Larxia

"How are we feeling lads? First time in the knockouts of the Rugby World Cup?" Eddie Hansen asked in his address to the team.
"I believe I speak for the whole team when I say that we're ready for the next challenge. Cambria won't know what hit them, when they face us tomorrow," Captain Kirk replied to assent from the rest of the team.
Felix Cage added, "We have prepared for the Cambria match very well. We have studied their tactics, and created counter-tactics and surprise tactics of our own. We have prepared in the best way possible, now you just need to go out there tomorrow and be confident. Confidence will be key in the match against Cambria, and of course the matches ahead."
"We're also the only Andolian team left, so let's bring the trophy back to Andolia. It's been away from its home for far too long," another player added. The other players murmuring their support.
"Lets go out there and give it our best shot and show those Cambrians that you do not mess with the Larxia."
"Let's go on the count of three. 1...2...3. COYF"
"COYF" Every player in the room shouted at the top of their lungs
 

"How are we feeling lads? First time in the knockouts of the Rugby World Cup?" Eddie Hansen asked in his address to the team.
"I believe I speak for the whole team when I say that we're ready for the next challenge. Cambria won't know what hit them, when they face us tomorrow," Captain Kirk replied to assent from the rest of the team.
Felix Cage added, "We have prepared for the Cambria match very well. We have studied their tactics, and created counter-tactics and surprise tactics of our own. We have prepared in the best way possible, now you just need to go out there tomorrow and be confident. Confidence will be key in the match against Cambria, and of course the matches ahead."
"We're also the only Andolian team left, so let's bring the trophy back to Andolia. It's been away from its home for far too long," another player added. The other players murmuring their support.
"Lets go out there and give it our best shot and show those Cambrians that you do not mess with the Larxia."
"Let's go on the count of three. 1...2...3. COYF"
"COYF" Every player in the room shouted at the top of their lungs
 

Cambria launches 1423 Rugby World Cup bid forecast to deliver $3.75bn boost
Three million fans projected to attend 48 matches  ‘A remarkable opportunity,’ says Rugby Cambria
Rugby Cambria is in a dialogue phase with World Rugby and will move into a 1423 World Cup candidate phase from March. Photograph: Marco Ocram/Wallace Images
Cambric Associated Press
Sat 19 Feb 1422 08.16 PET
Rugby Cambria vice-chairman Peggy Schuyler says that hosting the 1423 World Cup would be a remarkable opportunity, after a bid was set-in-motion in Bastian on Friday morning amidst a rally cry of Breng Het.
The bid projects that if the 1423 tournament is awarded to Cambria, there will be over 800,000 international visitors and more than three million people attending. The substantial economic windfall has been projected with a total financial output of $3.75bn forecast for the event, which would feature 20 nations and 48 matches over eight match days and be played at eight venues.
“Hosting Rugby World Cup 1423 is a remarkable opportunity for Cambria, which would drive substantial economic outcomes for our country, while also providing a lasting legacy for rugby in Polaris,” Schuyler said.
“It would also allow us to support the Crown government’s ambitions around major events in what is the beginning of a crimson and gold decade for the nation - we are excited for the potential of every major tournament being on Cambric soil through 1432.”
Rugby Cambria is currently in a dialogue phase with World Rugby and will move into a candidate phase from March, when they will construct their detailed bid proposal. An evaluation phase commences 1423, with the Rugby World Council voting on the hosts just prior to the next tournament.
“Hosting Rugby World Cup Four would be an inspirational moment for the game in this country and a boon for Polaris, presenting a grand opportunity to grow the game,” said Macio Rasband, the Lions’ new general manager, of the Cambric bid.
 

“Yes, I’ve seen the comments.”
This was Coach Ferne Huxtable’s reply when asked about the comments made by pundits at home that the current national team is not peforming the level shown by the previous team.
”This might come as an excuse, but we need to put in multiple factors as the reasons for every comment on what the pundits say,” Coach Ferne continued, “though we don’t let those comments affect us. It’s their opinion, and they’re entitled to do it.
“When the team first met two months ago, we decided that our mentality for every game is that we’re playing the last game of the tournament. Despite sweeping our opponents in the Group Stage, we’ll make sure there’ll be no room for complacency to ensure we will get the result we want against Blue Bubble.”
When asked about her thoughts on Blue Bubble Rugby, Coach Ferne replied, “They’re surely making efforts to put their name on the map when it comes to sports, and it’s very effective. There’s the hosting and the good showing in Esferiad, as well as the upsets in this tournament. This quarterfinals will surely be a great game for both sides.”
When asked about comments on the other match-ups, Huxtable flatly refused to answer the question.
”I’m here to answer questions related to our upcoming match against Blue Bubble. We’ll do our best to win, and regardless who we meet in the next round, we’ll prepare for it the same way we prepare for games.”

Results of the Last Matchday of the Group Stage
Group A Santos-Dominius 10–3 Saint Mark Denieria (NPC) 3–10 Zoran Group A Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Zoran 4 4 0 0 68 32 +36 12 2 Santos-Dominius 4 3 0 1 52 47 +5 9 3 Saint Mark 4 2 0 2 45 34 +11 6 4 Teralyon 4 1 0 3 44 72 −28 3 5 Denieria (NPC) 4 0 0 4 47 71 −24 0 Group B Nieubasria 3–5 Fujai Einherfell (NPC) 8–27 Dalimbar Group B Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Dalimbar 4 4 0 0 74 23 +51 12 2 Fujai 4 3 0 1 36 24 +12 9 3 Nieubasria 4 2 0 2 62 50 +12 6 4 Dilber 4 1 0 3 46 61 −15 3 5 Einherfell (NPC) 4 0 0 4 27 87 −60 0 Group C Blue Bubble 15–14 Giovanniland Hanita Gracse 13–30 Hertfordshire and Jammbo Group C Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Larxia 4 4 0 0 62 33 +29 12 2 Blue Bubble 4 3 0 1 72 56 +16 9 3 Hertfordshire and Jammbo 4 2 0 2 68 62 +6 6 4 Giovanniland 4 1 0 3 52 66 −14 3 5 Hanita Gracse 4 0 0 4 43 80 −37 0 Group D Qostaoyae 9–15 Min-Su Nagaraningrad 0–5 United Adaikes Group D Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 United Adaikes 4 4 0 0 65 39 +26 12 2 Cambria 4 3 0 1 79 75 +4 9 3 Min-Su 4 2 0 2 53 47 +6 6 4 Nagaraningrad 4 1 0 3 32 29 +3 3 5 Qostaoyae 4 0 0 4 51 90 −39 0  
Knockouts Bracket for the 3rd Rugby World Cup

