Clarkov
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Posts
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Posts posted by Clarkov
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I wouldn't care if it had to be outside, I'd rather decorate a real tree.
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Clarkson, Hammond and May had all been through a fair bit. Uncovering hidden Ryxtylopian slums, meeting the Tsar's security and doing surprisingly well in The Genesis, it was time for a bit of relaxation...
D. Handpump: You said this would be relaxing.
J. Clarkson: It is.
[May is up a ladder on the roof of the building where the trio is staying. Clarkson holds back laughter.]
D. Handpump: I don't like it.
R. Hammond: It's just a ladder! It's a simple enough thing to operate, climb it!
D. Handpump: Not if you're me, it's not.
[Clarkson looks toward the camera The Stig is holding and the viewers beyond it.]
J. Clarkson: Now I should point out to the viewers that James is scared of heights. Like, really scared.
D. Handpump: How many of Clarkov's art pieces are up here?
R. Hammond: One.
D. Handpump: One?!
R. Hammond: Yes, a drawing.
D. Handpump: Just leave it!
R. Hammond: Furu's bodyguard will shoot us, mate, we can't.
D. Handpump: Wha- Just because that expressionless confusing disabled bastard is hanging around in there blabbing about dandelions or something, we have to retrieve their piece of paper?
J. Clarkson: Furu never asked for this, Esmeralda made us do it after she found out you had misplaced it.
D. Handpump: ...I was sort of hoping you didn't know that.
R. Hammond: Yeah, we gotta do it, no choice, so get up here and get on with it.
D. Handpump: Hammond, I... I- I hate... I hate heights, you know I do. I hate ladders, I hate bodyguards.
J. Clarkson: You got on just fine with Vanya, Handpump.
D. Handpump: Very funny.
R. Hammond: Furu's self-appointed bodyguard... don't you think she's being a bit vindictive?
J. Clarkson: Yes, but what is a fat middle aged man supposed to do?
R. Hammond: Honestly, this makes me wonder why we don't meet people of other nations often.
D. Handpump: Well, the last time we did was with Quiyakaso and that ended about as well as you'd expect.
R. Hammond: Oh yeah.
J. Clarkson: Uh, guys? I just got the results in, we beat Fujai 2-0.
R. Hammond: That's good and all, but we need to finish this off.
| 𐑣𐑸'𐑘𐑱 𐑛𐑰 𐑤𐑨𐑛𐑟! (Ha'wei Di Ladz!) |
| Ha'way The Lads! |
| Придъ'няпредванеи На Младеч! (Pride'napredvanei Na Mladezh!) |
- Saint Mark, United Adaikes, Sekiya and 4 others
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7
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Due to May being an imbecile and wandering into the Ryxtylopian slums, he ended up meeting with the Tsar while Clarkson and Hammond are searching for him within the slums...
J. Clarkson: Where's he gone?
R. Hammond: I don't know, but it doesn't look very friendly around here.
J. Clarkson: It feels like we're going to get rocks thrown at us just for being here.
R. Hammond: The last thing I need is to get chased out of Ryxtylopia by an angry mob.
J. Clarkson: You'd put Operation Bugger Off into action, I'm guessing.
R. Hammond: Well, yeah.
J. Clarkson: So would I. But if we can't, then...
[Clarkson brandishes a hammer and gives Hammond some scissors.]
R. Hammond: You do know you're just going to make us bigger targets.
J. Clarkson: Well, if we are attacked by irate Ryxtylopians then I can hit them in the middle of their face and you can insert those scissors into their eyes.
R. Hammond: Okay.
J. Clarkson: Anyway, what were we doing?
R. Hammond: Looking for James, he's probably made his way to Dalimbar by now.
J. Clarkson: Can you imagine the Dalimbari dealing with James May's pre-flight checks?
R. Hammond: I don't see how they'd tolera- oh, bugger. He's over there in the car with the Frozen Crown symbol on it.
J. Clarkson: Oh... hang on, is that Tsar Mecislavs?
R. Hammond: Yeah. This can't be good.
[The Tsar and his bodyguards - Svetoslav, Larysa, Liben and Vanya - drop May off to where Clarkson and Hammond are looking for him.]
Tsar Mecislavs I: I believe this is yours.
J. May: Thanks very much.
J. Clarkson: James, what was that?
J. May: Err, I can explain.
Liben V.: Hopefully not.
R. Hammond: What have you done?!
J. May: Wait, what do you mean?
Tsar Mecislavs I: I'll explain. When I and my security found James, we had to navigate our way through Ryxtylopian slums.
R. Hammond: Slums that the government here denied the existence of.
Tsar Mecislavs I: Exactly.
J. Clarkson: That's actually quite serious.
J. May: I heard a few murmurings in the slums about how unhappy the people in it were at the Football World Cup taking place currently.
Tsar Mecislavs I: That's right.
Larysa O.: I can attest to that. My partners were in earshot of discussions about some protest crackdowns.
Tsar Mecislavs I: I can't just reveal that Ryxtylopia's government have been hiding these conditions from the world.
Liben V.: That is true. I mean, who's going to believe the absolute monarch of some isolated frozen nowhere land with less than 10 people/km2?
R. Hammond: Well, no one without video evidence.
J. May: Ah ha. You cannot even begin to comprehend the bounds of my forthcoming genius.
J. Clarkson: That's my line!
[May reveals a secret camera hidden in his tie.]
J. May: Ta da! I used this to film the slums while I was being, well, lost in them.
Tsar Mecislavs I: You had that this whole time?
J. May: Actually I almost forgot it.
J. Clarkson: Tell the Tsar why you almost forgot it.
J. May: ...okay, I did go overboard with the pre-flight checks and that's how.
Svetoslav S.: Such business has no need to take upwards of three hours.
R. Hammond: That's what I kept trying to tell him.
J. May: You have to admit, it is quite fun.
R. Hammond: You are joking! That's about as fun as watching The Genesis lose 2-1 at the last minute to Nieubasria or watching a bear play as goalkeeper.
J. Clarkson: Let's not get bogged down with who is so old that he calls Andoliaville the Andolian Territories of Giovanniland.
R. Hammond: Don't forget that he thinks they should belong to Varanius.
J. Clarkson: Well we'll gloss over that and get to a point I've been wanting to make. Did you nick James' identity details?
Vanya P.: Yeah...
J. May: Hang on, a top level bodyguard for the monarch of Hertfordshire and Jammbo thought it would be funny to use her access to royal accounts to impersonate me?
Vanya P.: Who said bodyguards are no fun?
Tsar Mecislavs I: Vanya has a point. That's kind of why I didn't stop her.
J. Clarkson: Yes, but what fascinates me is that she had a choice. She could have been Adsila Ani-Wah, or Marcarius.
R. Hammond: Yeah, you can look around the world, anybody. 'I wanna be Marshall Briand. Cool. Powerful. No, wait a minute! I want to live in Great Parndon and have a folding bicycle, so that one day, I can walk out of my house and say "Look at me, behold! I have become James May... and now I will organise your paper clips, have you got a pie?"'.
[Clarkson, Vanya, Mecislavs and Larysa can't help but burst into varied degrees of laughter.]
J. Clarkson: Well th- n- the good thing James, is we can guarantee this will never happen to you again. Becau-
J. May: Can you...
J. Clarkson: Yes, because we have come up with a new name for you.
R. Hammond: Yeah. You are now... Dingleberry Handpump. That is your name, a new identity.
J. Clarkson: Nobody's gonna steal that because nobody's going to enter a mobile phone shop and say 'I'd like to set up an account please, my name is Dingleberry Handpump'. You're completely safe, it's just that that's now your name.
Vanya P.: I wouldn't steal that name.
R. Hammond: Our case rests.
Dingleberry Handpump: I appreciate that.
Svetoslav S.: I implore that we should leave these slums as soon as possible. I'm not sticking around for when another protest begins.
Tsar Mecislavs I: Good point. We're leaving this place.
[Mecislavs and his security/bodyguards Svetoslav, Larysa, Liben and Vanya get back into the royal limo, not before Vanya smiled at and waved goodbye to
HandpumpMay.]Tsar Mecislavs I: By the way, Handpump.
D. Handpump: Yes...
Tsar Mecislavs I: Could you send me your filming of the Ryxtylopian slums? No one else knows about what we've been doing here, so it should be fine.
D. Handpump: Yeah, I can arrange that.
Tsar Mecislavs I: Thanks.
[Mecislavs and his security embark back to the lounge they're staying in, which is the same one as The Genesis.]
R. Hammond: Don't Slow run the place where the Tsar is staying? No wonder James likes it.
J. Clarkson: Them and IceHotel. The same place The Genesis are staying.
D. Handpump: IceHotel originally started out in 1389 as a sort of breakaway art gallery and grew into a hotel and bar group from there. As you'd expect, it's an independent thing run by a group of artists with the intent of expressing their own take on the world, each of them giving their own spin to the hotel made of ice and snow. They apparently took inspiration from the River Brandon which they use for material all year rou-
J. Clarkson: Okay, that's enough Handpump. Sadly we haven't got time for your lecture on all of IceHotel's history.
[Handpump rolls his eyes.]
R. Hammond: The ads we made are ready, right?
D. Handpump: Yeah.
R. Hammond: Very good. So, anyone who's watching or does watch this, there you are. Jeremy made the first one, I made the second and Handpump made the third one.
J. Clarkson: Can we do Operation Bugger Off now?
D. Handpump: Yeah.
R. Hammond: Let's.
| 𐑣𐑸'𐑘𐑱 𐑛𐑰 𐑤𐑨𐑛𐑟! (Ha'wei Di Ladz!) |
| Ha'way The Lads! |
| Придъ'няпредванеи На Младеч! (Pride'napredvanei Na Mladezh!) |
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When Clarkson, Hammond and May all convened with the rest of The Genesis, they spent an idle time driving about. Hammond then told the other two to go away...
Jokichi Y.: Hey! I brought that camera you asked for.
Lyubomyr D.: Just put it over there, yeah?
Enrico P.: Yes. The others will sort it out.
Rashad G.: Hey, you need any help?
Ozen I.: That won't be necessary.
Kanako Y.: Let's hurry up here, we don't exactly have time to be lazing about.
Nia H.: This feels like a scene from an anime.
[Reimu yawns excessively, refusing to move from the strenuous activity of drinking sake on the floor with a glorified pillow for comfort]
Reimu H.: Do I have to? This is hardly important.
Clarkov S.: ...Really?
Rashad G.: You're not exempt from this, Reimu.
Yuri M.: Look over here. Now would you come and help please?
[Reimu reluctantly gets up and helps the others set up the equipment, Hammond then enters the room.]
R. Hammond: Thanks guys. You've been a real help today.
Rashad G.: No problem, Richard. You said you wanted it done quickly.
R. Hammond: Yeah, I got something I want to show.
Seiko S.: Well, let's clear the area and let Richard get to it.
[Hammond prepares to address the viewers tuning in to the live session while the others leave the room.]
Seiko S.: Hey, did you know Richard always ad-libs his videos?
Naho S.: I think we all knew that. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to be looking for someone.
Info-C.: Still searching for Kou, I see.
Naho S.: Who else? Lain, make sure Seiko doesn't follow me. I'm not sure I can bear her.
Lain V.: Yeah, no problem.
[Lain grabs Seiko by the arm and drags her along with him, Naho diverts in search of her mentor and Hammond turns on the camera to begin filming.]
R. Hammond: Hello. This is rather impromptu from me, but you'll soon see why. Now, I'm known to have a lot of people back in Hertfordshire & Jammbo... mainly teenage girls and a few teenage boys... that think I'm the most handsome person this side of Oliver.
