with “savages” from outside their borders, the cry for help has finally reached the ears of professionals.

A fleet of ships landed on the continent to claim the territory in the name of Giovanniland, and the colony of Nurvilla was quickly established. The Giovannilandians wasted little time in wiping out the Nuran savages.

“Giovanniland has a long and proud history of bringing civility to uncivilized lands,” said Kristovo Kolombio, who led the initial expedition, in an interview. “We have heard the prayers of the Nuran people and shall surely bring these savages to the light of Violet.”

“By force, if necessary,” another official helpfully added.

Leaked intelligence reports indicate that at least three people groups have been "converted" so far, with no sign of slowing down.

Prime Minister Hessen of Kalmach issued a statement in support of the invasion. This statement was immediately retracted and replaced with a declaration of war as Giovannilandian forces crossed the Kalmach border. A representative of the Infinite Emperor of Aukera said something about “heathens fighting heathens”, but we didn’t really understand anything else.

Anti-colonial activists could not be reached for comment after our previous feature story.

Sources vary as to which people groups in Nur are the savages and which ones are not, but Kolombio assured the Review that this was not an issue. “They will all be Giovannilandians in the end.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...