Clarkov

[OOC: Malfunction of computer forced this sign-up to arrive later than the intended posting time at 02:00 GMT] Drivers Driver Name: Richard Hammond Name Trigram: RHA Nationality Trigram: HEJ Preferred Car Number: 00 Second Choice Car Number: 8 Reliability (Between 2 and 5): 2 Aggression (Between 2 and 5): 5 Technique (Between 2 and 5): 5 Information: This driver is known as Sir Crash-A-Lot. Driver Name: James May Name Trigram: JMA Nationality Trigram: HEJ Preferred Car Number: 0 Second Choice Car Number: 3 Reliability (Between 2 and 5): 5 Aggression (Between 2 and 5): 2 Technique (Between 2 and 5): 5 Information: This driver is known as Captain Slow. -------------------------------------------------- Circuit Circuit Name: Sleetgrave Cemetery Circuit Race Name: The Hertfordshire-Jammbo Grand Prix Track Image: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/577959042631204895/1097306236996833280/image.png?width=797&height=585 Track Length (km): 8.4404km Qualifying Type: Traditional Track aggressiveness (1-10): 1 Track technicality (1-10): 9 Overtaking Difficulty: 3.9 Margin for error: 4.5 -------------------------------------------------- Team Team Name: Regalia Genesis (Full Name: Racing Team Regalia Genesis) Team Nation: Hertfordshire and Jammbo Nationality Trigram: HEJ Team colour (in hex code): #000000 Reliability (Between 3 and 5): 4 Acceleration (Between 2 and 5): 3 Turning (Between 2 and 5): 5 -------------------------------------------------- Engine Engine manufacturer: Flag of Convenience Engine name (if different): Mihashira Reliability (between -1 and 1): 0.6 Actuation (between -1 and 1): -0.8 Tare (between -1 and 1): 0.2 -------------------------------------------------- Tires Manufacturer Name: Eclipse Reliability (Between -1 and 1): 0.3 Traction (Between -1 and 1): -0.3 -------------------------------------------------- The vehicle used by Regalia Genesis: https://images.nightcafe.studio/jobs/ivjtmizXjCPhc7tbpGeI/ivjtmizXjCPhc7tbpGeI--1--2v3s1.jpg?tr=w-1600,c-at_max The logo of Regalia Genesis: ERROR 404 - Image Not Found