J. May: Oliver...!
[May holds back laughter in the distance.]
R. Hammond: Ignore that, it's just a spaniel. Anyway, I was reading some of those comments underneath the videos of us three and thought to myself, 'what if anyone wants to pretend to be us'. Weird thought, I know, but to solve that I came up with this.
[Hammond holds up a shoddy title card.]
[Because James is slow and lost, we couldn't get his part done in time. Sorry. - Richard Hammond]
R. Hammond: Hang on, I've just received word that The Genesis were beaten 2-1 by Candelu and because of that we are now fifth in our group.
[Clarkson enters the room from behind Hammond.]
J. Clarkson: It gets worse, I'm afraid. We're up against Nieubasria next.
R. Hammond: We may be screwed... anyway, have you managed to get a hold of James?
J. Clarkson: Sadly, I couldn't tell where James had gone, because he's an imbecile.
[Clarkson shows Hammond a photo of James having become lost in a very strange area of Ryxtylopia.]
Clarkson told Hammond about Gwyn's good performances in the central midfield position that Hammond would be taking back starting with the upcoming match. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to everyone...
Tsar Mecislavs I: Right then. I'm ready. Are you all ready to go?
Svetoslav S.: We're ready and waiting for the all clear.
Tsar Mecislavs I: Good job. I know I can count on all of you.
Larysa O.: We'll scan any potential threats on our journey. If we are breached, you already know how to fight.
Tsar Mecislavs I: You know me well. I didn't just spend my time as an Esferiad athlete doing my chosen sports after all. A good monarch is always prepared. Now then, time to enter the slums. Let's see what's really going on here.
[Somewhere not far from where the Tsar is, May is only just realising that he's lost. Not for the first time this trip.]
J. May: Erm... chaps....
| 𐑣𐑸'𐑘𐑱 𐑛𐑰 𐑤𐑨𐑛𐑟! (Ha'wei Di Ladz!) |
| Ha'way The Lads! |
| Придъ'няпредванеи На Младеч! (Pride'napredvanei Na Mladezh!) |
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The trio were meant to be flying across the Darkesian Sea in their military plane towards Saint Mark to circumvent it. Problem was, May was flying...
R. Hammond: While we could be thundering past Giovanniland, James is making our lives a misery... again.
[Clarkson looks down to what's below them.]
J. Clarkson: Er... we can't be at Ryxtylopia already, right?
R. Hammond: James, why can I see a nation?
J. May: Er, because I went in the wrong direction mate. I didn't tell you this, I made a route towards the Andolian Territories of Giovanniland and have had to go along through there a bit and we'll head up toward-
R. Hammond: H- I'm sorry? We, on a route towards Saint Mark, have flown into Andoliavilla?
J. May: Yeah mate. Sorry.
R. Hammond: So you've made us get lost in this farm prop as well as slower.
J. Clarkson: That is the face of a Hammond who knows that all the pre-flight checks in the world can't compensate for being stuck in an airborne tumble dryer with Esferos' slowest man at the controls. Also it's Andoliaville.
R. Hammond: No, Andoliavilla.
J. May: Officially it's called the Andolian Territories of Giovanniland, but they call it Giovandolia so that's what its name is.
J. Clarkson: James, we're not from Giovanniland, we're from Hertfordshire-Jammbo. We call it Endeuliyevil or Entestiprazye and that translates to Andoliaville.
R. Hammond: I maintain your wrongness on this.
J. May: I was being correct.
J. Clarkson: Pfft, whatever.
R. Hammond: No you weren't.
J. May: And anyway, it's a colony. They ought to leave this continent.
R. Hammond: Has James been swapped for a Varanian?
J. Clarkson: He's not a Varanian, but he is an old lady.
J. May: I'm a what? No sorry, I missed that.
R. Hammond: I mean... I knew he was from the 10th century, but really?
J. Clarkson: He's always been an old lady, he was born an old lady. Congratulations Mrs. May, it's an old lady!
[Hammond laughs into the air, May is confused.]
J. Clarkson: Anyway, back to the main topic, we're lost.
J. May: No we're not. I think.
R. Hammond: Whichever way you cut it, this is the wrong way.
J. Clarkson: Hang on a second. We're flying in a plane from the Armed Forces.
R. Hammond: Yeah.
J. Clarkson: I hope the Giovannilandians don't send a welcome party.
R. Hammond: How are you doing?
J. Clarkson: Yeah, I'm fine. How about you?
R. Hammond: We're going the wrong way, we've veered off west into Andoliavilla and are flying over it right now. So that's a no.
J. Clarkson: A route imposed by James' inability to use a map.
R. Hammond: We have to fly over every town. There's a place called Giovenoria that could be a bit tricky for us. Ugh...
[Hammond puts his head in his hands in despair. Clarkson adjusts the camera through which Hertfordians and Jammbonians (and Hertmerians) back home are watching them.]
J. Clarkson: So if you've just started watching us, an update on our trip for you. We're behind schedule... by miles.
[The plane continues to fly through Giovanniland and out onto the Darkesian Sea where it has to divert heavily to avoid encroaching onto any more countries. It's passing along the coast of Dilber when Hammond pipes up again when he tries to eat his lunch.]
R. Hammond: James. I've got no fork.
J. May: Yeah, it's not allowed on the flight.
R. Hammond: Well it's just as well 'cause if I had any cutlery right now it'd be sticking out your neck!
J. Clarkson: Richard.
R. Hammond: Yeah?
J. Clarkson: I found these sheets. Do you think I should show this to the audience?
R. Hammond: I don't see why not.
Style: +1.7 RP permissions If my opponent RPs first, they may... Injure my players: yes Assign my players yellow cards: no Assign my players red cards: no Godmod injuries: no Godmod scoring: no Godmod other events: noA sheet with what was seemingly useful drivel on there. But the trio had figured out that this must have been important otherwise it wouldn't be in the plane with them. It looked like some kind of permission slip.
J. Clarkson: Certainly, the roster of The Genesis is more of an engineering triumph than James' plane...
R. Hammond: We've got no bloody forks.
J. May: Stop whinging about the ruddy in-flight food, man.
R. Hammond: Fuck's sake...
J. May: And don't jig about, 'cause we're climbing. We're struggling a bit here.
R. Hammond: I am not jiggling!
J. May: Yeah, but Jeremy is.
R. Hammond: How rubbish is this thing if I can't even lift a chocolate bar to my face without us crashing into a mountain of drugs or Quiyakaso?!
J. Clarkson: I know what will cheer you up, Richard. Let's talk about a car made back home, the Buralati Chirkov. More specifically, the special "Legends of the Snow" version that was made in honour of the Hertfordshire & Jammbo cricket team that won the T20 World Cup. You know, even though there are these huge cooling guts and the engine has no cover at all, that thing has 11 radiators. 4 to cool the engine itself, 3 for the intercoolers, 1 to do the axle oil, 1 to do the engine oil and 2 to cool the hydraulic fluid used to raise it's rear spoiler. ...It's got more radiators than my house!
R. Hammond: ...That was made in Hertfordshire & Jammbo?
J. Clarkson: I know it seems absurd but I promise you, it's not as far fetched as it seems. Most of our land is untouched countryside with mountain ranges, lakes, a lot of snow and miles of quiet straight roads. It's the sort of country a hypercar could unleash everything it has in, providing the roads aren't too covered in ice or frost.
The Buralati Chirkov that Clarkson was talking about. It has a quad-turbo W16 engine that produces 1,578bhp and goes to a top speed of 305m/h. It's the fastest car that Hertfordshire & Jammbo has managed thus far. It's named after legendary Hertmerian racing driver Lui Chirkov. He is believed to be living at Hestmere in Overthinkers, but this has yet to be proven.
R. Hammond: That is just... wow. Incredible.
J. Clarkson: You know what else is incredible?
R. Hammond: What?
J. Clarkson: James looks like he's preparing another lump of disappointment.
J. May: Hammond? Clarkson? We have to stop for fuel.
R. Hammond: Well, why didn't you put more in?
J. May: Well I filled it up. That's as much as it takes.
R. Hammond: So we've got to pull over for petrol?
J. May: Are you, er, are you familiar with the basic principles of flight?
R. Hammond: No.
J. May: One of the problems we have is because the plane is heavily loaded is that we need, essentially, more lift so we have to fly with the wings at a slightly higher angle...
R. Hammond: Oh god...
J. Clarkson: I'm nodding off.
[May continues his lecture, which takes so long that by the time he had finished, they were flying over their destination. Not that May was aware of this.]
J. Clarkson: Guys?
J. May: Yeah?
J. Clarkson: We're here. Look.
[Hammond and May look out of the windscreen and window respectively to see Ryxenia coming into view.]
J. May: Guess we don't need to stop for fuel after all. Just need to re-fill when we land.
J. Clarkson: Or whatever it is that flying fridge-freezers run on.
R. Hammond: I'm starting to think James' plane plan wasn't as lightning fast as I'd first imagined.
J. May: Remind me to tell the person who refuels our planes to stop being such a Fujansk trade unionist and get on with it.
J. Clarkson: Oh! Before we go, viewers, I want to show you this. It's the roster of The Mafia, otherwise known as The Genesis. I'd have shown this to you earlier but, well, you know...
[Clarkson uses his head to gesture to May.]
J. May: "Wait a minute. Why did Petersburg edit her profile to have horns?" | Esmeralda P.: "I don't have to disclose that." | R. Hammond: "The thing about having a deaf-mute captain is that no one besides us lot know what we're planning. Unless you happen to have complete knowledge of sign language."
J. Clarkson: Can I just point out that the first match of Hertfordshire & Jammbo has finished already? We drew 0-0 with Saint Mark.
J. May: Has it? How's that happened?
J. Clarkson: Maybe it has to do with the fact that your pre-flight checks and sense of direction have caused us to be catastrophically late?
J. May: Oh cock...
The trio and their plane finally landed in a field nearby Ryxenia, from which Clarkson and Hammond got into a Buralati Chirkov that the HAJFF had shipped to Ryxtylopia for them. May meanwhile chose to get on the team coach - named "The Ragnarök" - where he received a verbal hammering from assistant manager Tess on the way to Saltavacha.
| 𐑣𐑸'𐑘𐑱 𐑛𐑰 𐑤𐑨𐑛𐑟! (Ha'wei Di Ladz!) |
| Ha'way The Lads! |
| Придъ'няпредванеи На Младеч! (Pride'napredvanei Na Mladezh!) |
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Nearby a weirdly fancy building in a town in the far west of Hertfordshire-Jammbo called Arkti in the county of Anglia...
J. Clarkson: Well, we got ourselves here. We're sorted and ready to go.
R. Hammond: Now, the national team's first match is against Saint Mark. They're known here for being the complete antithesis of Hertfordshire-Jammbo. Whereas they are the monocle-adjusting fancy-pants of Esferos, we are the slightly frozen over Village People.
J. May: They'll probably be eating truffles about now.
J. Clarkson: Δ65, they'll cost, for something that looks like a mummified testicle. Right, you two ready?
R. Hammond: Have we really got our own plane?
J. May: Yep.
R. Hammond: Fantastic! Let's go. Onwards to Ryxtylopia.
[The trio depart to the place where their plane is waiting.]
J. Clarkson: I'd better not have to deal with airport check-in again today.
R. Hammond: You see, this time because we're using a private plane, there's no check-in, no queuing, no waiting around. So this time, we are gonna leave early and we're gonna leave well.
