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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 1st Day

Hello all! Thanks for viewing Giovannilandian Sports, the biggest sport broadcasting company of our country. Today, we start a special program - Giovannilandian Olympic Report, where we'll carefully review the performance of our athletes at this event hosted in Tara & Cambray. Without further ado, let's go!

400 meters: Unfortunately, our 4 athletes did not have luck in this sport. Only Xerxes Zarya went on to the finals as he got 15th place. The other athletes all failed to qualify, as Fernando Matias got 17th, Elisabeth Ayr got 21st, and Kira Ellain was close to last place at 32nd. On the finals, Xerxes did not succeed, as he was placed 7th among 10 athletes. 

1500 meters: Here, we had better luck. Although Bryan Rodrïgues (18th) and Julya Santos (24th) failed to qualify, two athletes went on to the finals - Catia Terra and Joseph de Eça, as they were incredibly fast to be placed 2nd and 4th, respectively. On the finals, Joseph arguably did worse, ranking 9th out of 10. However, the Giovannilandians cheered as the other athlete, Catia Terra, went on to have the fastest run (3:33.80) and win a gold medal! Hurray!

This is it for today, as there were other events but Giovanniland decided not to send athletes to those. With a gold medal on the 1st day, we expect our athletes at Tara & Cambray to succeed on the next days, and bring more medals for our country! See you tomorrow for another report about the second day. 

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Molly Hurdle Garners First Gold for Fuentana; Team Sports Begin

Despite a disappointing showing in the 1500m, distance runner Molly Hurdle won gold in the 10K run. It was a photo finish as she held off a surging Marko Cambraya of Giovanniland during the final kick. The Fuentana contingent was ecstatic! In the dignitary box, the Monarch Baron Comte von Fontaine was quite animated throughout the race. 

"This felt great after the disappointment of the day before. We train for years for moments like this, and it is unbelievable to see it happening," said an ecstatic Hurdle. "All of those miles and workouts paid off." 

What is Hurdle looking forward to after this? "Gymnastics. They're such amazing athletes and artists, and I'll just sit back and marvel at their craft." 

On day 2, the Monarch and his entourage caught part of the Baseball team's close 7-6 victory over Nieubasria and the Basketball team's close loss over Novasamita (73-68).

Fuentana baseball edged out the victory with solid tactical small ball. Down 4-2 with runners on first and second, third baseman Scott Funyon tied the game by flaring a pitch into a soft spot in right field as both runners attempted a double steal.  A squeeze play earned them the decisive run. Bob Hoffman closed the game in the 9th with two groundouts and a strikeout.

At the opening basketball match, the Monarch had to be restrained after berating the referee for a borderline call that resulting in Fuentana star Charles Starkley fouling out of the game with 1:35 left in the fourth quarter. 

Basketball Head Coach Jed Van Grumpy was likewise frustrated during and after the game. During the post-game interview he said, "In an ideal world, the game will be decided by the players. All too often, it's the officiating that decides the game. At a level like this, you need to get the calls right." 

Starkley agreed, but was a bit more despondent. The 35 year old veteran is playing in his final Olympics, and wants to make every game count. "This is my last chance at glory. I'd hate for my career to be marred by close losses like these. But we'll play better next game."

The frustration among the basketball squad was assuaged by news of Hurdle's gold medal. Said Starkley, "Molly represents the best of our culture and our competitive spirit. We're awed and proud of her victory. But I want a gold too."

Whether that gold is attainable after a painful loss like today is now the major question in this locker room. 

Odds and Ends

Center Marcus Crampy nearly posted a triple double with 11 points, 14 rebounds, and 9 blocks... Point Guard Kevin Yolly sparked the team off the bench with 10 points, 7 assists, and 3 steals... highly touted college star Christian Baitner did not see any action. 

Speaking of the monarch...

A somewhat incriminating scrap of paper was found at the venue where the Monarch celebrated alongside many of the elite runners after the 1500 final. It read:

Flowing hair enchants
As does the graceful stride of
Francine Courrier*

*RL inspiration: the author of "Hey There Delilah" wrote the song about a professional distance runner Delilah DiCrescenzo

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9 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

*voice a bit messed up due to being dislocated by slap and landing on the ground chin first*

"Herro Soran! Surry fur being hurd to understend, it seems my jow is a bit focked hup! T'day Hinola won a bronsh medol on da balansh beans. Sher hope to bring hume a medol hash bean forfilled! Beanwile, in ze shen k run, chew of our acletes made it in thief und twix place wile one jid not finnish chew to getting chrapped in a portaparchy mid-thrace! In dee shingy shailing competisean, our acletes xid not do ash swell az we hulped. Vut one did beach haith plaish.In foocball, our sheen won ahainst Wrestlen (Recuecn) chew to one. In hugbee, our sheen won ahainst Dewbrasia(Nieubasria) chertyfour chew chwelve. Anch in follyball our cheam won ahainst Chairaleon(Teralyon)! I apaulogize fur mai jow, I holp to be vetter chewmorrow, shee you chen!"


Translation: Hello Zoran! Sorry for being hard to understand, it seems my jaw is a bit fucked up! Today, Halona won a bronze medal on the balance beams. Her hope ot bring home a medal has been fulfilled! Meanwhile, in the 10k run, two of our athletes made it in fifth and sixth place while one did not finish due to getting trapped in a portapotty mid-race. In the dinghy sailing competition, our athletes did not do as well as hoped, But one did reach eighth pace. In football, our team won against Recuecn two to one. In rugby, our team won against Nieubasria thirtyfour to twelve. And in volleyball our team won against Teralyon! I apologize for my jaw, I hope to be better tomorrow, see you then!

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Review - Day 2 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 2 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

Day 2, while it went reasonably well, did not go as well as last time. To demonstrate that, here is the medal count for day 2:

Šilve: 1 Branz: 2

Despite the lack of gold medals, the Olympic team still managed to pull together some great performers. Due to the current medal count, we sit 5th in the Olympic Medal Table with 1 Gold, 2 Silver and 3 Bronze medals. As with every single day, here is the ranking of each individual athlete. Again, due to our web page limitations, the team rankings will be posted after the individual rankings.