Stavka members were happy with the results so far, meaning Marshal Briand could be happy. Not only were the Dalimbari on top of their group, but they knocked out the teeth of their fierce foes in Fujai, Nieubasria, and Dilber. Even better, the mild flair-up of deviants and subversives in the far-east has been dealt with. However, it was mildly disappointing that the security services couldn't pin it on Fujai or the forsaken Cambrians.
Oh well. Perhaps with this Blubberman matter continuing, the Marshal has been thinking of starting a non-domestic television service which could use the "talents" of an insane culturally inappropriate sports commentator. Briand might have to speak with the media team about that, after the upcoming game against this "Einherfell" place. Most likely just more barbarians to sweep aside.

17th February, 1422 (Day of the SDS v. SMK match)
Main Study, 2nd Floor
Fribernese Fortress
Friberne, Santos-Dominius
"Mr. Acting President, I regret to report that the Zoranians have rejected the SDCSN's offer to settle out of court regarding the Blubberman case."
"Curses!" Donald Verbloem, Acting President of Santos-Dominius, exclaimed. Under his brief, temporary tenure, the Federal Republic had encountered one of its worst international crises since the Act of Neutrality was first waived a few years ago. Already unpopular with the Zoranians and countless others overseas, Verbloem's career at home was at risk of crashing and burning as well.
"What do you think SDCSN should do, Mr. Acting President? Mr. Rose is urgently waiting for a response," The aide who briefed Verbloem inquired.
"Quentin Rose? The SDCSN president? Tell him to find the least damaging resolution to this wretched scandal! Offer the Zoranians even more money than before! Watches, chocolate, luxury goods, professional banking services...anything that will cool them down!"
"Yes, Mr. Acting President. I shall relay your instructions to Mr. Rose at once," The aide replied as he left the room.
If only that Blubberman fellow kept his mouth shut, Verbloem thought to himself, Santos-Dominius would've come out of the 3rd Rugby World Cup scot-free! But instead, nearly true to his last name, the anchor blabbered without any regard for people who might take offence; now, the Federal Republic was trapped in a situation it was unable to bribe or pay its way out of. Verbloem paced around the room as he tried to think of a solution.
"We could have them fight the case to the end, but that would give the negative impression that we as a country remain allied to Blubberman," Verbloem muttered to himself. "But if he and SDCSN plead guilty, that would effectively be suggesting that we are an offensive, unfriendly and perhaps even racist country. The Zoranians clearly have no intention of settling out of court, so there's no 3rd option here."
Just as he was beginning to panic, Senator Diane Hutchison(DCB-YC), Foreign Minister and a close partner, walked into the study.
"I suppose you're pondering what to do regarding the Blubberman case?"
"Yes, Diane," Verbloem replied. "It's quite the tricky situation."
"Well, I suggest pleading guilty," Hutchison nonchalantly remarked. "The way I see it, it's the only option."
"Are you out of your mind? I'd sooner step on a Dalimbari landmine than allow this country to be perceived as a racist and rude one."
"Calm down," Hutchison stated, still calm and composed. "Consider the advantages and disadvantages of pleading guilty. It will show the world that we have the courage to admit responsibility when we are in the wrong. It will show that we have remorse for bad things we did in the past. And it will satisfy the Zoranians, leaving the way open for a lengthy but ultimately smoother bilateral reconciliation in the future."
"What about Blubberman, then?" Verbloem inquired angrily. "He's a Santo-Dominian citizen. What kind of government are we if we not only refuse to protect him, but effectively surrender him to the wolves?"
"Remember that he did say all those unpleasant things on live TV. He made bad decisions - might as well let him incur the consequences. Of course, if he is treated too poorly, you should reach out to the Zoranians and offer something valuable in exchange for better treatment. But you should otherwise let him face the consequences himself - he's a grown man, and our job is not to babysit him."
Verbloem paces around for a few more minutes before sitting down at his desk. He leans backwards on the large leather chair and lets out a deep and protracted sigh.
"Do you see the benefits of following my suggestion now? We have to make Blubberman plead guilty," Hutchison pressed.
"Yes...yes. It's going to hurt, but it's the only way," Verbloem admitted in resignation. "I should call Carnet - she talked about how Blubberman was this victim of political correctness. She'll want to know this in advance, or else it'll hurt her campaign and she'll get us both kicked out of the party."
"I'm inclined to think that she'll hate us for making this decision behind her back," Hutchison said as she walked out the room. "But the polls are giving that radical commie Wheatley a slight lead in this election. We'll see if Carnet can even get elected to push us entrenched political elders out the party."

