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Clarkov

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Posts posted by Clarkov

  1. The host nation of the 1422 Football World Cup

    20200607_201331.png.e45e20c35baa4c26e7342e0939fe8c2c.png.6808310e7897555ebda5e2c34f02a877.png       656125647_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.8a6eda9808ab82ac1cc42efe3ed67a7b.png

    Confederal Kingdom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo

    National Information - Under The Light Microscope

    Hertfordshire and Jammbo is a mostly ice-covered somewhat elevated nation that lies within the south-eastern corner of Andolia. It borders the Great Pacific Ocean to the south and east, and Zastad to the west. There is no nation that borders it to the north, the closest due in that magnetic direction being Overthinkers. With 3,203,688 citizens living in an area of 129,181mi2 Hertfordshire and Jammbo, or Hertfordia as it is informally known, is the third least populated country on the continent ahead of Irador and Cyrylic and the 10th least populated in Esferos outright. It also has a population density of 9.6 people/km2 as a result.

    Andolia.png.b656167edbf22d070a51c2e6e06947e4.png

    A map of the southern continent Andolia. Hertfordshire & Jammbo exists within the time-zones of +0 (Andolian Meridian Time) & +1 (Hertfordian Standard Time).

    National Information - Under The Electron Microscope

    Hertfordshire and Jammbo has a total of 3 capitals all focused in the northern regions of the country. The executive capital and only city Great Parndon in Greater Parndon, the legislative capital Hoddesdon in Hoddesdonshire and the judicial capital Maidenhall are the three headquarters from where the clockwork of the land carries on. There are ~47 different counties, each with their own local government and county capital, the latter with the exception of Tadmartonshire, on the western coast of Lake Waveney, which is home to a solitary village of 300 people and nothing else.

    1959346895_HJMapWithCapitals.thumb.png.e19cef75777995d4d7f9d8d3b67b2f44.png

    A map of the counties of Hertfordshire and Jammbo. The triad of capitals are highlighted in red.

    National Information - Away From The Microscope

    As may have been guessed, Hertfordshire and Jammbo is a confederal kingdom. Founded as such after a peace deal between the Hertfordians and the Jammbonians ended the Hertmeria Wars, it established the system of 'confederal parliamentary elective monarchy'. The Tsar/Tsaress is elected once every 10 years, while the Prime Minister is elected once every 5 years. The current Tsar is Mečislavs Deben, due to contest re-election in 1431 and the current Prime Minister is Clarkov Sahaidachny who is set to attempt a push for a second term in the 1424 general elections. The monarch has powers greater than that of a constitutional monarch, but lesser than that of an absolute monarch.

    1304387032_MeislavsDeben.png.6ed8b0f06c9ac8e434b89c7a46652db7.png                 DereTypesProfile.png.fc4be747560bc274ba948bac7cbb795f.png

    Tsar Mečislavs Deben I and Prime Minister Clarkov J. Sahaidachny (he usually wears rectangular glasses). Rather infamously, these two both won medals in the Esferiad.

  2. Away from the palaver of the 3rd Rugby World Cup, two surprisingly similar national leaders got together for a nice meal and a viewing of the match between their respective nations.

    [A collaboration post between myself & @embubbleblue]

     

    [Kassakira shuffles across the seats with two hot dogs in her hands]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Excuse me, sorry, thank you!

    [She finally reaches her seat, and sits down]

    .....................

    [Where was the 1m 90cm boy with the ridiculously long black hair & slightly too large kimono?]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: H-hi... I’m right here. Next to the seats.

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Hey! Do you want a hot dog? One has onions on, and I have sauce in my pocket if you want it.

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: Well I don’t like onions, but I’ll have some sauce please.

    [She passes the onion free one, and gets out several packets of tomato sauce, mustard, and mayonnaise]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Enjoy! Also, no hard feelings if you win.

    [She smiles]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: None taken, cheers. Although I certainly hope we can. That Larxia defeat still stings.

    [He takes the mayonnaise and spreads it over his hot dog, before glancing up at Kass]

    [She takes a tomato packet and puts it on her hot dog]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: I hope we could win, it would make it easier on my team, but life has its ways of teaching you lessons you never knew you needed. That applies to sports too I suppose.

    [She takes a bite, chewing quietly]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: If anyone needs to be brought down a peg in the Esferos sports scene, it’s the nation I lead. Karma probably has something up its sleeve for Star Breaker.

    [He takes a large bite, also chewing quietly]

    [She laughs]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Your nation is strong. I can only hope mine can show to be as strong.

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: Given time, yours may become one of the big players. Or it may even do what mine did and somehow win 2 trophies and a lot of medals inexplicably.

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: I think we already have done the medals thing. 

    [She laughs, scrunching up the napkin of her hot dog]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: Good point there.

    [He cleans his mouth with some tissue and nonchalantly throws it into a bin]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Good shot.

    [She turns back to the game, as Hertfordshire and Jammbo go into the lead.]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Oh, you're winning early. It's only been 10 minutes.

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: We have a habit of either going into an early lead or scoring near the end of the half. Too bad we can’t do conversions for the life of us.

    [He notes the scorer and the time on a piece of paper]

    [She clocks the action put of the corner of her eye but doesn't turn to look at it]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: I understand. What are you writing?

    [Her phone goes off and she looks at it, sighing.]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Sorry, I have to take this.

    [She picks up, and within moments, groaning into her hands]

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Right. Okay. Great. I'll get onto it.

    [She hangs up]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: You seem to be needed elsewhere. In that case I shall be going now. Kou and Promestein are meeting me in a minute.

    [He readies himself to depart, nervously looking to see if any people are around]

    0zmOmnfWmAx8362wQ5OlVbj2nSAGSYK5ZR70xcWDD-fREJfXbr9zvsUslSMtb1yBFl9rcJ5RMtZJQdobsBCmdAIxyKW_MaP6Gyggjs2qd8_UlASXFMfGo7XVmuWLOLSP-NuInqc4Clarkov Sahaidachny: Please don’t let my presence here go public, I’m already enough of a shy wreck as it is, I don’t need the dysfunctional team of Star Breaker knowing I’m here. Anyway, goodbye. It was a pleasure.

    JGx3NYs0VaWlwMAquXsOvAVuYzz5ePP6RLBn3nxxjweNvx4vaRsrDTt1nTERMFqqd-d7rVUwodRlDOCnitFt17majceoFODIXB8An5PoMZ5E7UXV7jJx9nSoj2AqdOfEzRrEG4SIKassakira Petrovikan: Don't worry. Same here, see you again another time.

    [He departs the scene, leaving Kassakira alone.]

     

    Thus came to an end the meet-up. It was rather pleasant.

  3. The Stig Reads About... Richard Hammond

    TheStigReadsAbout....png.d2a529dcb93939f9904a1de92e463281.pngRichard.jpg.cb54d4e8a18af16742cbb063bb94bb19.jpg

    Richard's Theme - Blast Lab (The intro theme)

     

    TheStig.jpg.ba4a841ee406a267f216f8c9f332cb77.jpgThe Stig: ....... .... ....... ..... .. ......... ..... .. . ........... .. .......... .......... ... ....... .. .... .. .... ... ............. ... .... ... ........ ..... ... .... ..... .... ...... ........ ... ..... ... .... .... .... .....

    ......... .... ..... .. ..... ............. ..... ....... ... ........ ..... ... ..... .... .. .... .. ... ....... ....... ...... .... ..... ............ .......

    Short but sweet entry on the little North Midlander, much like the man himself then. May there be more Stiggy goodness to come. Cheerio!

    ThisWasTheStigReadsAbout....png.d81d8c441abbb64eb41706a849890193.png

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    (Häřtferdsierndeambeu) Star Breaker - Matchday 4 Result

    Häřtferdsierndeambeu Ragbi - Team Star Breaker vs. Blue Bubble Rugby Team

    HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png Hertfordshire and Jammbo 16-32 Blue Bubble image.thumb.png.bf26bf839b10d17ee4eac5df6e51ebcb.png

    HNJRJNewKit2.png.13786784a8f4ad3f427cab372cb62766.png (HEJ 8-8 BLBimage.thumb.png.cb670d40713fa2dfa4cc065c793778af.png

     

    Tries: Diamond.jpg.df7b3791d928ac96629e1025d472a9d9.jpgDia Mondrushchenko (10'), Richard.jpg.cb54d4e8a18af16742cbb063bb94bb19.jpgRichard Hammond (68')

    Drop Goals:  Machi.jpg.png.7b09d899c5128f50dcb457302d731827.pngMachi Mihailova (17')

    Penalties: Takumi.png.a902415262f9af87fe9056a6f83fcb54.pngTakumi Furman (54')

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1948427433_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.f9fec76586a8740df3791e3d49460c2e.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png

  4. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 4 - Landmine Purchase

    image.jpeg.e55c1d279d590411f8b20740304c5b44.jpeg

    [With the radio debacle over and done with, the intrepid trio are pondering over their cars when Jeremy revealed some suspect explosives from an infamous Polaris nation. This took place before the most recent Star Breaker team update in the timeline]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Darkness has fallen and we've finally reached the bottom of the drive.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: Phew, we made it.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Joy of joys!

    [2 hours later]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: It's taken us 2 hours for us to reach the city limits at the top of it.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: Welcome to not-Leo Rugiet.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Thank you. Here, there are no spare bedrooms so I've decided to try another new sort of tenting.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: You know what?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: What?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: We started this. I liked all 3 cars. I still do, but my conviction that the Capel is the best is now absolute, I just...

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: [snorts]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: I still find it slightly sort of...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: What?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: There's still a slight hint of faux toff-ery about it.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: Gah?!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: It suits you very well obviously, but the great thing about the Oniisan is it's just a finely honed driving instrument.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: Well no I wo- okay, on the Quatfordring, yours is awesome.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: Don't mention the Quatfordring.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: But that's what it's for James.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: No it's not!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: And Jeremy, your FM. It does look brilliant.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: There you go.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: It's a very competent motor car, the FMW.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: That's damning with fake praise that is May.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: Yes, exactly.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yours is a bit too Dimm & Vesce, yours is a bit too DeltaLand. They're both brilliant cars make no mistake.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: What are you doing by the way?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Landmines, they're mines, I brought them from Dalimbar. Ring our campsite with landmines and any 'aminal' that comes, [mimicks explosion], they will be- it will become a veneer.

    [1 laying of landmines later]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: With my work done, and you two having drunk all the beer, we should turn in for the night.

    [That night]

    [An explosion is seen and heard in a flash of light]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: What was that?!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: That was the sound of me saving your life.

    [The next morning]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: Our campsite looks like an abattoir.

    [Hammond spots a body part on the ground]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: What's this?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Lion's arm.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: It's hairy.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Lions do have hairy arms.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May: They don't even have arms.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: They do! That was a lion who was coming to eat us! And my landmine saved our lives.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7104c7461c185559f69a31e557a7d5ca.jpgJames May [sarcastically]: Look what we've got here Hammond, it's a lions foot.

    [May picks up a human foot]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.eb1d97b57bae711a06ccc37b5e2fca14.jpgRichard Hammond: You've detonated an innocent person.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.61acd8ee09039af974b5e0df33625ab0.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Let's not get bogged down with who blew up...

     

    Maybe we should get bogged down with the fact that someone has been detonated by Clarkson's landmine. Hopefully it wasn't anyone important...

    We think we may need to run. Goodbye for now!

     

    1992942823_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.75cad76dd4a9af151da004602fd93be0.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.ae9904ea81b68c0d4fed2a7d321d737d.png

  5. [On the way to the stadium where the match with Blue Bubble was to be played, the Star Breaker decided to get their minds off the shock hammering by Larxia and discuss some things that have been on their minds.]

    [a dull silence fills the air]

    .......

    [the dull silence continues to fill the air]

    ................

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: A hill would be nice right about now.

    .......................

    Takumi.png.d1239cbcc348af49d5c97ed16e2e9c71.pngTakumi Furman: Okay I admit it, this is boring.

    Gankyou.png.2dbd9178cdc5126bf19d3e7dbbe596b1.pngGankyou Kostova: Can something happen now?

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.00c14a7dbf2d430335aacea425aea6f9.jpgNaho Sotirova: Hmm, why not pull over and check the internet?

    Niko.jpg.ef993978bcb736ff4d52c57b9547b962.jpgNiko Balodis: You're the one who said people who believe everything they see on the internet are 'f-cking dumbasses'.

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.00c14a7dbf2d430335aacea425aea6f9.jpgNaho Sotirova: I stand by that.

    Diego.gif.cbe1b80a05006e8bb9c65008079de97e.gifDiego Adamov: I fail to see the relevance Niko.

    Patrick.jpg.e9754e19c2be42f0ca7988afa6986bbb.jpgPatrick Manev: I'm pulling over then.

    [The Star Breaker - Rugby version - pulled over and checked the news.]

    Chihiro.png.018e9014c9c1b0dc926378277a7b7ff7.pngChihiro Freimanis: Um, so we're here.

    Seiya.png.1a4a6ed6c62230fcb8f43bbc485746df.pngSeiya Nikolov: The stadium is just down north then. That is helpful.

    Hyouka.jpg.4af64b20d5b6783e256098fd9ce324ef.jpgHyouka Felteke [pops up from underneath Chara]: I need you to confirm something.

    Chara.jpg.18e6b1219ff9e67c16da8d8209a879c6.jpgChara Dreimanis: Hyouka, I'm not helping you with your experiments on 'body-melding'.

    EmbryCropped.png.999a3909694066706e7556d4af3159da.pngEmbry Obalkanska: Not this again...

    Hyouka.jpg.4af64b20d5b6783e256098fd9ce324ef.jpgHyouka Felteke: It's not that this time. It's a report concerning the Santo-Dominian team.

    Mizore.jpg.cc59dddb87fd55254c15a204e0178b7e.jpgMizore Savenko: That's the team with the insane reporter and overbearing bureaucrat.

    OngoCropped.jpg.1ee650856c50d7c74e2c02f6e98ec166.jpgOngo Sidopliassova: *unintelligible* [translation: Could I see that please?]

    Hyouka.jpg.4af64b20d5b6783e256098fd9ce324ef.jpgHyouka Felteke: Alright, here.

    OngoCropped.jpg.1ee650856c50d7c74e2c02f6e98ec166.jpgOngo Sidopliassova: [slight gasp]

    Machi.jpg.png.a3fcb7f8e3dcbce0620c4bee04d0dae9.pngMachi Mihailova: Did you find something?

    [Ongo shows everyone the news regarding the Zoran/Santos-Dominius match]

    Harold.png.28ad439e05d0fc0efcb370266f7de948.pngHarold McGavrilov V: Woah.

    Ougi.gif.2792dc8d313305333f25337d621be31d.gifOugi Ostrovske: Don't be daft, that didn't happen.

    [Ongo facepalms and shakes his head in disbelief]

    Yoshikage.png.916faee7b787003ebb8590e96b79072e.pngYoshikage Kramlis: It clearly happened, it's right in front of you.

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.00c14a7dbf2d430335aacea425aea6f9.jpgNaho Sotirova: You know it's real, stop lying.

    Ougi.gif.2792dc8d313305333f25337d621be31d.gifOugi Ostrovske: I have, I'm trying to get past it!

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.00c14a7dbf2d430335aacea425aea6f9.jpgNaho Sotirova: You really make yourself look like an idiot sometimes.

    EmbryCropped.png.999a3909694066706e7556d4af3159da.pngEmbry Obalkanska: It says here that the Santo-Dominian team were unable to enter the stadium because it was blocked by a mob of Zoranians. They're furious with Blubberman.

    Chihiro.png.018e9014c9c1b0dc926378277a7b7ff7.pngChihiro Freimanis: I don't blame them. He's not very nice.

    Harold.png.28ad439e05d0fc0efcb370266f7de948.pngHarold McGavrilov V: He's the only reporter with any sense in this tournament.

    [The rest of the team all glance at Harold]

    Harold.png.28ad439e05d0fc0efcb370266f7de948.pngHarold McGavrilov V: What?

    Niko.jpg.ef993978bcb736ff4d52c57b9547b962.jpgNiko Balodis: Forget it.