With training complete and nothing else to do, Nagisa gathered some O.S.T. made back home and had everyone choose a personal theme... Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The rest of you presumably already know of my inability to take part.] Rococo U.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: Oh right. I'd forgotten that you're deaf and mute.] Rago N.: That just means the rest of us will listen to our chosen OST without her. Gwyn R.: It's none of my business, but we should find a way to allow Shizune and The Stig to experience this. I mean, Lisa and I have already figured out a way to bypass the deafness. Nagisa I.: Really? But how? Seiya N.: I know you two are intellectual prodigies in the conventional sense, but is that even possible? Lisa L.: Yesh. With the help of my latest invention, we will be able to transhlate the shound of the O.Sh.T. into electronical information that will be transhmitted to the brain through theshe wiresh. It will be ash if you were lishtening to it in your head. Gwyn'sh mathematical calculationsh formed the bashish of thish technology. I am sure it will sholve the problems that come with the shircumshtancesh behind Shizune's mutenessh. [Lisa makes it abundantly clear that she has a lisp, hence the 's' sounds being (OOC: written as) 'sh' instead. Gwyn signs Lisa's words to Shizune.] Nagisa I.: Wow... Julian K.: I'm meant to be the most talented person in the country, and I could never create that. Tess D.: Looks like some of us have more free time than others. Seiya N.: They've probably been working on this for a while now. [Seiya glances over at The Stig, who acts as translator for Shizune when the others aren't directly conversing with her.] Seiya N.: Still, I never would have imagined something like that was even possible. Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: If this works, then it would prove useful. Come on Origami, we need to get this sorted, follow my lead.] [Shizune took command of the situation to Lisa's surprise and showed the rest of the team just how much of a fearsome taskmaster she can be. Gwyn was unimpressed.] Origami T.: This attaches to your head? Rago N.: That's what it appears to be for. Krux H.: Can you get on with it? We don't have all day. Shu K.: Don't rush them Krux. They know what they're doing. Delta Z.: No scientist is immune from making mistakes. The same goes for Lisa. [Gwyn has the urge to chime up and mention how math played a part, but decides not to. Delta notices Gwyn in his peripheral vision.] Delta Z.: Hm? Gwyn R.: However, there is no guarantee that it will work. This is its first use. Eirin Y.: It's too bad, if it does disappoint. [The rest of the team ponder which one of the geniuses out of Lisa, Gwyn and Eirin to believe.] Arthur P.: I hope it fails. James, you agree, don't you? ...James, I command you to stop ignoring me! James M.: I'm not convinced by that though because I think electricity is a mystery. It is. Yep. I don't actually believe in it. Nobody really understands it. Delta Z.: You don't believe in electricity? Richard H.: What you're witnessing here is Asperger's made real. Futo M.: Is that the item that makes thy urine smell most hilarious? Hyouka F.: No! Naho S.: No, that's asparagus. Mizore S.: I think Shizune is ready, shall I turn on the device? Clarkov S.: I'd wait, seems to me like Lisa is in the middle of something. The Stig: ... [Sign langauge -> Translation: Where did you appear from?] Seiya N.: That reminds me, I have some news you'll need to hear. Zoranian queen Atsil has been sent off by her ministers to seek therapy. It seems like something you normally don't care about, but keep listening. Delta Z.: When we saw that, we quickly realised that for all the 10-11 years of emotional and mental torment you've had to put up with over your childhood, coupled with the time you had to spend as Prime Minister because of a previous imbecilic lack of age limits (which are not in place for this team), you still haven't done the same. Rococo U.: It's a lucky thing you never had to attend full time besides events such as the Esferiad. The country effectively ran like an absolute monarchy before that lack of limit was remedied. Anyway, what we're saying is you need to book counselling after this tournament. It'll do a great job for your wellbeing. Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: I concur. You've already been able to be your true self, but you can't shoulder recovery alone. You'll end up pushing away those who care about you. Take it from someone with experience of doing just that. You'll mentally cripple yourself if you don't seek help.] Eirin Y.: There'll be no need for waiting. Free has already requested me to be the therapist. Rago N.: You were the one that planned this? Free d. l. H.: That's right. I'm not about to let Clarkov destroy themselves. [Clarkov is in mild shock over hearing this and takes some time to process what they just heard. They simply turn to Free and nod and flash a small smile in appreciation as thanks.] Rago N.: Sometimes your goodness annoys me. Rococo U.: So that's settled. Don't worry, Snow Sage, you'll benefit from this. Lisa, we're all set, right? Let's kick off! [Lisa attaches the device to Shizune's head and the OST list begins. Along the way, everyone wonders what the words in some of the themes are. They chalk them off as the H&J equivalent of "Ominous Marcarian Chanting". Even when it clearly wasn't. Some also get creeped out by a few of the choices. Most notably was the often ridiculous names each of them had chosen for the OST.] -------------------------------------------------- Julian's Theme - Emperor Konstantinov: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWKbi13wE54 Shizune's Theme - The Student Council: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2eWjPEA8Sc James' Theme - Big Ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt1PVYiHr6o Free's Theme - Golden God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBxsZSckvO0 Mizore's Theme - Prisoner of Passion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rJ79MYctZ4 Stig's Theme - Top Gear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwX-KS1816c Lits' Theme - Another Beginning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kAM42Z9gd4 Seiya's Theme - A Heated Battle With Lunar Prime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjZgR4FPfzg Promestein's Theme - Promestein 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHrftVDITso Gankyou's Theme - Violence Competition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15X7QsyJMAs Hyouka's Theme - Another Face: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERBNmUesOM Damian's Theme - Gates of Hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6syedhzF_U Naho's Theme - Solitude of Frenzy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m2i5vKVvRk Faust's Theme - Twisted Tempo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5ybfMqA7uk Futo's Theme - Legend of the Great Gods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POUxrKNkbA4 Eirin's Theme - History of the Moon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-xhqldl_mw Jeremy's Theme - Classical Gas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKCvYyVTJ6Q Rococo's Theme - Birth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB2j6qBUWsM Arthur's Theme - The New King: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pynw4Exsvr0 Tess' Theme - Bloodstained Rose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X9LvC9WkkQ Clarkov's Theme - The Snow Sage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Ev-wurPT0 Kanako's Theme - Venerable Ancient Battlefield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYCfbE76ZM Krux's Theme - Hands of Time Reunited: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-QRIaGhjn8 Lain's Theme - Pitch-Black Flame: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7loJRR9hOgg + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npm_UDb487w Shu's Theme - Spirit of Fire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HAKWe9mWZQ Richard's Theme - Blast Lab: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBUh1XzTMSg Delta's Theme - The Shining Star: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4duurmpu8Q Gwyn's Theme - Beginning Equation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvqd9UPulqI Origami's Theme - AHIH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKZbwuwXTNY Rago's Theme - Diablo Nemesis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9JVtBrFVgI Sage's Theme - To Whom?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMaNTdn7Y90 Lisa's Theme - Periodic Table Rap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSe_Zrig_g Fuusuke's Theme - Superhuman Team Diamond Dust: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DOZ4hcwpog Nagisa's Theme - Midnight Music Room: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2yPtY0uvmM -------------------------------------------------- It would appear that one of the team members is now finally set to receive a therapy session of their own. Multiple of them.