The giant continues to fall.
Every other game had the higher ranking side win their match. Some more comfortably than others. But...
Blue Bubble.
It is unclear if the current H&J squad is the same as the previous squads that country has produced. It may take a while for them to go back to their glory days.
Away     Home Zoran (58.06) 21 07 Santo-Dominius (48.23+3) Saint Mark (52.22) 10 00 Teralyon (46.58+3) Dalimbar (56.84) 10 03 Nieubasria (48.33+3) Fujai (50.71) 10 07 Dilber (48.83+3) Hertfordshire and Jammbo (53.99) 16 32 Blue Bubble (46.11+3) Giovanniland (50.46) 24 25 Larxia (55.22+3) United Adaikes (56.63) 24 10 Qostaoyae (41.83+3) Min-Su (50.15) 20 23 Cambria (50.34+3) Day 4 Rankings:
Zoran - 58.69 Dalimbar - 57.74 United Adaikes - 56.27 Larxia - 55.67 Big Bad Badger - 53.97 Saint Mark - 53.69 Fujai - 52.93 Libterraria - 52.82 Cambria - 51.70 Recuecn - 51.23 Blue Bubble - 50.57 Bobki - 50.29 Giovanniland - 50.01 Fhaengshia - 49.90 Hertsfordshire and Jammbo - 49.53 Kurabis - 49.24 Min-Su - 48.79 Mediobogdum - 48.77 Santo-Dominius - 47.60 Nieubasria - 47.43 Dilber - 46.61 Teralyon - 45.11 Nagaraningrad - 44.90 Nark - 42.59 Qostaoyae - 42.19 Hanita Gracse - 41.43 Einherfell - 41.10 Denieria - 40.71

Good morning, everyone! I am Karlo Nakamura-Edrense, and am pleased to say that the Rugby Report has returned after four days, as the Giovannilandian rugby team enjoyed a bye in Matchday 3. Therefore, we'll talk about Matchday 4, which had the third match played by our rugby team. We'll discuss how it went, other teams' performances, and what to expect next!
Giovanniland 24-25 Larxia (Halftime: 12-10)
Tries: Demetro Gianluka (12'), Rivano Markellana-Tarrutio (25', 66'), Amelia Severina-Albugio (78')
Conversions: Demetro Gianluka (13'), Rivano Markellana-Tarrutio (67')
The Rugby Match — Matchday 4 saw our team play against another Andolian team, this time Larxia. They opened the match five minutes in, with a try and then a successful conversion scored by their captain Jake Kirk. However, seven minutes later, Giovanniland's Demetrio equaled the match after similarly scoring a try and a conversion. Loosehead prop Rivano then increased the score with another try, although failing to gain two more via a conversion. Larxia diminished the point gap after their player Richie Rich scored a drop goal, but Giovanniland stayed in the lead during halftime, with a score of 12-10.
However, the second half wouldn't be so good as the first one for the Giovannilandian team. Two sudden tries by the Larxians Brodie Whitelock and Cameron Kubrick turned the tables, although captain Rivano would later bring the Giovannilandian score closer with another try, this time succeeding to convert. The final minutes of the match were tense, with a try by outside centre Amelia giving Giovanniland a glimpse of hope after taking back the lead 24-20. However, in the stoppage time, Larxia's Brock Levi would score a try and return the score into a loss for the Giovannilandian team, whose players tried to reply with at least a drop goal but were eventually stopped by the referee's final whistle.
The coach Aquila Pinario-Oddo commented on the match, stating that it was a very close match and that they were proud of the Giovannilandian players for being a significant challenge for the opponents to overcome. Furthermore, while fans were distraught by another defeat, Aquila noted that the close score against Larxia, especially the 24 points scored, may very well be the decisive factor for a Giovannilandian qualification or not, provided the team wins their next match against Blue Bubble, as then it would come down to point differential.
What's Next? Mathematical Analysis Shows — Following the two MD4 results for Group C, Larxia has guaranteed the group's first place with 12 points after passing through all four matches unbeaten, whereas Hanita Gracse has not won any match thus far and is eliminated. However, for the other three teams—Blue Bubble, Giovanniland, and Hertfordshire and Jammbo—their results as well as others' may decide whether they qualify or not. Therefore, the team here at our Rugby Report has put together a detailed table of every possible match result and their impact on the group standings, except for the already decided 1st place.
PD means point differential, and the scenario marked with (*) means that, depending on PD and points scored, pretty much any combinations between GIO, HEJ and HGS alternating between 3rd, 4th and 5th can happen. Lavender means Giovanniland qualifies, orange means Hertfordshire and Jammbo qualifies, and blue means Blue Bubble qualifies. Therefore, this shows that Blue Bubble has the most chances, needing only to draw their game to secure their spot. Giovanniland has the second highest, albeit small chance, as they just need to win by a large margin and hope that the one scenario of H&J doing the same doesn't happen. Last but not least, H&J needs to not only win their game and have a higher PD than both Blue Bubble and Giovanniland, but also hope for Giovanniland to defeat Blue Bubble by any score.
GIO vs. BLB HEJ vs. HGS 2nd 3rd 4th 5th GIO wins (15+ points) HGS wins (5+ points) GIO (6) BLB (6) HGS (3) HEJ (3) HGS wins (3 points) HEJ (3) HGS (3) Draw HEJ (4) HGS (1) HEJ wins, has PD ≤ BLB HEJ (6) HGS (0) HEJ wins, has PD ≤ GIO HEJ (6) BLB (6) HEJ wins, has PD > GIO HEJ (6) GIO (6) GIO wins (3-14 points) HGS wins (5+ points) BLB (6) HGS (3) HEJ (3) HGS wins (3 points) HEJ (3) HGS (3) Draw HEJ (4) HGS (1) HEJ wins, has PD ≤ GIO HEJ (6) HGS (0) HEJ wins, has PD ≤ BLB HEJ (6) GIO (6) HEJ wins, has PD > BLB HEJ (6) BLB (6) Draw HGS wins (5+ points) BLB (7) GIO (4) HGS (3) HEJ (3) HGS wins (3 points) HEJ (3) HGS (3) Draw HEJ (4) GIO (4) HGS (1) HEJ wins (any score) HEJ (6) HGS (0) BLB wins (any score) HGS wins (any score)* BLB (9) GIO, HEJ and HGS (3)* Draw HEJ (4) GIO (3) HGS (1) HEJ wins (any score) HEJ (6) GIO (3) HGS (0) Elsewhere in the Cup — As a follow up to our previous report, we will also be covering both Matchday 3 and 4 results for other nations! Let's start by Group A. In MD3, Denieria's 13-17 defeat to Santos-Dominius saw them eliminated from the competition, whereas Zoran climbed to the top of the group after winning 27-15 against Teralyon. The Teralyans were also unlucky on the next matchday, defeated 0-10 by Saint Mark and thus eliminated as well. Zoran's MD4 victory of 21-7 against Santos-Dominius cemented their qualification, while Saint Mark and Santos-Dominius' MD5 match will define who gets the other spot. Regardless of the result, Aurans should be proud that their continent dominated Group A!
Aura wasn't so lucky in Group B, however. Dilber, the only team representing our continent, was eliminated after successive defeats to Dalimbar and Fujai, 5-23 and 7-10 respectively. The same fate happened to Einherfell after losing to Nieubasria 16-31 and so far not winning any game. Meanwhile, MD4 saw a Dalimbari 10-3 win against Nieubasria that also confirmed the former a spot in the knockout round. This leaves two other Polarian teams, Nieubasria and Fujai, in contention for the second spot—both have to win the match against the other, or else risk elimination. 
In Group C, besides Giovanniland's matches, MD3 saw a Larxian 17-3 victory against fellow Andolian team Hertfordshire and Jammbo, who had decisively defeated Giovanniland one matchday earlier. The elimination of Hanita Gracse also happened on the same day, when they lost 20-22 to our Lavender Island neighbors Blue Bubble in a close match. Talking about Blue Bubble, they have also been on a two-win surge after losing their initial match, their second win also coming against H&J with a score of 32-16. As you can see in the table above, it will be an exciting MD5 for Blue Bubble, Giovanniland, and H&J as the three all fight for the second place spot in Group C—whereas Larxia has guaranteed the first place.
Last but not least, Group D's third matchday saw a close match between Cambria and United Adaikes result in a 19-24 win for the latter, whereas Nagaraningrad defeated Qostaoyae 22-8. However, following MD4 results, both Nagaraningrad and Qostaoyae, as well as Min-Su, were all eliminated from competition as United Adaikes and Cambria won their respective matches and surged to nine points each. United Adaikes won against Qostaoyae 24-10, whereas Cambria defeated Min-Su 23-20, with the former standing in first place due to point differential. Cambria has a bye on MD5, but depending on United Adaikes' future performance against Nagaraningrad, the two teams may switch places.
Odds and Ends — Five days ago, the Giovannilandian Rugby Confederation published a statement strongly urging Blubberman, head sports correspondent of the Santo-Dominian Cable-Satellite Network Channel 3, to apologize for making inciteful comments about various nations of Esferos, especially the host nation Zoran. Furthermore, the statement also suggested the SDCSN to consider another head sports correspondent to take their place. 
Following our last edition of the Rugby Report, calls for Blubberman's removal intensified in his home country Santos-Dominius, and tensions rose to a high after Zoranian rugby fans even denied the Santo-Dominian rugby team entry in the stadium before the two countries' match, until Team SD also condemned Blubberman's actions in a statement. The end result has been successful, with the reporter not only fired from SDCSN, but also facing charges from the Zoranian Ministry of Justice for violating the nation's Hate Speech Act.