Yes, this will be insanely long, viewers. Deal with it, we have tons of athletes!


Takumi Mihailov - Finished 2nd in the High Jump Final - A delivery boy who happens to be a racing prodigy, also has a habit of crashing into walls while drifting excessively.



Phil Yevhenovych - Finished 3rd in the One-Person Dinghy Sailing - A retired musician and lead of one of Hertfordia's most recgonizable bands. Richard Hammond despises them.



Mario Volodymyrovych/Matt Miķelsons - Finished 3rd in the Badminton Doubles - This is not normal Mario Volodymyrovych, this is Stupid Mario Volodymyrovych, a man with an IQ of -7 and a brain the size of an blood cell. As for Matt, he is the former health minister, who turned out to be unpopular with health workers.



Richard Hammond - Currently in the Semi-Finals of the Lightweight Boxing



Bobby Kazymyrovych - Finished 6th in the Shot Put



Slobodan Dreimanis - Eliminated in the Quarter-Finals of the Lightweight Boxing



Kaiser Ruslanovych - Finished 13th in the 10,000m Run



Jamie Dachev - Finished 14th in the 10,000m Run



Keisuke Yakovych - Finished 9th in the High Jump



Vojislav Petrovskis - Finished 14th in the Gymnastics Balance Beam



Satan Salmiņš - Finished 9th in the Shot Put



Milan Balkanski - Finished 18th in the Gymnastics Balance Beam



Rococo Omelyanovych - Finished 21st in the One-Person Dinghy Sailing



Rose Rysinov - Eliminated in Round 1 of the Heavyweight Boxing



Draco Centauros - Finished 20th in the Gymnastics Balance Beam



Franjo Širovs - Eliminated in Round 1 of the Heavyweight Boxing



Kokichi Pencis - Finished 22nd in the Gymnastics Balance Beam


That is the end of the first part, see you very soon when the second half of the review is posted.

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Day 2 of the Summer Olympics - Review
The second day was not very abundant for the Novasamitan delegation, especially those in the single events. Shot put athletes Peter Rubensen and Jonas Nordhelm were both in the lowest 5, Brien Klassen was narrowly defeated by Halona Ani'-Wah' of Zoran , Janna Kircholmsen getting 17th place and Luis Venne getting defeated by Rachel Cordina of T&C. Novasamita's lacrosse team suffered another loss as well, and the team for baseball lost too.

Most of the successes today were by team groups, though. Novasamita's basketball team rose to 2nd place in the second group rankings, defeating Fuentana 73-68. The Rugby Sevens team absolutely pounded the Marble Mallorcan Republic's team, 7-40, as well as the volleyball team, who won against the Iradorians. 

The rest of the Novasamitan delegation, especially the teams who qualified for next rounds, are hopeful tomorrow will bring more wins.

Novasamitan Spectator Hyperventilates After Shot Put Ball Nearly Misses Him By Inches, Rushed to Hospital
Sports enthusiast Karl Druslau was watching the shot put event at the Saint-Josalyn Track and Field, 9th of June, when a shot put was accidentally thrown onto the net, and barely missing Druslau. The 58-year old, known to have asthma, hyperventilated rapidly, causing him to have difficulty breathing. His friends noticed this and immediately rushed him to the hospital, where he is currently being treated. He will be sent home to be taken care of further at his hometown of Mittelbache. Stadtholder Vredgaar has sent him a bouquet of flowers and an inhaler.

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Review - Extra Part, Per The Norm | Rívjü - Èkstre Pät, Pē đi Nočim

As we promised earlier, this is the report on how the team sports went for our boys. Overall, the teams representing the Double-Headed Hawk performed well, with convincing victories over hosts Cambria in Basketball and current Medal Table leaders Nieubasria in Water Polo, as well as a narrow comeback win over Larxia in Volleyball. In Lacrosse, Hertfordia were held to a 9-9 draw by the hosts (Yeah, we seem to face Cambria a lot). There were some bad points however. A weakened football team, due to other individual events (Rococo, etc. were not able to make it), were beaten 2-1 by Giovanniland. What stung most though was the 26-14 loss that the rugby sevens team had to endure. To Fujai no less!

For those who wonder why this stings so much, back when The West Pacific Rugby World Cup was on, Hertfordia defeated Fujai in extra time in a comeback victory to shock the world and become TWP champions of rugby. So to lose to the very team we beat in that tournament's grand final hurts, it really is bloody devastating!

But we can't get far by being hung up on losses, so here now are the teams, ranked by performance, and their scores against their opposition...


Cambria 61-90 Hertfordia



Hertfordia 18-10 Nieubasria



Hertfordia 9-9 Cambria



Larxia 2-3 Hertfordia



Giovanniland 2-1 Hertfordia



Fujai 26-14 Hertfordia


Thank you for putting up with us as much as possible, and we must conclude today's review with a simple and alarming fact. If you are, say, a war criminal seen in, oh I don't know, a mountain biking race, then consider yourself relieved because there appears to be a new Public Enemy Number 1 for Hertfordian sports fans: FUJAI!!!!

Take care, goodnight!

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Review - The 2nd day of the Saint-Josalyn Olympic

"Hi I'm Ausrelian Ifanov and I'm going to review all the matches our athletes were in. During the 2nd day of the Olympics, we had less athletes compete but we did better than the 1st day. In Badminton Singles, we had 2 of our athletes, Dewret CIrcca and Lelio Aureli were in the semi finals but unluckily, none of them made into the finals, so  they had to battle each other for a bronze medal. At the end, Lelio Aureli won the Bronze Medal. In Badminton Doubles, we won our first gold medal by Reder Serncic and Qelet Minovic, defeating the athletes from the Spheric Marble Mallorcan Republic. In Lightweight Boxing, our athlete Baltia Fisitic defeated Slobodan Dreimanis from Hertfordia and Jammbo and he rechead the semi-finals. In Heavyweight Boxing, Guarham Boric was defeated in the quarter finals by Deorwine Trumane from Nieubasria. We'll review the other sports after an another news about the Olympics."