Despite the fact that this was a rugby tournament in the homeland of rugby itself, all eyes were currently on a bunch of flying things... Seiya N.: I never would have imagined a nation like Zoran being willing to do this. Faust H.: Do what? I was out looking for Tempo. Fuusuke S.: I assume you managed to find it. Naho S.: To catch you up Faust, the Zoranians have decided to sell a collection of aircraft in weapons sales to Kalmach in their war effort against Garahun. James M.: Now all the other members of this tournament are talking about it. The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The Astorian nations have been particularly vocal in their opposition.] Kanako Y.: Atsil has defended the decision by claiming that Zoran needs to be self-reliant. Nagisa I.: You can guess how well Nieubasria took that, Faust. Rago N.: Huh? Why do you care?! Hyouka F.: We don't. Futo M.: I do. Naho S.: You're in the minority then. Jeremy C.: A minority of 1. Damian H.: That filthy Nur-based country is not where my caring belongs. Lisa L.: Harsh on Kalmach, much? James M.: It's Damian, should we expect anything other than disdain? Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: That doesn't make it right!] Richard H.: Yeah, but we still don't care. Mizore S.: Wait for us to care all day if you want to, it won't happen. Arthur P.: I'm not waiting all day. Lisa L.: It was a figure of speech. Sage R.: Shouldn't we be focusing on the match against Sekiya? I've been researching ways to get stronger. Free d. l. H.: You don't get stronger by accepting how everyone else does things. You get stronger by finding your own path. That's how champions are made. Futo M.: We used to be champions, but those days art concluded. Nagisa I.: Hey, Futo. If you think like that, everyone will be capable of getting in your way. Origami T.: Soon, it will be our time. Futo M.: Doth thou think we can pull it off? The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: This team isn't called Star Breaker for nothing.] Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: You're not alone in this feeling, and it isn't strange. But that damaged mindset won't do us any favours.] Damian H.: If you sign so. Kanako Y.: This tournament is not for the dread of Hall of Dreams adherents. It is meant as a home for the gods of sport. Nagisa I.: This is kind of annoying, I want to make it so the Sekiya team can't play anymore! The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: Now I'm remembering what I saw on CCTV back home.] Eirin Y.: Before anyone asks, I was already aware of the footage The Stig is referencing. Uh, Lain, are you okay? [Lain has flashbacks to the matches against Dalimbar and Larxia] Lain V.: ...What is this? Why do I feel this way?! Seiya N.: Lain is almost at border point. He's experiencing an inner desire to battle strong opponents, especially historical rivals Dalimbar and local rivals Larxia. Let's leave him alone for now. When we next see him, he'll have tapped into a new level of power. The team did as Seiya suggested and left Lain to it. Although he denied it bizarrely claiming that those teams don't know what it's like to have a metaphorical thirst, even the Pitch-Black Flame was starting to enjoy battling two very specific national rivals. Half-Time | HEJ 7-??? TER | Half-Time