J. Clarkson: So we are 181 Squadron.
R. Hammond: No Jeremy, that's Polaris.
J. May: We're 383 Squadron.
J. Clarkson: Ah.
R. Hammond: Forward to victory!
J. May: The Genesis are 11th in the rankings and are in a group with the current number one ranked team. Don't get carried away.
R. Hammond: Come on, have a little faith.
[The three make it to the field where their plane lies in wait... Clarkson rushes off to the lavatory.]
R. Hammond: Go.
J. Clarkson: Going.
J. May: Ah ha, now we get down to business.
The 0H-8J Combine Tractor that May has brought to take himself and his two colleagues to Ryxtylopia for the 3rd Football World Cup. If you may remember, the previous one was hosted right at home in Hertfordshire-Jammbo. Not sure how we landed that.
R. Hammond: Hang on a second! Is that it?
J. May: Well, it's a 0H-8J Combine Tractor.
R. Hammond: James, it's pathetic! It looks like something a farmer would leave behind.
J. May: Honestly, it's a good kite, this.
R. Hammond: ...Kite?!
[Clarkson comes back from the lavatory and sees the old military plane.]
J. Clarkson: Hello.
R. Hammond: He's trying to make us go in the sky in something you'd see poking out of a skip.
J. Clarkson: What is it? What's it called?
R. Hammond: 0H-8J Combine Tractor, whatever that is, it used to be an old crop duster I suspect.
J. Clarkson: This is a military aircraft apparently.
R. Hammond: And that's only the start.
J. Clarkson: It's basically a toaster with wings nailed to the sides.
R. Hammond: James, what are you actually doing now?
J. Clarkson: What's happening?
J. May: Well, you have to do pre-flight checks. Make sure stuff's all working properly. If you're really interested, I'm going to turn on the battery master switch along with checking the landing lights, stall warning vein, the heat and the flap operation-
R. Hammond: They're likely to have broken, since it was parked?
J. May: Well you don't know.
R. Hammond: What, like the plane picked itself up and nibbled away at all the wires or something...
J. Clarkson: If you look closely Richard you can see that James is really enjoying this.
R. Hammond: If you also look closely you can see that I'm not.
J. Clarkson: That makes two of us.
R. Hammond: How long do these checks take?
J. May: 20 minutes, half an hour.
R. Hammond: ...Not today, mate. You've got... y- there must be a way of doing this more quickly.
J. May: Why don't you shut up and do what airplane passengers do which is sit in the terminal, have a cup of tea, complain how expensive it is...
R. Hammond: I swear, he enjoys the checks more than the flying.
[May refills one of the oil compartments.]
J. May: Nice. Very nice.
J. Clarkson: If I tell you that The Genesis are already in sight of Ryxtylopia?
R. Hammond: God, we- we really have to get a move on. James! James! I just noticed the wings have come off. Oh no, no they're still on. You can tick those, they're alright. Yep, that's on.
J. May: Is it?
R. Hammond: These are on, look.
J. May: Tires, are they all up?
R. Hammond: Yes! Go.
J. Clarkson: James is still engaged in his pre-flight festival of analness?
R. Hammond: Think of it this way. One of us has lost the will to live. Guess which one.
[Clarkson can't help but laugh.]
J. May: Because it's been standing overnight, you have to make sure there's no sediment or water in the fuel which could cause-
R. Hammond: Is there any sediment or water in the fuel?!
J. May: Well you have to check it like this, look I'll show you. These are drain points, you use this special cup.
R. Hammond: Good, good. Oh look, it's clear.
J. May: You take a sample out and you make sure there's no water in it which you would see as a separate layer. See? Clear.
R. Hammond: Good. Go! In the sky.
J. May: Well there are five of these on each side and two under the engine.
[A time frame within 17 years later...]
J. May: Got your seatbelts on?
R. Hammond: Is this more checks?
J. May: No, seatbelt. Put in on.
R. Hammond: Yeah, it's on!
J. May: Okay.
[Clarkson and Hammond look at each other in sheer disbelief and exasperation.]
J. May: Hello, this is 0H-8J Combine Tractor Guilty Barricade Origin Zone Mirage, request taxi for a TGT flight to the Football World Cup in Ryxtylopia please.
J. Clarkson: Well that didn't take long at all.
J. May: I'm ready to go. Are you ready in the back?
R. Hammond: To the sky!
[The trio finally take to the skies on their way from Arkti in Hertfordshire-Jammbo to Ryxenia in Ryxtylopia.]
R. Hammond: You love this, don't you?
J. May: I quite like it, yeah.
J. Clarkson: You loved the checks more.
R. Hammond: James. We don't seem to be going very fast.
J. May: Well we're doing 80 knots indicated air speed.
R. Hammond: 80 knots is about 85, 90 miles/hour?
J. May: Yeah, it's not quite that simple 'cause we're now at a pressure altitude of nearly 7,000 feet so you have to consider the true air speed. Indicated air speed is what you fly on, that's the rate at which the air is hitting the airplane. But because it's thinner up here, we're actually going through the air faster than the indicated air speed.
J. Clarkson: The pre-flight checks have taken so long that by the time we're leaving Hertfordshire-Jammbo, The Mafia are leaving the sky itself.
This is the parent company of Slow Air, one of the two largest airline providers in Hertfordshire-Jammbo. The other is named Air Anglia. James really likes the lounges that Slow offers. They're doing the lounges for H&J's national team too.
[Clarkson shows a small video clip of the Slow Air plane landing with the H&J football team and staff inside... the Tsar is there too.]
--------------------------------------------------
| 𐑣𐑸'𐑘𐑱 𐑛𐑰 𐑤𐑨𐑛𐑟! (Ha'wei Di Ladz!) |
| Ha'way The Lads! |
| Придъ'няпредванеи На Младеч! (Pride'napredvanei Na Mladezh!) |
-
No surprise, the resident 'middle of frozen nowhere' (and previous hosts) will be attending.
Pondering a change to the team logo and HNDFF logo.
- Nox and United Adaikes
-
2
-
I can't stand that song. At least I'd remember my birthday if my family forgot.
-
[OOC: Malfunction of computer forced this sign-up to arrive later than the intended posting time at 02:00 GMT] Drivers Driver Name: Richard Hammond Name Trigram: RHA Nationality Trigram: HEJ Preferred Car Number: 00 Second Choice Car Number: 8 Reliability (Between 2 and 5): 2 Aggression (Between 2 and 5): 5 Technique (Between 2 and 5): 5 Information: This driver is known as Sir Crash-A-Lot. Driver Name: James May Name Trigram: JMA Nationality Trigram: HEJ Preferred Car Number: 0 Second Choice Car Number: 3 Reliability (Between 2 and 5): 5 Aggression (Between 2 and 5): 2 Technique (Between 2 and 5): 5 Information: This driver is known as Captain Slow. -------------------------------------------------- Circuit Circuit Name: Sleetgrave Cemetery Circuit Race Name: The Hertfordshire-Jammbo Grand Prix Track Image: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/577959042631204895/1097306236996833280/image.png?width=797&height=585 Track Length (km): 8.4404km Qualifying Type: Traditional Track aggressiveness (1-10): 1 Track technicality (1-10): 9 Overtaking Difficulty: 3.9 Margin for error: 4.5 -------------------------------------------------- Team Team Name: Regalia Genesis (Full Name: Racing Team Regalia Genesis) Team Nation: Hertfordshire and Jammbo Nationality Trigram: HEJ Team colour (in hex code): #000000 Reliability (Between 3 and 5): 4 Acceleration (Between 2 and 5): 3 Turning (Between 2 and 5): 5 -------------------------------------------------- Engine Engine manufacturer: Flag of Convenience Engine name (if different): Mihashira Reliability (between -1 and 1): 0.6 Actuation (between -1 and 1): -0.8 Tare (between -1 and 1): 0.2 -------------------------------------------------- Tires Manufacturer Name: Eclipse Reliability (Between -1 and 1): 0.3 Traction (Between -1 and 1): -0.3 -------------------------------------------------- The vehicle used by Regalia Genesis: https://images.nightcafe.studio/jobs/ivjtmizXjCPhc7tbpGeI/ivjtmizXjCPhc7tbpGeI--1--2v3s1.jpg?tr=w-1600,c-at_max The logo of Regalia Genesis: ERROR 404 - Image Not Found
-
With training complete and nothing else to do, Nagisa gathered some O.S.T. made back home and had everyone choose a personal theme...
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The rest of you presumably already know of my inability to take part.]
Rococo U.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: Oh right. I'd forgotten that you're deaf and mute.]
Rago N.: That just means the rest of us will listen to our chosen OST without her.
Gwyn R.: It's none of my business, but we should find a way to allow Shizune and The Stig to experience this. I mean, Lisa and I have already figured out a way to bypass the deafness.
Nagisa I.: Really? But how?
Seiya N.: I know you two are intellectual prodigies in the conventional sense, but is that even possible?
Lisa L.: Yesh. With the help of my latest invention, we will be able to transhlate the shound of the O.Sh.T. into electronical information that will be transhmitted to the brain through theshe wiresh. It will be ash if you were lishtening to it in your head. Gwyn'sh mathematical calculationsh formed the bashish of thish technology. I am sure it will sholve the problems that come with the shircumshtancesh behind Shizune's mutenessh.
[Lisa makes it abundantly clear that she has a lisp, hence the 's' sounds being (OOC: written as) 'sh' instead. Gwyn signs Lisa's words to Shizune.]
Nagisa I.: Wow...
Julian K.: I'm meant to be the most talented person in the country, and I could never create that.
Tess D.: Looks like some of us have more free time than others.
Seiya N.: They've probably been working on this for a while now.
[Seiya glances over at The Stig, who acts as translator for Shizune when the others aren't directly conversing with her.]
Seiya N.: Still, I never would have imagined something like that was even possible.
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: If this works, then it would prove useful. Come on Origami, we need to get this sorted, follow my lead.]
[Shizune took command of the situation to Lisa's surprise and showed the rest of the team just how much of a fearsome taskmaster she can be. Gwyn was unimpressed.]
Origami T.: This attaches to your head?
Rago N.: That's what it appears to be for.
Krux H.: Can you get on with it? We don't have all day.
Shu K.: Don't rush them Krux. They know what they're doing.
Delta Z.: No scientist is immune from making mistakes. The same goes for Lisa.
[Gwyn has the urge to chime up and mention how math played a part, but decides not to. Delta notices Gwyn in his peripheral vision.]
Delta Z.: Hm?
Gwyn R.: However, there is no guarantee that it will work. This is its first use.
Eirin Y.: It's too bad, if it does disappoint.
[The rest of the team ponder which one of the geniuses out of Lisa, Gwyn and Eirin to believe.]
Arthur P.: I hope it fails. James, you agree, don't you? ...James, I command you to stop ignoring me!
James M.: I'm not convinced by that though because I think electricity is a mystery. It is. Yep. I don't actually believe in it. Nobody really understands it.
Delta Z.: You don't believe in electricity?
Richard H.: What you're witnessing here is Asperger's made real.
Futo M.: Is that the item that makes thy urine smell most hilarious?
Hyouka F.: No!
Naho S.: No, that's asparagus.
Mizore S.: I think Shizune is ready, shall I turn on the device?
Clarkov S.: I'd wait, seems to me like Lisa is in the middle of something.
The Stig: ... [Sign langauge -> Translation: Where did you appear from?]
Seiya N.: That reminds me, I have some news you'll need to hear. Zoranian queen Atsil has been sent off by her ministers to seek therapy. It seems like something you normally don't care about, but keep listening.