"In a very small town located at the southeast of Irador, the eletricty was out for about an hour during the finals of the badminton doubles. It says that too much electricity was used during the time." says a reporter.

"So, let's continue with the rest of the sports, all of them are team sports. In Lacrosse, we won against Teralyon 10-4, making us lead in Group 1. In Baseball, we won by only 1 point against Fujai which makes us second in Group 1. In Basketball, we defeated the Marble Mallorcan Republic by a score of 66-58. In football, we unfortunately lost against Cambria by a score of 1-0 which made us place last in Group 1. In volleyball, we lost against Novasamita. So, its the end of the review, and I'll see you at the 3rd day and there will be even more matches to review since there will be more athletes competing than today."


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10 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

0 - 1

*Quiyakaso rubs his jaw as recording begins*

"Oh hello Zoran! Today is the third day of the Olympics and things are already starting to look up for our athletes since yesterday night! I spoke with some of the athletes who will be competing today and I also spoke to the coaches  and asked what they have been doing to prepare for today! First, I spoke to the coach of the gymnasts as for some reason the athletes do not want to talk to me! He told me that since today they will be competing in the Uneven Bars, he has been having his athletes work on their upper body strength so they can be able to perform well during the event. She told me that Halona and Elu have been working on some pretty advanced and difficult skills even before the Olympics was announced and she said she was amazed at how well they both have been able to improve them so quickly. The coach told me that Halona is planning on performing the Triple Back Dismount in her routine and Elu is planning on incorporating the Def in hers. The coach says that she admires her girls in their dedication to the sport and says that she has seen both girls do both of these techniques over the years and that when they recently performed them it was practically flawless and she prays to the Great Spirit that they will be able to replicate the perfection they have shown in practice."

*Gets interrupted by a guy from Hertfordia who jumps in front of the camera*


*Quiyakaso pushes him away*

"Sorry for that folks! Anyways, out windsailing team has been working hard as well and has been practicing out on the T&C coast! The coach has told me that after what has occurred yesterday with the dinghy race, they would not allow to take any chances and so has been making sure the windsurfers have experience with the non-Zoranian windsurfing boards, which are known to have some secret and subtle design features which allow for quick and easier movements due to our people having an ancient naval tradition where we had people observing the winds and the tides, and have been making sure they aren't getting sloppy."

*same man comes back on screen*


*Quiyakaso shoves the man away harder*

"You lost to Fujai last night! Stop interrupting my news broadcast!" Quiyakaso yells at the man,

"I apologize again for that interruption. Also, today is the first day of fencing and our fencers have been practicing with real rapiers to get themselves in a life or death mentality for when they compete in the events. Their coach explained that by having them use real and sharp rapiers, they will be more precise with their strikes and will have them fence smarter than before to prevent themselves from being injured. He claims to have seen massive improvements with the athletes and surprisingly none of the athletes have been injured so far. The coach has also been helping them with their form and footing to ensure that they will be fencing properly. We hope to see the results of this avant garde idea."

*Stops and looks around to make sure the Hertfordian doesn't interrupt him again*

"Finally to-"


*Beats microphone over the head of the Hertfordian*


*looks at camera*

"My apologies viewers, anyways, our teams are going on to round two today and our coaches have been drilling them hard since their victories yesterday. They are making sure they are rested up as well while keeping them sharp for the matches later today. I will see you at the events Zoran!"

*goes back to anchors as he slams his microphone over rising hand from bottom of the screen*

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Wednesday 10th June 1420 - Preview of Day 3 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Přīvjü - Dei 3 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks


This man claims to have arrived as a health guru for the athletes of the Olympics. He was considered trustworthy, although a bit of a hippy.

Day 3 of the Olympics will provide debuts for multiple individuals, as well as the finals of the Lightweight Boxing and continuation of the team sports, which are likely to see the Baseball team debut on the stage. As of this time, Hertfordia has 6 medals - 1 gold, 2 silver, 3 bronze - leaving us 5th in the table and with the second highest medal count so far, behind hosts Tara and Cambray. Even though the heavyweight boxing final is also on, both of our contenders were eliminated in Round 1, therefore they will not be there today. Without further ado, here is the line-up.

Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts

Pole Vault

Isaac Veinbergs, Schezo Avramov

Cycling Track Team Sprint Patrick Gribusts, Marine Adamov
Equestrian Individual Dressage Klug Zeidmanis
Gymnastics Uneven Bars Kokichi Pencis, Draco Myronovych, Milan Balkanski, Vojislav Petrovskis
Windsurfing Mark Oleksijovych, Andross Tonchev
Lightweight Boxing Finals Richard Hammond
Fencing Individual Foil Zacian Ādamsons
Tennis Doubles Stage 1 Benjamin Paskalev, Viktor Orbán
Matchday 3 Handball, Lacrosse Hertfordia Handball Federation, Hertfordia Lacrosse
Matchday 2 Baseball, Basketball, Football, Rugby Sevens, Volleyball, Water Polo Hertfordia Baseball, Hertfordia Basketball, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Football Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Rugby Union, Hertfordia Volleyball Federation, Hertfordshire and Jammbo Water Polo Team

Apologies for the slight technical error. Today, there will be 16 events on for Hertfordia. The most notable contestants here are definitely Viktor Orbán, the national conservative leader of a central county and victim of constant inter-county meddling by Great Parndon and their allies, and Zacian Ādamsons. If you do not know why this is, Ādamsons is literally an armoured wolf with a sword. You couldn't write this!

We also have Richard Hammond who will be boxing for the title in the Lightweight Boxing Finals. Boy, does he love a good fight. Meanwhile most of our teams will be wishing to build on their good starts, while the baseball team debuts on the Olympic stage and the handball team resumes their campaign. As for the football and rugby teams, they will want to try their hardest to win this time around. Actually, speaking of rugby...