The Saint Mark Royal Lions got back on track with a 10-0 win over Teralyon, as Hugo Dasher scored two tries. The loss to Zoran, although expected, was a heart-break for the Lions since it was so close, but they made up for it with today's blow-out.
Christopher Dancer scored his second try in two games and Dasher crossed twice before the break, with Dancer nailing all three conversions.
Nelson Saint Mark sealed the bonus point with a try early in the second half and Michael Hawk added a late fifth. Saint Mark avoided conceding any points to Teralyon.
"We put a big emphasis on today. If we were to move forward, we had to win," responded Coach Rahl.
The result keeps the Lions in the running, but their next match against Santos-Dominius will prove more difficult.

Results of the 4th Match Day of the Group Stage
Group A Zoran 21–7 Santos-Dominius Saint Mark 10–0 Teralyon Group A Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Zoran 3 3 0 0 58 29 +29 9 2 Saint Mark 3 2 0 1 42 24 +18 6 3 Santos-Dominius 3 2 0 1 42 44 −2 6 4 Teralyon 4 1 0 3 44 72 −28 3 Eliminated 5 Denieria (NPC) 3 0 0 3 44 61 −17 0 Eliminated Group B Dalimbar 10–3 Nieubasria Fujai 10–7 Dilber Group B Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Dalimbar 3 3 0 0 47 15 +32 9 2 Nieubasria 3 2 0 1 59 45 +14 6 3 Fujai 3 2 0 1 31 21 +10 6 4 Dilber 4 1 0 3 46 61 −15 3 Eliminated 5 Einherfell (NPC) 3 0 0 3 19 60 −41 0 Eliminated Group C Hertfordshire and Jammbo 16–32 Blue Bubble Giovanniland 24–25 Larxia Group C Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 Larxia 4 4 0 0 62 33 +29 12 Group Winner 2 Blue Bubble 3 2 0 1 57 42 +15 6 3 Hertfordshire and Jammbo 3 1 0 2 38 49 −11 3 4 Giovanniland 3 1 0 2 38 51 −13 3 5 Hanita Gracse 3 0 0 3 30 50 −20 0 Eliminated Group D United Adaikes 24–10 Qostaoyae Min-Su 20–23 Cambria Group D Pld W D L PF PA PD Pts 1 United Adaikes 3 3 0 0 60 39 +21 9 Ensured qualification in play-offs 2 Cambria 4 3 0 1 79 75 +4 9 Ensured qualification in play-offs 3 Nagaraningrad 3 1 0 2 32 24 +8 3 Eliminated 4 Min-Su 3 1 0 2 38 38 0 3 Eliminated 5 Qostaoyae 3 0 0 3 42 75 −33 0 Eliminated  