We go to the most impressive and most horrifying trio in the known lands. What could they be doing now? [The trio are on the way back from the Garrison Stadium after a clean sheet victory over local rivals Larxia.] Jeremy Clarkson: We've come to an uphill stretch, so I've decided to test my new handbrake. Simply pop it off the back, roll it out. [Clarkson pulls the okay sign to Hammond and May.] Jeremy Clarkson: Watch this. Roll back. [Clarkson reverses the car onto the log attached to the back of his car, then gets out to check the results.] Jeremy Clarkson: The wooden handbrake is holding me, I simply set off. [Clarkson pulls a smug face.] Jeremy Clarkson: Here we go. Oh yes! So there we are. Hill starting: solved. sometimes my genius is... it's almost frightening. Richard Hammond: Well fair-dos that, that works. You do have to tow a log about but it works. Jeremy Clarkson: I am a happy man today. Richard Hammond: Chaps? James May: Yeah? Richard Hammond: Are we likely to see a Militsiya? James May: I hope we do see a Militsiya, I'll show them my bonnet and ask "Could you do a better job than that?". Jeremy Clarkson: But look on the bright side James, it's gonna be a scorcher today. Richard Hammond: He's lying James. [Clarkson had stolen part of May's bonnet very shoddily before the LAR-HEJ match.] [The log attached to Clarkson's car smashes the back window.] Jeremy Clarkson: Oh my god! [Clarkson gets out to assess the situation, Hammond and May reverse and get out to see as well.] Richard Hammond: ... James May: ... Richard Hammond: ...Huhahahaha! James May: Oh! Haha! Richard Hammond: Hahah! James May: Did that...? Richard Hammond: Oh dear! Oh... James May: Hahahahahaha. Jeremy Clarkson: The handbrake bounced up and has broken my... boot... window. Richard Hammond: Ooh, you've got all glass in your seat! Jeremy Clarkson: Stupidest idea in history. Richard Hammond: Jeremy. Jeremy Clarkson: What? James May: There. Richard Hammond: People walk around here. James May: You've gotta sweep up all this stuff. Richard Hammond: You have. Jeremy Clarkson: But look, God gave us a tool for just such a... moment as this. [Clarkson uses his hammer to further break his back window.] Jeremy Clarkson: Would you not agree this is the ideal tool James for the job? James May: Yes. Hammers do have their uses. I can think of one right now. Richard Hammond: *Holds back laughter.* Another of Clarkson's so-called genius ideas goes up in smoke. Apparently, he also has an idea of getting an ice machine. But how? Perhaps a local building has one. Half-Time -> | LAR 0-13 HEJ | <- Half-Time