If you are a fan of any Hertfordian sports team, could you please refrain from interrupting foreign news broadcasts? We aren't asking, this is an order from the Hertfordian Confederal Olympic Committee. One rugby fanatic has already been detained by the Plod and has been banned from attending anything Olympic-related from this point on. Quiyakaso of Zoran has already been informed of this development and is probably rather glad the crazed Hertfordian fan has been wiped away. We can't say for sure.

Now, we must conclude this preview on three points. 1 - Do not interfere with foreign broadcasts. 2 - Pop over by that hippy health guru that has turned up, he seems like a nice guy. 3 - Come on you Hawks, go on ahead and win some silverware, by which we mean medals. And trophies, if there are any.

Anyway, on that terrible disappointment of a fan, it is time to end. Thank you very much for coming and we'll see you all tomorrow. Until then, goodnight!

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The Olympics intro song plays and an an anchor welcomes the eager nation to the day's coverage. "Good evening all, today we celebrate the award of another gold and silver medal. Some circles particularly celebrate the silver medalist in one-person dinghy sailing, Gilen de Mey. That name may be familiar, as he was the sailor who made news in 1417 for his outstanding sportsmanship at the Saint Aiaden Regatta. I am pleased to introduce the story of Gilen, as prepared by NBBC-"

A slideshow of photos of Gilen competing slide across the screen, a voice-over begins in a soft tone- "Gilen de Mey, the 36 year old olympic sailor captured the hearts and minds of the nation in 1417 for his selflessness and sportsmanship, has a history of excellence in his sporting and professional endeavors. 

"Born in the town of Brindard, near Colkirk, Gilen was raised far away from the traditional sailing circles of Saint Aiaden and North the High. He came upon his love of the water in his second year at the Tamaric University of Saint Aiaden where he was studying chemical engineering. During a spirit event, the student union required their officers to take part in a sailing demonstration - an event later lauded for its breaking down of traditional social barriers to the sport- Gilen took to sailing like a natural. The University's sailing coach took notice, and Gilen was captain of the TUSA Sailing Team by the end of his third year. 

"Following graduation, Gilen remained affiliated with his University team and often volunteered as an organizer. All this while his professional life was picking up, Gilen was contracted with the defense company Aurantium where he would later meet his current partner, Jacen- a corporate lawyer. 

"His love for sailing was not slowed, however. Gilen and Jacen would go on to purchase lakefront property and participate in Sailing Society events from which Gilen would come to meet the Convenor of NB Sailing, the organization which trains and selects the athletes for the olympics. 

"Gilen would compete in his first Saint Aiaden Regatta in 1412, securing an unexpected third-place victory. He would regularly place in the top 10 for the next few years, along with a second-place finish to Oswin Whittlee. Something changed in 1417, because Gilen was moving along at a quick clip, even though the waters were exceptionally rough. About halfway through the race, he seemed to have a firm grip on first placement when disaster struck.

"Gilen heard the cries of two sailors competing in a different event nearby. One of them clinging desperately to their boat, which had capsized under five-foot waves. The other had been  swept 70 feet off by the rough water. Instead of staying in his race, Gilen set course for the sailors and pulled them out of the water. His hope for a first-place trophy all but dashed, Gilen waited for rescue boats to arrive. By the time they did, he'd fallen to 28th place. But Gilen's bravery did not go unrewarded. The Regatta steering committee gave him the Jan-Pieter Bloemink medal, a special award for exceptional sportsmanship.

"Today we celebrate an exceptional man, his dedication to sportsmanship, and his demonstration of Tamaric values all throughout his life."




Oswin Whittlee, sailor in the one-person dinghy has been placed on Investigative Suspension of any official duties within Olympic Committees
or any National Sport Organizations partner of the Basric Astorian Olympic Committee. Whittlee's Investigative Suspension is a matter related
to his professional conduct in the Day 2 race. No official determinations have been made and Whittlee will continue to compete in any other
qualifying events, barring such an official determination. 

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"More Meatballs!" and Beer: A Look Inside the Fuentana Village

Though they're a small contingent, the Fuentana National Team is a voracious bunch. 

Made up mostly of track and field athletes, along with 25 baseball players, 11 basketball stars, and a college player to take on rookie duties, this squad has proven to be hungry for victory—and for second servings. 

At the national team lunch today, there was a serving of pasta and meatballs, meatball parm sandwiches, and Asian-style meatball bahn mi. 

What's most amazing is that it's often the distance runners that are scarfing down the most food. Spring City Marathon Winner Shalana Flanagana walked by with two plates of pasta, and twelve minutes later the plates were clean. Stephen Postfontaine, fresh off a disappointing performance, was not quite despondent today because he was carrying a plate of twenty three meatballs. "More meatballs!!!" he exclaimed.

By the end of lunch, the whole basketball team was chanting "Ste-PHEN! Ste-PHEN!" as he downed orb after orb of meat. 

Meanwhile the baseball team was seen sneaking extra sandwiches back to their hotel rooms. One player, speaking on condition of anonymity, explained, "Have you ever seen baseball? It's boring. We'll sneak bites all game long." I asked, "Do you sneak in anything else?" He said "Shh," and pointed to a bag in the corner filled with cans of beer. "We'll get it out of our system before the 7th inning for sure." 


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Giovannilandian Olympic Report - 2nd Day

Hello all for another Giovannilandian Olympic Report! This day in the 1st Summer Olympics, there was plenty happening, as several team sports had their first matches. Let's make an overview of everything! 

10k run: In this tiring event, athletes had to run 10 kilometres! Isn't that crazy? Anyways, Giovanniland did pretty good on here, as Marko Cambraya got a silver medal for running the entire distance in 27 minutes, just 36 milliseconds after Molly Hurdle from Fuentana. Other athletes didn't do so well, as Anastacio Fernandes, Yuri Queiröz, and Sarah Yorbal were placed 20th, 21st and 22nd, respectively.

