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Tweedy

TWP Mayor
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Posts posted by Tweedy

    Gates

    in Information and Introduction Centre

    Posted

    Thanks for the warm welcome my very good friends its much appreciated. Pope I tried to track down our booze cart but had no luck, all I did was run into a bunch of drunken elves dancing in the forest singing TAO TAO TAO.

    unhealthy_zps91fb1928.gif

     

    This is deeply worrying....

    A Little Falibull...

    in The Lounge

    Posted

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    This incredible photo marks the end of Matador Torero Álvaro Múnera’s career. He

    collapsed in remorse mid-fight when he realized he was having to prompt this

    otherwise gentle beast to fight. He went on to become an avid opponent of bullfights.

    Even grievously wounded by picadors, he did not attack this man.

    Torrero Munera is quoted as saying of this moment: “And suddenly, I looked at the

    bull. He had this innocence that all animals have in their eyes, and he looked at me

    with this pleading. It was like a cry for justice, deep down inside of me. I describe it

    as being like a prayer - because if one confesses, it is hoped, that one is forgiven.

    I felt like the worst shit on earth.”
     

    WTF News: Issue #7

    in News and Media Centre

    Posted

    twp_flag_overlay_klingon.png

     

    A new flag is flying over The West Pacific, with the symbol of the Klingon Empire blazoned upon the TWP sun.  Citizens were curious of the sight, but soon news leaked out.

    While a sign reading "TWP Klingon Imperial Diplomatic Corp" was being installed at the TWP Foreign Affairs Ministry, an unnamed functionary told reporters, "In The South Pacific, RMB participants have described TWP as 'the Klingon Empire' and TWP is proud of the description from those that refuse to comprehend that NationStates is a game.  A game where players make use of game mechanics to achieve their individual and collective goals. Nations ignore game mechanics at their own peril."

     

    If TWP is officially neutral regarding affairs in The South Pacific, why are we reacting to a statement made from a member of The South Pacific by changing our traditional flag by placing  a Klingon icon on top of it?

    HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES?

    in The Lounge

    Posted

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________
    And last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

    Divided at Birth...

    in The Lounge

    Posted

    So...um....... was the nose hair in your left nostril or your right ?

    Yes it was. Westwind, I just thought -  your the heir with the hair!    :lol:  Oh dear - I must cut-back on my coffee intake!

    Divided at Birth...

    in The Lounge

    Posted

    Well summer is a coming-in and I've had a number two - haircut, that-is. I go to a unisex hairdresser and I have to fight-her-off from trimming my eyebrows, of all things! "But they are so untidy and some hairs are too long", she pleads. I insist that I will not have my eyebrows trimmed, and come to a compromise by promising to pull-out the offending hairs when I get home.

    I Know - Hello

    in Information and Introduction Centre

    Posted

    Hi Kevin, good to see you back home again, and I hope all is well with you and yours. I don't know about the old country, but down here we've gone through chest viruses that are hard to shake-off - but as they say - the older you get etc., "Summer, come here - damn you!".

    A little bit of Seriousness

    in The Lounge

    Posted

    One thing I have learned in my approaching old age, is try your hardest not to pin an adversary against the wall with no-way-out. There must always be a way-out. People with no-way-out will strike anywhere and anything with frustration and hate. Yes, easier said than done.

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