Delta Z.: When we saw that, we quickly realised that for all the 10-11 years of emotional and mental torment you've had to put up with over your childhood, coupled with the time you had to spend as Prime Minister because of a previous imbecilic lack of age limits (which are not in place for this team), you still haven't done the same.
Rococo U.: It's a lucky thing you never had to attend full time besides events such as the Esferiad. The country effectively ran like an absolute monarchy before that lack of limit was remedied. Anyway, what we're saying is you need to book counselling after this tournament. It'll do a great job for your wellbeing.
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: I concur. You've already been able to be your true self, but you can't shoulder recovery alone. You'll end up pushing away those who care about you. Take it from someone with experience of doing just that. You'll mentally cripple yourself if you don't seek help.]
Eirin Y.: There'll be no need for waiting. Free has already requested me to be the therapist.
Rago N.: You were the one that planned this?
Free d. l. H.: That's right. I'm not about to let Clarkov destroy themselves.
[Clarkov is in mild shock over hearing this and takes some time to process what they just heard. They simply turn to Free and nod and flash a small smile in appreciation as thanks.]
Rago N.: Sometimes your goodness annoys me.
Rococo U.: So that's settled. Don't worry, Snow Sage, you'll benefit from this. Lisa, we're all set, right? Let's kick off!
[Lisa attaches the device to Shizune's head and the OST list begins. Along the way, everyone wonders what the words in some of the themes are. They chalk them off as the H&J equivalent of "Ominous Marcarian Chanting". Even when it clearly wasn't. Some also get creeped out by a few of the choices. Most notably was the often ridiculous names each of them had chosen for the OST.]
--------------------------------------------------
Julian's Theme - Emperor Konstantinov: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWKbi13wE54
Shizune's Theme - The Student Council: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2eWjPEA8Sc
James' Theme - Big Ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt1PVYiHr6o
Free's Theme - Golden God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBxsZSckvO0
Mizore's Theme - Prisoner of Passion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rJ79MYctZ4
Stig's Theme - Top Gear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwX-KS1816c
Lits' Theme - Another Beginning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kAM42Z9gd4
Seiya's Theme - A Heated Battle With Lunar Prime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjZgR4FPfzg
Promestein's Theme - Promestein 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHrftVDITso
Gankyou's Theme - Violence Competition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15X7QsyJMAs
Hyouka's Theme - Another Face: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERBNmUesOM
Damian's Theme - Gates of Hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6syedhzF_U
Naho's Theme - Solitude of Frenzy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m2i5vKVvRk
Faust's Theme - Twisted Tempo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5ybfMqA7uk
Futo's Theme - Legend of the Great Gods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POUxrKNkbA4
Eirin's Theme - History of the Moon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-xhqldl_mw
Jeremy's Theme - Classical Gas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKCvYyVTJ6Q
Rococo's Theme - Birth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB2j6qBUWsM
Arthur's Theme - The New King: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pynw4Exsvr0
Tess' Theme - Bloodstained Rose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X9LvC9WkkQ
Clarkov's Theme - The Snow Sage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Ev-wurPT0
Kanako's Theme - Venerable Ancient Battlefield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITYCfbE76ZM
Krux's Theme - Hands of Time Reunited: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-QRIaGhjn8
Lain's Theme - Pitch-Black Flame: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7loJRR9hOgg + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npm_UDb487w
Shu's Theme - Spirit of Fire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HAKWe9mWZQ
Richard's Theme - Blast Lab: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBUh1XzTMSg
Delta's Theme - The Shining Star: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4duurmpu8Q
Gwyn's Theme - Beginning Equation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvqd9UPulqI
Origami's Theme - AHIH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKZbwuwXTNY
Rago's Theme - Diablo Nemesis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9JVtBrFVgI
Sage's Theme - To Whom?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMaNTdn7Y90
Lisa's Theme - Periodic Table Rap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxSe_Zrig_g
Fuusuke's Theme - Superhuman Team Diamond Dust: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DOZ4hcwpog
Nagisa's Theme - Midnight Music Room: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2yPtY0uvmM
--------------------------------------------------
It would appear that one of the team members is now finally set to receive a therapy session of their own. Multiple of them.
-
Prior to the final group stage match against Sekiya, the trio decided to discuss a few things with no clear structure...
Jeremy Clarkson: I've noticed that a couple of dates on the HNDRJ score boards are incorrect.
Richard Hammond: I'm sure it won't matter too much.
Jeremy Clarkson: Right, I've seen this image of what looks like penguins in military uniform.
The Hertmerian War Penguins. Disclaimer: These are not an existing part of the Hertfordian military. Probably.
Richard Hammond: You're right. I think they could be part of the H&J armed forces.
Jeremy Clarkson: Penguins don't exist in Hertfordshire and Jammbo.
Richard Hammond: Well, not that we know of. So James, want to discuss the war penguins?
James May: Well actually I'll discuss the war penguins in a minute 'cause first I want to say a couple more things about the car you attached a log to. You see, you said there that it was like a slab of old Hertfordia.
Jeremy Clarkson: Yes.
James May: But, Blencathra is owned by Piplar.
Jeremy Clarkson: Yes.
James May: That log was probably styled in a gulag and the car was engineered by a man called Yaroslav Tytarenko. Doesn't sound very Hertfordian.
Jeremy Clarkson: Are you joining us here or are you writing a letter to the Daily Diamond?
James May: Well, I'm just saying that you know immediately that that log is Dalimbari 'cause it had too much power when it smashed your window. They've overdone it, as usual... like they did on their Fujansk holiday in 1309.
[Hammond winces.]
Jeremy Clarkson: James! James, our language script is the same as theirs, but you don't say "Vashe Dorov'ye! Urra Dalimbar!" whenever Free State Television comes on the television, do you?
James May: Well I do actually.
Richard Hammond: Yeah he does.
[Clarkson quietly laughs.]
Richard Hammond: He does.
Jeremy Clarkson: So there we are.
James May: Can I just say something?
Jeremy Clarkson: What?
James May: Before we go on, is that actually a picture of real penguins?
[Clarkson is baffled that May has actually asked that question.]
Richard Hammond: Seriously?
Jeremy Clarkson: Forgetting, well, that, I received an email from the Tsar about a message sent from him to the Marshall of this country. Mecislavs has allowed us to share it with you viewing this through the phone camera that the Stig is holding up.
James May: What happened to Kilt Stig?
Jeremy Clarkson: Apparently they went back to Cambria.
Richard Hammond: Can we see the letter then?
Jeremy Clarkson: Here you go.
[Clarkson, Hammond and May look at the letter and summarily burst into various degrees of laughter after finishing it.]
James May: I really want to overthrow the junta.
Richard Hammond: You're gonna get a knock on your door in the morning and two big blokes in a black car outside.
Jeremy Clarkson: "Okay, I'm sliding toward the circular saw, Dalimbar is the only civilised nation in Esferos, turn it off! Turn it off!"
Richard Hammond: "I love Briand's leadership, now release me from the gulag!" I- it's... it's scary.
Jeremy Clarkson: It is and I will get him to post it on the intranet.
[Clarkson points at May.]
Richard Hammond: Yes you can do that one.
James May: No- yeah, but it's n- I don't really like Marshall Briand though actually.
Richard Hammond: Okay, f-fair enough.
Jeremy Clarkson: Oorh.
[May quizzically eyes Clarkson and Hammond.]
Jeremy Clarkson: The LATE James May there, making one of his, uh, final remarks.
Richard Hammond: Don't answer the door.
The letter that the Tsar had sent. The image he spoke of was a collage made by H&J natives of two double-headed eagles - one navy blue with swords, one black and lavender purple with two crowns - facing each-other off. More accurately, the black and lavender purple double-headed eagle was mauling the navy blue double-headed eagle.
It's not often that the Tsar themselves gets involved. They clearly enjoyed themselves enough to allow a leak of it by the trio.
- Giovanniland, Zoran, United Adaikes and 2 others
-
5
-
Despite the fact that this was a rugby tournament in the homeland of rugby itself, all eyes were currently on a bunch of flying things...
Seiya N.: I never would have imagined a nation like Zoran being willing to do this.
Faust H.: Do what? I was out looking for Tempo.
Fuusuke S.: I assume you managed to find it.
Naho S.: To catch you up Faust, the Zoranians have decided to sell a collection of aircraft in weapons sales to Kalmach in their war effort against Garahun.
James M.: Now all the other members of this tournament are talking about it.
The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The Astorian nations have been particularly vocal in their opposition.]
Kanako Y.: Atsil has defended the decision by claiming that Zoran needs to be self-reliant.
Nagisa I.: You can guess how well Nieubasria took that, Faust.
Rago N.: Huh? Why do you care?!
Hyouka F.: We don't.
Futo M.: I do.
Naho S.: You're in the minority then.
Jeremy C.: A minority of 1.
Damian H.: That filthy Nur-based country is not where my caring belongs.
Lisa L.: Harsh on Kalmach, much?
James M.: It's Damian, should we expect anything other than disdain?
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: That doesn't make it right!]
Richard H.: Yeah, but we still don't care.
Mizore S.: Wait for us to care all day if you want to, it won't happen.
Arthur P.: I'm not waiting all day.
Lisa L.: It was a figure of speech.
Sage R.: Shouldn't we be focusing on the match against Sekiya? I've been researching ways to get stronger.
Free d. l. H.: You don't get stronger by accepting how everyone else does things. You get stronger by finding your own path. That's how champions are made.
Futo M.: We used to be champions, but those days art concluded.
Nagisa I.: Hey, Futo. If you think like that, everyone will be capable of getting in your way.
Origami T.: Soon, it will be our time.
Futo M.: Doth thou think we can pull it off?
The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: This team isn't called Star Breaker for nothing.]
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: You're not alone in this feeling, and it isn't strange. But that damaged mindset won't do us any favours.]
Damian H.: If you sign so.
Kanako Y.: This tournament is not for the dread of Hall of Dreams adherents. It is meant as a home for the gods of sport.
Nagisa I.: This is kind of annoying, I want to make it so the Sekiya team can't play anymore!
The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: Now I'm remembering what I saw on CCTV back home.]
Eirin Y.: Before anyone asks, I was already aware of the footage The Stig is referencing. Uh, Lain, are you okay?
[Lain has flashbacks to the matches against Dalimbar and Larxia]
Lain V.: ...What is this? Why do I feel this way?!
Seiya N.: Lain is almost at border point. He's experiencing an inner desire to battle strong opponents, especially historical rivals Dalimbar and local rivals Larxia. Let's leave him alone for now. When we next see him, he'll have tapped into a new level of power.
The team did as Seiya suggested and left Lain to it. Although he denied it bizarrely claiming that those teams don't know what it's like to have a metaphorical thirst, even the Pitch-Black Flame was starting to enjoy battling two very specific national rivals.
Half-Time | HEJ 7-??? TER | Half-Time
- Giovanniland, Dalimbar, Zoran and 3 others
-
6
-
We go to the most impressive and most horrifying trio in the known lands. What could they be doing now?
[The trio are on the way back from the Garrison Stadium after a clean sheet victory over local rivals Larxia.]
Jeremy Clarkson: We've come to an uphill stretch, so I've decided to test my new handbrake. Simply pop it off the back, roll it out.
[Clarkson pulls the okay sign to Hammond and May.]
Jeremy Clarkson: Watch this. Roll back.
[Clarkson reverses the car onto the log attached to the back of his car, then gets out to check the results.]
Jeremy Clarkson: The wooden handbrake is holding me, I simply set off.
[Clarkson pulls a smug face.]