    Damian.jpg.52e2320148ce163dde7134bc6a3ce3d9.jpgDamian Haat: So the SDCSN are at the centre of this?

    Mizore.jpg.cc59dddb87fd55254c15a204e0178b7e.jpgMizore Savenko: Yeah.

    Damian.jpg.52e2320148ce163dde7134bc6a3ce3d9.jpgDamian Haat: Understood Mizore.

    Takumi.png.d1239cbcc348af49d5c97ed16e2e9c71.pngTakumi Furman: Can we go now? I need to deliver this stuff.

    Nagisa.png.40f7a1a83700a08fde86addc5947d857.pngNagisa Ivanovaulait: Alright alright, we'll go.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Filaktri: So ladies, when your 'phylactery' is broken...

    Mizore.jpg.cc59dddb87fd55254c15a204e0178b7e.jpgMizore Savenko: Oh no.

    Origami.png.d668669342ae31aacc0e912d97d576c8.pngOrigami Tsvetanova: I don't like where this is going.

    Patrick.jpg.e9754e19c2be42f0ca7988afa6986bbb.jpgPatrick Manev: Brace for verbal impact!

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: ...your usual comportment vanishes without a trace. With your husband's every motion, you writhe and moan in pleasure.

    Diego.gif.cbe1b80a05006e8bb9c65008079de97e.gifDiego Adamov: Objection! Don't go any further, this is only you who thinks this.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: In this state, you can only think of your husban-

    Richard.jpg.e6381a2887d297502b39b1ae0ca1ab62.jpgRichard Hammond: Please just stop talking completely now.

    [Everyone looks over in surprise to find Hammond and May, returned at last from their stint on the radio]

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: I'm just trying to show the other girls that the enigmatic desire and pleasure are what the ultimate happiness consists of. 

    Richard.jpg.e6381a2887d297502b39b1ae0ca1ab62.jpgRichard Hammond: All you've accomplished is horrifying them and everyone else!

    Ougi.gif.2792dc8d313305333f25337d621be31d.gifOugi Ostrovske: Your studies will be why your breasts are so massive, I'm guessing.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: My boobs are natural. I'm very proud of them.

    Ougi.gif.2792dc8d313305333f25337d621be31d.gifOugi Ostrovske: Go figure.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: I'll tell you what the best 'spirit energy' is too.

    Richard.jpg.e6381a2887d297502b39b1ae0ca1ab62.jpgRichard Hammond: Save it!

    Galatea.jpg.0bc4a54c21aaeadece18d56ccf79b78f.jpgGalatea SahaidachnyI don't mind talking about it. I've read something similar to that with my son.  

    Richard.jpg.e6381a2887d297502b39b1ae0ca1ab62.jpgRichard Hammond: ...Yeah... so, what's going on?

    Origami.png.d668669342ae31aacc0e912d97d576c8.pngOrigami Tsvetanova: Oh, hi you two. And... who is that?

    image.png.8813f2a93234ff288618ed031e017d25.pngPromestein Paskaleva: I'm Promestein. The one who gave the humans in my area fire.

    Damian.jpg.52e2320148ce163dde7134bc6a3ce3d9.jpgDamian Haat: Just the humans?

    image.png.8813f2a93234ff288618ed031e017d25.pngPromestein Paskaleva: Yes. Their thirst for knowledge is incredible, so I introduced them to fire to help them along.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.e963b1e355e1c2eec52373a59986170e.pngStanislava Artemenko: How primitive are these people where you're from?!

    image.png.8813f2a93234ff288618ed031e017d25.pngPromestein Paskaleva: Very. But that doesn't mean anything to them. It's quite admirable really.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: I like this lady already.

    Krux.png.a90fcbde8e1654eba7a9a78ef63a8719.pngKrux Andersons: I hesitate to call that good news. Oh to hell with it, it's bad news.

    James.jpg.cb297b68c5e88ddee4fbf3d86af3239b.jpgJames May: Oi, get in the cars you idle sods!

    Takumi.png.d1239cbcc348af49d5c97ed16e2e9c71.pngTakumi Furman: You heard him, come on.

    image.png.8813f2a93234ff288618ed031e017d25.pngPromestein Paskaleva: I'll tell you more about my studies while we're driving.

    Lich.jpg.3cfce29c40ead6b3adc4f0f37eefa95e.jpgLits Fílaktri: Sounds good! As for my studies, I'll have to just convince you all another time. It's not like I'll ever stop trying.

    image.png.8813f2a93234ff288618ed031e017d25.pngPromestein Paskaleva: Yes.

    Chara.jpg.18e6b1219ff9e67c16da8d8209a879c6.jpgChihiro.png.018e9014c9c1b0dc926378277a7b7ff7.pngDamian.jpg.52e2320148ce163dde7134bc6a3ce3d9.jpgDiego.gif.cbe1b80a05006e8bb9c65008079de97e.gifEmbryCropped.png.999a3909694066706e7556d4af3159da.pngGalatea.jpg.0bc4a54c21aaeadece18d56ccf79b78f.jpgGankyou.png.2dbd9178cdc5126bf19d3e7dbbe596b1.pngHarold.png.28ad439e05d0fc0efcb370266f7de948.pngHyouka.jpg.4af64b20d5b6783e256098fd9ce324ef.jpgJames.jpg.cb297b68c5e88ddee4fbf3d86af3239b.jpgKrux.png.a90fcbde8e1654eba7a9a78ef63a8719.pngMachi.jpg.png.a3fcb7f8e3dcbce0620c4bee04d0dae9.pngMizore.jpg.cc59dddb87fd55254c15a204e0178b7e.jpgNagisa.png.40f7a1a83700a08fde86addc5947d857.pngNahoSaenoki.jpg.00c14a7dbf2d430335aacea425aea6f9.jpgNiko.jpg.ef993978bcb736ff4d52c57b9547b962.jpgOrigami.png.d668669342ae31aacc0e912d97d576c8.pngOugi.gif.2792dc8d313305333f25337d621be31d.gifPatrick.jpg.e9754e19c2be42f0ca7988afa6986bbb.jpgRichard.jpg.e6381a2887d297502b39b1ae0ca1ab62.jpgSeiya.png.1a4a6ed6c62230fcb8f43bbc485746df.pngSlavariaCossackStanislava.png.e963b1e355e1c2eec52373a59986170e.pngTakumi.png.d1239cbcc348af49d5c97ed16e2e9c71.pngYoshikage.png.916faee7b787003ebb8590e96b79072e.pngAlmost Everyone Else Present: No!!!

    OngoCropped.jpg.1ee650856c50d7c74e2c02f6e98ec166.jpgOngo Sidopliassova [at same time as the above]: *gibberish* [translation: No!!!]

     

    [Kou 'Kibiki' Kovalenko heard all that. He shouldn't keep his student waiting. But now he truly knows why Star Breaker is the most dysfunctional team in the tournament. Let's face it, it's by quite a margin.]

  6. The Stig Reads About... Himself?

    TheStigReadsAbout....png.d2a529dcb93939f9904a1de92e463281.pngTheStig.jpg.ba4a841ee406a267f216f8c9f332cb77.jpg

    Some Say...

    TheStig.jpg.ba4a841ee406a267f216f8c9f332cb77.jpgThe Stig:

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ERROR 404 - STIG EPISODE NOT FOUND

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Yeah, we know nothing about The Stig. He's an enigma and always will be. The end. Maybe next episode we'll get back to his normal wisdom. Goodbye!

    ThisWasTheStigReadsAbout....png.d81d8c441abbb64eb41706a849890193.png

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    (Häřtferdsierndeambeu) Star Breaker - Matchday 3 Result

    Rugby Larxia vs. Häřtferdsierndeambeu Ragbi - Team Star Breaker

    image.png.f54401905f9ff05ce745abbcb7efcd54.png Larxia 17-3 Hertfordshire and Jammbo HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png

    image.thumb.png.23990692776636a49202ccd0cf3eb107.png (LAR 10-3 HEJHNJRJNewKit2.png.13786784a8f4ad3f427cab372cb62766.png

     

    Drop Goals: Yoshikage.png.ecbb1dbd4aac6a166881dfa90afc3efe.pngYoshikage Kramlis (20')

     

    Injuries: Julian.png.5601567252f064e5f6b0d3872fb08452.pngJulian Kanzën (71')

    Substitutions: Julian.png.5601567252f064e5f6b0d3872fb08452.pngJulian Kanzën OFF - ON | Embry Obalkanska (72')EmbryCropped.png.ea4426d314aaf2f5b1406ec1616b66de.png

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1948427433_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.f9fec76586a8740df3791e3d49460c2e.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png

     

  7. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 3 - That's Not Gone Well

    See the source image

    [Welcome back to Bauhaus Radio!]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello. Uh, is that me?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: That's... that was slick.

    [outside the radio room]

    Sakuya.png.ef018fa2c831c0770f78a7d574ca1de5.pngSakuya Ileva: It's time for another of Jeremy's rubbish travel reports.

    [inside the radio room]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh no, look!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: Look at that, look at that!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Somebody, here we go. Somebody in a, it seems to be a 4x4, has jack-knifed while carrying a trailer. Now it's a 4x4, it's a good job it was, that's why he's still alive, lucky he didn't listen to the Fujansk on that one. 2 outer lanes of the motorway have the police out in them because they've been blocked by an idiot in an SUV who's managed to crash into his own trailer. Um and people are moving over far too soon which means the motorway network is not being fully utilized. You paid for it, drive right up to the crash.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: Use it!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Use it, and then get your window down and tell the man exactly what you think of his driving.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Precisely.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh no, what we've got here is a travel flash actually. Uh, my thank to Julian Kanzën, uh he tells us that in Leo Rugiet a caravan has come adrift of a car blocking the one lane, the police are in attendance. Police, are you armed? I hope they are, they can take it out and just shoot the drive-

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Thank you very much, that's the travel with Jeremy Clarkson.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: [wheezing laugh]

    [outside the radio room]

    Diamond.jpg.7e05b3bc48f71d660e980797adc41983.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: Even I can see the show is pretty bad.

    Sekkekkyuu.png.0f149bccc10a87bb7481b0d16bdadb51.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': And now it's about to get worse.

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: Hammond's mistimed a trip to the loo and while he's in there, a song's finished.

    [inside the radio room... and the lavatory]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello? Is that...? Is there somebody there? Is anybody there?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond [whispering]: Hurry up!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Come on!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: What?

    2002461936_tenor(4).gif.1e0759018eeea548f99f327b1e6082be.gifAnother Jingle2, 4, 6, 8, James May! [The JM Radio Jingle]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh-.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: What?!

    2002461936_tenor(4).gif.1e0759018eeea548f99f327b1e6082be.gifAnother Jingle's Female Voice [same time as Male Voice] : ...Jaaammmeeesss Maaaaaaaaay.

    2002461936_tenor(4).gif.1e0759018eeea548f99f327b1e6082be.gifAnother Jingle's Male Voice [same time as Female Voice]: ......Jaaammmeeesss Maaaaaay.

    [outside the radio room]

    Sekkekkyuu.png.0f149bccc10a87bb7481b0d16bdadb51.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': He's forgotten he's going out live.

    [inside the radio room]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well he's ginger and he's Cambrian... -kay...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Okay...

    [outside the radio room]

    ISTJ.jpg.d570d2ff6166daa721d613377e9b69a3.jpgSiite Fineistje: And now they're upsetting the sports reporter Faust.

    [inside the radio room]

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: 1-1 the latest score between the Beyblade teams of Star Breaker & Slavaria Cossack.

    [Hammond turns on the jingle by accident (The JC Radio Jingle)]

    2002461936_tenor(4).gif.1e0759018eeea548f99f327b1e6082be.gifThe JingleI've been driving in my car listening to Jeremy Clarkson.

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem [over the jingle]: The final match in will be between the substitutes of each team, Damian's slightly obsessive older sister Lenae and the Genki Girl Stanislava.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Sorry! Sorry, that happens.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: 1-1, is that good? I don't understand.

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: My team has 1 point and they've lost 1 point to Slavaria, sir. It is Beyblade.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: He's angry!

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: It's a game that has been played in Hertfordshire and Jammbo for over 300 years.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: What, the same game?

    Faust.jpg.060b3c1bd0dae3f97aeffb0d68b68d6a.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: Then you need to get the observers book of Beyblade which will tell you all the regulations you need to know and then you will be okay. And now-

    [Hammond turns on the jingle, on purpose this time, to stop Faust from berating May like that]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond [faking]: Heh, sorry.

    2002461936_tenor(4).gif.1e0759018eeea548f99f327b1e6082be.gifThe JingleI've been driving in my car listening to Jeremy Clarkson.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Worse still, my traffic system really isn't working out as planned. The cameras are not able to give enough detail so my reports are becoming... a little vague.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Jeremy, go.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: It's all completely hopeless! Everywhere I can see people in hatchbacks, the motorway- Marelitus is jammed up at junction 6, Divando is- don't use it! Don't use it, stay at work, be productive and buy a helicopter.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: It's not particularly helpful what you're telling them there.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: No.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I'll therefore decide to personalise my reports.

    Damian.jpg.020b658deb733c05b24065adab85a4e4.jpgDamian Haat [on the radio]: Hello there.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Hello how are you?

    Damian.jpg.020b658deb733c05b24065adab85a4e4.jpgDamian Haat [on the radio]: Um, bit fed up 'cause I can't work out where I'm supposed to be turning off the motorway or not. We're trying to get to the H&J-Blue Bubble match tonight!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Where- where are you? So you're going?

    Damian.jpg.020b658deb733c05b24065adab85a4e4.jpgDamian Haat [on the radio]: I'm going anti-clockwise.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Anti-clockwise? You, my son, have had it.

    Damian.jpg.020b658deb733c05b24065adab85a4e4.jpgDamian Haat [sarcastically, on the radio]: Oh thanks a lot.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Just! I'm screwing it up.

    [outside the radio room]

    ISTJ.jpg.d570d2ff6166daa721d613377e9b69a3.jpgSiite Fineistje: With Jeremy's traffic system ruined, they're running out of things to say.

    [inside the radio room]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: If you use a jet wash, should the bonger on each cycle go off at the end of the cycle or in the middle? If the bonger goes off at the end of the foamy brush cycle and you've only done the bonnet, you've had it.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: The switchboard's beginning to light up with angry listeners, one of them whom was called Galatea Sahaidachny.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Hello Galatea!

    Galatea.jpg.938d407ae7022e12bd2d0a3c7652bb7f.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny [on the radio]: I came back from seeing Clarkov at 17:00 and what a load of rubbish this is and I think it's absolutely dreadful. I've been a listener to you three for a number of years. For god's sake, bring that old reporter back and all the rest of them. It's all a load of rubbish, thank you and goodnight!

    [outside the radio room]

    Sekkekkyuu.png.0f149bccc10a87bb7481b0d16bdadb51.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': What's going on and why are they packing up?

    Diamond.jpg.7e05b3bc48f71d660e980797adc41983.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: With the locals ready to lynch them, they've decided to get out early.

    [inside the radio room]

    [It Has To Be This Way [Instrumental] plays]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: This is a 2 minute 55 second song. By the time it's over, our shows over, we could be- do you wanna walk through Leo Rugiet after the show we just did?!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: I've got the car round back.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: I was thinking about the door.

    [The trio flee the radio room past the other 5]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: By the time this is over, we can be...

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: The car'll be round the back. Go go, no, just go down there, down the stairs!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Sorry!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: Down to the left.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Down to here.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.76ade75899eb5350774f048374027acc.jpgJames May: Yeah.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Run!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.bb4f2c6d7b23519dc51a59981ad7230d.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I'm going!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.2146879310d0c782cdbbd42de786aea7.jpgRichard Hammond: Sorry.

    [The trio flee the radio station entirely]

    [The song finishes]

     

    We are not surprised it turned out this way, but would we have it any other way? No. Not at all.

    This has been Bauhaus Radio with Conversation Street, time for us to replace the 'Radio' with 'Novel' once more.

    download20220202091314.png.c3aa1b345f3dc400bcd0206e5cd287f9.png

    If this wasn't your reaction, what were you watching?