[On the way to the stadium where the match with Blue Bubble was to be played, the Star Breaker decided to get their minds off the shock hammering by Larxia and discuss some things that have been on their minds.]
[a dull silence fills the air]
.......
[the dull silence continues to fill the air]
................
Lits Fílaktri: A hill would be nice right about now.
.......................
Takumi Furman: Okay I admit it, this is boring.
Gankyou Kostova: Can something happen now?
Naho Sotirova: Hmm, why not pull over and check the internet?
Niko Balodis: You're the one who said people who believe everything they see on the internet are 'f-cking dumbasses'.
Naho Sotirova: I stand by that.
Diego Adamov: I fail to see the relevance Niko.
Patrick Manev: I'm pulling over then.
[The Star Breaker - Rugby version - pulled over and checked the news.]
Chihiro Freimanis: Um, so we're here.
Seiya Nikolov: The stadium is just down north then. That is helpful.
Hyouka Felteke [pops up from underneath Chara]: I need you to confirm something.
Chara Dreimanis: Hyouka, I'm not helping you with your experiments on 'body-melding'.
Embry Obalkanska: Not this again...
Hyouka Felteke: It's not that this time. It's a report concerning the Santo-Dominian team.
Mizore Savenko: That's the team with the insane reporter and overbearing bureaucrat.
Ongo Sidopliassova: *unintelligible* [translation: Could I see that please?]
Hyouka Felteke: Alright, here.
Ongo Sidopliassova: [slight gasp]
Machi Mihailova: Did you find something?
[Ongo shows everyone the news regarding the Zoran/Santos-Dominius match]
Harold McGavrilov V: Woah.
Ougi Ostrovske: Don't be daft, that didn't happen.
[Ongo facepalms and shakes his head in disbelief]
Yoshikage Kramlis: It clearly happened, it's right in front of you.
Naho Sotirova: You know it's real, stop lying.
Ougi Ostrovske: I have, I'm trying to get past it!
Naho Sotirova: You really make yourself look like an idiot sometimes.
Embry Obalkanska: It says here that the Santo-Dominian team were unable to enter the stadium because it was blocked by a mob of Zoranians. They're furious with Blubberman.
Chihiro Freimanis: I don't blame them. He's not very nice.
Harold McGavrilov V: He's the only reporter with any sense in this tournament.
[The rest of the team all glance at Harold]
Harold McGavrilov V: What?
Niko Balodis: Forget it.
Damian Haat: So the SDCSN are at the centre of this?
Mizore Savenko: Yeah.
Damian Haat: Understood Mizore.
Takumi Furman: Can we go now? I need to deliver this stuff.
Nagisa Ivanovaulait: Alright alright, we'll go.
Lits Filaktri: So ladies, when your 'phylactery' is broken...
Mizore Savenko: Oh no.
Origami Tsvetanova: I don't like where this is going.
Patrick Manev: Brace for verbal impact!
Lits Fílaktri: ...your usual comportment vanishes without a trace. With your husband's every motion, you writhe and moan in pleasure.
Diego Adamov: Objection! Don't go any further, this is only you who thinks this.
Lits Fílaktri: In this state, you can only think of your husban-
Richard Hammond: Please just stop talking completely now.
[Everyone looks over in surprise to find Hammond and May, returned at last from their stint on the radio]
Lits Fílaktri: I'm just trying to show the other girls that the enigmatic desire and pleasure are what the ultimate happiness consists of. 
Richard Hammond: All you've accomplished is horrifying them and everyone else!
Ougi Ostrovske: Your studies will be why your breasts are so massive, I'm guessing.
Lits Fílaktri: My boobs are natural. I'm very proud of them.
Ougi Ostrovske: Go figure.
Lits Fílaktri: I'll tell you what the best 'spirit energy' is too.
Richard Hammond: Save it!
Galatea Sahaidachny: I don't mind talking about it. I've read something similar to that with my son.  
Richard Hammond: ...Yeah... so, what's going on?
Origami Tsvetanova: Oh, hi you two. And... who is that?
Promestein Paskaleva: I'm Promestein. The one who gave the humans in my area fire.
Damian Haat: Just the humans?
Promestein Paskaleva: Yes. Their thirst for knowledge is incredible, so I introduced them to fire to help them along.
Stanislava Artemenko: How primitive are these people where you're from?!
Promestein Paskaleva: Very. But that doesn't mean anything to them. It's quite admirable really.
Lits Fílaktri: I like this lady already.
Krux Andersons: I hesitate to call that good news. Oh to hell with it, it's bad news.
James May: Oi, get in the cars you idle sods!
Takumi Furman: You heard him, come on.
Promestein Paskaleva: I'll tell you more about my studies while we're driving.
Lits Fílaktri: Sounds good! As for my studies, I'll have to just convince you all another time. It's not like I'll ever stop trying.
Promestein Paskaleva: Yes.
Almost Everyone Else Present: No!!!
Ongo Sidopliassova [at same time as the above]: *gibberish* [translation: No!!!]
 
[Kou 'Kibiki' Kovalenko heard all that. He shouldn't keep his student waiting. But now he truly knows why Star Breaker is the most dysfunctional team in the tournament. Let's face it, it's by quite a margin.]