Jeremy Clarkson: Here we go. Oh yes! So there we are. Hill starting: solved. sometimes my genius is... it's almost frightening.
Richard Hammond: Well fair-dos that, that works. You do have to tow a log about but it works.
Jeremy Clarkson: I am a happy man today.
Richard Hammond: Chaps?
James May: Yeah?
Richard Hammond: Are we likely to see a Militsiya?
James May: I hope we do see a Militsiya, I'll show them my bonnet and ask "Could you do a better job than that?".
Jeremy Clarkson: But look on the bright side James, it's gonna be a scorcher today.
Richard Hammond: He's lying James.
[Clarkson had stolen part of May's bonnet very shoddily before the LAR-HEJ match.]
[The log attached to Clarkson's car smashes the back window.]
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh my god!
[Clarkson gets out to assess the situation, Hammond and May reverse and get out to see as well.]
Richard Hammond: ...
James May: ...
Richard Hammond: ...Huhahahaha!
James May: Oh! Haha!
Richard Hammond: Hahah!
James May: Did that...?
Richard Hammond: Oh dear! Oh...
James May: Hahahahahaha.
Jeremy Clarkson: The handbrake bounced up and has broken my... boot... window.
Richard Hammond: Ooh, you've got all glass in your seat!
Jeremy Clarkson: Stupidest idea in history.
Richard Hammond: Jeremy.
Jeremy Clarkson: What?
James May: There.
Richard Hammond: People walk around here.
James May: You've gotta sweep up all this stuff.
Richard Hammond: You have.
Jeremy Clarkson: But look, God gave us a tool for just such a... moment as this.
[Clarkson uses his hammer to further break his back window.]
Jeremy Clarkson: Would you not agree this is the ideal tool James for the job?
James May: Yes. Hammers do have their uses. I can think of one right now.
Richard Hammond: *Holds back laughter.*
Another of Clarkson's so-called genius ideas goes up in smoke. Apparently, he also has an idea of getting an ice machine. But how? Perhaps a local building has one.
Half-Time -> | LAR 0-13 HEJ | <- Half-Time
-
Those who didn't join in have no idea what the rest of the team are on about, something about playing out an imaginary scene, only that The Youkai had finally turned up. Against Dalimbar of all teams.
Richard H. (as 1320s): Well, listen here, ladies and germs. I just want to say you're the cat's pajamas. You're the bees knees. Now, let's get on the toot!
Futo M. (as 1360s): Groovy. Out of sight, man.
[1410s raises a glass while looking at their phone]
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Excellent.
Free d. l. H. (as 1370s): Boogie down!
Rococo U. (as 1380s): *Exhales.* Got anything stronger?
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Dude, that's your fifth glass. It's excessive.
Rococo U. (as 1380s): Get a job, '90s.
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Drink my strawberry milk, dude.
Fuusuke S. (as 1340s): Listen here, you two. I didn't leave a beautiful dame at the pitch just to come here and listen to you squawk, so buck up, fat head.
Rococo U. (as 1380s): Am I the fat head?
Futo M. (as 1360s): '40s, you're putting out bad vibrations, man. Get mellow.
Seiya N. (as 1350s): That's enough coming out of you, hippy!
Futo M. (as 1360s): Hippy is just a word, man.
Richard H. (as 1320s): Everyone, please! This is supposed to be a celebration. We're supposed to have fun, drink a little hooch, and maybe do the Raphael.
Shu K. (as 1330s): All your fun is why I walk uphill 11 miles in the snow to work every day! See?
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Depressing.
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Um, why don't you stop being poor?
[1320s shows off their teeth which they insist aren't whitened. They are.]
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Ugh. That's not hot.
Free d. l. H. (as 1370s): I'm with the '20s. We should be daaaanciiiin', yeah.
Seiya N. (as 1350s): I outlawed dancing in Lunar Prime Academy because that's how the devil gets ya.
[1370s dances in the background.]
Seiya N. (as 1350s): Fills ya with all the thoughts of lust and greed and hippy propaganda.
Rococo U. (as 1380s): Greed drives capitalism, which, theoretically, could have a positive trickle-down effect on poor people, like you, '30s.
[1390s rolls their eyes. 1330s glares at 1380s.]
Rococo U. (as 1380s): Now, seriously, do you nerds have anything stronger than this?
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): You're so right, '80s. Not.
Mizore S. (as 1410s): Does anyone know the Wi-Fi password?
Seiya N. (as 1350s): Wi-Fi? Sounds like a Fujansk codeword to me.
Richard H. (as 1320s): Tonight's not about our differences! It's about what we have in common.
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Like what?
Richard H. (as 1320s): Um...
[1370s is still dancing in the background.]
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Lack of ethics?
Futo M. (as 1360s): I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together, man.
Shu K. (as 1330s): What is happening?
Richard H. (as 1320s): Well, that's just swell. Now who wants some baked beans, roasted tit, and an icebox cake?
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Yeah, I'm on the "nothing gross" diet.
Richard H. (as 1320s): *Gasp.*
Mizore S. (as 1410s): Do you have any frozen options? My friend's visit to Fujoshi Academy made me really want to have some.
Shu K. (as 1330s): Listen, Frosty the Snow Skank, are you from Nur?
Seiya N. (as 1350s): What ever happened to good old meatloaf? Why did everyone suddenly turn against meatloaf?
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): Let me guess: the hippies.
Seiya N. (as 1350s): It's 'cause of the hippies, that's why!
Futo M. (as 1360s): Yeah, I'm so hungry, I'll eat anything as long as it comes from the green Esferos, man.
Seiya N. (as 1350s): I think you've had a little too much arson.
[1360s quietly laughs in a mocking tone.]
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Ugh, I'm so bored. Are there any good clubs around here?
Fuusuke S. (as 1340s): Sorry, angel, no clubs for me tonight. Gotta get home to hear my favourite radio program.
[1370s has not stopped dancing in the background.]
Promestein P. (as 1400s): The radio? Dude, just burn a CD.
Tess D. (as 1310s): *Exhales.* Sorry I'm late, guys. I had to, uh, disinfect my groceries. You know how it is. *Nervous laugh.*
Richard H. (as 1320s): Ah, 1310s. Wait, 1310s?
Tess D. (as 1310s): *Heavy breathing.*
[1310s begins obsessively cleaning the walls. 1360s gives a quizzical glare as 1400s grimaces. 1340s takes out their cigarette in confusion.]
Richard H. (as 1320s): I think this rose has lost her marbles.
Seiya N. (as 1350s): I bet I know why.
Futo M. (as 1360s): Yeah. Bad trip, man.
Tess D. (as 1310s): Have any of you seen my list of rules in the last hour?
[1320s shakes their head in disbelief.]
Promestein P. (as 1400s): Your god has those rules.
Tess D. (as 1310s): I've got a great idea! Let's do this over online instead!
[1310s swiftly leaves.]
Nagisa I. (as 1390s): I'm so glad I came to this party. Not.
[1370s just won't stop dancing in the background.]
Rococo U. (as 1380s): *Sigh*, I'm gonna need another drink.
Richard H. (as 1320s): I made that hooch in my bath, by the way.
[1380s spits out the drink.]
Origami T.: Well that was something. Did anyone even get cast to play 1310s though?
Jeremy C.: No, they didn't. By the way, isn't it strange that we only drew against Dalimbar? I know we were on bad form and the Boys In Blue are on home soil, but that's the first time we haven't won against them. We really should have won it late on with our chances.
Origami T.: Richard getting injured didn't help.
Jeremy C.: It's a good thing Hyouka was fit again.
Tess D. [in the distance]: I can't lose him....! I couldn't have possibly already lost him....! How did he open it?!
Elsewhere... just outside a restaurant of some kind...
Clarkov S.: So you're telling me that this person from my previous time of being relentlessly bullied for a decade was trying to be a toxic friend and to mentally destroy me and or kill me?
Lisa L.: That's what my findings state, yes.
Clarkov S.: And now this person is in absurd levels of pain and is likely to become dead due to being poisoned by hemlock laced into their meal after they were believed to be a love rival alongside a potential mental state assassin in an act of protection?
Gankyou K.: Yep.
Clarkov S.: Right... I had a feeling. Good riddance then. By the powers no longer vested in me because I'm not Prime Minister anymore, I declare the perpetrator to be innocent. Anyway, I've got to collect my phone. Left it back at the dorm.
[Clarkov runs off at breakneck speed to collect their phone.]
James M.: Should we tell them? It's not like it matters according to H&J law.
Sage R.: No, I think they already know what this is about. *Fake cough,* Yandere things, *fake cough*.
Gwyn R.: I already calculated the probability of Clarkov knowing why this happened, and it's 17.16%.
[Suddenly, Tess comes bolting past them.]
Tess D.: Clarkov?! Wait! Where are you?! I need to speak to you!
Damian H.: There she goes. He escaped the locker I had locked him in.
Delta Z.: Damian, why?!
Damian H.: I thought it was fun. Like dragging someone through the gates of Hell.
Naho S.: By the way, what was that Fujoshi Academy I heard about?
Damian H.: You don't want to know.
The logo of Fujoshi Academy. Yeah, this is a real place somewhere in H&J. Like Damian said, you don't want to know.
At this point, there is still no one who really knows what the hell is going on. Will they ever know? Perhaps it isn't important.
Half-Time -> | HEJ 7-??? DAL | <- Half-Time
- Giovanniland, Dalimbar, Zoran and 2 others
-
5
-
Much like the last time we saw them, the trio are rambling on about things related to monarchy or something...
Jeremy Clarkson: Some say that he knows two facts about Cambrians and both of them are wrong, and that 9 years ago, he accidentally introduced His Majesty The Tsar to an Overthinkan Bureaucrat. All we know is...
Richard Hammond: That's not The Stig.
Jeremy Clarkson: I'm sorry what?
Richard Hammond: Look at that jumper and tell me that is The Stig.
Jeremy Clarkson: No, you're right. James, we know it's you.
[May takes off the helmet]
James May: Cock, I was hoping you wouldn't figure it out.
Richard Hammond: What did you think would happen with clothes like those?
The Stig's Slow CousinJames May in a helmet. Being slow is the one thing the Stig family will never be. Unless it's Leisure Stig.Jeremy Clarkson: ...Anyway. All we know is, I'm going to the Crystalline Palace now to have my head cut off.
Richard Hammond: Really? I'll get a front row seat.
Jeremy Clarkson: On second thought, I'll just get James to bore me to death instead.
James May: On that subject, I saw a clip earlier of the new Epitaph Line and Transport For Parndon presumably gave the Tsar a Galleon Card so he could ride on it, which I thought was rather poor form actually because, if I was the Tsar and I approached the ticket barrier, and they said "Could I see your Galleon Card?", I'd say "Listen. Subject."
Richard Hammond: We're not dead yet, Jeremy.
James May: "Of course I can get on the bloody train, it's mine you idiot."
Jeremy Clarkson: That was quite funny actually.
James May: And I know why they're doing it, they're doing it because they can.
Jeremy Clarkson: They should take a lesson from the Tsar. That position has been, the Tsar, for around what, 2 decades? Now he has the constitutional right, and power... [Clarkson slowly bursts into laughter]
[Some Dalimbari otters can be seen in the background doing... things]
Richard Hammond: Really, this is just their display team.
Jeremy Clarkson: This bit better go in because that's going to be un-fucking-editable, that is.
James May: Where were we?
Jeremy Clarkson: They should take a lesson from the Tsar. He's been in power for what, 4 years?
Richard Hammond: Yeah.
Jeremy Clarkson: And he has the constitutional right to declare war on another country, right? And he can do that and he never has.