Just before the tournament, two sets of fans had gone to Stratosphere Park to submit fan-made OST to the team. In response to that, HNDRJ decided to showcase them in this post, since they are good enough quality to be given that role. So, this first one was inspired by the local weather phenomenon that Hertfordshire and Jammbo experiences frequently and the term for a building on a farm known as a stable. The second one references the many shrines scattered around Hertfordshire and Jammbo, and their torii gate entrances. The bold indicates the main section of the song. Here's something else, two young Hertfordian teenagers came up with and sang Deep In Torii. Stable Snowstorm - Lyrics [Instrumental] We can still make it, if we act now. It would be better if we retreated, before we succumb to further drops. (Snowstorm Stable) The goal posts that closed the field up somewhere along the way began to im- -pale your heart... it hurts. It's their fault. We'll come down to whatever kind of you. Let's look to that kind of enshrined place. Don't ever talk with that kind of smile to anyone else. Continuing on forever just like the snow, Swear to me an eternity of the night parade. The stars will shatter just like the ice. If you jump onto the field, accept me. You cannot measure these feelings by the results alone, because the summit belongs only to you now. [Instrumental] The future is not yet lost, even though that was your despair, why did the fire turn your hope into dread? (Snowstorm Stable) These kind of times, a reality, I tried to remind the person I spoke with, from far beyond... I knew it. It was only you. Come look for that kind of me in the stands. See through towards these kinds of places. We won't let go with what kind of pressure at any point. Continuing on forever just like the snow, Swear to me an eternity of the night parade. The stars will shatter just like the ice. If you jump onto the field, accept me. You cannot measure these feelings by the results alone, because the summit belongs only to you now. [Instrumental] Scattered across and lying down. In the sky we gazed up at, the shockwaves and periodic dust are a story of the Star Breaker. Grant my wish, glowing hypernova. I tried wading my way across a cracking avenue. So hey, this is not the most I can do for today. Every match is trivial and fleeting at the best, but it's so I can stand at the top with you again. Continuing on forever just like the snow, Swear to me an eternity of the night parade. The stars will shatter just like the ice. If you jump onto the field, accept me. You'll never measure these feelings by the results alone, because the summit will belong only to you. -------------------------------------------------- Deep In Torii - Lyrics [Instrumental] No one can resist the urge to play you. Coldness permeating further than starlight. Our destination is far, staying the course, we strive on through the torii gate to the world stage. Let us press on, pursuing the celestial! If we can keep a hold onto our answer now, I don't mind raising the roof. So that our Star Breaker don't stray, we keep our echoes reverberating. The compass points forever into the freezing darkness where, for opponents, there's no escape. Even if it's a curse, this sensation inside is real, now let's commence the night parade, Hertfordshire-Jammbo! If we found anything that forced us down, the goliath merely makes my spirit more restless. They say that we can't ever reach, the ascendancy of champions past, but ever silent is the torii. Still not enough, with the words that fail to break us! Now the hypernova will stare deep into the opposite side of the light. From the freezing darkness, we saw the mystery of this team known as The Youkai. Our compass pointing, quietly answered, the solution to keep a hold onto. [Instrumental] If we ever lost the answer, will these spirits of ours turn vengeful? Although the miko staggers away from course, the inclination is to return through the gate. If we can keep a hold onto our answer now, I don't mind raising the roof. So that our Star Breaker don't stray, we keep our echoes reverberating. The compass will always point toward the stratosphere, alive or undead, spirit remains. Even if it's a curse, this sensation inside is real, now let's commence the night parade, Hertfordshire-Jammbo! [Instrumental] -------------------------------------------------- OOC: The OST these two themes are inspired by: Snowstorm Stable -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BFuamh-l14 | Deep In Torii -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJYKsY0Vcts These were the two winners of a contest across the nation held by the HNDRJ to create a fan song for the national rugby team. Also, please ignore our mistake with the HEJ-ION match. It took place in March, not in November. HT: OST ???-12 HEJ

I hate large settlements and the thought of having to live in them. It can become far too overwhelming being in a large city for even a day. The smaller the place is, the better for me.

I don't think I need to go into detail about whether I'd rather live in perpetual summer or winter. There's a reason one of the family in-jokes has me having ice flowing through my system instead of blood.