     

    525593573_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.286b54106574c54ebf3d700013cb83a2.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.ff01cff8bc5d0365968dc9c6c5eb90f1.png

  8. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 2 - The Radio Of Chat, in the Nation of Debate

    See the source image

    [The continuation of Local Bumblers Radio. Let's find out what the disaster embracing team managed to do in control of one of Zoran's main radio stations]

    [Hammond accidentally puts a tune on.]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: That shouldn't have happened.

    [Dia puts both hands on her cheeks on exasperation and because of finding it funny]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: I'm gonna fade it out and then you're gonna talk.

    [The music ends, an awkward silence ensues]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Right, errrm...............

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: [wheezes in laughter]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Um...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Is that it? Is that your intro?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: Ah!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Can I just say good afternoon, this is still the local radio station.

    [Outside the radio room]

    ISTJ.jpg.2f8e0eaeecd14b3c3c5c3a47eb20f0e1.jpgSiite Fineistje: They aren't what you'd call slick, Sekkekkyuu.

    Sekkekkyuu.png.221957baaaae5a6ea2af1eedc9760694.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': Give them time!

    [Inside the radio room]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Can I do the weather?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: Yeah.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Uh, I've lost it. Have you got the headlines?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yeah.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: I haven't got any.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yeah... no you do them.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: I haven't got any headlines.

    [Outside the radio room]

    Sakuya.png.04476959aa101e086e785fc5badf1d10.pngSakuya Ileva: And the jingles Richard has brought along are dreadful.

    [Inside the radio room]

    [A jingle begins playing - The jingle Richard made]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: See what you think of this one lads, it's great.

    1279665618_tenor(4).gif.6f313a02bc05dfc2a3ce07a5230ad8b5.gifThe JingleI've been driving in my car listening to Jeremy Clarkson.R.gif.0daf100c10da6f1b0ed1f5218be8caa7.gif

    [The jingle ends]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: How much did you spend making those?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: 5 Deltas a pop.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: No matter, we will redeem ourselves with my new, brilliant and extremely complicated traffic system. What I've done here is I've fixed up, er, a link between the Zoranian road authorities so I can see all the traffic cameras from all the motorways in the region. Now what's happening is we've got an outside broadcast truck in Marelitus, that's firing its signal up to a satellite 22,000 miles in space back down to a truck in New Zoradia, they're filing it over to our radio station in Leo Rugiet and here we are in the studio looking, and if I can swing the camera round now we can get it off the main pictures, I can even zoom in.

    [Outside the radio room]

    Faust.jpg.512bde5a7c382a58dfca2a079eea1cb2.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: With full control of the cameras Jeremy can reveal his big plan.

    [Inside the radio room]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Instead of telling you where the traffic jams are, I am going to give you the registration number of the car that has caused it.

    [Outside the radio room]

    Diamond.jpg.aef95040b069e8b302c05c075b8a98ae.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: So, he's not just reporting on the traffic, he's bossing it about.

    [Inside the radio room]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.0888369b246eec2eddb41b5e02ddb08a.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Now who's this exac- coming down in the van? You're leaving a 200 yard gap there, now close up!

    [Outside the radio room]

    Faust.jpg.512bde5a7c382a58dfca2a079eea1cb2.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: While Jeremy is shouting at the traffic, James and Richard are getting to grips with the music.

    [Inside the radio room]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: No don't tell me. As promised earlier it's 'Frightening Power of Nemesis'.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Oh you sprung that on me rather. Do you wanna do that again James?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: As promised earlier it's 'Frightening Power of Nemesis'.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Maybe just once more for me mate.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: Just play something else.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Oh alright.

    [Rago's Theme 2 - Frightening Power of Nemesis plays]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: Oh its right!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Heheheh, yeah!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.7e18cc9b5a86fac7391cab5aeea638e1.jpgJames May: He has no idea.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.5cda6fb0e7a3313de0b3ff53c9441ee5.jpgRichard Hammond: Yeah, you see. Um, I'd just like to apologise.

    Tv1319931765455.thumb.jpg.a9119f2ae03fa7b4bf58fd3672dfb1b7.jpg

    [Rather ominously, the Black Sun Cult leader and destroyer of other nation's sports teams Rago stands in the background]

     

    Unfortunately at that moment the feed cut off again, albeit this time it was because Sekkekkyuu had managed to get lost within the halls of the radio station. Her sense of direction rivals James May's. Thus we depart once more.

    Some say he wants you to draw him like one of your Markian nobles, and that he was born inside the explosion from a Dalimbari landmine. All we know is he's called the Stig! This is the Bauhaus Novel, we bid you all a temporary farewell.

     

    1449653814_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.61985a61a97291143d0e3ec103c58fd2.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.aba1c82b38ce6ac1cb3d9e3e689607e8.png

  9. The Stig Reads About... Damian

    TheStigReadsAbout....png.d2a529dcb93939f9904a1de92e463281.pngDamian.jpg.c9555d879d71cb9b5d8673940acdcf86.jpg

    Damian's Theme - Gates of Hell (The intro theme)

    TheStig.jpg.ba4a841ee406a267f216f8c9f332cb77.jpgThe Stig: ...... .... .... ..... .. ...... .. ... .. ... .... ....... .. ... ............. ... ...... ........ ......

    .. .. ... ....... .. .... .... ........ . ........ .... .... ........... ... ...... .. ........ .. ... ........ ..... .............. ..... ... ... ... .... ..... .. ..... ....... ........ ...... .. ... .. ... ......... ....... .. ... ...... ...... ......... ... ....... ..... .. ............ .... .. ... .......... .. ... .. ........ ... ........ ... ........ ....... ... ........... ...... ......... .. ..... ....

    .. ... . ........ ... ...... ...... .. ...... ... .... ...... .. .... ... .......... .... ... .... ... ....... .. ...... .. ..... .. ... ..... .. ... ......... ... ....... .. .... .... ....... ... ... ... ........... ... ... ........ .. ..... .....

    ...... .. . ...... .... ....... ... .... .... ........... ...... ......... .. ... ... .... .... .... ...... .. .. ... .... .. ... .... .... . ...... .... .... ..... .... .. ... ....... .. ... ....... .... .... ... .... ..........

    .. ..... . ..... ..... ...... .... ......... ... ...... .. . ... ...... ... ..... ... ..... .... ...... .... ...... ........ ..... .... .... ....... .. .... ..... . ..... .... ... ..... .......... ...... .... ... ....... .. ... .... ..... .......

    ...... ... ..... .......... .... ... ......... .. .... .. . ......... ......... ......... ........ ... ........... ....... .. ...... .. .... . ...... ....... ....... .......... .... ... .... .... .. ...... .. ......... .... .. .......... .... ... ...... .... ..... .... ....... .. .... .....

    ...... ......... . ...... ......... ......... ..... ..... ........ ... .. . ...... .. .. .... ... ... ..... .... .. .... ............ .... ...... .. .... .. ...... ... .... .......

     

    Thanks for listening. Return again in 2 days time for a soothing lesson from our enigma.

    ThisWasTheStigReadsAbout....png.d81d8c441abbb64eb41706a849890193.png

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    (Häřtferdsierndeambeu) Star Breaker - Matchday 2 Result

    Häřtferdsierndeambeu Ragbi - Team Star Breaker vs. Equipa Nacionala Giovannilandiana de Rugbio

    HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png Hertfordshire and Jammbo 19-0 Giovanniland GiovannilandNationalRugbyTeam.png.ab18dea0ac1de92653e269879e9b47e8.png

    HNJRJNewKit2.png.13786784a8f4ad3f427cab372cb62766.png (HEJ 8-0 GIOimage.png.4c5c7486a032279d21fe002ea8ad0c0b.png

    Tries: Nagisa.png.3b6fa5faa782a360299f9814a1089220.pngNagisa Ivanovaulait (38'), NahoSaenoki.jpg.d107d451d2c27aafbbb71274262a1257.jpgNaho Sotirova (50')

    Penalties: Julian.png.4581403bc7629a3034be79e4b1258ea4.pngJulian Kanzën (23')

    Drop Goals: Damian.jpg.c9555d879d71cb9b5d8673940acdcf86.jpgDamian Haat (58'), Chihiro.png.3b1cb47f0ee317e08859bf32fe000fbd.pngChihiro Freimanis (71')

     

    Injuries: Rococo.jpg.ba728c54d80eb0a61ce3f52f91540e6f.jpgRococo Uradulov (60')

    Substitutions: Rococo.jpg.ba728c54d80eb0a61ce3f52f91540e6f.jpgRococo Uradulov | OFF - ON | James MayJames.jpg.cfbf65593d6ff214ea428fdb2ec872a7.jpg (61')

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Key (for present and future reference):

    Winning Team - Losing Team

    (Winning Team at Half-Time - Losing Team at Half-Time)

    Drawing Team - Drawing Team

    (Drawing Team at Half-Time - Drawing Team at Half-Time)

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1948427433_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.f9fec76586a8740df3791e3d49460c2e.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.74d78a399133c7c9a42ef21faa4a91c6.png

  10. [The following footage took place before the complete hammering dished out to Giovanniland. Good thing Chihiro caught the whole thing on tape.]

    [Inside a courtroom, the Star Breaker crew were debating on the origins of the coffee Diego always seems to drink. The mood almost went the way of the coffee itself, that is, bitter.]

    Ougi.gif.38e2437b99bad79ba82108296efbdec5.gifOugi Ostrovske: Who even serves Diego coffee when he's on trial?

    DiegoArmando.gif.cf4c2facde127eef8cc38efb9b9c7c80.gifDiego Adamov: A coffee maker obviously. I don't see why this keeps being asked.

    Gankyou.png.5f405eb34e108a989a3ef8b5d51a2a68.pngGankyou Kostova: It's hardly obvious, Godot.

    Chihiro.png.75429bede74ecd67a3b373602bb92eae.pngChihiro Freimanis: Um guys, I don't think he goes by that anymore.

    Krux.png.e9efc1639d2b4ac82f692f86b9ec2b98.pngKrux Andersons: He'll always be that in my head.

    Galatea.jpg.5e2d79d0bdf40b45755e1ce0f2eae8e0.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny: Stuck in the past as always, Krux.

    Takumi.png.78ec8587caf10dd167eca642b2eeafbc.pngTakumi Furman: This is why Acronix is better than you.

    Krux.png.e9efc1639d2b4ac82f692f86b9ec2b98.pngKrux Andersons: I wish my brother was here, despite how insufferable he can be sometimes.

    DiegoArmando.gif.cf4c2facde127eef8cc38efb9b9c7c80.gifDiego Adamov: I'm moving this on.

    Harold.png.02687a70d957736fd0fa6b794ec79288.pngHarold McGavrilov V: This reminds me of the relationship Clarkson, Hammond & May have.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Vitriolic best buds?

    Harold.png.02687a70d957736fd0fa6b794ec79288.pngHarold McGavrilov V: Yes.

    1955461122_MachiAskingIfMasterIkutoWouldLikeSomeMoreOfHerCooking.png.ba1e63a520cc4c1c886d5f8a15213496.pngMachi Mihailova: They're brothers, not friends Stani.

    Hyouka.jpg.31ca33823eb7eaf87266c529d248514d.jpgHyouka Felteke: Stanislava said that only that Slavaria group were allowed to call here that.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Yep, I did.

    EmbryCropped.png.cf1caefab815e91b03e82d4b8101a760.pngEmbry Obalkanska: What's Slavaria?

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.2ab412447d96faf70e5cbb974de1abb0.jpgNaho Sotirova: That time with the basement has really messed with your memory.

    Seiya.png.2a14a3984d6a2531e8536687c2f8cc37.pngSeiya Nikolov: I had heard something about that. Didn't really believe it.

    EmbryCropped.png.cf1caefab815e91b03e82d4b8101a760.pngEmbry Obalkanska: It happened. It was mental torture, having to essentially take care of a deranged basement monster that had my parents for lunch.

    YoshikageKira.png.d828b0dca9fbd4e6609e0a1faf73d466.pngYoshikage Kramlis: You mean 'cannibal'.

    Lich.jpg.861452d9504aeeb1fc22004a00974ab6.jpgLits Fílaktri: You mean 'Embry'.

    Chara.jpg.33cd53059610f4d5799ed8248f9f8fca.jpgChara Dreimanis: Whatever!

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Anyway, Slavaria is the teenage friend/lovers group I'm in. There's 8 people in it, including Sahaidachny.

    1955461122_MachiAskingIfMasterIkutoWouldLikeSomeMoreOfHerCooking.png.ba1e63a520cc4c1c886d5f8a15213496.pngMachi Mihailova: Galatea?

    Galatea.jpg.5e2d79d0bdf40b45755e1ce0f2eae8e0.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny: She means my son.

    Rococo.jpg.3ca8e10ce199f0b954948d2353631f24.jpgRococo Uradulov: Clarkov?!

    Nagisa.png.05dc8af84e3869b02842079d320b651d.pngNagisa Ivanovaulait: I was not expecting him to have friends.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Lovers too.

    Hyouka.jpg.31ca33823eb7eaf87266c529d248514d.jpgHyouka Felteke: Slavaria Cossack is a self-chosen harem friend group in all but title.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: That's right! Clarkov is the newest member, we kind of dragged him in against his will but he's become used to us. You can guess why we took notice of that boy yourselves.

    Damian.jpg.c35ca2cb82c579e2c2ade85f5388b6f8.jpgDamian Haat: But how the hell did you get him of all people to join your group?

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Me and the others - Natalya, Yevhen, Valentyna, Myroslav, Reichiru and Lyubomyr - wanted him to open up to us about what he was actually feeling underneath that ice-covered shell. I'm happy to say it worked.

    Takumi.png.78ec8587caf10dd167eca642b2eeafbc.pngTakumi Furman: Did it though? He's still pretty emotionless.

    Origami.png.083a257554159405d5d67b7ee3962db7.pngOrigami Tsvetanova: I'm guessing you haven't heard of the Dandere trope.

    Rococo.jpg.3ca8e10ce199f0b954948d2353631f24.jpgRococo Uradulov: The what trope?

    Origami.png.083a257554159405d5d67b7ee3962db7.pngOrigami Tsvetanova: A person who appears emotionless and cold on the outside but is actually incredibly shy on the inside.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Describes him well, so does Kuudere which actually does mean 'cold'. He's a mama's boy too. Rather clingy, and highly protective of the very few who have managed to get close to him.

    Galatea.jpg.5e2d79d0bdf40b45755e1ce0f2eae8e0.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny: I owe that to being his mentor alongside being his mum.

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.2ab412447d96faf70e5cbb974de1abb0.jpgNaho Sotirova: How he got where he is now with your mentoring I'll never know.

    Galatea.jpg.5e2d79d0bdf40b45755e1ce0f2eae8e0.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny: I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.2ab412447d96faf70e5cbb974de1abb0.jpgNaho Sotirova: It's an insult you thieving hack.

    Galatea.jpg.5e2d79d0bdf40b45755e1ce0f2eae8e0.jpgGalatea Sahaidachny: I stole nothing from Kou!

    Damian.jpg.c35ca2cb82c579e2c2ade85f5388b6f8.jpgDamian Haat: Back off, Naho. I may be Jammbonevych's main rival, but I'm willing to defend Galatea in this case.

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: That's because her son is your secret crush.

    Damian.jpg.c35ca2cb82c579e2c2ade85f5388b6f8.jpgDamian Haat: The teasing isn't funny!

    SlavariaCossackStanislava.png.5743f3f66d6a2fcb97287e077cbe286f.pngStanislava Artemenko: Come on, it was hilarious!

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.2ab412447d96faf70e5cbb974de1abb0.jpgNaho Sotirova: He's my main rival actually, so go fish.

    Niko.jpg.fa27f9611b6e1f41a2b371444f4e3e90.jpgNiko Balodis: I don't mean to be rude, but you're kind of a cheap rip-off.

    NahoSaenoki.jpg.2ab412447d96faf70e5cbb974de1abb0.jpgNaho Sotirova: I was first. If anything, Jammbonevych is the rip-off.