15th February, 1422 (The day of the SDS v. ZOR match)
8:30 am
Inside A Travel Coach
Spirit Park Rugby Stadium
Zoran
"No, no, no, no!" James Di Fiorino, coach of the Santo-Dominian national rugby team, yelled as he walked up and down the aisle of the travel coach he was in.
Seated in the coach and in visible fear were the rugby players themselves, having been denied entry into the stadium by angry Zoranian fans. The situation wasn't good - with their sponsorship from Credit Santosie-Dominigne now ruining their image in Zoran and the Blubberman scandal at its climax, Di Fiorino wasn't sure that the match could even go ahead. Panicking, he called team manager Lenny Madeley on the phone.
"Hey Leonard," Di Fiorino said, "What do we do about this mess? That Blubberman fella has been a real idiot. He's dragging us all down with him! The fans have surrounded the stadium. I don't think our players can get into it safely."
"I'm as concerned as you are, Jimmy," Madeley replied, "We obviously can't thrust our players into the stadium and make them endure that kind of abuse. But if we don't enter at all, I fear that we may be forfeiting the match and handing the Zoranians an automatic win. Now that would be a damn humiliation."
"What can we do then? As long as the fans are here - and I assure you they gon' be here for very long - we're trapped. We gotta make a move, Leonard; we need to calm things down. Say, that Blubberman guy's the real monster them Zoranians want to pelt with their eggs and tomatoes - why don't we release a statement or whatever to distance ourselves from him? I betcha the fans will cool off a little, and then we can try to get our boys in safe and sound."
"Y'know, I don't like this idea. I don't like at all, not even a lil' bit. Puttin' out a statement like that is a real political move, Jimmy. It's dangerous. We'll be makin' headlines, and some folks back home are bound to get riled real quick."
As he mulled over the options, Di Fiorino looked at his team. They were clearly exhausted by the media attention. Some of them were heavily asleep, others looking out the window with their eyebrows furrowed, and some sweating in desperation and nervousness. The criticisms from international media and Zoranian pundits were getting to them - youngest member and team captain Damian Haize-Ashknight was under a great deal of stress to hold himself together.
"Leonard, my boys are at their breakin' point. I can't bear to see them like this," Di Fiorino said. "They're just great rugby players comin' all the way east to play a damn good game, and I wanna be able to give 'em the chance to do that. These guys have been practicin' for years to face off against similarly-talented people, like the Zoranians. Let's put a statement out. Let's at least give it a shot."
"I'll do it, Jimmy, just this once," Madeley replied. "You know I don't like gettin' political - it's one of the worst mistakes sports people can do - but I'm gonna do it for the boys. Tell them to hold on for a bit longer, Jimmy, keep 'em afloat - I'll do the dirty work for ya."
"Thanks Leonard, you're a lifesaver. The boys will be really happy to be able to play this match without havin' to worry 'bout hell rainin' down on their heads."
Hours later, on the S-D rugby team's social media account...

While waiting for the next Dalimbari rugby match, Marshal Markus Briand was essentially channel surfing. One of the few in the nation to be able to get channels from the outside, for "monitoring purposes", he stumbled upon a show detailing the "Blubberman scandal". For the Dalimbari head of state, the presenter wasn't necessarily wrong... If the presenter wasn't visibly insane, he might have done well enough on Dalimbari television.
"Ivan! Get the troll bots ready! #BlubbermanWasRight and all that nonsense!"

Prince Marcarius folded his newspaper, placed it on the desk and took a final sip of his South Coast Blend.
"Clarkson, it always amazes me how the foibles of one person can cause so much trouble. This commentator person, what's his name ... Blubberman or something ... is either a drunk, unstable or a fool. Santos-Dominian was on the wrong side of this nasty war and this sort of thing tears open a barely healing wound. The Zoranians have suffered so much. I wish they could find some peace. Please send my support to Queen Atsil and also have Ringman draft an official statement from the Crown for my review."

The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 3 - That's Not Gone Well

[Welcome back to Bauhaus Radio!]
Jeremy Clarkson: Hello. Uh, is that me?
Richard Hammond: That's... that was slick.
[outside the radio room]
Sakuya Ileva: It's time for another of Jeremy's rubbish travel reports.
[inside the radio room]
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh no, look!
James May: Look at that, look at that!
Jeremy Clarkson: Somebody, here we go. Somebody in a, it seems to be a 4x4, has jack-knifed while carrying a trailer. Now it's a 4x4, it's a good job it was, that's why he's still alive, lucky he didn't listen to the Fujansk on that one. 2 outer lanes of the motorway have the police out in them because they've been blocked by an idiot in an SUV who's managed to crash into his own trailer. Um and people are moving over far too soon which means the motorway network is not being fully utilized. You paid for it, drive right up to the crash.
James May: Use it!
Jeremy Clarkson: Use it, and then get your window down and tell the man exactly what you think of his driving.
Richard Hammond: Precisely.
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh no, what we've got here is a travel flash actually. Uh, my thank to Julian Kanzën, uh he tells us that in Leo Rugiet a caravan has come adrift of a car blocking the one lane, the police are in attendance. Police, are you armed? I hope they are, they can take it out and just shoot the drive-
Richard Hammond: Thank you very much, that's the travel with Jeremy Clarkson.
Jeremy Clarkson: [wheezing laugh]
[outside the radio room]
Dia Mondrushchenko: Even I can see the show is pretty bad.
Sekkekkyuu 'AE3803': And now it's about to get worse.
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem: Hammond's mistimed a trip to the loo and while he's in there, a song's finished.
[inside the radio room... and the lavatory]
Jeremy Clarkson: Hello? Is that...? Is there somebody there? Is anybody there?
Richard Hammond [whispering]: Hurry up!
Jeremy Clarkson: Hello?
Richard Hammond: Come on!
James May: What?
Another Jingle: 2, 4, 6, 8, James May! [The JM Radio Jingle]
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh-.
Richard Hammond: What?!
Another Jingle's Female Voice [same time as Male Voice] : ...Jaaammmeeesss Maaaaaaaaay.
Another Jingle's Male Voice [same time as Female Voice]: ......Jaaammmeeesss Maaaaaay.
[outside the radio room]
Sekkekkyuu 'AE3803': He's forgotten he's going out live.
[inside the radio room]
Jeremy Clarkson: Well he's ginger and he's Cambrian... -kay...
Richard Hammond: Okay...
[outside the radio room]
Siite Fineistje: And now they're upsetting the sports reporter Faust.
[inside the radio room]
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem: 1-1 the latest score between the Beyblade teams of Star Breaker & Slavaria Cossack.
[Hammond turns on the jingle by accident (The JC Radio Jingle)]
The Jingle: I've been driving in my car listening to Jeremy Clarkson.
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem [over the jingle]: The final match in will be between the substitutes of each team, Damian's slightly obsessive older sister Lenae and the Genki Girl Stanislava.
Richard Hammond: Sorry! Sorry, that happens.
James May: 1-1, is that good? I don't understand.
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem: My team has 1 point and they've lost 1 point to Slavaria, sir. It is Beyblade.
Richard Hammond: He's angry!
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem: It's a game that has been played in Hertfordshire and Jammbo for over 300 years.
Richard Hammond: What, the same game?
Faust Ḩarełeudeiem: Then you need to get the observers book of Beyblade which will tell you all the regulations you need to know and then you will be okay. And now-
[Hammond turns on the jingle, on purpose this time, to stop Faust from berating May like that]
Richard Hammond [faking]: Heh, sorry.
The Jingle: I've been driving in my car listening to Jeremy Clarkson.
Jeremy Clarkson: Worse still, my traffic system really isn't working out as planned. The cameras are not able to give enough detail so my reports are becoming... a little vague.
Richard Hammond: Jeremy, go.
Jeremy Clarkson: It's all completely hopeless! Everywhere I can see people in hatchbacks, the motorway- Marelitus is jammed up at junction 6, Divando is- don't use it! Don't use it, stay at work, be productive and buy a helicopter.
James May: It's not particularly helpful what you're telling them there.
Richard Hammond: No.
Jeremy Clarkson: I'll therefore decide to personalise my reports.
Damian Haat [on the radio]: Hello there.
Richard Hammond: Hello how are you?
Damian Haat [on the radio]: Um, bit fed up 'cause I can't work out where I'm supposed to be turning off the motorway or not. We're trying to get to the H&J-Blue Bubble match tonight!
Jeremy Clarkson: Where- where are you? So you're going?
Damian Haat [on the radio]: I'm going anti-clockwise.
Jeremy Clarkson: Anti-clockwise? You, my son, have had it.
Damian Haat [sarcastically, on the radio]: Oh thanks a lot.
Jeremy Clarkson: Just! I'm screwing it up.
[outside the radio room]
Siite Fineistje: With Jeremy's traffic system ruined, they're running out of things to say.
[inside the radio room]
James May: If you use a jet wash, should the bonger on each cycle go off at the end of the cycle or in the middle? If the bonger goes off at the end of the foamy brush cycle and you've only done the bonnet, you've had it.
Jeremy Clarkson: The switchboard's beginning to light up with angry listeners, one of them whom was called Galatea Sahaidachny.
Richard Hammond: Hello Galatea!
Galatea Sahaidachny [on the radio]: I came back from seeing Clarkov at 17:00 and what a load of rubbish this is and I think it's absolutely dreadful. I've been a listener to you three for a number of years. For god's sake, bring that old reporter back and all the rest of them. It's all a load of rubbish, thank you and goodnight!
[outside the radio room]
Sekkekkyuu 'AE3803': What's going on and why are they packing up?
Dia Mondrushchenko: With the locals ready to lynch them, they've decided to get out early.
[inside the radio room]
[It Has To Be This Way [Instrumental] plays]
Jeremy Clarkson: This is a 2 minute 55 second song. By the time it's over, our shows over, we could be- do you wanna walk through Leo Rugiet after the show we just did?!
James May: I've got the car round back.
Richard Hammond: I was thinking about the door.
[The trio flee the radio room past the other 5]
Jeremy Clarkson: By the time this is over, we can be...
James May: The car'll be round the back. Go go, no, just go down there, down the stairs!
Richard Hammond: Sorry!
James May: Down to the left.
Jeremy Clarkson: Down to here.
James May: Yeah.
Richard Hammond: Run!
Jeremy Clarkson: I'm going!
Richard Hammond: Sorry.
[The trio flee the radio station entirely]
[The song finishes]
 