In the end I don't really care about gaining money. As long as I have necessary money to get by comfortably, it's all good. That, and a behavioural thing that comes with the autism - if I'm not interested in something, I won't/can't focus on it. It's an attention thing. I transfix on things I'm interested in to the point of obsession and the opposite is true if I'm uninterested. Being rich in a job I hate would basically be nigh-impossible, if not impossible outright.

2022 was rather mixed personally for me. The wretched experience of ending up with an E and 2 U's when my best performance as proven by evidence is 2 A*'s and an A in sixth form, and the realization that my entrenched belief that the education system is not fit for purpose was entirely correct, was one of my least pleasant experiences in life. This is beaten only by those 10-11 years of relentless mental/verbal bullying with no help whatsoever, accidental pressure due to apparently having absurd intelligence and the times where I got apprehended simply for defending myself against clots (I can go into detail on this, I and my parents were quite unamused) who wished to interrupt my studying or beat me up for kicks that one time. This bullying occurred for essentially no reason other than my personality, and at the core, me being autistic. I researched my top performance rates and found that it was good enough for Durham University and even some courses as Cambridge University. On the good end, I was finally able to overcome my past and allow myself to be, well, myself, a moment when I genuinely smiled (actually showed any real emotion) for the first time in months, possibly years, and almost ended up sobbing out of pure joy on the spot. It took the school's equivalent of a mental health clinic and over 1.5 years of the aftermath of said bullying to finally break down that emotional wall of ice that had formed. The big tell was that I was no longer forcing myself to adapt to everyone else, or seeming so cold-hearted (to the point where I became somewhat known for being intimidating in secondary school) and miserable all the time. I'm still cold as ice to almost everyone, but am rather soft around anyone I have an emotional bond with. Instead, it was more of an apathy to everything except myself, my desires and the very few people I cared about who I'd be willing to do next to anything for within logical reason. That, and an overwhelming shyness was being shown on the surface in a very subtle way. After all, I still don't express emotion very much, but now the little I do they are honest and genuine. I've also gained a habit of appearing out of nowhere and scaring people. More changes occurred as well. There were other good and bad points as well, but the year was dominated by the aspects above. It's hard to tell how 2023 will be. It could be a good year, it could be a bad year. I'll go ahead and say 2022 will be seen as superior by 2023's end.

I'd string up only black lights if I could. Black and white as well as black, dark purple and a few other colours work for me too.

I'd go for 10 smaller gifts, as there is a higher chance of me receiving something I like. They'd also actually fit into my dark-yet-soft room which is the smallest of the 3 bedrooms in my house.

If there's a part of that complete turkey meant for delivery to a god living in a shrine, you can send my piece of turkey to someone else. For the love of Gord, I do not like turkey.