    Niko.jpg.fa27f9611b6e1f41a2b371444f4e3e90.jpgNiko Balodis: Oh right.

    ExcalibursLeader.png.8f2baa6baeba1262b81fc3ee7b58a47e.pngJulian Kanzën: You really need to up your game Niko.

    Origami.png.083a257554159405d5d67b7ee3962db7.pngOrigami Tsvetanova: Julian, you're near the top in almost everything you do, everyone needs to up their game compared to you.

    Harold.png.02687a70d957736fd0fa6b794ec79288.pngHarold McGavrilov V: This is all starting to feel like something out of one of those manga or anime from back home.

    Ougi.gif.38e2437b99bad79ba82108296efbdec5.gifOugi Ostrovske: It does, and just like in many of those fictional tales, not all is as it seems right now.

    YoshikageKira.png.d828b0dca9fbd4e6609e0a1faf73d466.pngYoshikage Kramlis: You saying that reassures me that this is going to remain a normal conversation.

    Chihiro.png.75429bede74ecd67a3b373602bb92eae.pngChihiro Freimanis: I'm not sure.

    ExcalibursLeader.png.8f2baa6baeba1262b81fc3ee7b58a47e.pngJulian Kanzën: Woah, stop worrying Chihiro. Ougi's entire identity is built on lies so we should be fine.

    Ougi.gif.38e2437b99bad79ba82108296efbdec5.gifOugi Ostrovske: Is it though?

    Patrick.jpg.ae679dbc4cdf30c4ec7c757120799f0c.jpgPatrick Manev: We all know it. Your misleading skills don't work on us.

    [suddenly, Mizore appears from behind a wall, followed by Ongo.]

    Seiya.png.2a14a3984d6a2531e8536687c2f8cc37.pngSeiya Nikolov: What the?!

    Lich.jpg.861452d9504aeeb1fc22004a00974ab6.jpgLits Fílaktri: I knew she'd be around here somewhere.

    MizoreShirayuki.jpg.8c1a2dd33920ff37e215a8d3f6697a1b.jpgMizore Savenko: I was listening to the whole thing.

    OngoCropped.jpg.55489a9be03ad1eda864d9ad9737f4c5.jpgOngo Sidopliassova: *unintelligible gibberish*

    Patrick.jpg.ae679dbc4cdf30c4ec7c757120799f0c.jpgPatrick Manev: I don't speak in random sounds, is Ongo confirming what Mizore said?

    OngoCropped.jpg.55489a9be03ad1eda864d9ad9737f4c5.jpgOngo Sidopliassova: *nods*

    Chara.jpg.33cd53059610f4d5799ed8248f9f8fca.jpgChara Dreimanis: But where did you come from?!

    MizoreShirayuki.jpg.8c1a2dd33920ff37e215a8d3f6697a1b.jpgMizore Savenko: Over there. [gestures to the wall nearby.] It's my 340th peeping spot.

    Lich.jpg.861452d9504aeeb1fc22004a00974ab6.jpgLits Fílaktri: Let me get this straight, you count the places you stalk from.

    MizoreShirayuki.jpg.8c1a2dd33920ff37e215a8d3f6697a1b.jpgMizore Savenko: I do.

    YoshikageKira.png.d828b0dca9fbd4e6609e0a1faf73d466.pngYoshikage Kramlis: There goes my hope of a normal and quiet conversation.

    Nagisa.png.05dc8af84e3869b02842079d320b651d.pngNagisa Ivanovaulait: [glances at Ougi]

    Ougi.gif.38e2437b99bad79ba82108296efbdec5.gifOugi Ostrovske: Told you.

    DiegoArmando.gif.cf4c2facde127eef8cc38efb9b9c7c80.gifDiego Adamov: I need a coffee.

    [A cup of coffee, Godot Blend #12, slides out of nowhere into Diego's hand on the desk. Ougi flashes a smug smirk to rival Clarkson.]

     

    [With the coffee cup sliding in, the thought to be ended debate on where the team captain gets his coffee reignited, as a flabbergasted Kou 'Kibiki' Kovalenko watched from the distance trying to wrap his head around the inner workings of the team known as Star Breaker.]

  11. The Stig Reads About... Julian

    TheStigReadsAbout....png.d2a529dcb93939f9904a1de92e463281.pngExcalibursLeader.png.a337985b400844475e9e87efde4675a8.png

    Julian's Theme - The Emperor (The intro theme)

    TheStig.jpg.ba4a841ee406a267f216f8c9f332cb77.jpgThe Stig: ...... ...... ..... .. ... ....... .. ......... .. . ......... ...... .. ... ............... ... ...... ....... ...... ..... ......... .. ... ..... ..... .... ... ............. ... ...... ..... ....... ..... ..... ........

    ...... .. ... ...... .. .... .......... . .... .... ........... ...... ...... ... ..... ........ .............. .. .......... ..... .. ... ....... .... ... ..... .. .... ... ......... ............. ... .. ......... ..... ........ ....... ........ ........

    ...... .. . ..... ............ ....... ... .... ..... .... .... ... ...... .... .... ....... .... .. ... .......... ...... ... .... .... ....... ... ....... ........ ... . ... ......... ...... .. ...... ..... .. ... .......... ... ..... ........ ........ ... .......... ........... ...... .. ... .... .........

    ...... .. . .... ....... ... ........ ....... ....... ... .. .... .... .......... .... .. .... ..... ......... .. .... ....... ..... ...... ..... ... .. .... ... .... .. ...... ... .... .. ... ...... ... .. .. .. ........... ....... ...... .. ..... . .... .... ... ........ ...... ......... .... .. .. .......... ... ....... .. .... .. ... ....... .. ........ .... ... ....... ... ... .... ..... .... .. .. ........ .. ...... ....... ... ...... .......... ..... .. ... ........ .. ... ...... .. ... ......... .. ... ..... .. ..... ........ ... ... ........ ... ... ......... .. ....... ...... ... ..... .. ..... ..........

     

    Thanks for listening. Come back in 2 days time for another enlightening tale from... whatever The Stig even is. We're aren't sure.

    ThisWasTheStigReadsAbout....png.d81d8c441abbb64eb41706a849890193.png

     

  12. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 1 - Local Bumblers Radio

    311285947_OIP(10).jpg.b68f810a71426cb0416075c64ef8e280.jpg

    [Clarkson, Hammond and May arrive at the radio station exhausted and out of breath.]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Ah, hello! If you've just started to view this, you are probably confused as to why we're totally out of breath.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Let me clear it up, me and James rigged a car as a prank on Jeremy, and it kind of went wrong.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I spun into Quiyakaso and ran him over.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: It's his own fault, he should have paid attention to my warning.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: You're the one who rigged the car.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: Hammond done it too.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Don't bring me into this mate, it was your idea.

    ISTJ.jpg.effd78b49507af3d9eadaa0cf96cc25e.jpgSiite Fineistje: Ah, you've arrived.

    Sakuya.png.cb106997d657a75797834506fb1b883f.pngSakuya Ileva: Hurry up, we've got not a moment to waste here.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Right, you two, come on.

    [Hammond drags Clarkson and May into a planning meeting with 5 work-oriented members of the HNDRJ - Siite, Sakuya, Dia, Sekkekkyuu & Faust - where James suddenly asks a very random question.]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: When you're in the jet wash, should the 'bonger' go off half-way between the cycle or at the end?

    Diamond.jpg.0f0a19282dbea925808378a0cb5c49b8.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: Hmm.

    Sakuya.png.cb106997d657a75797834506fb1b883f.pngSakuya Ileva: Oh... [facepalms]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Oh and the show is going out live, which could be a problem given the loose connection between Jeremy's brain and mouth.

    Faust.jpg.d5cc6e53192939578219b1109d7ef512.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: The average weekly audience is apparently about 250,000-300,000.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Not all of them are in invalid carriages.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Urgh!

    ISTJ.jpg.effd78b49507af3d9eadaa0cf96cc25e.jpgSiite Fineistje: Get this idea out of your head!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: What have I said?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: You said 'invalid carriages'.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well what's the word I'm looking for?

    Sekkekkyuu.png.867a87ad53ee4b3bc8cff705e614374f.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': You wanna make sure he doesn't say things like that this afternoon?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: What the-?! Alright, now I want you to show me how I control this 8-foot gorilla! What do you suggest I do?

    [Hours later]

    ISTJ.jpg.effd78b49507af3d9eadaa0cf96cc25e.jpgSiite Fineistje: The meeting has rambled on for ages and in that time, nothing has been sorted.

    Sekkekkyuu.png.867a87ad53ee4b3bc8cff705e614374f.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': I don't like that.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I've got the idea of reading the news butt-naked!

    Diamond.jpg.0f0a19282dbea925808378a0cb5c49b8.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: Almost veered off the deep end there.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: You know we've got just over an hour to go, right?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: I still don't understand any of this.

    [The others all laugh and despair at the same time. Sekkekkyuu puts an empty bin over James' head.]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: So, at quarter-past and quarter-to there are the headlines that James can read...

    [Half-an-hour later.]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Jeremy has announced...

    Diamond.jpg.0f0a19282dbea925808378a0cb5c49b8.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: Rather worryingly. 

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond...that he's been working on a plan.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Tonight, there won't be a single queue or jam in this region of Zoran because I'm doing the travel on this show.

    [Sakuya and Faust glance nervous looks at each-other]

    [25 minutes later.]

    Faust.jpg.d5cc6e53192939578219b1109d7ef512.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: Zero hour is fast approaching.

    Sakuya.png.cb106997d657a75797834506fb1b883f.pngSakuya Ileva: Even Jeremy's got busy.

    Sekkekkyuu.png.867a87ad53ee4b3bc8cff705e614374f.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': You got it Jeremy?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Got it.

    ISTJ.jpg.effd78b49507af3d9eadaa0cf96cc25e.jpgSiite Fineistje: Are you acquainted with the studio?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Yep.

    Diamond.jpg.0f0a19282dbea925808378a0cb5c49b8.jpgDia Mondrushchenko: James is mastering some of the station's other technical equipment.

    [James is microwaving a pie for lunch]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: We've got just a few minutes to go, hundreds of thousands of Denierians, Einherfellans, Hanita Gracseans, Nagaraningradians, Teralyans, Dilberians, Larxians and Cambrians are starting their journeys to the stadiums.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: Are those even the correct demonyms?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: I don't know, I just said what came to mind.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Richard, where's the turntable? For the records.

    [Siite can't help but laugh at Jeremy's silly question.]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Jeremy... there is no turntable! It's 1422!

    Sekkekkyuu.png.867a87ad53ee4b3bc8cff705e614374f.pngSekkekkyuu 'AE3803': They're all expecting their slick and helpful drive-time show.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: You've got your interview first as well, haven't you?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Who? What? What interview?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Oh my god that's me.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.97e14f177f91fcb418cf8e665a69c567.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I haven't got the- nngh, James you can't just nick the sheets!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bb72a69b81dd5936df1e9abba120d9d5.jpgJames May: The car firm...

    Faust.jpg.d5cc6e53192939578219b1109d7ef512.jpgFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: We are primed and ready.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.80d9b5f5988b2a1c72abdf40bb60af7a.jpgRichard Hammond: Good luck everybody! Here we go.

    [The intro to the radio station played, as the trio prepared to begin their show with the other 5 watching nervously.]

     

    As for how the radio show went, you'll have to wait for a future episode. We departed the 8 as the show began so we don't know what happened after that point yet. Undoubtedly, it'll be a laugh at least. Regardless since we have left them, we must leave you as well with our traditional implausible facts.

    Some say he knows why the chicken crossed the road, and that he actually has two brothers... they were more into music. All we know is he's called the Stig! We're The Bauhaus Novel with Conversation Street, Esferos' most bumbling network. Take care and goodbye!

    image.png.2e17685a19cf62134a3348c76e788fb9.png

    [The Stig's two brothers, pictured]

    {The new series, 'The Stig Reads About...', will begin at a future date.}

     

    786539107_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.7b4fdf64901115f246c289bf2fc14ad1.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.68de3ed24489b2ca869d78c3c272fe22.png

  13. Häřtferdsierndeambeu Ragbi Jünjen/Катфадсие ае Дзаембеу Рагби Сцийас - The 101

    The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street: Season 2, Episode 0 - Third Time [REDACTED]

    1350464568_hqdefault(1).jpg.ddaa7662e07e8e47fe39338fc33c6cb1.jpg

    [Clarkson walks into the tent to applause by the travelling Hertfordians and Jammbians, who quickly become bemused. Strangely, he is on his own. Where in the name of all that's holy are Hammond and May?!]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.257372a248f3a9a42a2e7dbd071a9786.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello and welcome! I'm here in Zoran where there used to be a war going on, but I'm told it was permanently postponed. Now, you might be wondering why I'm the only one here. Well, I found out just last week having recovered from pneumonia, that in my illness both Hammond and May have been picked to join the Hertfordshire and Jammbo national rugby team.

    [The audience gasps in relative unison]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.257372a248f3a9a42a2e7dbd071a9786.jpgJeremy Clarkson: As you could imagine, I was very cross. But no matter! If they succeed, I can claim that I taught them how to do it because let's be honest, James would score a try in the wrong direction and as for Richard? Let's just say that teams are probably motivated well by sore winners on the other end.

    [DisturbedHammond.jpg.59106b2accdb467630d34836c25d2968.jpgRichard Hammond {out of shot in the distance}: No you didn't! Stop saying things to the audience that aren't true!]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.257372a248f3a9a42a2e7dbd071a9786.jpgJeremy Clarkson: ...Anyway. Of course if we fail to win the title, I have a scope for laughing at them. It's a win-win for me.

    [A few scattered laughs can be heard from some parts of the audience]

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.257372a248f3a9a42a2e7dbd071a9786.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Right now that that's over with I can now hand over to the Stig who has joined us for various requests in a way only the Stig can do. This is Conversation Street's 2nd appearance so call this Season 2. On the note of this being the second season, and this episode being more of a prologue, see you first episode, goodnight! Oh, and Mečislavs and Clarkov are coming to see the 3rd Rugby World Cup. Given how monumentally shy he is, if anyone sees Clarkov in public, take a picture and send it to 0801-CLOTS. You may get recognition.

    TheStig.jpg.9bedfdc29dfb7519f96878fb6db4058b.jpgThe Stig: .. ... ... ..... .. .. ..... .. .. ..... ... ..... ....... ...... ......... .. .... (translation: he is not going to be happy if he finds out we're drawing public attention to him.)

    [4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.bdc28bd6ff29127ac092a4ad369c97af.jpgJames May {out of shot, having tripped into one of the abnormally large freezers the HNDRJ brought with them... which is full of freezing water}: Ah! My testicles have retreated!]

     

    HertsJammpedia - The Rundown (31-person team)

    HNJRJWikiEntry.thumb.png.39904c16d8287f95d4b9c9e196ccdaa8.png

    HNJRJWikiEntry2.thumb.png.42dd87af44b04d8221332a6da433f26f.png

     

    Weirdness Incarnate - The Roster (31-person team)

    HNDRJRoster1.png.d0d83b6eda9a4c89bfd247d7186736fa.png

    HNDRJRoster2.png.584b1fec21923cf3517f6066f9ab368a.png

    HNDRJRoster3.png.f5d8ebb452ea866116ca6a16108cf402.png

    HNDRJRoster4.thumb.png.f291eeb640f591470f2fac04edcb565b.png

    AGE IS IRRELEVANT

    The Style Mod

    +2.9

    The Checklist - RP Permissions

    If my opponent RPs first, they may...
    Choose my try scorers: N
    Choose my kicker: N
    RP injuries: Y
    Godmod scoring events: N
    Godmod injuries: N
    Godmod other events: N
    

     

    836434903_20200219_080700.png.dbf05cce9df7f91a5202d4c539bc15e3(1).thumb.png.d208f588ed46f549e3bdbb12fce79c64.png                  HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.53b77fdfb69d85a2572e5d1e0704abf3.png

  14. The Confederal Kingdom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo shall enter the 3rd Rugby World Cup. A new, actually official, logo is in the works as of this moment in preparation for this event.