Richard Hammond: Hmm, 4 years isn't very long.
Jeremy Clarkson: I mean, how long would you last before you declared war, if you had the ability to do it?
Richard Hammond: I'd give it 4 days.
Jeremy Clarkson: Exactly! "I declare war... on Zoran!".
Richard Hammond: Hahaha! "Give them a right battering!".
Jeremy Clarkson: That's what I would do.
Richard Hammond: Well you would if you could. That's the problem, that's why they do it.
James May: Hang on, chaps... is that...?
Richard Hammond: Oh yeah.
Jeremy Clarkson: It is.
Richard Hammond: Not sure who the lady is though.
James May: Do you think the otters attacked him?
Jeremy Clarkson: That's probably why they're all gathered there.
Richard Hammond: Do you think we should see what's going on?
Somehow, Clarkson had this vehicle delivered. You'd think the Armed Forces of Hertfordshire and Jammbo had it delivered. If so, does that mean members of the army are in Dalimbar right now? What about members of the air force or navy?
James May: In a military machine with some white paint on it?
Jeremy Clarkson: It isn't military! It's for clearance and saving lives, Transport Minister Saiko had one of these.
Richard Hammond: ...Harhahahahaha!
Jeremy Clarkson: Stig's Kiltie Cousin, you can stop filming.
Richard Hammond: This was natural, right?
James May: There are no scripts.
Jeremy Clarkson: Now come on chaps. I mean, how hard can it be?
Richard Hammond: Oh, don't say that.
James May: Who's The Stig's Kiltie Cousin?
Jeremy Clarkson: Him.
The Stig's... Cambrian Cousin? We aren't quite sure. Certainly a kiltie though.
Clarkson brought Hammond and May into his white vehicle, which he dubbed the "Eaty Thing of Devastation". The trio proceeded to drive it in the direction of the otters and the strange injured reporter.
-
Just before the tournament, two sets of fans had gone to Stratosphere Park to submit fan-made OST to the team.
In response to that, HNDRJ decided to showcase them in this post, since they are good enough quality to be given that role. So, this first one was inspired by the local weather phenomenon that Hertfordshire and Jammbo experiences frequently and the term for a building on a farm known as a stable. The second one references the many shrines scattered around Hertfordshire and Jammbo, and their torii gate entrances. The bold indicates the main section of the song.
Here's something else, two young Hertfordian teenagers came up with and sang Deep In Torii.
Stable Snowstorm - Lyrics
[Instrumental]
We can still make it, if we act now.
It would be better if we retreated,
before we succumb to further drops.
(Snowstorm Stable)
The goal posts that closed the field up
somewhere along the way began to im-
-pale your heart... it hurts.
It's their fault.
We'll come down to whatever kind of you.
Let's look to that kind of enshrined place.
Don't ever talk with that kind of smile
to anyone else.
Continuing on forever
just like the snow,
Swear to me an eternity of the night parade.
The stars will shatter
just like the ice.
If you jump onto the field, accept me.
You cannot measure these feelings by the results alone,
because the summit belongs only to you now.
[Instrumental]
The future is not yet lost,
even though that was your despair,
why did the fire turn your hope into dread?
(Snowstorm Stable)
These kind of times, a reality,
I tried to remind the person I spoke with,
from far beyond... I knew it.
It was only you.
Come look for that kind of me in the stands.
See through towards these kinds of places.
We won't let go with what kind of pressure
at any point.
Continuing on forever
just like the snow,
Swear to me an eternity of the night parade.
The stars will shatter
just like the ice.
If you jump onto the field, accept me.
You cannot measure these feelings by the results alone,
because the summit belongs only to you now.
[Instrumental]
Scattered across and lying down.
In the sky we gazed up at,
the shockwaves and periodic dust
are a story of the Star Breaker.
Grant my wish,
glowing hypernova.
I tried wading my way across
a cracking avenue.
So hey, this is not the most I can do for today.
Every match is trivial and fleeting at the best, but
it's so I can stand at the top with you again.
Continuing on forever
just like the snow,
Swear to me an eternity of the night parade.
The stars will shatter
just like the ice.
If you jump onto the field, accept me.
You'll never measure these feelings by the results alone,
because the summit will belong only to you.
--------------------------------------------------
Deep In Torii - Lyrics
[Instrumental]
No one can resist the urge to play you.
Coldness permeating further than starlight.
Our destination is far, staying the course, we strive on through
the torii gate to the world stage.
Let us press on, pursuing the celestial!
If we can keep a hold onto our answer now, I don't mind raising the roof.
So that our Star Breaker don't stray, we keep our echoes reverberating.
The compass points forever into the freezing darkness where, for opponents, there's no escape.
Even if it's a curse,
this sensation inside is real,
now let's commence the night parade, Hertfordshire-Jammbo!
If we found anything that forced us down,
the goliath merely makes my spirit more restless.
They say that we can't ever reach, the ascendancy of champions past,
but ever silent is the torii.
Still not enough, with the words that fail to break us!
Now the hypernova will stare deep into the opposite side of the light.
From the freezing darkness, we saw the mystery of this team known as The Youkai.
Our compass pointing, quietly answered, the solution to keep a hold onto.
[Instrumental]
If we ever lost the answer,
will these spirits of ours turn vengeful?
Although the miko staggers away from course,
the inclination is to return through the gate.
If we can keep a hold onto our answer now, I don't mind raising the roof.
So that our Star Breaker don't stray, we keep our echoes reverberating.
The compass will always point toward the stratosphere, alive or undead, spirit remains.
Even if it's a curse,
this sensation inside is real,
now let's commence the night parade, Hertfordshire-Jammbo!
[Instrumental]
--------------------------------------------------
OOC: The OST these two themes are inspired by: Snowstorm Stable -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BFuamh-l14 | Deep In Torii -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJYKsY0Vcts
These were the two winners of a contest across the nation held by the HNDRJ to create a fan song for the national rugby team. Also, please ignore our mistake with the HEJ-ION match. It took place in March, not in November.
HT: OST ???-12 HEJ
- Saint Mark, Zoran, Dalimbar and 3 others
-
6
-
While waiting for Lisa to come back with Jeremy, Richard and James, the others decided to have a chat...
Kanako Y.: ...And that is why my shrine is the best in the country.
The Stig: ... [Disapproving gestures]
Promestein P.: I have no idea what Stig is saying.
Lain V.: No one does. We don't even know if they're communicating at all.
The Stig: ... [Gestures towards the stadium]
Origami T.: That's where the next match is.
Tess D.: According to my files, we'll be up against Ostronia.
Gankyou K.: I met some of their fans on the way here. They were unnerved.
Arthur P.: Most people would be when someone goes right up to their faces and then points them out.
Kanako Y.: You mention unnerving, yet you of all people are here.
Shizune H.: ... (Sign language) -> [Translation: Didn't Arthur try to take over the country once?]
Faust H.: Does anyone here understand sign language?
The Stig: ... (Sign language) -> [Translation: Yes, he did.)
Delta Z.: So The Stig can communicate in an intelligible way.
Faust H.: You know, I've never heard Shizune utter a single word before.
Julian K.: Have you been living under a rock?
Promestein P.: Faust was willingly holed up in his house for ages making his spinning top spin, so he may as well have been living under a rock.
Damian H.: Those spinning tops are called beys. Get it right.
Tess D.: I concur, use the correct name for the sport.
Seiya N.: To respond to Faust, Shizune is both deaf and mute. It means sign language is the only way she can communicate with anyone.
Lain V.: Faust, you are the only person here who didn't know that.
The Stig: ... (sign language) -> [Translation: Maybe if he stopped focusing on Tempo for a moment, he'd know.]
Lain V.: Stig just backed up my assertion.
Gankyou K.: Weren't we asking why Arthur was here?
Shu K.: Arthur once tried to launch a coup d'etat against the Tsar. He believes that Hertfordshire and Jammbo should be set up as an absolute monarchy.
Sage R.: It is an absolute monarchy now.
Krux H.: The original Anglian script has been restored as well. Good times.
Sage R. : The boomer saying that correlates with the data I have.
Kanako Y.: Sage, never degrade yourself by making a boomer joke again. Your father would not be proud.
Krux H.: It was unfunny when it first surfaced and it's still unfunny to this day.
Arthur P.: Maybe I can use the boomer joke to mentally torture those who oppose my organisation Inferno.
Naho S.: You think you're on to something? Well, you're not.
Shu K.: So go fish?
[Naho nods]
Rago N.: Why you...!
Nagisa I.: Hmm. Oh, this? Yeah, I did it! Well? What do you think? Great, isn't it?
[Nagisa has ended the mini-God of Destruction statue that Rago had been working on]
Naho S.: Well it pissed Rago off so it's good for something.
Mizore S.: It's almost tragic.
Free de la H.: No need for concern Mizore, nothing of value was lost.
Delta Z.: That's most likely why she said "almost".
Eirin Y.: While normally I warn against assumptions, that sounds plausible.
Nagisa I.: Nemesis, was it? It was kind of annoying, so I made it so that it couldn't function anymore!
Damian H.: I for one am all for this.
Origami T.: Nemesis is not the Messiah that Rago likes to claim it is.
Gankyou K.: Oh, look over here!
[Gankyou points at the arriving people in an extravagant manner, as if making a great discovery. Clarkson, Hammond, May and Lisa are back.]
Richard H.: Hello chaps.
The Stig: ...
Julian K.: This means they met the Stig's Military Cousin.
Arthur P.: How many family members does this guy have?
Mizore S.: Far more than you've met so far.
Rago N.: This is just impossible.
Krux H.: Living in the present day is impossible.
Mizore S.: Can a snowstorm localise on Krux now?
Gwyn R.: That won't be possible, as much as I also wish for a snowstorm to hit Krux specifically.
Rococo U.: That wasn't the nicest thing to say.
Arthur P.: Who cares?! He deserves it.
...the now full again team soon found themselves trying to stop Rago from kicking Nagisa's face in.
-
Somewhere, within a Rugby Zone...
James May: I don't like the Tsar, or the Marshall.
Jeremy Clarkson: James, now is not the time for your republican views.
Richard Hammond: So anyway, shall we get on? The Tadmartonshire local government leader...
Jeremy Clarkson: Yes, now he has the power to lower the speed limit and stop parents eating sandwiches in cars if kids are present. Now what he needs to do is take a leaf out of the Tsar's book.
Richard Hammond: What, marry someone from Saint Mark?
Jeremy Clarkson: No!
James May: That never happened.
Jeremy Clarkson: The Tsar has the constitutional power to declare war on another country, but he never does. Even after a big party, where he's a bit...
Richard Hammond: Does he what?
Jeremy Clarkson: ...and all his mates are egging him on, "Go on, Meci, declare war on someone".
Richard Hammond: Can he really do that?
Jeremy Clarkson: Yeah, he can do that but he never does.
Richard Hammond: Does he get "Hello, is that Mr. Briand? This is the Tsar, we're at waaaaar!"? I'd do that every week!
Jeremy Clarkson: He can do that! I'd be constant, I'd do it every- "Oh god, what have I done?".
Richard Hammond: Yeah. I would love to be a drunk Tsar.
[Clarkson has a look of concern spread on his face, Hammond realises what he's just said.]
Richard Hammond: I didn't mean...
Jeremy Clarkson: Shall we move on?
Richard Hammond: Yes.
Jeremy Clarkson: Well it's not just shrines that are built well in Hertfordshire & Jammbo, it's absolutely everything.
James May: Except wine.
Richard Hammond: Yeah, except wine.
Jeremy Clarkson: Except for wine.