Handball: The Giovannilandian team got off to a good start in a close match against hosts Tara & Cambray. Both teams played evenly, and Giovanniland won by only one point, with the final score of 24-23. Soon, the Giovannilandians will play against Hertfordia, leader of the group by point difference.

Baseball: It was a wonderful day for the Giovannilandian Baseball team, as they won 5-3 against Tara & Cambray. Giovanniland now tops the group, being ahead of Irador, which won against Fujai, by point difference.

Basketball: While our country had luck on other team sports, the Basketball team did not succeed, as they lost on a close match 61-70 to Larxia. The team still has chance to qualify to the knockout round, as they will play Nieubasria and Bobki.

Football: The Giovannilandian Football team succeeded against Hertfordia, winning 2-1. In the first half, the Hertfordian team scored a goal pretty early, however the star of the match Adalberto Verdi scored 2 goals on the second half to turn the match around and give the win to Giovanniland.

Water Polo: This was yet another successful start for Giovanniland. Our team played against hosts Tara & Cambray (again!) and won 8-4.

In conclusion, this was a very eventful day! There was only a silver medal, but the many wins on team sports show that Giovanniland has great chances of getting into the knockout round of these, and possibly win more medals for our country. See you tomorrow!

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Now For something A Little Bit Different | Nau Foči Šamoin E Ľitl Bit Ďifrent

Yes, this is the set of rosters for each of the remaining six teams that we had yet to complete. Includes Baseball, Basketball, Football, Rugby Sevens, Volleyball and Water Polo.


Pitcher - Carl Josypovych
Catcher - Frank Tymofijovych
First Base - Melvin Heorhijovych
Second Base - Sean Josypovych
Third Base - Kent Pylypovyvh
Shortstop - Cesar Vyacheslavovych
Left Field - Mike Trokhymovych
Centre Field - Eddie Petrovych
Right Field - Jimmy Henadijovych


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Point Guard - Niko Borisov
Shooting Guard - Ray Bulgarin
Small Forward - Patrick Mladenov
Power Forward - Brucie Kynev
Centre - Dwayne Filipov


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Goalkeeper - Freddie Melngailis/Rococo Omelyanovych
Left Defender - Queraldo Niedra
Centre Defender - Teres Tinchev
Right Defender - Pierre Grūbe
Defensive Midfielder - Hijikata Rusev
Left Midfielder - Nakata Hadjiivanov
Centre Midfielder - Mark Kostov
Right Midfielder - Jonas Priede
Attacking Midfielder - Drago Hadjiev
Striker - Mac Radulov
Striker - Edgar Vollis


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Prop - Peter Cipriani
Hooker - Scott Bevan
Prop - Britannia Degre
Scrum-Half - Byron Tobu
Fly-Half - Chris Morituros
Centre - Robert Lee
Wing - Mikhail Faustin


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Setter - Boris Jēkabsons
Right Side Hitter - David Cālitis
Middle Blocker - Jeremy Čudars
Opposite - Theresa Matisons
Outside Hitter - Nigel Freimanis
Libero - Tony Boka


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Goalkeeper - Winston Cherganski
Right Wing - Isambard Briedis
Right Flat - Charles Dimitrov
Point - William Salmiņš
Left Flat - Isaac Nankov
Left Wing - John Lūsis
Hole Set - Horatio Nikolov


Er, the Water Polo team don't actually have kits. They just bring their own swimming shorts and helmets.


Yes, we posted this, and now we are saying goodbye again. The results will come in the daytime.

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LIVE LEAK: House of Godden Tartan Confirmed

Sources within the Basric Astorian
Olympic Committee and familar with the House
of Godden have independently confirmed the
Clarendon fasion house's design of the Parade
of Nations uniform for Basric athletes, backing up
the earlier reporting from Live Leak.

Our sources have also confirmed the Tartan 
featured in the Parade is indeed a custom design
from the House of Godden - and we received a 
digital file of the tartan, seen here. 
Supposedly, the Tartan is going to be announced
after the final day of the games as a fixture of the 
House's Fall line under the (unconfirmed) name of
Tamar Olympia

Tartan image


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10 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

0 - 1

"Hello Zoran! I am Quiyakaso and welcome back to Zoranian Times live! Today's events were not as we hoped but there is still time to change that! Halona's unstable landing of the Triple Back Dismount cost her a lot of points. Yet we know that family matters have been on her mind recently and have been affecting her performance so the pressure to perform well for her country while dealing with the personal struggle would inevitably cause her to falter in attempting to perform one of the hardest gymnastic feats someone could perform on the uneven bars. Elu didn't do too well either as her execution of the Def cost her a few points as well. Our windsurfers didn't do too well either I am afraid, they still weren't used to the normal windsailing boards and failed to use them in an effective manner, which cost them the event."

*a young Nieubasrian is shown in the background holding up a sign saying "Zoran Killed Harlan Ready"*

"Zoran killed Harlan Ready! Don't deny it!" the young teenager says in annoying tone,

*Quiyakaso facepalms and just sighs* "Can I just have one news broadcast without someone trying to mess with me?"


"In other news, our athletes excelled in fencing, we are even moving into the semifinals with the excellent fencing ability of Uku Tsevuida and his performance was like something out of an action movie!"

"ZORAN KILLED HARLAN READY!" screamed the teenage Nieubasrian

*Quiyakaso's eye begins to twitch*

"Uku fought like a Zoranian swordsman from the Zoranian Renaissance! He even managed to defeat Prince Marcarius Halohin of Saint Mark! I will be interviewing him tomorrow so you can look forward to that!'


*eye twitches more*

"Our sports team did really well today and our football team managed to tie with the infamous Fujansk football team! In Rugby, our team defeated the Giovannilandian team 22 to 14! Unfortunately, our volleyball team lost to the Iradorian team but they did put up a good effort and gave us a good game to watch!"