     

    Signed, Tsar Mečislavs Deben

    Signed, Clarkov Jammbonevych Sahaidachny

    Update! The new logo has been completed. We hope the new look is to our fans' liking. It certainly is to us.

    HNJRJNewLogo.thumb.png.d4696d205df8408f4b52788dd3d88386.png

  15. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 12Esferiad Burst!

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.83ce3d197dcc5e91e67ddb4a25d222fa.png

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello everyone and welcome to a new episode of The Bauhaus Novel.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: Indeed, welcome to what we hope will be a return to normal episodes. Well, as normal as us three can be.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: Yes we shall, however now it's time to realize that there is no tent of chat, on the field of debate, just outside of Conversation Street!

    tumblr_p4e4whhjgS1qjirrjo3_250.gif.68dad73fa73ff1b418c7f5ec2440e63f.gif

    The jingle we all know and love plays. This time, Clarkson drops an anvil on May to no effect. We are receiving a sense of Deja Vu here.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: How did that not phase him?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I don't know. It's completely baffling.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: You know I'm not really sure how myself.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well let's not get bogged down in whether James is even human, let's address the elephant in the room.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: Good point! So, Hammond, what do you mean there's no tent?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: The HNJEK are rather unhappy with us for constantly missing deadlines and so they've decided to lay a penalty on this show.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: What kind of penalty?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: Did none of you notice that we are outside doing this?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: Cock. I wondered why that was the case.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: So basically we've been evicted from our news offices.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well I think we all know, in the audience, who is to blame for our predicament.

    [In no time at all, the audience via a tally chart on the only piece of technology left to the boys showed  that May was clearly the blamed.]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: Hang on a minute, why am I being blamed here?!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well, the athlete roster was 3 days late.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: You can't tell me that was the sole reason you have blamed me.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: To be honest we're only doing it because you're the slow one, so if we pin it on you, me & Hammond don't get any flack and the viewers at home would see common sense in the reason.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: I'm a scapegoat then.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Exactly.

    anime_quote__283_by_anime_quotes_d7qzag2-fullview.thumb.jpg.7bc0bbdbbbead1a1a443ea25c789b7e9.jpg

    Wholesome, if slightly confusing, online picture that the S.O.D.O.F.F contained.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: On the subject, what are we going to cover in today's episode?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Erm, that's a good question.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: I'm not really sure. But I got these signs.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: Yes, those will help us.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: We hold them up and whoever can fit three TV hosts into their car can take us straight to that afterparty that the rest of the HNJEK, all 150+ athletes, are joining.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yes, yes! I forgot about that.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: Mecislavs & Clarkov will be there too, the Tsar told me via email.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Why didn't Jammbonevych Furutani email us?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: You realise that boy is probably the most naturally nervous & shy person at this Esferiad outright, I'm guessing.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: My bad for not noticing sooner. Also, he is rather cold to people.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: He's cold to pretty much anyone due to reasons mentioned earlier, but as Adaikesian President Salazar showed when he brought the topic of autism acceptance to the table, it is not impossible to get Clarkov to open up although it is a difficult & slow process.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: One thing's for sure, that boy no matter how naturally shy or nervous he is has no shame at all.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: His special occasions drawer that sits adjacent to his Javelin Throw gold & silver medals tells all. Fanart, actual pictures of athletes, fanfiction, AB/DL, Age Regression, Yaoi/B.L., Bondage, a model train, memes, ships (not the sailing kind), the list goes on.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: No no wait, Yaoi/B.L.?!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: I thought that was rather odd considering that the Prime Minister is as asexual as he is autistic which is very much so.

    78f.png.cd1666d107e07246ea64dbd07383a7dc.pngbeyblade___excalibur_by_slumberpoppy_d2vq39n-fullview.jpg.03f4300a54944822c14dacb4bb40d602.jpgninoarttrade4_by_tamaeftt_d7sqaa7-pre.thumb.jpg.5002da4b5144fa6743a01a682a2e570c.jpgMizore-G120.jpg.ef06dd41ee2744b17fc7dbb202ee8170.jpgunchosen_angel___damian_heart_by_chocoholicmello_d4xdjce-fullview.thumb.jpg.9ef7ca0dc49d1fafec720bf4794339d9.jpgjelly_jamm__music_you_me_meet_kiss_more_watch_by_tdendybibiana_d5nkciy-fullview.thumb.jpg.cf5a30610d14c50a767264afd9694c54.jpg4d_105_003.thumb.png.a280ea1951692dafa61dcbfb44e9a205.png

    More stuff found in the S.O.D.O.F.F., this time Jammbonevych Furutani personally allowed us to show these ones. Miracles, though we're not sure they're good ones. Also, what did Enrico ruin?!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: Oi! Get out here you idle sods!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.4c3739b0165137709f4612ebca1c499f.jpgRichard Hammond: Coming James!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: It looks like that's all we have time for. If this isn't the final episode for the current Esferiad the next one will be. Now before we go I'd like to announce that Jammbonevych Furutani has told us three privately that he is thinking of having Hertfordshire & Jammbo lodge a bid to host the third Esferiad. Let's make it happen people, get to convincing him to go through with it. Oh and convince the Verkhovna Anglia while you're at it. This would need to be voted through.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.5a2eedb26bd527acabb2ea376e9b1928.jpgJames May: CLAAAAARKSOOOOOOON!!!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.63ccdcd31caeded36ffdcfa582d9467e.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh sh-t! Alright, have a skit we put together. Until next time everyone, goodbye!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oo18OQPrOI

    The little skit that the trio put together. Ambitious but successful, not a phrase you hear about these three often. Or ever.

     

    Day 13 Event Schedule (Already Gone)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Canoe-1 Slalom Yoshika Melngaile, Kanako Yanchuk
    Road Time Trial Cycling Lilith Myroshnychenko, Maxie Valchev, Diego Adamov
    Track Sprint Cycling Nahyuta Seržants, Seiya Nikolov, Chara Dreimanis
    Shortboard Surfing Markus Vasev, Masamune Karapetrov
    Gymnastics Vault Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Gymnastics Individual All-Arounds Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Badminton Doubles Stage 1 Pluto Ḣeidïz + Rago Nesterenko, Sig Chornyj + Leone Avramenko
    Individual Sabre Fencing Stage 1 Manfred van Kirilova, Enrico Priedītis
    Heavyweight Boxing Finals "Scatman" John Lapsiņš
    Rugby Sevens Semi-Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    Day 14 Event Schedule (Final Day! Coming Up)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Kayak-1 200m Slalom Mukuro Ishchuk, Sachiko Sheremet
    Track Team Sprint Cycling Mary Hadjieva + Galeem Gaismas, Julian Kynev + Shinmyoumaru Sotirova
    Gymnastics Team All-Arounds Hertfordshire & Jammbo Gymnastics Team
    Badminton Doubles Finals Pluto Ḣeidïz + Rago Nesterenko, Sig Chornyj + Leone Avramenko
    Rugby Sevens Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.287c438406bad4197826be6e2a698c0a.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.2407791f01780c56c10c897ff38d3a9d.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.17083f4e9d5febda5d03d9b5ac61963e.png   590499430_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.e0ecab9b8db11c9e469790c9ac25c83e.png

     

  16. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 11: The Last Thing On My Phone

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    Tonight, Jeremy revels in Richard's failure,

    image.png.7e683ce47612e9b4ea9266fe2fa9b4a8.png

    Richard convinces Ongo to hoard the waffles,

    ClarkovWithABow.png.00bd9bb5b78aa4f14032e77187ff3ef3.png

    and Clarkov shows us what he was wearing during Javelin.

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.1c7b8f8cbe3fb2e293c6fc2c80894220.png

    tumblr_p4e4whhjgS1qjirrjo7_250.gif.875fba161a311bd1bb06cedd0a4e069a.gif

    The Conversation Street jingle plays for the first time in a while. Here we see a truly stunning scene in the natural environment of the HNJEK Karventhin offices. The Orangutano Clarksonius and the Hamsteridae Hammonder are witnessed attempting to murder each other with a machine gun & a pistol respectively. The Spanielis Mayli has a knife in his head, yet miraculously still lives. Also, hooray for recycling previous intros!

    Continued from the previous episode.

     

    image.png.e792c0897bea443485102db786a16519.pngMakoto Nankov: What is your most frequently used emoji?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: I have never used an emoji ever.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I don't use, ever, emojis.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: Me neither, I never use them. It's just inappropriate! It just feels wrong to be using an emoji, I don't feel like I should. James, you have used emojis.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.4f2ba3d22ecafe208719dbe7448ee4b1.jpgJames May: I have. I've, er, only ever used the thumbs up one occasionally because you can do it in lots of different colours, it's very right on. So you can have it all the way from sort of pasty Northern Polaris to, you know, somebody from New Velka, you've got all shades of person.

    image.png.148fabec8c64fbfaf0e0dcf874ab60e3.pngDio Burluka: What music are you listening to?

    ClarkovWithABow.png.c46fbcc97ede8eff0d750ba679c80e68.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: I've got the MBTI as Instrumental Music Collection by Natalya, er, some medieval music, two anime albums and... that's all off the same album, that's just my special occasions material.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: [confused and displeased grimace]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: When did he get here?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.4f2ba3d22ecafe208719dbe7448ee4b1.jpgJames May: Not a clue, but his music taste is strange.

    ClarkovWithABow.png.c46fbcc97ede8eff0d750ba679c80e68.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: I... thought I was alone. 

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: You can stay if you want, since you're here now.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.4f2ba3d22ecafe208719dbe7448ee4b1.jpgJames May: Fine by me.

    ClarkovWithABow.png.c46fbcc97ede8eff0d750ba679c80e68.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: [soft smile]

    image.png.fd7178803858a522479df51f0f5a8455.pngFaust ḨarełeudeiemWhat was the last note you wrote to yourself?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: "Tamara Davies died. Off continent, look back & do all we can. Tamara Davies still died. We are what we are in a time we can conceive and measure." Utterly meaningless...!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: "The Stig's Doll Guldurian cousin, something to tell us?" "Yes diarrhoea, c) pick on people in bins." I suspect it was- there was a story that The Stig's Doll Guldurian cousin was joining the Esferiad. They got a photograph of maybe a sign-up document as the Postcard Online called it, they'll have gone 'something to tell us Doll Guldur Stig?' and it would hold up a sign saying 'Yeah, I've got diarrhoea. Just got a bit of a bloated engine, I'm going to have a big sh-t in a minute'. F-cking Postcard Online.

    image.png.a9a2d5a8f178d5e5bb5eda9416472794.pngThe Stig: ... .... ...... ...... .. ... ..... [Translation: How many unread emails do you have?]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.4f2ba3d22ecafe208719dbe7448ee4b1.jpgJames May: 111,672.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: I've got just 2.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Here's my inbox.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: That's a lot of unread.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: All of them are unread. So if you're watching this Faust Ḩarełeudeiem, Karen Kovalenko, Suu Strashilova, Mizore Savenko, Enrico Priedītis, Armando Slobodyan, Chara Dreimanis whoever you are, Kou Kovalchuk, Embry Balkanska, Ongo Sidopliassova, Shirou Fomenko, Lemres Romanov, Sentinel Putniņš, Ryo D. Lait, Mečislavs Deben: unread!

    [Clarkson & Hammond burst into laughter]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.a0fb72177d385815110090d8353419a7.jpgRichard Hammond: Yeah you should probably try a bit harder there.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oooh- that's a bit embarrassing. [still laughing during sentence]

     

    Yeah, we didn't make an episode yesterday, again, but we do have a habit of this now. Perhaps we should try and make more time to do these. Besides, some say that 

    Goodbye & Goodnight everyone!

     

    Day 12 Event Schedule (Already Gone)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Kayak-1 200m Sprint Roger Runcis, Bunta Furman
    Mountain Biking Cycling Mečislavs Deben, Jataro Koks
    Golf Dynamis Dudka, Emporio Aspers
    Gymnastics Rings Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Heavyweight Boxing Stage 1 "Scatman" John Lapsiņš, Vector "Prime" Putniņš
    Kumite Karate Finals Cain Myroshnychenko, Erhard Mykhalchuk
    Lacrosse Finals Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Field Hockey Quarter-Finals Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Quarter-Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Quarter-Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.4f2ba3d22ecafe208719dbe7448ee4b1.jpgJames May: Why are we showing events that have already happened without showing the upcoming events too?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.c2885599a4618425ae8bd7b4325287e3.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Because we'll get those upcoming events in the next episode or fall asleep trying.

     

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.540ae44db92cf4453419d33fe63d2fe5.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.c41a990841895a9375ad3bc0113ed52f.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.f27dd541c4a90c16819bc4242f587bd7.png   1508919692_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.e7d74d27eabf7402a0d6659000aa1f16.png

     

  17. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 10: Not While There's Still Jelly Coursing Through These Veins! (DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: What...)

    R.gif.fdb52512b0ff6e912a4e7a72313f3320.gif

    Tonight, Jeremy revels in Richard's failure,

    image.png.7e683ce47612e9b4ea9266fe2fa9b4a8.png

    Richard convinces Ongo to hoard the waffles,

    ClarkovWithABow.png.00bd9bb5b78aa4f14032e77187ff3ef3.png

    and James shows us the last thing on his phone.

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.1c7b8f8cbe3fb2e293c6fc2c80894220.png

    tumblr_p4e4whhjgS1qjirrjo7_250.gif.875fba161a311bd1bb06cedd0a4e069a.gif

    The Conversation Street jingle plays for the first time in a while. Here we see a truly stunning scene in the natural environment of the HNJEK Karventhin offices. The Orangutano Clarksonius and the Hamsteridae Hammonder are witnessed attempting to murder each other with a machine gun & a pistol respectively. The Spanielis Mayli has a knife in his head, yet miraculously still lives.

    * = bad grammar on purpose to convey failure to pause in between saying words

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: I'm James May.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: I'mRichardHammond.*

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I'm Jeremy Clarkson.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: And this is 'The Last Thing On My Phone'.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: What is?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: That's the name of the segment.

    What Was The Last Thing On Your Phone?

    John Kramer: So if you guys could look right into this camera here in the middle.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: [disturbingly focused]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: Alright.

    image.png.d1171e621b112654bb7d0c874a001cb1.pngRantaro Antonenko: What was the last photo you took?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: It's my penis.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: It's- it's my own trousers.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Well this is your own...

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I don't actually...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Am I allowed to show that?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: That's something from our BBEK protest, it's our bus handcuff scene, it's he and James... touching each other.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Well...

    image.png.a08eeae1f30d8d35bc547418f40f66d2.pngJack Borisov: What was the last video you watched?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Okay it's... ThouPorn, that's a ThouPorn, what was it?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Eheheh.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh god really? You w- oh.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: I'm in it.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Nobody wants to see that!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: I'm in it.

    image.png.fbeb33a15d7f2a1b6138f6d79e3e17d7.pngNaho Sotirova: What was the last thing you Googolplerxed?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: Mine was Neimz.co.hj, trying to change the name of my email account, that's interesting isn't it? [rhetorical sarcasm]

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: I was looking for the Reçueçn embassy (in Cambria).

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: Wh- n- everybody knows that.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Wai- no, you've seriously had to Googolplerx where the Reçueçn embassy is?!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Do you wanna know what's even funnier?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: What?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: I didn't find it. I was on a motorcycle, I had to stop and just park it and got in a taxi and went 150 yards to it. I don't live in Great Parndon!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Wh- you...

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: I also looked at the weather in Easfolk 'cause Hammond and I have to go there in a week.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Is it Hertfordshire and Jammbo?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: It's snowing.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Is it autumn?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: It's the north.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: It's snowing.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: It's snowing!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Only he'd look that up.

    image.png.9b0eb590488c7609aa6122c2ef97efd4.pngRococo Uradulov: What was your last text message?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: It's my parole officer.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Mine is from my son, "quite good actually".

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: Mine was "f-ck off".