Sunday 24th October 1421 - Häřtferdsierndeambeu Esferied Kęmiti Preview of the II Summer Esferiad (Quoriv & Karventhin) Jeremy Clarkson: Hello and welcome to what is the 2nd time you've seen the Häřtferdsierndeambeu Esferied Kęmiti do news because we aren't going to let some news station or the government do the reporting. Yes, we know we are the olympic committee themselves but our track record for reliable pro-H&J reporting (yes, they can go hand-in-hand) is like that of a 5 star hotel. So everything is fine on the accuracy end. Now where were we... oh yes. Let us begin from the top. Richard Hammond: Yes we shall. Jeremy Clarkson: Wha- Hammond! Richard Hammond: Hello & welcome, we are Hertfordshire & Jammbo's Esferiad Committee, let us introduce ourselves. We are your hosts Clarkson, Hammond & May. Even though we are competing in the Esferiad too, we also do the reporting alongside our editor John Kramer. John Kramer: We hope you appreciate the effort put into this and indeed the life you live, otherwise you might find yourself valuing your life just that much more. Richard Hammond: John, we aren't putting people into your karmic death traps. John Kramer: The sinners of society need to learn somehow. A picture of the three hosts of coverage of Hertfordshire & Jammbo's efforts at Summer Esferiad II. John Kramer, the editor, is not pictured. He said he had to sort something out. Richard Hammond: Anyway, you join us on Lavender Island, just off the north-east coast of our home continent Andolia so this is far closer to home than the first Esferiad which took place all the way up in St. Josalyn, Cambria. Lavender Island is home to the nations of Blue Bubble... James May: It's called Glenpavia, Richard. Richard Hammond: ...and Giovanniland. Jeremy Clarkson: Regardless of their name, we have brought in 150 official entrants, though the real number thanks to team activities is higher than that. James May: Quoriv in Giovanniland & Karventhin in Glenpavia are the two host cities in this joint effort by two Auran nations who have a long & storied history with each other. But I'm sure they can explain it all themselves. Jeremy Clarkson: If you will recall at the first Summer Esferiad, we performed much better than anyone was expecting, ranking as the third best nation that time round. Richard Hammond: That's right. The only two able to perform on a superior level to us and it was a narrow margin were Cambria & their national brothers Nieubasria, the Astor duo. I also seem to recall that I won gold in lightweight boxing back then. James May: So you'll be attempting to defend your title? Richard Hammond: Yep! James May: And what if you fail? Jeremy Clarkson: He'll die of shame and I'll die laughing. Richard Hammond: Heheh, yeah. Jeremy Clarkson: Well unfortunately we don't have time to show you the roster just yet, but we are working to provide the highest quality roster sheet we can muster. James May: Which, considering it's us three, isn't really the highest standard. Jeremy Clarkson: No you're right, I mean, in the eyes of somewhere like Saint Mark or another similarly high brow nation, our version of highest quality is their version of peasantry. Richard Hammond: Everything is peasantry to them! James May: Well, that's not strictly true but... Jeremy Clarkson: Sorry James, we don't have enough time for one of your lectures so we'll end it there. Thank you so much for watching and, er, goodnight! Richard Hammond: Er, Jeremy, where's John? A small squeaking can be heard in the distance, just outside the HNJEK headquarters at the outside lavatory. Billy: I want to play a game. [spoken in the distance] Richard Hammond: Oh no. James May: I'll go sort it out. Richard Hammond: Has Kramer seriously gone and put opposition athletes, or even our own, into one of his traps? Jeremy Clarkson: Maybe it's unrelated to him, although that would not surprise me given his twisted sense of justice. Richard Hammond: I've just had a thought, what if Marcarius or one of his aides... Jeremy Clarkson: Butlers & maids. Richard Hammond: Yeah, butlers & maids. James May: Rich poncey pillocks. Jeremy Clarkson: Oh, you're back. Any luck? John Kramer: Alright, I've de-activated Billy. I don't condone putting innocent people into my traps. That is akin to murder. James May: Like that's going to reassure everyone. Jeremy Clarkson: Back to the aristocrat, I very much doubt that would be possible, that man's going to have the highest level security imaginable. Now if I might make a suggestion... run! Richard Hammond: Running away. Disclaimer, we weren't involved in whatever John was doing! Well, that debacle happened. We hope to see you lot again soon for more insulting of other nations and general cocking about. In the meantime, let us send off in the usual fashion. Some say our athletes have been found as far north as Avaratra, and that we have a full size Esferiad logo on an Esferiad logo. All we know is, we are the HNJEK. Goodbye!

Nope, not at all. Way too hectic.