Richard Hammond: Sorry.
Jeremy Clarkson: It is...
[An audible boo from nearby Hertfordians can be heard]
Richard Hammond: Well. Come on.
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh now, come on.
Richard Hammond: You drink that stuff?
Jeremy Clarkson: I wouldn't wash my hair in it. ...Erm...
Richard Hammond: Are you sure?
Jeremy Clarkson: No, it is literally everything though. I mean, Hertfordian shrines, better than anybody else's shrines. Snow pizza, erm, pirate ships, the Dalimbari language script! That's Jammbonian.
James May: No it isn't.
[Hammond shrugs]
Jeremy Clarkson: It is! That's why the Hertfordian/Jammbonian fans feel right at home even though they're a hundred-and-forty-seventeen hours from snow-land.
[Hammond holds back a laugh]
James May: Well, that and the temperature.
Richard Hammond: Good point. It might actually be warmer here than back home.
James May: Here, look at this.
[Hammond secretly places an edited picture of Marshall Briand in a coffin on May's desk]
James May: I found a Phozuki Cinnara, which is small, sturdy, safe.
Jeremy Clarkson: Yeah.
James May: 1,300 quid.
Jeremy Clarkson: Yeah.
James May: Gives me 1,200 quid.
Jeremy Clarkson: To spend on insurance?
James May: On-
Jeremy Clarkson: That won't be enough.
James May: It-
Jeremy Clarkson: Δ1,200, I guarantee you, won't be enough.
Richard Hammond: Some say that a member of the Militsiya predicted his birth, and that he is convinced that psoriasis is a secondary school. All we know is, he's not the Stig, he's the Stig's Military Cousin.
[Clarkson and May spot Stig's Military Cousin, and the team manager next to them]
James May: Why is he here?
Jeremy Clarkson: Oh shit! We've got to get back to the others.
Lisa Loboda: I implore that you get a move on.
Military Stig
-
Conversation Street - The Scripture Translation
Here you will be able to find the translation of the relevant information of the team known as Star Breaker into the Anglian and Jammbonian languages. There will also be a transliteration into the new Anglian alphabet, which restores an old alphabet used by the Hertfordians in centuries gone by. The Anglian script is unique to the language, meaning Hertfordshire and Jammbo, or more technically one of its predecessors, is the birthplace of a language script. Our peoples may even be the origin of two depending on the origin of the script used by the Jammbonians. The only other ethnicity to supposedly use the same script are the Dalimbari, who are hosting this tournament.
Common Anglian Anglian (Markanization) Jammbonian Jammbonian (Markanization) General Terms Hertfordshire and Jammbo Rugby Union 𐑣𐑸𐑮𐑑𐑓𐑫𐑛𐑕𐑦𐑻𐑯𐑛𐑧𐑨𐑥𐑚𐑴 𐑮𐑨𐑜𐑚𐑰 𐑡𐑳𐑯𐑡𐑺𐑯 Hartferdsierndeambeu Ragbi Junjen Катфадсие ае Дзаембеу Рагби Суйуз Katfadsie ae Dzaembeu Ragbi Suyuz Star Breaker 𐑕𐑑𐑨 𐑚𐑮𐑧𐑦𐑒𐑧 Sta Breike Фезде Разбиватс Fezde Razbivats The Youkai 𐑛𐑧𐑡𐑴𐑚𐑲 Dejeubai Привидени Privideni Positions Loose-Head Prop 𐑤𐑫𐑖𐑧𐑛𐑐𐑮𐑨𐑐 Lushedprap Разклан-Главе Опче Razklan-Glave Opche Hooker 𐑣𐑵𐑒𐑧 Huke Праститйутке Prastitjutke Tight-Head Prop 𐑑𐑲𐑔𐑧𐑛𐑐𐑮𐑨𐑐 Taithedprap Стегнати-Главе Опче Stegnati-Glave Opche Lock (Western) 𐑤𐑨𐑒𐑺𐑕𐑑𐑺𐑯 Lakesten Клутсауке (Уестен) Klutsauke (Uesten) Lock (Eastern) 𐑤𐑨𐑒𐑦𐑕𐑑𐑺𐑯 Lakisten Клутсауке (Изтакен) Klutsauke (Iztaken) Blind-Side Flanker 𐑚𐑤𐑨𐑦𐑯𐑕𐑨𐑦𐑓𐑤𐑨𐑯𐑒𐑧 Blainsaiflanke Слап-Щане Фланке Slap-Strane Flanke Open-Side Flanker 𐑧𐑳𐑐𐑕𐑨𐑦𐑓𐑤𐑨𐑯𐑒𐑧 Eupsaiflanke Атвоцин-Щане Фланке Atvochin-Strane Flanke Number 8 𐑯𐑨𐑥𐑚𐑰𐑦𐑑 Nambeeit Неумеасден Neumeasden Scrum Half 𐑕𐑒𐑮𐑨𐑣𐑨𐑓 Skrahaf Скатке Палавинате Skatke Palavinate Fly Half 𐑓𐑤𐑨𐑣𐑨𐑓 Flahaf Летйе Палавинате Letye Palavinate Left Wing 𐑤𐑺𐑓𐑘𐑦𐑯 Lefwin Наулйаве Крилеу Naulyave Krileu Inside Centre 𐑦𐑯𐑕𐑨𐑦𐑕𐑺𐑯𐑑𐑧 Insaisente Вреи Сенте Vrei Sente Outside Centre 𐑨𐑳𐑑𐑕𐑨𐑦𐑕𐑺𐑯𐑑𐑧 Autsaisente Нав Сенте Nav Sente Right Wing 𐑮𐑨𐑦𐑘𐑦𐑯 Raiwin Такнеу Крилеу Takneu Krileu Full Back 𐑓𐑵𐑚𐑨𐑒 Fubak Пулн Абратна Puln Abratna Reserve 𐑮𐑦𐑟𐑺𐑝 Rizev Ризев Rizev Players Julian Konstantinov 𐑡𐑵𐑤𐑰𐑨𐑯 𐑒𐑪𐑯𐑕𐑑𐑨𐑯𐑑𐑦𐑯𐑪𐑝
Чулиан Константинов
Shizune Hadzhiev 𐑖𐑦𐑟𐑵𐑯𐑺 𐑣𐑨𐑛𐑠𐑰𐑺𐑝 Шизуне Хаджиев James May 𐑡𐑱𐑥𐑧𐑕 𐑥𐑱 Чамес Май Free de la Hotopyla 𐑓𐑮𐑰 𐑛𐑧 𐑤𐑨 𐑣𐑧𐑑𐑧𐑐𐑰𐑤𐑨 Фрее де ла Хотопйла Mizore Shiramais 𐑥𐑦𐑟𐑫𐑝𐑺 𐑖𐑽𐑮𐑨𐑥𐑱𐑕 Мизоре Ширамаис The Stig 𐑔𐑧 𐑕𐑑𐑦𐑜 Тхе Стиг Lits Filaktri 𐑤𐑦𐑑𐑕 𐑓𐑦𐑤𐑨𐑒𐑗𐑮𐑰 Литс Филакчри Seiya Nikolov 𐑕𐑺𐑘𐑨 𐑯𐑰𐑒𐑴𐑤𐑪𐑝 Сеийа Николов Promestein Prokopiev 𐑐𐑮𐑪𐑥𐑧𐑕𐑑𐑲𐑯 𐑐𐑮𐑪𐑒𐑪𐑐𐑰𐑺𐑝 Проместеин Прокопиев Gankyou Kurylenko 𐑜𐑱𐑯𐑒𐑘𐑴 𐑒𐑫𐑮𐑰𐑤𐑺𐑯𐑒𐑴 Ганкйоу Курйленко Hyouka Furon 𐑣𐑢𐑴𐑒𐑨 𐑓𐑫𐑮𐑪𐑯 Хйоука Фурон Damian Harizanov 𐑛𐑱𐑥𐑰𐑨𐑯 𐑣𐑸𐑮𐑦𐑟𐑨𐑯𐑪𐑝 Дамиан Харизанов Naho Savickis 𐑯𐑨𐑣𐑴 𐑕𐑨𐑝𐑰𐑒𐑦𐑕 Няхо Савицкис Faust Hareleudeiem 𐑓𐑬𐑕𐑑 𐑣𐑨𐑮𐑧𐑤𐑧𐑳𐑛𐑺𐑧𐑥 Фауст Харелеудеием Futo Monova 𐑓𐑵𐑑𐑴 𐑥𐑪𐑯𐑴𐑝𐑨 Футо Монова Eirin Yakovenko 𐑺𐑮𐑦𐑯 𐑢𐑨𐑒𐑪𐑝𐑺𐑯𐑒𐑴 Еирин Йаковенко Jeremy Clarkson 𐑡𐑺𐑮𐑧𐑥𐑰 𐑒𐑤𐑸𐑒𐑕𐑫𐑯 Черемй Цляксон Rococo Urenko 𐑮𐑪𐑒𐑪𐑒𐑴 𐑳𐑮𐑺𐑯𐑒𐑴 Роцоцо Уренко Arthur Petersons 𐑸𐑔𐑻 𐑐𐑧𐑑𐑻𐑕𐑪𐑯𐑕 Ятхъ Петъсонс Tess Dileva 𐑑𐑺𐑕𐑕 𐑛𐑦𐑤𐑺𐑝𐑨 Тесс Дилева Clarkov Sahaidachny 𐑒𐑤𐑸𐑒𐑪𐑝 𐑕𐑨𐑣𐑨𐑦𐑛𐑨𐑗𐑯𐑢 Цляков Сахаидачнй Kanako Yarema 𐑒𐑨𐑯𐑨𐑒𐑴 𐑢𐑨𐑮𐑺𐑥𐑨 Канако Йарема Krux Halichenko 𐑒𐑮𐑳𐑒𐑕 𐑣𐑨𐑤𐑰𐑗𐑺𐑯𐑒𐑴 Крукс Халиченко Lain Vanags 𐑤𐑲𐑯 𐑝𐑨𐑯𐑨𐑜𐑕 Лаин Ванагс Shu Kuzmanov 𐑖𐑵 𐑒𐑫𐑟𐑥𐑨𐑯𐑪𐑝 Шу Кузманов Richard Hammond 𐑮𐑦𐑗𐑫𐑛 𐑣𐑨𐑥𐑥𐑫𐑯𐑛 Ричард Хаммонд Delta Zahara 𐑛𐑧𐑤𐑑𐑨 𐑟𐑨𐑣𐑸𐑮𐑨 Делта Захара Gwyn Remanyshyn 𐑜𐑘𐑢𐑯 𐑮𐑺𐑥𐑨𐑯𐑢𐑖𐑢𐑯 Гэйн Реманйшйн Origami Tomenko 𐑹𐑮𐑦𐑜𐑸𐑥𐑰 𐑑𐑪𐑥𐑺𐑯𐑒𐑴 Оригами Томенко Rago Nenovsky 𐑮𐑨𐑜𐑴 𐑯𐑺𐑯𐑪𐑝𐑕𐑒𐑰 Ряго Неновскй Sage Romanov 𐑕𐑱𐑜𐑧 𐑮𐑴𐑥𐑨𐑯𐑪𐑝 Саге Романов Lisa Loboda 𐑤𐑰𐑕𐑨 𐑤𐑪𐑚𐑴𐑛𐑨 Лиса Лобода Fuusuke Suprunyuk 𐑓𐑵𐑕𐑳𐑒𐑺 𐑕𐑫𐑐𐑝𐑫𐑯𐑢𐑫𐑒 Фуусуке Супрунйук Nagisa Ichaunieks 𐑯𐑨𐑜𐑦𐑕𐑨 𐑦𐑗𐑨𐑳𐑯𐑰𐑺𐑒𐑕 Нагиса Ичауниекс Half-Time
HEJ 11-?? ION
- Giovanniland, Zoran, Ostronia and 3 others
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6
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Häřtferdsierndeambeu Ragbi Jünjen/Катфадсие ае Дзаембеу Рагби Сцийас - The 101
HertJammpedia - The Rundown
Star Breaker - The Roster
The Style - Tactical Approach
-0.7(Balanced, veering towards slightly defensive)
The Checklist - Role Play Permissions
RP permissions: If my opponent RPs first, they may... Choose my try scorers: N Choose my kicker: N RP injuries: Y Godmod scoring events: N Godmod injuries: N Godmod other events: N
Other Necessities - The Language Script And More
Due to the gradual process of switching to a new language script within what is now the Tsardom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo, the translation of all relevant information into the new alphabet shall be provided by the people at Conversation Street.