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Can't tell you what mine was 'cause you'll just think I'm a f-cking twat.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: "Your helicopter is grounded this week", which means you have to go to Easfolk in your car. Hahaha.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Haahaahaa!

    image.png.e5384d81f46a977fdeed31a93c159e10.pngTanukichi Osis: How many alarms do you have set?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: 3.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: 1.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: I have 3.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: 06:17, 06:19, 06:20. I've got Fashion, Moving On & Kaleidoscope of Happiness.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well my times are 5:00, 5:17, 5:30, 5:45, 6:00, 6:10, 6:30, 6:45, 7:00, 18:00, 18:58 & 19:55.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Why have you left them all on?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.40e50a89f8780bc962b892312619e2fd.jpgJeremy Clarkson: I might need an alarm at 19:55!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.f03e588fce4f4695f4925caf748cd22a.jpgRichard Hammond: Well you can always set another one!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.25deb19bbc61def0c95ff79f4fedc71c.jpgJames May: I've got 07:01, 18:03 & 21:01. They are tagged Another Beginning, Cygnus & Get Up, F-ckface.

    Will be continued in the next episode. Cheerio chaps!

     

    Yeah, we didn't make an episode yesterday, we had no time as Clarkson & May were too busy laughing at Hammond's dismal failure to win gold for the second time. With all that being said in typical "I'll-blow-up-your-house-if-you-lose-this-bet" fervour, it is time to end. Of course we'll be back, we always are. You can never get rid of us! Well, unless John Kramer traps us or something. Now some say we thought Fujai was a hippie documentary, and that our internal organs are made from steel & ice. All we know is, we turned all your air conditioners to the lowest setting fellow Esferiad bodies!

    LisaOnASugarHigh.jpg.e154fd4704a387330e2c8107133bfd4f.jpg

    Goodbye & Goodnight everyone!

     

    Day 10 Event Schedule (Already Gone)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Marathon Track Ongo Sidopliassova, Damian Haat, Zombina Zakharchenko
    Field Javelin Throw Ryosuke Tīrelis, Clarkov Jammbonevych Furutani, May Mykytyuk
    Gymnastics Uneven Bars Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Badminton Singles Stage 1 Junko Varbanova, Konngara Adamov
    Individual Foil Fencing Stage 1 Joseph Deeustä, Kirina Hadjiivanov
    Water Polo Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Finals Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Quarter-Finals Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Quarter-Finals Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 5 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation
    Field Hockey Matchday 4 Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Matchday 4 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Matchday 4 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    Day 11 Event Schedule (Coming Up)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Track Individual All-Arounds Nile Hadjiev, Lemres Romanov, Endeavour Medvid, Jotaro Kishishev, Gingka Hristov, Jeremy Clarkson, Afuro Tytarenko, Judai Yakymchuk, Tommy Venev, Lockdown Melngailis, Douglas Mednis, Shirou Fomenko, John Tinchev, Bello Jēkabsons, Miles Endziņš, Wales Chaban + Sophie Chaban + Giorno Giovranchev + Yuuma Novak, Ongo Sidopliassova, Damian Haat, Zombina Zakharchenko
    Track Team All-Arounds Hertfordshire & Jammbo Track Athletics Team
    Field Individual All-Arounds Ivo Rudzītis, Peko Pekyneva, Freddie Ṁḙkjeri, Ayame Kraule, Mamoru Endziņš, Yuuto Kreslīns, Shinji Ivanyuk, Yoshikage Kramlis, Quote HT, Franklin Chaban, Embry Balkanska, Eirin Yaneva, Ryosuke Tīrelis, Clarkov Jammbonevych Furutani, May Mykytyuk
    Field Team All-Arounds Hertfordshire & Jammbo Field Athletics Team
    Canoe-2 1,000m Sprint Gyro Zeidmanis + Johnny Deeustä
    Gymnastics Parallel Bars Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    BMX Cycling Rose Rysinov, Aran Rozītis
    Kumite Karate Stage 1 Cain Myroshnychenko, Erhard Mykhalchuk
    Individual Foil Fencing Finals Joseph Deeustä
    Lacrosse Semi-Finals Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 6 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation
    Field Hockey Matchday 5 Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Matchday 5 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Matchday 5 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.85295bc7e321f55230c1e902222e9b81.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.007faa2e74fdcc260c5dd209be91b03b.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.327069931501916109cb3aafda1cc992.png   1261065204_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.b16eb4ce4c8d843d6fea5fb8b2c04d6d.png

    •  
  18. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 9: That Was Unexpected

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.213005f6477deba723baca3a13ddee55.png

    Cyb_ep47_vector_prime_dies.jpg.8bcf4af4c0615dcd19b82c83c2161870.jpg

    Tonight, Vector passes out,

    Picture1.jpg.5953d202b3f3556a774e8514fd39f889.jpg

    Richard drives like Takumi Furman,

    EfDaLFRWsAEywAi.thumb.jpg.1533c098fcd5274b548356a52b648229.jpg

    and something unexpectedly wholesome appears in the stolen S.O.D.O.F.F. collection.

     

    Blah blah blah, we know we're way behind schedule, the hosts aren't back. The entire news show is all but ruined at this point but we don't give a damn! It's still happening and we are not stopping anytime soon. You know the drill, just cross your fingers and hope the boys come back. [off screen - JohnKramer.png.a48c467d840db7bed592c885d33dfbac.pngJohn Kramer: "WHERE ARE YOU, YOU TRIO OF MIDDLE AGED FU---!"] ...Well then. Oh, hang on...

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.f22af6e8b41a7aa533c5056df0312fb7.jpgJeremy Clarkson: We're back!!!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: Yes we are.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.165f3bd84af16be13e6d7fcabcf6a5f1.jpgJames May: And we have a great way to re-introduce ourselves after our time away.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Slow & a shaved ape there.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.f22af6e8b41a7aa533c5056df0312fb7.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Wha-!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: No no thanks, really thanks lads for wasting 9 minutes of my life.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.165f3bd84af16be13e6d7fcabcf6a5f1.jpgJames May: No no I'll tell you something else really interesting...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: Not with Ongo's sofa oar sticking through your neck you won't.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.165f3bd84af16be13e6d7fcabcf6a5f1.jpgJames May: No seriously! During the war...

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: Oh god no, not 'James May On The War'!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.f22af6e8b41a7aa533c5056df0312fb7.jpgJeremy Clarkson: No!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.bfe5a57c1fdefaceaea150a0397e172c.jpgRichard Hammond: Please.

    361829595_maxresdefault(6).thumb.jpg.aced84e45d2b4fe589c01b03af1181a1.jpg

    The appropriate reaction to 'James May On The War'. No one wants to be put through that. The one furthest to the left is the one who owns the 'sofa oar' that Hammond mentioned.

     

    An extra news piece because we somehow have nothing better to do with our time. With that being said, it is time to end. Some say the formula for medal winning is written on each of our nose hairs, and that we are illegal in 11 different countries All we know is, we're the HNJEK. Goodnight. [falls asleep]

     

    Day 9 Event Schedule

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    4 x 100m Relay Track Wales Chaban + Sophie Chaban + Giorno Giovranchev + Yuuma Novak
    Field Hammer Throw Embry Balkanska, Eirin Yaneva
    Gymnastics Balance Beam Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Lightweight Boxing Stage 1 Richard Hammond, Kou Kovalchuk
    Kata Karate Finals Lisa Lazarenko
    Water Polo Semi-Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Semi-Finals Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Matchday 5 Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Matchday 5 Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 4 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation
    Field Hockey Matchday 3 Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Matchday 3 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Matchday 3 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

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  19. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 8: WANTED = Clarkson, Hammond & May

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.24b52633c311c6955fa1a98ae64809a3.png

    Yeah, Clarkson, Hammond & May still haven't returned. Who among the audience bets that they've been arrested by local authorities? We're beginning to think they were. So because of this, we have no hosts. That's why the format introduced last episode will stay for the foreseeable future and yes, that includes our sneaky reveal of the patented Special Occasions Drawer of Fabled Fields (SOD OFF). This will last until they return, or until a creepy organ sound effect plays. That heralds Clarkov arriving out of nowhere. It also means no intriguing intros, so deal with it!

    Also, we know we're way behind with this, cut us some slack.

    ed3dbdf00cdddda8fbe2104da72228ad.jpg.f013c29be7a2925fd5e320daafd66cc7.jpgd5buwoz-35292f92-191a-4c38-871b-670acd0eb5e3.jpg.5fa626d2e3fbd392690859521496f70d.jpgd59ngm5-1069a94b-dbf7-4ac1-b9d1-3a89a2b2a9b8.jpg.e66a57d280c65c89498a040bf76e2302.jpgddm6qce-3395c2c4-331e-4c30-8b3b-08d3842554af.jpg.f17a1420bad5ad45112ad66b692ba2bc.jpgdc5q9j9-11fe8e9d-a2b4-4a69-8e68-e88689f224f6.png.e6fbf9a1b0414d3174bef1b639f17f5e.pngd2b936i-fe35e9df-6e37-4109-9738-a80759912726.jpg.827fa0ea6aef9dc5f53ebfe324cbea92.jpgd8mhdmt-e42aa899-b7d8-4db9-a554-a12ee70c0796.jpg.9c10f50ec054255027d455e1c4561066.jpg

    Day 2 of the S.O.D.O.F.F. reveals. Clarkov will be fuming, but he's too shy and too intelligent to try and stop us. Trust us, he and we both know how the internet works. [OOC: Actual pictures, mostly found on DeviantArt, that the asexual boy behind H&J loves.]

     

    Day 2 - Athlete Rankings

    image.png.29c30ce29afd0eb96c324caf39199cc4.png

    1st = Feli Petruk - Event: Tennis Singles - Expected Overall Position: 13th | Actual Overall Position: 1st - Net Position: 0.38th | Net Expected Position Gain: +4.62 | ("You intend to defy your fate?")

    image.png.ac648c985b79364ea5e77df1a2cf5e23.pngimage.png.f68d2e21cfd9856f692df0770c38dcf6.png

    2nd = Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen - Event: Beach Volleyball - Expected Overall Position: 9th | Actual Overall Position: 2nd - Net Position: 2.00nd | Net Expected Position Gain: +7.00 | ("I, Spïďwagen, shall allow none to harm this gentleman!")

    20200607_125137.png.c1d4336d00a1b3e13bdceffb64d63a8c.thumb.png.fd80c94641d76c09814f1cc00e252f50.png

    3rd = Hertfordia Basketball - Event: Basketball - Expected Overall Position: 11th | Actual Overall Position: 3rd - Net Position: 2.14th | Net Expected Position Gain: +5.71

    image.png.92c10d0652b9eb909dba0148c688e9f8.png

    4th = Jack Borisov - Event: 3m Springboard Diving - Expected Overall Position: 5th | Actual Overall Position: 1st - Net Position: 0.29th | Net Expected Position Gain: +1.14 | ("Art Stone Age is all over. Its fantastic new age will be started by me!")

    image.png.d5fdc08bed2029766f8d69d435a1a6c5.png

    5th = Suu Strashilova - Event: Windsurfing Sailing - Expected Overall Position: 12th | Actual Overall Position: 5th - Net Position: 1.72nd | Net Expected Position Gain: +2.41 | ("Well, it was Suu's fault that you caught a cold... I should apologize as well. But Suu doesn't mind! Because she loves her Master!" [BF {nothing sinister is going on here}/Kimihito Kostenko {is present in HNJEK staff}])

    image.png.0c960bd1f60056023c926731781a9577.png

    6th = Karen Kovalenko - Event: 10m Air Rifle Shooting - Expected Overall Position: 19th | Actual Overall Position: 6th - Net Position: 2.61st | Net Expected Position Gain: +5.65 | ("They kidnapped my mum. They have her. You may be my friends, but I'll kill you. I have to! For my mother!")

    image.png.3bbe90aded5d20a81caffedb2b951911.png

    7th = Vekar Griķis - Event: Individual Taekwondo - Expected Overall Position: 16th | Actual Overall Position: 5th - Net Position: 3.13th | Net Expected Position Gain: +6.88 | ("The Aurans can fight back! Well, I don't like that!")

    image.png.c0be4143195c9386918c53b21895d86f.png

    8th = Zeo Ȩbis - Event: Windsurfing Sailing - Expected Overall Position: 8th | Actual Overall Position: 4th - Net Position: 1.38th | Net Expected Position Gain: +1.38 | ("Heh, you're as optimistic as always, but it sounds so good.")

    image.png.e33d19b5f65f95d31d64be489d822f7b.png

    9th = Naho Sotirova - Event: Individual Taekwondo - Expected Overall Position: 1st | Actual Overall Position: 1st - Net Position: 0.63rd | Net Expected Position Gain: (+/-)0.00 | ("'Kibiki'... my sweet, succulent mentor... I would do anything for you... anything at all...")

    image.png.0a26407479eb66a6298774a5348dbe7c.png

    10th = Rita Dacheva - Event: 10m Air Rifle Shooting - Expected Overall Position: 9th | Actual Overall Position: 5th - Net Position: 1.47th | Net Expected Position Gain: +2.17 | ("...And they do nice things for each other.")

    image.png.72cd34d67dea3a45e0b4d7b4ebfa99c9.png

    11th = Mina Medne - Event: Tennis Singles - Expected Overall Position: 19th | Actual Overall Position: 8th - Net Position: 4.23rd | Net Expected Position Gain: +3.08 | ("I've conquered the atom, but not the Jammbonian mind.")

    image.png.6ec06351a1febdc331ded76e045768b2.png

    12th = Gankyo Kostova - Event: 3m Springboard Diving - Expected Overall Position: 2nd | Actual Overall Position: 3rd - Net Position: 0.86th | Net Expected Position Gain: -0.29 | ("Read books and surf the web..." [when asked what she normally does])

    image.png.6d084dc732e17980a3764d67b918f944.png

    13th = King Valchev - Event: 1,500m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 39th | Actual Overall Position: 19th - Net Position: 4.35th | Net Expected Position Gain: +4.13 | ("  This is fun, fun, so fun!!")

    image.png.5ef876a245d5741cb870d58fef8c024f.png

    14th = Hank Hordiyenko - Event: 1,500m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 9th | Actual Overall Position: 4th - Net Position: 8.04th | Net Expected Position Gain: +0.43 | ("  ...And if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass!")

    20200607_125104.png.43f275a93a33c6b32243de48ac46efe9.thumb.png.facbb2c3682af89c7f121e2ec0684aba.png

    15th = Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team - Event: Water Polo - Expected Overall Position: 3rd | Actual Overall Position: 8th - Net Position: 5.71st | Net Expected Position Gain: -3.57

    image.png.7a3a741eff6995bd9862302b7c00f1b2.png

    16th = Jonathan Deeustä - Event: 1,500m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 1st | Actual Overall Position: 20th - Net Position: 4.35th | Net Expected Position Gain: -4.13  ("I strive to be a true gentleman! There are times when a gentleman has to be courageous and fight, even when his opponent is bigger than he is and he knows he's going to lose!")