*Cameraman takes two steps back and the teenager's cocky face dropped immediately only to be replaced with one of shame and depression, he then dropped his sign and walked away dragging his feet behind him*

"Oh...sorry about that Zoran. Anyways, I wish our athletes the best and I hope to see you tomorrow with the interview with Uku Tsevuida!"


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Review-The 3rd Day of the Saint-Josalyn Olympics

"Hallo, I'm Dzetre Lown and I'm goin to review instead of Au'relian since he woke up late. Today we did feckin terrible and won no medals. Seriously, all of our athletes competin in Fencing didn't even made into the Quarter Finals! Also in Lightweight Boxing, athlete Balatia Fisitic got 4th, not even a bronze, this was also his last olympics, I can't imagine how sad he'll be now! Oh, Au'relian, you here mate, come here."

"As they're switching, another news comes in."
"The program's name is Meanwhile In Irador by McLellen Ersis"
"Meanwhile In Irador, there has been a train accident which killed about 50 people and there was only few surviviors which were badly injured." says McLellen

"So, let's continue with the remaining sports, shall we?" says Ausrelian Ifanov
"In Tennis Doubles, we were lucky compared to the other sports, where all of our teams went in to the semi-finals, securing us at least a bronze medal. Now, let's move on to the team sports. In Lacrosse, we defeated Fujai and now we're moving on to the semi-finals of Lacrosse. In baseball, we defeated the host, Cambria, and remained to be in the lead in Group 1. In Basketball, we unfortunately lost to Cambria by a very small amount. In Football, we defeated Hertfordia by a score of 3-2. In Volleyball, we defeated Zoran and we went up to 3rd. I hope we win some medals tomorrow. See you tomorrow."


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Day 3 of the Olympics (LIVE from Saint-Josalyn)
Hello Novasamita, I'm Jan Stebbelhaum reporting to you live from the Saint-Josalyn National Stadium in Tara and Cambray! Our team, despite suffering losses, is still pretty confident! Here's a quick summary of the events that transpired today:

Lars Nordhelm tied with Tracy Renoir of Fuentana in the Pole vault competition, both reaching 5.75 meters. Jan Nagrotte of the Individual Dressage competition ended up being 9th place, and Brien Klassen and Marie Jenssen were dead last. 

Meanwhile in the fencing event, Fredrik Jagred beat Michael Guardian of Saint Mark, 10-9, Bartholomiu Granden defeated Marcus Meinhardt as well, 13-12, and Josef Erdhart was beat by Morgan Yip of the Commonwealth, 14-15.

Jagred and Granden went on to beat Nieubasria (Jagred v. Miltone, 12-11) and Teralyon (Granden v. Kristic, 14-12). Granden was eliminated in the quarterfinals against Glenn Woods of Nieubasria, 10-13, but Jagred endured, beating James Preston of Larxia, 

Our lacrosse team, though, suffered another loss, this time to Tara and Cambray, 10-9. The coach of the team said the players will "need some beefing up and training to do". Baseball hasn't been so lucky for Novasamita either, with our team losing to Hertfordia, 4-1. Novasamita has the lowest ranking in both sports currently.

Basketball seems to be more of our forte, as the national team still heads the rankings of Group 2, with Novasamita recently beating the UMS team, 72-58. Same goes for volleyball, where the national team defeated Bobki's team, holding the lead for all sets but the second.

And that's about it for the daily Olympic update! Now, back to the studio where Anna and Josef discuss about the newly-implemented welfare reforms.

*report returns to the news studio*

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Review - Day 3 of the Saint-Josalyn Summer Olympics | Rívjü - Dei 3 av đi Seint-Deeušalin Šame Ęlimpiks

Day 3 wrought the best medal count of Hertfordia's tournament, with most sports going swimmingly for the HCOC. The team sports generally went well, with all active sports teams except the football team achieving victory. Despite hiccups in track cycling and football, the third day was arguably the most successful. Here is the medal count for the third day:

Geuld: 2 Šilve: 1 Branz: 1

Hertfordian athletes won a total of 4 medals today, lifting their total medal count up to 10. As a result, Hertfordia sit second in the medal table behind only Nieubasria and ahead of Tara & Cambray, who are hosting these Olympics. Specifically, we have 3 gold, 3 silver and 4 bronze medals. Notably, the two golds came from lightweight boxing and, perhaps surprisingly, the gymnastics. As for team sports, both the handball and lacrosse teams have qualified for their respective semi-finals as group winners. The baseball squad saw a win on their first matchday, while the basketball and water polo teams continued their winning run. The same can't be said of the football team, who sit bottom of their group after two losses. Track Cycling was a disaster, with the nation's duo finishing stone dead last.

And now, the mandatory ranking. What else did y'all expect?


Richard Hammond - Finished 1st in the Lightweight Boxing Final - This man was once a daytime TV presenter. He is known for his sparkly white teeth, his love for Cambrian muscle cars and for once becoming romantically attached to a rusting pile of misery from the 1370s. He is also a keen motorcyclist, frequent over-user of hair product and is probably the world's most anger-prone midget. A fight is never far away with this man. Oh and he crashes a lot.



Milan Balkanski - Finished 1st in the Gymnastics Uneven Bars - This is the former leader of one of the republics (it since fell apart) that broke away from Greater Hertfordia. A member of the minority group called Debenians, Hertfordians hate this man for percieved war crimes and breaking up Greater Hertfordia, although these accusations have yet to be acted upon.



Schezo Avramov - Finished 2nd in the Pole Vault - Claims to be a user of some sort of sword-based dark art, although he doesn't help his case by losing in fights to Richard Hammond and the Prime Minister. People tend to focus on his unfortunate speaking style, which makes everyone believe that he is a pervert when he plainly isn't.



Klug Zeidmanis - Finished 3rd in the Equestrian Individual Dressage. Pretty much the know-it-all of the group, can be quite insufferable but is quite frankly a bit of a wuss. So he was forced to take part in a sport that is basically sitting on a horse while it tries to look camp.