We are not surprised it turned out this way, but would we have it any other way? No. Not at all.
This has been Bauhaus Radio with Conversation Street, time for us to replace the 'Radio' with 'Novel' once more.

If this wasn't your reaction, what were you watching?
 
                  

26th June 1422
Cage stood on the sideline, in silence, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw Kirk completely humiliate the players who have professionally trained in rugby for so long. He had found the diamond in the rough! The single greatest player that every coach wants to find once in their lifetime was right in front of his eyes. 
"KIRK! COME HERE," Cage shouted, as he gestured Kirk to the side," You were good out there. Now I just need you to show me if you're fit enough to play full matches. MATTHEW! Yes, take him to the fitness camp, and get a medical done on him asap, then take him to our fitness tests, and send me the recorded readings. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir, right away. Come on let's go," Cage's assistant, Matthew Wass replied as he gestured for Kirk to follow him.
"Go with him and I'll let you know if you made it. All the best," said Cage, as he left.
"Thank you very much," Kirk replied, visibly grateful.
A few days later, Cage sat in his office as Wass came in to give him the medical reports.
"Sir this is unnatural."
"What?"
"Take a look for yarself"
Cage took the reports in his hands and started reading, eyes getting wider with every line he read. This is definitely unusual, but in a good way. He will make a very good Loose-Head. He perfectly fits that position."
"But Sir, weren't we looking for a Tight-head?"
"I know, but there is something about him that just screams GOAT you know."
"Ok boss. If you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. Now could you be a saint and prepare to file a petition to the Director to consider this guy's admission to the University. And make sure that he gets good help for the Examinations. We need him to score good, just in case our plea is not accepted. Move at lightning speed. We want him before someone else finds out how good he is."
"Yes Sir. I'll get started right away."  

"That was an amazing performance right now against the H&J, but we need to guard ourselves from complacency going forward," Hansen remarked in the dressing room.
"You were amazing out there, but we need to prepare for every match with a similar rigour and determination," Cage said, in agreement to Hansen.
"The coaches are right lads, we need to make sure that we don't take the remaining of our opponents lightly," Kirk said addressing the rest of the team.
"I want to see each one of you back in the movie room tomorrow so we can study Giovanniland and try to create counter-tactics for them as well. Am I clear?"
"Yes Sir."
"AM I CLEAR?"
"YES SIR!"
"CO!"
"YF!"
"CO!"
"YF!"
"COYF!" "COYF!"
 
 
 

"Another Great Win!! Well Done Guys!" manager Eddie Hansen said, overjoyed.
"We were great out there against Hanita Grasce, a 14-3 win is great and it puts us in an amazing spot at the top of the table, but we need to buckle up for the remaining matches as we face Hertfordia and Giovanniland in the remaining Group C fixtures," Kirk said, cautiously encouraging the team.
"I expect y'all in the movie room first thing tomorrow morning. We will study the Hertfordians in this tournament. They completely mopped the floor with the Giovannilandians, so we will have to study them thoroughly and come up with some counter tactics, and some surprise tactics of our own."
"Then we will move onto the training grounds, and try to deploy those tactics, and see how they work with our set of players. Is that clear everyone?"
"Yes Gaffer. Let's go get a good night's sleep and prepare for day after tomorrow."
 