    20200606_223137.png.d68b98fa2cb0eb939d5c10352b37d213.thumb.png.8217e9245f944808668e49b10444408d.png

    17th = Hertfordia Baseball - Event: Baseball - Expected Overall Position: 7th| Actual Overall Position: 10th - Net Position: 8.33rd | Net Expected Position Gain: -2.50

    20200607_125104.png.43f275a93a33c6b32243de48ac46efe9.thumb.png.facbb2c3682af89c7f121e2ec0684aba.png

    18th = Hertfordshire & Jammbo Equestrian Dressage Team - Event: Team Equestrian Dressage - Expected Overall Position: 8th | Actual Overall Position: 9th - Net Position: 9.00th | Net Expected Position Gain: -1.00

    Now we apologize for showing you this late, but Kramer fell asleep on air so this is actually a filmed set-up. On that note, some say our camera vision includes infrared, ultraviolet & evergreen, and that we speak Giovannilandian in Glendulan. All we know is, we're clots because the event schedule is below instead of above. Goodnight. [falls asleep]

     

    Day 8 Event Schedule

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    Individual Swimming All-Arounds Doppio Kostov, Josuke Honcharuk, Isaac Myroshnychenko, King Valchev, Hank Hordiyenko, Jonathan Deeustä, Ryuga Krieviņš, Derek Sokolov, Hecatia Lukanova, Makoto Nankov, Jean Dombrovskis, Eve Myroshnychenko, Sentinel "Prime" Putniņš, Samson Myroshnychenko, Shuichi Salmiņš, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Horatio Niedra, Lazarus Myroshnychenko, Kokichi Osis, Goomo Sachev, Athena Cālīte
    Team Swimming All-Arounds Hertfordshire & Jammbo Swimming Team
    Floor Exercise Gymnastics Chris Ostapenko, Futo Matvijchuk, Klaus Cīrulis, Niko Balodis
    Kata Karate Stage 1 Eden Myroshnychenko, Lisa Lazarenko
    Freestyle Wrestling Stage 1 Takumi Furman, Lucy Lazarenko
    Baseball Final Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Final Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Quarter-Finals Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Quarter-Finals Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Matchday 4 Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Matchday 4 Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 3 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation
    Field Hockey Matchday 2 Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Matchday 2 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Matchday 2 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.b0ca78ff8637e1881d5406e5b5892675.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.6634060a5cb358e641e3f1c059965f95.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.90694f69ff49dcf838455b759b5fb423.png   504280682_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.82c156759604dcae8cde3795af46fadc.png

     

  20. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 7: Autismo van Meeting

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.24b52633c311c6955fa1a98ae64809a3.png

    Well this is awkward. Not only has Mecislavs gone to the arenas to check up on the athletes (how's that for connecting with our people?) but Clarkov has blatantly refused to come on if it means he is on his own. Then again, even if Adaikesian President Luke Salazar miraculously got the 17-year-old, nearly 18-year-old, Prime Minister to open up, Jammbonevych Furutani is still the same shy cinnamon roll of a boy that Hertfordshire & Jammbo elected back in 1419. Bet he wasn't expecting that when it happened.

    It took ages for Clarkov to finally start feeling comfortable, but once Salazar prized him open specifically with talk about the autistic acceptance scene in Hertfordshire & Jammbo he slowly began to warm up to the United Adaikes President, who promised to send an elite team of personality specialists & the like to see just how the number one country for autism acceptance & general neurodivergence acceptance does things. Clarkov takes immense pride in being autistic, amplified due to the time he was relentlessly bullied in secondary school for being autistic, so Luke pressed the right buttons there.

    Now, don't tell him, but we've rummaged through Clarkov's special occasions drawer of online pictures that he looks at when he wishes to either calm down or enjoy himself. We do not apologize for the potential weirdness in these whatsoever, but think of it this way - not even Tsar Mečislavs is allowed to look through them. He is very private.

    68c46dab045259be4a861cc307caeff7.jpg.7e620d092422a4ca7c85d508342247b2.jpgi_m_looking_for_you__lucy_loud__by_kratos93_darhu35-fullview.thumb.jpg.92e51cc798380e47ca5ac0e32586b547.jpgd4jo2r4-f6573b2a-e53a-4a6a-bb4e-86458696f418.thumb.jpg.8ab64f1cbebe4acb937d46ce7192adc1.jpgda0l039-94a1d807-dfec-4741-b333-340754e5c99a.png.57e268302366850f19b8814654ddf73e.pngsweet_boy_bello__jelly_jamm__by_jemibuni_deb10et-pre.thumb.jpg.ed968784a7ab170f91e0d4f4a14dd42b.jpgCyb_ep47_vector_prime_dies.jpg.fd42d8981a3e8ec6042bc1e36d44d169.jpghetalia_guidebook_england_by_cioccolatodorima_dal1a0b-fullview.thumb.jpg.23a66ad06ff653f6e9fcc8c492f0955f.jpga3cdca760467251cbb8f0a660370e584.jpg.4ec9eb0f3e515495239ddeb42edb19eb.jpg

    Online pictures we found in Clarkov's special occasions drawer - pictures of athletes, fanfics of athletes, AB/DL, age regression, fan-made drawings of athletes, memes, etc. were found - he hopes to be able to do these himself one day. Creators are unknown. Except for picture 6, the athletes themselves took that.

    So with Clarkson, Hammond & May still not back after their frankly doomed protest, we thought we'd catch up on something and give you all a ranking of how our athletes performed day by day, starting with Day 1 below. Best to worst, from top to bottom based on position and how much they punched above their weight. Enjoy and an early goodbye before the late goodbye.

     

    Day 1 - Athlete Rankings

    image.png.3bbe90aded5d20a81caffedb2b951911.png

    1st = Vekar Griķis - Event: Individual Taekwondo - Expected Stage: First Round | Current Stage: Semi-Finals - Net Position: 1.25th | Net Expected Position Gain: +8.75 | ("The Aurans can fight back! Well, I don't like that!")

    image.png.492e98d2569cc24c1d87629696004131.png

    2nd = Rantaro Antonenko - Event: Individual Equestrian Dressage - Expected Overall Position: 11th | Actual Overall Position: 1st - Net Position: 0.53rd | Net Expected Position Gain: +5.26 | (NEW ESFERIAD RECORD HOLDER) ("Kill without being caught, and then survive the trial... sounds eerily similar to the real world.")

    image.png.89c0368fba5f037f77abddfd8a478cac.png

    3rd = Diavolo Kucherenko - Event: One-Person Dinghy Sailing - Expected Overall Position: 19th | Actual Overall Position: 4th - Net Position: 1.43rd | Net Expected Position Gain: +5.36 | ("I must crush my fear! Now is the time... I must overcome it right now! That is what it means to live!")

    image.png.8b0269d7f9928f5670097b977b26f0a7.png

    4th = Franziska van Kirilova - Event: One-Person Dinghy Sailing - Expected Overall Position: 28th | Actual Overall Position: 7th - Net Position: 2.50th | Net Expected Position Gain: +7.50 | ("Tsk, tsk, tsk. Mr. Phoenix Rait. I grow tired of the foolish foolery of the foolish fools of this foolish country...")

    image.png.ac648c985b79364ea5e77df1a2cf5e23.pngimage.png.f68d2e21cfd9856f692df0770c38dcf6.png

    5th = Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen - Event: Beach Volleyball - Expected Overall Position: 8th | Actual Overall Position: 2nd - Net Position: 2.50th | Net Expected Position Gain: +7.50 | ("Your face seems to be asking "Who's this?", so let me introduce myself! I'm the meddling Spïďwagen!")

    image.png.c8ef7a235aed78de926aedb417e85b00.png

    6th = Doppio Kostov - Event: 200m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 50th | Actual Overall Position: 16th - Net Position: 3.20th | Net Expected Position Gain: +6.80 | ("Roger that. Following your orders [Diavolo's] is my reason for living as well.")

    image.png.d93a379201e0ccfa563d76a47f0afec2.png

    7th = Josuke Honcharuk - Event: 200m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 5th | Actual Overall Position: 7th - Net Position: 1.40th | Net Expected Position Gain: -0.40 | ("Who the hell am I?")

    image.png.1d77444a56bcf501cb9e7d3c5069f37d.png

    8th = Ringo Romanyuk - Event: 10m Air Pistol Shooting - Expected Overall Position: 50th | Actual Overall Position: 16th - Net Position: 1.90th | Net Expected Position Gain: +2.86 | ("Welcome...to a real man's world...")

    image.png.a4413a2a7685fee243aeed6eafcb37eb.png

    9th = Yukari Yaremenko - Event: 10m Air Pistol Shooting - Expected Overall Position: 16th | Actual Overall Position: 6th - Net Position: 2.86th | Net Expected Position Gain: +4.76 | ("That's too bad. I don't, since my tea's scent doesn't fade. Ever.")

    image.png.51c3ec451991b3d6d760987efa893905.png

    10th = Patrick Manev - Event: Individual Archery - Expected Overall Position: 3rd | Actual Overall Position: 6th - Net Position: 1.67th | Net Expected Position Gain: -0.83 | ("Witness the power... of GUILT!")

    image.png.73864249a77156233b03f3f84e0358f1.png

    11th = Phoenix Rait - Event: Individual Archery - Expected Overall Position: 6th | Actual Overall Position: 7th - Net Position: 1.94th | Net Expected Position Gain: -0.27 | ("But who do you fight for? How hard must you fight...? That's the true measure of what human life is worth.")

    20200607_125104.png.43f275a93a33c6b32243de48ac46efe9.thumb.png.9e0ce3b470a7af91d3c70404cc029f73.png

    12th = Hertfordshire & Jammbo Artistic Swimming Team - Event: Artistic Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 9th | Actual Overall Position: 4th - Net Position: 3.33rd | Net Expected Position Gain: +4.16

    image.png.dfc965cc3def0b8a1d41c7d503889fac.png

    13th = Isaac Myroshnychenko - Event: 200m Freestyle Swimming - Expected Overall Position: 49th | Actual Overall Position: 31st - Net Position: 6.20th | Net Expected Position Gain: +3.60

    image.png.e33d19b5f65f95d31d64be489d822f7b.png

    14th = Naho Sotirova - Event: Individual Taekwondo - Expected Stage: Semi-Finals | Current Stage: Semi-Finals - Net Position: 2.50th | Net Expected Position Gain: -1.88 | ("Happiness and unhappiness are linked. Whenever one attempts to gain good fortune with little effort, there is always a risk.")

    image.png.9c691d0188fff03c04b015cda8ca1e2b.png

    15th = Klug Nankov - Event: Individual Equestrian Dressage - Expected Overall Position: 18th | Actual Overall Position: 12th - Net Position: 6.32nd | Net Expected Position Gain: +3.16 | ("I won't hold back.")

    20200606_223137.png.d68b98fa2cb0eb939d5c10352b37d213.thumb.png.c214c24bdf26e1ecb4b1050bf6e60e12.png

    16th = Hertfordia Baseball - Event: Baseball - Expected Overall Position: 1st | Actual Overall Position: 10th - Net Position: 8.33rd | Net Expected Position Gain: -7.50

    20200607_125104.png.43f275a93a33c6b32243de48ac46efe9.thumb.png.9e0ce3b470a7af91d3c70404cc029f73.png

    17th = Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team - Event: Water Polo - Expected Overall Position: 8th | Actual Overall Position: 12th - Net Position: 10th | Net Expected Position Gain: -3.33

    image.png.5f18c73f447e453a72fe575f35266cd2.pngDio Burluka: You thought this report would be by the HNJEK, but it was me Dio! Oh and Faust is here too.

    image.png.ee1263ea935ab0312b0e61b8179a01fe.pngFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: I'm only here because you told me that this was what I had to do, that it was my mission.

    image.png.5f18c73f447e453a72fe575f35266cd2.pngDio Burluka: Frankly after winning gold the way we did, we deserve to be able to do this.

    image.png.ee1263ea935ab0312b0e61b8179a01fe.pngFaust Ḩarełeudeiem: Not sure who really cares but alright. Either way, the past, present and future are all held in my hands. This time, I will show you the future, the brilliant future that will be born, thanks to my hosting efforts aided by the greatest partner in existence, Twisted Tempo.

    image.png.5f18c73f447e453a72fe575f35266cd2.pngDio Burluka: There you go again with that Tempo thing. We know it exists.

    image.png.ee1263ea935ab0312b0e61b8179a01fe.pngFaust ḨarełeudeiemSome say that he knows 2 facts about the JoJo's and both of them are wrong, and that because Naho Sotirova rigged a phone vote, her mentor Kou now owns the rugby trophy I won... and all the players. All we know is, she likes that man to a fault.

    image.png.5f18c73f447e453a72fe575f35266cd2.pngDio Burluka: Faust, that was my job!

    image.png.ee1263ea935ab0312b0e61b8179a01fe.pngFaust ḨarełeudeiemNeed me to show you that Rugby World Cup I trophy?

    image.png.5f18c73f447e453a72fe575f35266cd2.pngDio Burluka: At least I, Dio, can keep hold of what is mine.

    Day 6 Event Schedule (Done Already

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    4 x 200m Medley Relay Swimming Volodymyr Zelenskyy + Horatio Niedra + Lazarus Myroshnychenko + Kokichi Osis
    10,000m Track Lockdown Melngailis, Douglas Mednis, Shirou Fomenko
    Field Shot Put Shinji Ivanyuk, Yoshikage Kramlis
    Equestrian Team Jumping Jolyne Cishisheva + Miko Tymchuk
    Coxless Fours Rowing Robert Cherganski + Mark Kronbergs + Mikhail Faustinov + Reimu Hadjieva
    Tennis Doubles Finals Dio Burluka + Faust Ḩarełeudeiem
    Baseball Quarter-Finals Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Quarter-Finals Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Matchday 6 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Matchday 6 Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Matchday 2 Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Matchday 2 Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 1 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation

    Day 7 Event Schedule (Coming Up)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    10km Marathon Swimming Goomo Sachev, Athena Cālīte
    110m Hurdles Track John Tinchev, Bello Jēkabsons, Miles Endziņš
    Field Discus Throw Quote HT, Franklin Chaban
    Coxed Eights Rowing Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rowing Team
    Individual Fencing Epée Stage 1 Kyle Hadjiivanov, Naomi Niedra
    Baseball Semi-Finals Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Semi-Finals Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Matchday 7 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Matchday 7 Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Matchday 3 Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Matchday 3 Hertfordia Lacrosse
    Indoor Volleyball Matchday 2 Hertfordia Volleyball Federation
    Field Hockey Matchday 1 Hertfordia-Jammbo Hockey
    Football Matchday 1 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Football Federation
    Rugby Sevens Matchday 1 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Rugby Union

     

    tumblr_m5ruyltSxl1r4qjuuo1_500.jpg.a77344bd1e3b075a3041c2d9267443fd.jpgd731acfd95e9834d085775ad189efdfe.thumb.png.fc0cbee2afccfb4b43f087e4e76d97f0.pngdb010a625b5a3f71c6e0e6ef9a907976.thumb.jpg.f17d123992a70da2683e417599a665dc.jpgc30156b959b558e6d3afe97a4883ff2c.thumb.jpg.7d6a70734cf2a9c5a6208242afeabe9c.jpg800ef88f06c93d76123236fb669107be.jpg.34305c4cbf8b6521a6aaf383a8e682af.jpgd8ddvx5-1e83c2d1-c460-4820-abf2-a8927d270cc0.png.45ca1f3f2196b27bbd8d332ceaff5ef4.png5cfae9f5aac78c3933eed72baffef5de.jpg.ad47db29677498dc8202e1a872ad08c6.jpgd8enpuu-e97fad73-8816-4270-835c-27ffd4345ea2.thumb.png.4bd6b9596b33245656a1a99e673d7a8c.png

    More stuff from Jammbonevych Furutani's special occasions drawer! Hah! This covert assault on the Prime Minister's privacy proves that I, Dio, should reign supreme over The Bauhaus Novel. Also, we wonder when Clarkson and the other two will return. The second picture really should be the HNJEK's spirit animal or something along that calibre.

     

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.37089576cfb9603db6c7695cdf8baae3.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.27c18631786caa50056ed0d11bc75a35.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.310f9a314c7c2f11cb61f1ec3373cdfb.png   1571947400_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.7e6fecbc2f3196c309dbac70b4a49eb2.png

  21. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 6: Ascendance Jammbo

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.395e603815270081091034fc60c7d731.png

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: ... [looks emotionless & cold, is actually very nervous & shy... & cold]

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Clarkov, we're live.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Oh! Er, h-hi, welcome to this episode of The, erm, Bauhaus Novel which is named after the half of Hertfordshire & Jammbo where me & the Tsar hail from.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Yes that's right, you thought there wouldn't be an episode 6 but it was us! So, Jammbonevych, care to do the honours? I know how much you love this.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Sure, cheers. It is now time to put out the fire of agreement, on the car bomb of debate, and cordon away the horrific scene from social interaction on Conversation Street.

    tumblr_p4e4whhjgS1qjirrjo8_250.gif.3f069246464dd7ba184a98c27b5eabe1.gif

    The ever lovable Conversation Street jingle plays while Hammond spews out a liquid like some kind of fountain or a gentleman's pork sword.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Sorry. Hah, eh, so sorry.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: That's the best thing that's going to come out of this show.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Hahahahaaa, ouch! Also, Furutani, how dirty is your mind?!