Vojislav Petrovskis - Finished 6th in the Gymnastics Uneven Bars



Mark Oleksijovych - Finished 7th in the Windsurfing



Kokichi Pencis - Finished 8th in the Gymnastics Uneven Bars



Zacian Ādamsons - Eliminated in the Round of 16 of the Fencing (We really are scraping the bottom of the barrel)



Andross Tonchev - Finished 11th in the Windsurfing



Isaac Veinbergs - Finished 9th in the Pole Vault



Benjamin Paskalev/Viktor Orbán - Eliminated in Round 1 of the Tennis Doubles



Draco Myronovych - Finished 20th in the Gymnastics Uneven Bars



Patrick Gribusts/Marine Adamov - Finished 7th in the Track Cycling Team Sprint


In other news, one of our athletes, Freddie Melngailis, the goalkeeper of the national football team hss recovered from an injury that for reasons unknown has gone unreported to anyone. He attributes his speedy recovery to the mysterious new hippy doctor that arrived yesterday. This health guru has managed to build up trust between himself and the Olympic Committee. There is simply no getting rid of him, not anymore. He will be remaining on his post to tend to any injuries that the athletes of Hertfordia fall victim to.

That is all we have time for, see you all later this day when part 2 of this review appears.

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11 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

0 - 1

"Hello Zoran! I am Quiyakaso and I am happy to say that I am still employed by the Zoranian Times! My outburst became a meme in Zoran overnight and I can only say that I am happy to still have a job! Anyways, today is the fourth day of the Olympics! Today we will see three of our athletes run in the Marathon, our coach has been making sure they have been well hydrated the past few days and has been helping them with pacing in order to not exhaust themselves while staying at a competitive speed. Meanwhile, our three spring board athletes have been preparing for today by challenging themselves to try new tricks they can do during their dive. I wish them the best of luck today and pray they will do well! Our gymnastics team has been resting since their event on the uneven bars. But the coach has been giving them some pointers on how to do well on the parallel bars today and has encouraged our gymnasts to not try to be over ambitious or overconfident when it comes to using certain techniques like we say yesterday! While we do expect the gymnasts to challenge themselves a bit on the parallel bars all of Zoran is hoping that they will perform to the best of their abilities! Today we will also get to see the fencing finals! Our champion in that event is Uku Tsevuida, a rising star in the Zoranian fencing world. I will be interviewing him later today but I have asked his coach what he plans to do to prepare him for the final and the coach answered me by saying that he is again making Uku practice with a real rapier but he is also having him practice his reflexes by having Uku play with his cat using a feather wand. While this may seem odd, he claims that his reflexes will improve in keeping the cat entertained with the wand. The coach has also had Uku watch the other finalists in their duels yesterday so he can see their fighting style and take advantage of any weak spots he can take advantage of. We have high hopes for Uku and all of Zoran is behind him along with his ancestors! Today is also the beginning of the judo competition and our team might be unknown but they are skilled! Their sensei has been having them spar with each other the past few days and has been making them go over the basics again to make sure they have them mastered! We look forward to seeing how they will perform later today! Finally, we also get to see our teams compete again today! After tying with Fujai yesterday, our football team has high hopes in making it to the finals and have been watching previous matches of other teams to see different strategies they use, but the coach has made sure to have them expect the unexpected in case they try something new. The same goes to our Rugby team as they have been practicing to keep themselves sharp but they have been taking time for themselves to ensure they are well rested. I look forward to seeing all of our athletes compete today and wish them all the best! I will see you all when I interview Uku Tsevuida later today!"


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8-0 Win Marred By Brawl and Banging Sound

It seemed too uncanny to be true. Larxia's Baseball Team has some of the most unhittable pitchers in all of the West, yet it seemed as if Fuentana's batters were reading their minds. Fuentana was off to a fast start, with leadoff hitter Louis Polanyi getting just enough wood on an outside fastball to send it opposite field over the short left field porch, the following three batters drew walks. This brought up slugger James Rodrigo (J-Rod), who put Fuentana ahead 5-0 on a grand slam in the 1st inning. He absolutely walloped an inside slider 463 feet into left field with an exit velocity of 117 mph. He also took his time enjoying the view and celebrated with an emphatic bat flip.


This clearly set off the Larxia squad. Though they kept their composure for several innings, that grand slam was more than enough. Two innings later, Fuentana tacked on another three runs, and their pitching limited Larxia to four hits with a combination of brains and brawn. Starter Kevin Green, a notorious hothead, pounded the inside of the plate with his upper 90s fastball and power sinker. He buzzed three Larxia hitters and outright hit two of them, leading to a most diplomatic exchange of sharp words and sharper looks. But things did not escalate until Larxia's starter returned the favor with a fastball high and inside. Though the umpire kept his cool, Fuentana southpaw reliever John Rocky came in for mop up duty and drilled the leadoff batter square in the back. The batter charged the mound, benches emptied, and Larxia's dignitaries in attendance glared from their box towards Fuentana's monarch Baron Comte von Fontaine, who promptly dropped a stack of papers he had been writing on and made his way to the Larxia box. Pleasantries were exchanged. 

After the game, Fuentana baseball manager Dan Zimmer was unapologetic. "If they don't like how my pitchers pitch, they can join tee ball." Green also refused to yield, saying, "Listen. Every baseball player deep in their heart knows to expect pitchers to establish the zone and protect it by going inside. It's part of the game, and I'm not going to change how I pitch." 

But on Larxia's side, there were rumbles about a strange banging sound that was heard during the first three innings whenever their pitcher delivered an off-speed pitch. The banging was especially noticeable just before the grand slam. A player speaking on condition of anonymity said, "I'm not saying there was anything untoward, but it seemed awfully suspicious. I'd watch Fuentana in the following game."

Fuentana's monarch could not be reached for comment, but a senior staffer tried to cool the issue by noting, "He's hot headed and a rabid sports fan just like anyone else."

Meanwhile, rumors are swirling over another scrap of paper that says,

You're gold in my heart
Would you race my way or should
I give you a crown?