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Furutani 'Glacier' Shrine
70 Genesis Avenue
Fukuoka, Greater Parndon
24th March 1423
Dear Hertfordshire and Jammbo.
This is a quick update letter from the outgoing Prime Minister Clarkov Sahaidachny.
If you received the letter from the Tsar, who may also be leaving his post depending on the results of this referendum, then you'll be aware that this is my last act as the head of the government. I really shouldn't have been in this position at all. I'm 15. The Tsar has been a massive help in running the country alongside other activities such as being what some claim to be Esferos' best javelin player. Yet when I somehow ended up in office at the age of 12 due to archaic laws, there was quite rightly outrage among some. I'm honestly surprised a coup d'etat was never performed against me.
Regardless, below you can find the results of the first round of the referendum on the system of government in Hertfordshire and Jammbo. The second round started at 00:00 AMT/01:00 HST on the 20th March 1423.
The deadline for submission of votes is 00:00 AMT/01:00 HST on the 25th March 2023. This shorter voting period is a consequence of the decision of Hertfordshire and Jammbo to attend the 4th Rugby World Cup in Dalimbar, all the way on the other side of the world in northern Polaris.
I'm pleased to have been able to hold office. My resignation will come into effect at the same time this referendum closes. Tsar Mecislavs will announce the results the following day and, if necessary, the new head of state.
From,
Clarkov Sahaidachny
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The Confederal Kingdom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo will sign up for the 4th Rugby World Cup, during which at least one of the people who signed this response will inevitably not be in office anymore.
Signed,
Tsar Mecislavs Deben I
Clarkov J. Sahaidachny
- Zoran and United Adaikes
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2
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Crystalline Palace
25 Apocalypse Avenue
Great Parndon, Greater Parndon
13th March 1423
Dear Nation...
This letter has been sent to your house personally by the Tsar of the Confederal Kingdom of Hertfordshire and Jammbo. This will also have reached the house of every resident in the nation. Within this letter you will find updates and reassurances about the latest happenings within the Crystalline Palace, Mamono Hall (on Genesis Avenue) and the Verkhovna Anglia.
Ever since the Hertfordia Wars came to its final conclusion in 1401, the Hertfordshire and Jammbo that was forged in the aftermath has recovered far quicker than anyone would have expected. It may no longer be at the heights of its time as the Hertmerian Empire that once spanned between a third and a half of Andolia, but this ice-covered land has entered a genesis and is enjoying some of its best years. The astounding success in the sporting field, including becoming the champions of the 1st Rugby World Cup and the T20 World Cup, should be the biggest proof of that. We have even introduced a new alphabet to better reflect the original scripture used by the peoples of centuries gone by.
However, in recent weeks, I have been stuck in a deadlock with the Verkhovna Anglia over the issue of the Prime Minister. In 1419, the nation elected Demyan Sahaidachny as Prime Minister, however he was later ousted after he had been found guilty of fraud in relation to his campaign, having stolen most of his campaign ideas from his nephew Clarkov Sahaidachny who was suddenly thrust into the position on account of archaic laws passed long ago. I have been supporting him ever since that day in doing the job and he has performed exceptionally well even with how absurdly shy this boy is, which is why he never comes out for public announcements. Though this is true, he is still a teenager. He became Prime Minister at the age of 12 and is currently 15. The lack of age limit may work in sports where he has achieved gold and silver medals in Javelin and may be the greatest javelinist in Esferos right now, but it does not work in politics.
With that in mind, I have issued a royal decree that amends the rules of the requirements that need to be met in order to run for the office of Prime Minister. From today, the minimum age for a Prime Minister is 25 years old.
To add to this, I must announce the desire of Prime Minister Clarkov Sahaidachny to resign from his post with immediate effect on the 20th March 1423 due to stress and the age issue. His last act in office is to hold a referendum on the system of government, having noticed the feud between myself and members of the Verkhovna Anglia. This will be held in two stages, the first as seen here:
This leaflet will be arriving at your house within the next week. To address a potential concern with the current system, I am fully aware of the citizenry's general opposition to the existence of political parties while at the same time desiring a choice in who leads this country, and thus have included the options of 'absolute monarchy', 'ceremonial monarchy' and 'abolition of the monarchy' on the second stage of the referendum if we do reach that stage.
If Hertfordshire and Jammbo does decide to abolish the monarchy and opt for a Confederal Republic, then this will be my last letter to you. If so, then I thank you all for allowing me to preside over the last ages of the Tsardom.
Sincerely,
Tsar Mecislavs Deben I
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I hate large settlements and the thought of having to live in them. It can become far too overwhelming being in a large city for even a day. The smaller the place is, the better for me.
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The rest of you presumably already know of my inability to take part.]
Rococo U.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: Oh right. I'd forgotten that you're deaf and mute.]
Rago N.: That just means the rest of us will listen to our chosen OST without her.
Gwyn R.: It's none of my business, but we should find a way to allow Shizune and The Stig to experience this. I mean, Lisa and I have already figured out a way to bypass the deafness.
Nagisa I.: Really? But how?
Seiya N.: I know you two are intellectual prodigies in the conventional sense, but is that even possible?
Lisa L.: Yesh. With the help of my latest invention, we will be able to transhlate the shound of the O.Sh.T. into electronical information that will be transhmitted to the brain through theshe wiresh. It will be ash if you were lishtening to it in your head. Gwyn'sh mathematical calculationsh formed the bashish of thish technology. I am sure it will sholve the problems that come with the shircumshtancesh behind Shizune's mutenessh.
Julian K.: I'm meant to be the most talented person in the country, and I could never create that.
Tess D.: Looks like some of us have more free time than others.
Origami T.: This attaches to your head?
Krux H.: Can you get on with it? We don't have all day.
Shu K.: Don't rush them Krux. They know what they're doing.
Delta Z.: No scientist is immune from making mistakes. The same goes for Lisa.
Eirin Y.: It's too bad, if it does disappoint.
Arthur P.: I hope it fails. James, you agree, don't you? ...James, I command you to stop ignoring me!
Richard H.: What you're witnessing here is Asperger's made real.
Futo M.: Is that the item that makes thy urine smell most hilarious?
Hyouka F.: No!
Naho S.: No, that's asparagus.
Mizore S.: I think Shizune is ready, shall I turn on the device?
Clarkov S.: I'd wait, seems to me like Lisa is in the middle of something.
The Stig: ... [Sign langauge -> Translation: Where did you appear from?]
Free d. l. H.: That's right. I'm not about to let Clarkov destroy themselves.
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Jeremy Clarkson: I've noticed that a couple of dates on the HNDRJ score boards are incorrect.
Richard Hammond: I'm sure it won't matter too much.
Seiya N.: I never would have imagined a nation like Zoran being willing to do this.
Faust H.: Do what? I was out looking for Tempo.
Fuusuke S.: I assume you managed to find it.
Naho S.: To catch you up Faust, the Zoranians have decided to sell a collection of aircraft in weapons sales to Kalmach in their war effort against Garahun.
The Stig: ... [Sign language -> Translation: The Astorian nations have been particularly vocal in their opposition.]
Kanako Y.: Atsil has defended the decision by claiming that Zoran needs to be self-reliant.
Nagisa I.: You can guess how well Nieubasria took that, Faust.
Rago N.: Huh? Why do you care?!
Hyouka F.: We don't.
Futo M.: I do.
Jeremy C.: A minority of 1.
Damian H.: That filthy Nur-based country is not where my caring belongs.
Lisa L.: Harsh on Kalmach, much?
Shizune H.: ... [Sign language -> Translation: That doesn't make it right!]
Richard H.: Yeah, but we still don't care.
Mizore S.: Wait for us to care all day if you want to, it won't happen.
Arthur P.: I'm not waiting all day.
Sage R.: Shouldn't we be focusing on the match against Sekiya? I've been researching ways to get stronger.
Free d. l. H.: You don't get stronger by accepting how everyone else does things. You get stronger by finding your own path. That's how champions are made.
Origami T.: Soon, it will be our time.
Eirin Y.: Before anyone asks, I was already aware of the footage The Stig is referencing. Uh, Lain, are you okay?
Lain V.: ...What is this? Why do I feel this way?!
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Mizore S. (as 1410s): Does anyone know the Wi-Fi password?
Tess D. (as 1310s): *Exhales.* Sorry I'm late, guys. I had to, uh, disinfect my groceries. You know how it is. *Nervous laugh.*
Origami T.: Well that was something. Did anyone even get cast to play 1310s though?
Jeremy C.
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Kanako Y.: ...And that is why my shrine is the best in the country.
The Stig: ... [Disapproving gestures]
Promestein P.: I have no idea what Stig is saying.
Lain V.: No one does. We don't even know if they're communicating at all.
Origami T.: That's where the next match is.
Tess D.: According to my files, we'll be up against Ostronia.
Gankyou K.: I met some of their fans on the way here. They were unnerved.
Arthur P.: Most people would be when someone goes right up to their faces and then points them out.
Shizune H.: ... (Sign language) -> [Translation: Didn't Arthur try to take over the country once?]
Faust H.: Does anyone here understand sign language?
Delta Z.: So The Stig can communicate in an intelligible way.
Julian K.: Have you been living under a rock?
Damian H.: Those spinning tops are called beys. Get it right.
Seiya N.: To respond to Faust, Shizune is both deaf and mute. It means sign language is the only way she can communicate with anyone.
Shu K.: Arthur once tried to launch a coup d'etat against the Tsar. He believes that Hertfordshire and Jammbo should be set up as an absolute monarchy.
Sage R.: It is an absolute monarchy now.
Krux H.: The original Anglian script has been restored as well. Good times.
Naho S.: You think you're on to something? Well, you're not.
Rago N.: Why you...!
Nagisa I.: Hmm. Oh, this? Yeah, I did it! Well? What do you think? Great, isn't it?
Mizore S.: It's almost tragic.
Free de la H.: No need for concern Mizore, nothing of value was lost.
Eirin Y.: While normally I warn against assumptions, that sounds plausible.
Richard H.: Hello chaps.
Gwyn R.: That won't be possible, as much as I also wish for a snowstorm to hit Krux specifically.
Rococo U.: That wasn't the nicest thing to say.
Lisa Loboda: I implore that you get a move on.
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1423 United Adaikes Open (darts) Signups & OOC
in OOC Support - Information & Dispute Arbitration
Posted
Nation name: Hertfordshire and Jammbo (Hertfordshire-Jammbo)
Nation trigram: HEJ
Players:
1. Ayumu Kasuchenko
2. Dynamis Jansons
3. Shemha Hazurov