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: I see no issue here.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Don't think I didn't notice your little sly edit on the screen, I have access to that too you know.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Like I said, I see no issue here. It's not like it hinders me from my duty as Prime Minister.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Moving on!

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Right, now you may be wandering why the Tsar & Prime Minister have commandeered this series out of nowhere. Well, I wanted to have a go at hosting it, so there's your answer.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: I'm intrigued as to what the trio had to go and do for them to try and fail (because of us two) to cancel episode 6.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Actually thanks to Kramer we have live camera footage of the good (Hammond), the bad (Clarkson) & the slow (May) and we can reveal what exactly they're getting up to.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: This ought to be good.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: It better be.

    (The scene switches from the news room to somewhere in Karventhin, where the ruling duo are reporting from)

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: This is Karventhin Train Station at rush hour and well they've handcuffed themselves to a bus.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: False statistics ruin 48 events a week!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.871bdc8830b3af4af42470978ca1c41f.jpgRichard Hammond: BBEK burns planets!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Utter rubbish coming out of the back of that group is enough to fill the Great Pacific Ocean every 3 weeks!

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: So they're angry at the BBEK for... reasons.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Probably because the BBEK claimed they would be average.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Ah yes, to be honest I'm rather miffed about that as well.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Petrovikan probably is too, but I don't know.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.c774959e8972331e1816262c592aef5b.jpgJames May: What do we want?!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Dalimbari landmines!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.c774959e8972331e1816262c592aef5b.jpgJames May: When do we want it?!

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.871bdc8830b3af4af42470978ca1c41f.jpgRichard Hammond: As soon as we can arrange easy finance!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Well as soon as the signatures...

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Yeah, we have no hope of receiving those. Dalimbar probably doesn't even consider our land as a real place. It's beyond heathen level.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: National self-deprecation, I love it.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: You know you're weird right?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Yes, I'm weird and I'm proud of that.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: OK.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Oh, looks like they've chained themselves to another bus that conveniently blocked them from view.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: My cold dead fingers will have to be prized from this bus!

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.c774959e8972331e1816262c592aef5b.jpgJames May: The only way I'm leaving this bus is without this arm.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.871bdc8830b3af4af42470978ca1c41f.jpgRichard Hammond: Once in a man's life...

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.c774959e8972331e1816262c592aef5b.jpgJames May: You've just got to do the right thing.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.a0d42264281783cb14e4399589bc6e1f.jpgJeremy Clarkson: You've got to stand up and say 'what a load of...'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    (The scene switches back to the news room to somewhere in Karventhin, where the ruling duo are reporting from)

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: I draw attention to the fuzzy handcuffs. I'm guessing they came out of James' dungeon?

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: They were probably from his special occasions drawer.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Along with leather tights, a belt, a cowboy hat, a tin of spam, a carbon-fibre-ended shoe horn & a 16 year old Bovril beef drink with added slippery egg white. Oh and a model train for good measure.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: I thought that was your drawer?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: What? No!

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Wait really?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: No, mine is the one full of the piles of cartoon & anime style AB/DL & Age Regression drawings I look at online in my free time. I do have a model train though.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: I wish I hadn't asked.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Anyhow, would you like to talk about the blunders in our names that the Larxian reporter made?

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Wait, you actually asked that? I have to say great job on improving your confidence in asserting what you want.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: I, er... ehm... appreciate it.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Take your time, process what happened.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: [sighs] Cheers Deben. I do try.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: You're doing a fine job. We both know that an important part of being the Hertfordian/Jammbian Prime Minister is self-improvement.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: That we do.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Back to the street of conversation, we turned down Review Avenue earlier, I would not like to talk about it. That Mario man has royally peeved me off and I do not mean that as a pun.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: In that case then...

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Are you worried about the leader meet-up?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Yeah to be honest I am. I'm already atrocious around people in general unless I've warmed up to them which only you, my family and maybe a few HNJEK athletes and government staff can lay claim to. I also want to go so I can prove myself as someone worthy of both commanding a nation and representing it in the Esferiad.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: I know from experience how hard it is to get you to warm up to someone. I imagine you at maximum warmness to be clingy and even yandere-esque to that one person you warm up to in that manner. Also, you won gold last time so you have nothing to worry about on the Esferiad front okay. You and me both earned our place in the HNJEK fairly, don't let anyone tell you or me otherwise.

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Alright, I see. That is correct, we did earn our places here and I won't let that be forgotten. I vow to perform the best I can and aim for Javelin Throw gold once more. On the other point, that would be a realistic depiction of me if such a situation ever arose, I do think. I'm the sort of guy who will be completely cold to everyone but then super clingy to one specific person, whether it be mentor figure, crush, even a fellow national leader though the latter has a chance of next to zero. Not sure on the yandere-esque part as you're claiming though.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Shall we return to the topic?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Yes we shall. I already struggle astronomically with people in general. It's worse this time round because it is a meet-up of national leaders. Petrovikan, Dominic, Carnet, Salazar, Nazhim, Giovanni, freaking Marcarius(!) and more are all going to be there.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: It's okay Furutani, I'll help you get accustomed to the dignitaries and then leave you to your own devices. We can talk about Conversation Street, how other countries are doing with autism acceptance, personality theory and all that. Does that sound good?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Cheers, I know I don't ever say this but this sort of thing does mean a lot to me.

    120688805_MeislavsDeben.png.df4c5bbdb08ab12f56bb320878c72771.pngMečislavs Deben: Anytime, it's the least I could do as His Majesty the Tsar of Hertfordshire & Jammbo. Now then, shall we go?

    ClarkovWithHeadphonesIn.png.fc313175830737a2762b63e6116c4bb0.pngClarkov Jammbonevych Furutani: Yeah, let me just quickly put the event schedule for Day 5 up. We can let Kramer perform the athlete analysis later in the events.

    Day 5 Event Schedule

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    200m Butterfly Swimming Sentinel "Prime" Putniņš, Samson Myroshnychenko, Shuichi Salmiņš
    1,500m Track Afuro Tytarenko, Judai Yakymchuk, Tommy Venev
    Field Long Jump Mamoru Endziņš, Yuuto Kreslīns
    Equestrian Individual Jumping Jolyne Cishisheva, Miko Tymchuk
    Park Skateboarding Seiko Skudra, Chihiro Freimanis
    Tennis Doubles Stage 1 Dio Burluka + Faust Ḩarełeudeiem, Sakuya Ivanova + Kaguya Hadjiivanovasan
    Baseball Matchday 5 Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Matchday 5 Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Matchday 5 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Matchday 5 Hertfordia Basketball
    Handball Matchday 1 Hertfordia Handball Federation
    Lacrosse Matchday 1 Hertfordia Lacrosse

     

    The pair, with Jammbonevych Furutani reassured, left the station and got into their very own luxury car that they themselves own (no security firm here) and left for the leader meet-up. As for the trio of hosts, they ended up running away. Perhaps they should leave protests to the professionals. Now we say goodbye. Some say we are dead but the Tsar is too afraid to tell us, and that we can open a portable news station with our testes. All we know is, we're going to the Verkhovna Anglia now to look in Clarkov's special occasions drawer and that we're the HNJEK. Goodnight!

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.787a083a4f341625521ff49ee542c7fe.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.0751abfb3ee2ddcf11d6b139a9072546.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.d51bd0c9cb638a9deda3ac8f1d8b6137.png   461726611_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.a8cc50c0f23e1f5c242498d0578de053.png

  22. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 5: Science Corner

    Rab44676142658e0add5c12b56b3f5a8f.png.b52fa34a59cca0d3daf7d96c39437875.thumb.png.3cfef6fb9d67e0e888378d877610019a.png

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello and welcome to the 5th episode of The Bauhaus Novel and we have been working to provide possibly the most difficult episode to produce in this entire stations existence.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: Anyway, shut up, because now it is time to plant a bouquet of chat, following a collision of debate, outside the primary school on Conversation Street.

    1436128964_download(1).png.7b630424916420ce4bde55ee517c0bb9.png

    The Conversation Street jingle plays as May shoots an arrow into Hammond's arm, much to his displeasure.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: Anyway, this episode will be focusing on athlete performance from days 1, 2 and 3.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: No James that's the next episode.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: Is it?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yes James, it is. This episode is actually not going to feature us two for very long.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: And why is that?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: If you'll remember, the three of us decided that we also wanted to compile how above or below expectations our HNJEK athletes have performed and see who really is the most impressive.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: Ah yes, I remember now. We couldn't get it done in time, so this current episode had to be released now instead of before Day 3's events. That also means that we'll be unleashing day 3's event schedule on the viewers even though they already know what happened.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yeah but who's going to complain? I mean, how hard can it be?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: Don't say that!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: So, over now to Richard Hammond in the Science Corner.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: I'd like to clarify as the voice of sensibleness here that the following content is only of day 1 and of dubious quality and has some errors related to leaving things that should have been cut out in.

    Artistic Swimming

    Spoiler

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    200m Freestyle Swimming

    Spoiler

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    Individual Archery

    Spoiler

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    Equestrian Individual Dressage

    Spoiler

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    One-Person Dinghy Sailing

    Spoiler

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    10m Air Pistol Shooting

    Spoiler

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    Individual Taekwondo

    Spoiler

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    Water Polo

    Spoiler

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    Baseball

    Spoiler

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    Basketball

    Spoiler

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    Beach Volleyball

    Spoiler

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    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: Thank you Jeremy, now this is really quite simple. Okay, understeer works like this: you drive down the road, you turn the wheel but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. Oversteer works like this: you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel but the back of the car flips round and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now oversteer is best because you don't see the tree that kills you.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hammond. What was that?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: That was important consumer advice.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Was it?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: To be fair he did put the actual Science Corner content on the screen so viewers can look at that while he tells us about what made his career successful.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: Yes. Hahahaha. [Sarcastic fake laugh]

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: Open ticket!

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yes, now I'll end if I may by showing not just the events of Day 4 but also the events of Day 3.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: We will not be showing rank comparisons of Day 2 because we can't be bothered. Day 3 may be cancelled too depending on the time we have as we have something very important to do later.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Yes we do so there will be no episode 6.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: Why don't we just do that when we come back?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Because I just said there wouldn't be one.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.209404c0d5afddb26473adc9c1f6b589.jpgRichard Hammond: So this is a dictatorship now.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.3ddbd971c1685fdfbfcafb66696a200f.jpgJames May: You say that as if it hasn't always been a dictatorship.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.1bc8f55fae4e8ec9acaec9b99e895b08.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Oh it doesn't matter. Goodnight everyone!

    Day 3 Event Schedule (Done Already)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    200m Backstroke Swimming Ryuga Krieviņš, Derek Sokolov, Hecatia Lukanova
    100m Track Nile Hadjiev, Lemres Romanov, Endeavour Medvid
    Field High Jump Ivo Rudzītis, Peko Pekyneva
    Equestrian Individual Eventing Armando Slobodyan, Kazemaru Ivanenko
    Multihull Sailing Tooru Lukanov + Eiki Sproģe
    Trap Shooting Patchouli Knalide, Rococo Uradulov
    Individual Judo Stage 1 Bernard Girikananov, Funny Ṽalentain
    Tennis Singles Finals Mina Medne, Feli Petruk
    Baseball Matchday 3 Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Matchday 3 Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Matchday 3 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Matchday 3 Hertfordia Basketball

     

    Day 4 Event Schedule (Coming Up)

    Events/Ívents Athletes/Àølīts
    10m Platform Diving Tanukichi Osis, Ryo D. Lait
    200m Breastroke Swimming Makoto Nankov, Jean Dombrovskis, Eve Myroshnychenko
    400m Track Jotaro Kishishev, Gingka Hristov, Jeremy Clarkson
    Field Pole Vault Freddie Ṁḙkjeri, Ayame Kraule
    Equestrian Team Eventing Hertfordshire & Jammbo Equestrian Eventing Team
    Single Sculls Rowing Mizore Savenko, Dr. Ziggurat, Dharkon Tumsa
    Individual Judo Finals Funny Ṽalentain
    Baseball Matchday 4 Hertfordia Baseball
    Beach Volleyball Matchday 4 Frisk Dachev + Robert Spïďwagen
    Water Polo Matchday 4 Hertfordshire & Jammbo Water Polo Team
    Basketball Matchday 4 Hertfordia Basketball

     

    John Kramer, the only news station member left in the room, wonders what Clarkson, Hammond & May have planned for later and whether he will need to break out his traps and Billy the Puppet to apprehend them. Well if that does happen, someone is getting a grievous injury induced by karma or whatever John tries to justify himself with. Episode 6 will not go ahead, unless a miracle occurs, so we will decommission for the day. Some say that if you insult our reporting, Hammond will headbutt you in the chest, and that if you tune your radio to 666 FM you can actually hear our thoughts. All we know is, we're the HNJEK. See you next time, goodnight!

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  23. The Bauhaus Novel - Conversation Street - Episode 4: Character Roster

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    The Conversation Street jingle plays while a silhouette image shows Hammond hitting Clarkson over the head with a bottle. Clarkson later said "that really hurt, just to be absolutely clear with you that really really hurt". Yeah, the intro froze before the good bit, sorry.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.df6ef2f046e5ce04363c80aef126c481.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Hello and welcome to a special edition of The Bauhaus Novel. Actually, hang on, why is it special?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.6394e70dd91b5d4b1f208dc14e9c0555.jpgJames May: It's special because you two won't be around to be in it.

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.444a93b2e6f45793cb6e80dcdcf25c14.jpgRichard Hammond: Hang on, what?

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.df6ef2f046e5ce04363c80aef126c481.jpgJeremy Clarkson: James, is there any way in which we can help?

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.6394e70dd91b5d4b1f208dc14e9c0555.jpgJames May: I know how you can help me, why don't you two go away?

    DisturbedHammond.jpg.444a93b2e6f45793cb6e80dcdcf25c14.jpgRichard Hammond: Oooooo, alright.

    72a5eb1a7243ea0176f23a6bd52ed35072-23-jeremy-clarkson_2x.rhorizontal_w710.jpg.a0bddbb31f039d9be82194cc71a87969.thumb.jpg.df6ef2f046e5ce04363c80aef126c481.jpgJeremy Clarkson: Alright fine, we'll leave you to it.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.6394e70dd91b5d4b1f208dc14e9c0555.jpgJames May: Thank you.

    3469359A00000578-3600800-image-m-159_1463744088856.thumb.jpg.f579491b4be25571ebfee0156771d429.jpg

    Jeremy & Richard eventually leave James to it, but not before mucking about with a car's onboard camera. Yeah, we're filming this one outside.

    4912.jpg.bd23a8a6dd7d2341787b544410d67bef.thumb.jpg.6394e70dd91b5d4b1f208dc14e9c0555.jpgJames May: Alright, now that we're alone viewers, it's good news! I have managed to get the HNJEK character roster (it's actually athlete roster but who cares?) ready for publication. Admittedly, the images proved much too large for the station to take originally so the quality is a bit ham-fisted. Now who's ready to see it, actually don't answer that I'm sure you all are. So this is goodbye from me but I'll still be here if any questions come through the fax machine. In the next episode, we shall be introducing a brand new feature headed by Richard Hammond. Take care, goodbye.

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    So May got his alone time in the end, as brief as it was because Clarkson & Hammond burst in to mock him for his slowness and need to put 6 hour pre-flight checks on everything. Either way, time to depart for the time being. Some say we know why Blue Bubble have utterly dominated this Esferiad so far... but we don't, and that we also know how Arifiyyah have managed to report from our Prime Minister... but again we don't.  All we know is, we're the HNJEK and we bid you farewell.

    20200303_210432.thumb.png.efe1716c0917261c537bceee49f8314d.png.54d22c98eb0d157e2ac0fc3bf129a7b5.png   20200602_203726.png.2f4f4ca9b866b1d9dbce57b6f4f053e8.thumb.png.76e05afc25db765fa68cd3fb37759482.png   20200602_203620.png.b848a9273be3bbb2b57dd1aff329e915.thumb.png.76c61ab535516d77198e5c939eee1fd4.png   1251005228_HJCoatofArmsDraft.thumb.png.913392dc97c410371fb4118e551a3fe4.png

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