The Tsardom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo/Hertfordia - Herts101 Hertfordshire and Jammbo is a mid-sized nation in South-East Andolia. The Tsardom borders the Great Pacific Ocean to the south and east, has no borders to the north and west. Disregarding bordering nations, Hertfordshire and Jammbo is to the south of Overthinkers (OT), directly to the east of Larxia, south-east of Nagaraningrad and is north-east of New Velka. It holds one of Andolia's largest lake groups within its borders. ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ The Verkhovna Anglia was the Parliament of the nation. It usually held 700 seats, but could fluctuate between 698-702 depending on how the STV went in the elections, which occur every 4 years. Political parties are not a concept in Hertfordshire and Jammbo, and it was voted in 1422 for it to remain that way. In 1423, the nation became a Tsardom and the Verkhovna Anglia was abolished. The nation is currently an elective absolute monarchy. The Government (As of 1423): Tsar: Mecislavs Deben I ■ ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Anthem: ??? ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Codes: HEJ, HF, .hj Calling Code: +3 80 Time Zone: IAT+0, IAT+1 ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Capitals: Great Parndon, Hoddesdon, Maidenhall Denonym (Noun): Hertfordian Denonym (Adjective): Jammbonian Denonym (Plural): Hertfordians/Jammbonians Government: Confederal Elective Absolute Monarchy Monarch: Tsar Mečislavs I of House Deben ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Continent: Andolia Area: 129,181mi^2 (334,577km^2) Population: 3,203,688 Density: 24.8 people/mi^2 (9.6 people/km^2) ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ GDP: Δ100,129,024,637 ($122,108,566,630) GDP/Capita: Δ31,254.30 ($38,115) Currency: Delta Pound (Δ/δ) Rate of Exchange: $1 = Δ0.82 ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Real Life Cultural Inspirations: England (Essex, Hertfordshire, Suffolk), Ukraine, Latvia, Bulgaria Languages: Anglian, Jammbonian, Hertmerian, HJ Sign Language, Common Religions: 49% Church of the Countryside, 23% Eastern Orthodox Church of Jammbo, 8% Agnostic, 7% Gensokyan Shinto, 4% Atheist, 3.5% Other, 2% Hertmerian Paganism, 1% Pirate Church, 1% Temple of the Black Sun, 1% Hall of Dreams, 0.5% Cult of Nihilism ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Military/1000 Capita: 51.5 Military (Total): 164,990 Conscription: Yes Spending (% of GDP): 2.9% Spending (Total): Δ2,903,741,714 ($3,541,148,432) ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Flag: National (Lesser) Coat of Arms: National (Greater) Coat of Arms: Anglian Royal Army: Anglian Royal Air Force: Anglian Royal Navy: Pirate Fleet of Hertfordshire and Jammbo: Royal Privateer Fleet of Hertfordshire and Jammbo:

I am Clarkov, of Hertfordshire and Jammbo, a nation situated in South-East Andolia. I can be found on a train most days, or on the Silent Mary on Thursdays. H&J is a proud member of the Hall of Nations and is a recruit within the TWPAF. H&J as a nation currently holds 949 million citizens and 80 WA endorsements. The Hart, a type of stag is the national animal and the capital city is Primp Town, located in the Anglia region somewhere in the East of the nation. H&J is incredibly cultured, subsidizes business to massive levels, has high Human Development, a world-class railway network and a booming economy! On the downside, basically no-one is inclusive or compassionate, nearly everyone is interested in politics, religiousness is close to non-existent and let's just say foreign aid is not of the people's concern. I am currently very active in the Discord and hope to start becoming active in the forums. Merry Christmas, all!

Hertfordshire and Jammbo has 3 langauges that are considered to be national. Anglian: Most widely spoken language, used all over the nation, uses the Latin script Jammbian: 2nd most spoken language, used mainly in the centre and east, uses the Cyrillic script Hertmerian: 3rd most spoken language, used mainly in the west, uses the Greek script There are also 3 other minor langauges aswell. Dacoran: 4th most spoken language, used exclusively in the west, uses the Hangul script Tendrish: 5th most spoken language, used exclusively in the north-east, uses the Armenian script Debenian: 6th most spoken language, used exclusively in the east, uses the Georgian script