 

24th June, 1412
Felix Cage, the the Head Coach of University of Nexilia, was in New Larxia for the National Rugby College League, with his team from UN, one of the top universities in the nation. Now UN was a great university, but their Rugby team had been lacking in quality, so much so that the last time the team had won the league was 14 years ago. That was the reason Cage was hired by UN, to improve the quality of the sports program in the University.
He was on a leisurely morning stroll in the Memorial Park on the southern side of New Larxia. While jogging in the park, he went through secluded area of the park, which most people avoided due to the criminal activity on that side of the park, but ignorant to that fact, Cage kept on with his run. While running, a masked figure suddenly jumped out of a bush, brandishing a knife towards Cage, intentions clear. Now even though he was a rugby coach, he wasn't as strong as he used to be, so he tried to quietly give his wallet to the mugger, not wanting to cause any kind of trouble, when suddenly, another figure tackled the masked man to the ground in a blur, knocking out the thief.
This was when Felix Cage first met the then 18 year-old, legendary Larxian Captain, Jake Kirk. No he wasn't the mugger, he was the guy who tackled the mugger and save Cage's life, and Cage being Cage, focused more on the tackle than the fact that he saved his life.
"That was a strong tackle! Where'd you learn to tackle like that?" Felix inquired.
"Ohh that? I have been training to be fit enough to play Rugby for the past three years, a lot of coaches turned me away because I couldn't afford to pay," Kirk replied dejectedly, reminded of his past failures.
"With that tackle they should be paying you!" Cage exclaimed.
"Can you please not? I've given up trying, I can't pay and no coaches would take me without it. Who are you anyway?" Kirk replied, visibly agitated.
"Of course I have to. I'm Felix Cage, the Head-Coach of the University of Nexilia Rugby Team. Why don't you drop in at Manitoro Grounds two days later. My team is training there for the NRCL. Come and train a little, if you're good enough, we'll try to get you in. It is up to you. I'm gonna need your name by the way."
"Thank you very much for the opportunity!! My name's Jake Kirk. Once again, you have no idea what this means to me. Thank you very much," an elated Jake replied.

26th June 1422
Cage stood on the sideline, in silence, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw Kirk completely humiliate the players who have professionally trained in rugby for so long. He had found the diamond in the rough! The single greatest player that every coach wants to find once in their lifetime was right in front of his eyes. 
"KIRK! COME HERE," Cage shouted, as he gestured Kirk to the side," You were good out there. Now I just need you to show me if you're fit enough to play full matches. MATTHEW! Yes, take him to the fitness camp, and get a medical done on him asap, then take him to our fitness tests, and send me the recorded readings. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir, right away. Come on let's go," Cage's assistant, Matthew Wass replied as he gestured for Kirk to follow him.
"Go with him and I'll let you know if you made it. All the best," said Cage, as he left.
"Thank you very much," Kirk replied, visibly grateful.
A few days later, Cage sat in his office as Wass came in to give him the medical reports.
"Sir this is unnatural."
"What?"
"Take a look for yarself"
Cage took the reports in his hands and started reading, eyes getting wider with every line he read. This is definitely unusual, but in a good way. He will make a very good Loose-Head. He perfectly fits that position."
"But Sir, weren't we looking for a Tight-head?"
"I know, but there is something about him that just screams GOAT you know."
"Ok boss. If you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. Now could you be a saint and prepare to file a petition to the Director to consider this guy's admission to the University. And make sure that he gets good help for the Examinations. We need him to score good, just in case our plea is not accepted. Move at lightning speed. We want him before someone else finds out how good he is."
"Yes Sir. I'll get started right away."  

"That was an amazing performance right now against the H&J, but we need to guard ourselves from complacency going forward," Hansen remarked in the dressing room.
"You were amazing out there, but we need to prepare for every match with a similar rigour and determination," Cage said, in agreement to Hansen.
"The coaches are right lads, we need to make sure that we don't take the remaining of our opponents lightly," Kirk said addressing the rest of the team.
"I want to see each one of you back in the movie room tomorrow so we can study Giovanniland and try to create counter-tactics for them as well. Am I clear?"
"Yes Sir."
"AM I CLEAR?"
"YES SIR!"
"CO!"
"YF!"
"CO!"
"YF!"
"COYF!" "COYF!"
 
 
 

26th June 1422
Cage stood on the sideline, in silence, a small smile playing on his lips as he saw Kirk completely humiliate the players who have professionally trained in rugby for so long. He had found the diamond in the rough! The single greatest player that every coach wants to find once in their lifetime was right in front of his eyes. 
"KIRK! COME HERE," Cage shouted, as he gestured Kirk to the side," You were good out there. Now I just need you to show me if you're fit enough to play full matches. MATTHEW! Yes, take him to the fitness camp, and get a medical done on him asap, then take him to our fitness tests, and send me the recorded readings. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir, right away. Come on let's go," Cage's assistant, Matthew Wass replied as he gestured for Kirk to follow him.
"Go with him and I'll let you know if you made it. All the best," said Cage, as he left.
"Thank you very much," Kirk replied, visibly grateful.
A few days later, Cage sat in his office as Wass came in to give him the medical reports.
"Sir this is unnatural."
"What?"
"Take a look for yarself"
Cage took the reports in his hands and started reading, eyes getting wider with every line he read. This is definitely unusual, but in a good way. He will make a very good Loose-Head. He perfectly fits that position."
"But Sir, weren't we looking for a Tight-head?"
"I know, but there is something about him that just screams GOAT you know."
"Ok boss. If you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. Now could you be a saint and prepare to file a petition to the Director to consider this guy's admission to the University. And make sure that he gets good help for the Examinations. We need him to score good, just in case our plea is not accepted. Move at lightning speed. We want him before someone else finds out how good he is."
"Yes Sir. I'll get started right away."