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The Hong Kong Metropolite1815459385_HongKong.png.d48d7b75b0c5f7a392b10c1fe77fef75.png

Gold and Silver! — Government Celebrates by Firing Sports Minister

Hong Kong was awarded its first medals at the Summer Olympics held at Saint-Josalyn. Amidst the celebrations in the streets, the Government has undergone a major cabinet reshuffle which saw the dismissal of Sports Minister Xavier Chun in reaction to its historically low approval ratings resulting from the passage of the Electoral Reform Act.

A collective roar of 300 people went up at the viewing party at Constitution Plaza in Victoria late last night when Bruno Tse and Gabrielle Fung raced to gold in the Team Sprint Division of the Track Cycling tournament at the first ever Summer Olympic Games. The dynamic duo, aged 24 and 22 respectively, were crowned winners in that tournament with a total time of 42.960 seconds, fending off stiff competition from the Reçueçian team, who placed second, and the Nieubasrian team, who placed third.

In what is a historic moment for the Commonwealth sports scene, Tse and Fung looked on teary-eyed as the Blue Bauhinia flag was raised and the National Anthem was played at the Saint-Josalyn Velodrome. Many Hongkongers congregated at Constitution Plaza and elsewhere in the nation wept openly at the sight, which is an affirmation of the Commonwealth's place in the international sports scene, an aspect of the nation's culture and pride which was so often overlooked during the Achinian Occupation.

Earlier in the day, Hongkongers were joyously celebrating when the "Nation's Sweetheart", 19-year-old Karina Choi, won Hong Kong's first ever medal at an international sporting tournament when she won silver at the windsurfing tournament. The athlete, hailing from Port South, Guandong, gave an emotional thank-you to her supporters in Hong Kong and abroad for giving her the strength and motivation to do her utmost. She pledged to train hard and do her utmost in future tournaments and expressed her hopes for even better performances in the future.

With the gold and silver medals awarded today, the Commonwealth now places 8th out of 17 participating nations at the Olympics, beating much larger nations such as Zoran and Hong Kong's northern neighbour, Giovanniland. Chairwoman of the Olympic Committee Ira Shuen commented through a written statement that "Hong Kong's achievement is a source of pride for the citizens of a small nation of six million, who have managed to establish their standing in the world."

Politicians were quick to pile on to the ensuing wave of jubilation. Prime Minister Isadore Chan Ching expressed her deepest congratulations to the medal winners and all athletes, and said that she "looked forward and will continue to look forward to the development of the Hong Kong sports scene." Leader of the Opposition Julian Pak remarked that "despite the failings of the government and the poor state of our nation's affairs, the victory we have achieved tonight gives us optimism." Pak continued to say that he supports the continuation of the development of Hong Kong's sports education, something he said "was lacking in the government's budget from the start".

However, the government's acts of congratulations were poorly-timed and resulted in another embarrassing incident for the Prime Minister. It was announced almost simultaneously with Karina Choi's second-place finish in the windsurfing competition that the government had undergone a major reshuffle and that many high-ranking politicians were removed from office in tandem with Prime Minister Chan Ching's plans to overhaul the Cabinet to reestablish public trust after the passage of the unpopular Electoral Reform Act. It was then announced, almost simultaneously with Bruno Tse and Gabrielle Fung's gold-medal achievement, that Sports Minister Xavier Chun was among the casualties of this reshuffle.

It was not long before the internet caught on with the news, and all through the night satirists mocked the government for being out of touch and "ungrateful" to the services of Sports Minister Chun. Sources inform the Metropolite that the decision was made by Chan Ching herself the day before yesterday, but was not processed and gazetted by the Cabinet Civil Service until late yesterday, hence the unfortunate timing. 

During his tenure as Sports Minister, Chun greatly expanded the Hong Kong sports academies system, pioneering measures such as lowering the minimum age of student entry from 12 years of age to 6 years of age. He also established a network of sports education and introduced academies to the more rural provinces. He also proposed making physical education a compulsory subject in schools. However, it was widely reported at the beginning of the last month that Chun had fallen out of favour with the Prime Minister for having reservations about the Electoral Reform Act. He is one among 17 of 23 Cabinet Ministers to go last night.

The Prime Minister nor her team responded to comments about Chun's dismissal as of yet. Vice Premier Sylvia Leung is expected to meet reporters tomorrow to announce new picks for the Cabinet.

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11 June 1420

Zoranian Times Live!

0 - 1

"Hello Zoran! I am back to interview Uku Tsevuida, our finalist in the fencing!" says Quiyakaso, "Might I say that your performance yesterday in the first fencing event!"

Uku smiles,

"Thank you, it was exhilarating experience and I admired the skill of my opponents greatly! I hope I will bring victory to Zoran in the finals today!"

"That is great to hear! Now, yesterday you managed to best Prince Marcarius Halohin, he is known for being quite athletic and skilled at fencing and yet you were able to defeat him. How do you feel about this?"

"I feel it is a great achievement but yet while I did see that he was skilled, he allowed himself to be read fairly easily which allowed me to parry most of his attacks. But I do admire him for his excitement in all of this and he is quite a nice person."

"That is an honorable thing to say Uku. I spoke with your coach this morning and he explained the practice he has been having you do and he told me he had you watch previous matches of your opponents. Do you think this will help you in the finals?"

"Ah yes the abnormal practice. I feel like his idea with the rapier has some merit to it as that mindset he predicted did help me during the event. However, playing with his cat truly is odd and I am not sure how it is supposed to help my dexterity but I do have to admit that my reaction time has improved and I have gotten better at noticing fake-outs so maybe it has helped a bit. In terms of the videos of previous matches, I won't completely rely on them as their styles could change from match to match. This is what I have been noticing from the videos so I have to be on my toes."

"I am sure everyone at home will be cheering you on during your event today! I wish you luck Uku and thank you for this interview, it has been pleasant."

"Thank you for having me on and I hope to make Zoran proud!"



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