Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Aelitia

[Proposal] Commend Altino

Recommended Posts

Quote

Any Member may bring a proposal to discussion before the Hall of Nations by posting it in the appropriate forum.


Given the success of our two previous regional commendations, I would like to propose we consider Altino for our next regional commendation. 

The preparatory work will serve as a case study to the applicability of our Regional Commendations to the Security Council Commendation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I second this proposal and believe Alti to be a worthy candidate. I am happy to contribute to this drawing on some of the things I learned during my stint as ambassador to Karma

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This post will be updated with more information as it is gathered

6/24/20

On 12/22/2017, Alti was the recipient of the TWPAF Medal of Honor bestowed by former delegate Davelands: https://www.nationstates.net/page=rmb/postid=28666484

Forthcoming: analysis of mission reports. 

Notable links:
-Farewell - 

-100 Embassies with Doll Goldur

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's the draft (spent the past days researching), feel free to comment and research more information to add.
Update: draft 2 is up!

Draft 2:

Quote

The Region of The West Pacific,

Recognizing the importance of The West Pacific Armed Forces (TWPAF), the region's current military organization,

Acknowledging that in TWPAF's current iteration, Altino was Commander from October 2017 to February 2018, 

Honouring the multiple contributions of the nominee in TWPAF, such as:

  • The development and deployment of the Pirate Theme for TWPAF, including themed rank names,
     
  • The achievement of 100 embassies for Doll Guldur, TWP's embassy collector region, as a way to show the regional military's overall success,
     
  • The use of innovative recruitment methods to increase TWPAF membership numbers to unprecedented levels, thus creating and driving activity, and 
     
  • The accomplishments of command and control, including the training of several members (including future Commanders) and the oversight of countless operations,

Appreciating that Altino was honoured with the first ever TWP Medal of Honor by Davelands, at the time Delegate,

Noting that their presence in the region, lasting to the present day, is a source of happiness and joy to the regional residents, and

Believing that Altino's impacts and contributions to The West Pacific are worthy of great respect and merit a commendation by the Region,

Hereby regionally commends Altino.

Draft 1:

Spoiler

The Region of The West Pacific,

Recognizing the importance of The West Pacific Armed Forces (TWPAF), the region's current military organization,

Acknowledging that in TWPAF's current iteration, Altino was Commander from October 2017 to February 2018, 

Honouring the multiple contributions of the nominee in TWPAF, such as:

  • Building the Pirate Theme for TWPAF, including themed rank names,
     
  • Succeeding to get 100 embassies for Doll Guldur, TWP's embassy collector region, as a way to show the regional military's overall success, and
     
  • Creating a lot of activity during their time as Commander, training several members (including future Commanders) and overseeing countless operations,

Appreciating that Altino was honoured with the first ever TWP Medal of Honor by Davelands, at the time Delegate,

Noting that their presence on the region, lasting to the present days, is a source of happiness and joy to the regional residents, and

Believing that Altino's impacts and contributions to The West Pacific are worthy of great respect and merit a commendation of the Region,

Hereby regionally commends Altino.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Looks great so far Gio! There may be minor grammatical suggestions, but I'm focused more on substance. I know that this is a regional commendation, but I wonder how folks feel about acknowledging Alti's track record beyond TWP too as founder of Karma (and I am sure there is more), where she is a masterful cultivator. If it can be added, I would favor it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it looks good and does a good job outlining the accomplishments within TWP! It provides proper justification for why this commendation is well deserved.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/6/2020 at 7:47 PM, Reçueçn said:

I wasn't around for this part of our history, but this reads well! Maybe the bullet points could be turned into paragraphs? It feels a bit short. 

Well, I plan on doing some more additional research if needed. I hope other people do as well, everyone's free to contribute. But if we really need to turn the bullet points into paragraphs, that's fine for me.

Maybe we could more specific stats to support our points, such as total of operations under her time as Commander, etc.

On 7/5/2020 at 9:11 PM, Fuentana said:

Looks great so far Gio! There may be minor grammatical suggestions, but I'm focused more on substance. I know that this is a regional commendation, but I wonder how folks feel about acknowledging Alti's track record beyond TWP too as founder of Karma (and I am sure there is more), where she is a masterful cultivator. If it can be added, I would favor it. 

You can also suggest the grammar fixes, no problem. As for your other comment: although her contributions as founder of Karma are indeed awesome, I am unsure if we should add them to a regional commendation. If other people can comment on this, it'd be great.

On 7/5/2020 at 9:48 PM, Zoran said:

I think it looks good and does a good job outlining the accomplishments within TWP! It provides proper justification for why this commendation is well deserved.

Thanks! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/7/2020 at 8:21 PM, Giovanniland said:

You can also suggest the grammar fixes, no problem. As for your other comment: although her contributions as founder of Karma are indeed awesome, I am unsure if we should add them to a regional commendation. If other people can comment on this, it'd be great.

I agree that we should focus on her contributions to TWP specifically. Keep her Karma and Osiris work in mind when we start work on the Security Council resolution.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/5/2020 at 8:02 PM, Giovanniland said:

Honouring the multiple contributions of the nominee in TWPAF, such as:

  • The development and deployment of the Pirate Theme for TWPAF, including themed rank names,
     
  • The achievement of gaining 100 embassies for Doll Guldur, TWP's embassy collector region, as a way to show the regional military's overall success, and
     
  • The accomplishments of command and control: creating and driving incredible activity as Commander, training several members (including future Commanders) and overseeing countless operations,

Some stylistic suggestions in bold for the bullet points: there's already a lot of gerunds, so I'd propose something like the above, or different modification. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Overthinkers said:

This propisal is solid. I think it is worthwhile to mention her use of innovative recruitment methods to increase TWPAF membership to unprecedented levels.

Thanks for the suggestion, added it.

5 hours ago, Fuentana said:

Some stylistic suggestions in bold for the bullet points: there's already a lot of gerunds, so I'd propose something like the above, or different modification. 

I do agree that it flows better with those stylistic suggestions. I added your suggestion as well, with a few modifications, and I think it's better now. 
For everyone, Draft 2 is up, but there's still more time to discuss and suggest more additions or other changes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/5/2020 at 7:02 PM, Giovanniland said:

Appreciating that Altino was honoured with the first ever TWP Medal of Honor by Davelands, at the time Delegate,

Noting that their presence on the region, lasting to the present days, is a source of happiness and joy to the regional residents, and

Believing that Altino's impacts and contributions to The West Pacific are worthy of great respect and merit a commendation of the Region,

Don't know much about what Alti's done in TWP but I do have a few grammar suggestions:

One that I see is that "their presence on the region" would be more correct as "their presence in the region".

Also "lasting to the present days" should be "lasting to the present day"

And "merit a commendation of the Region" would be better written as "merit a commendation by the Region" or "merit a regional commendation."

"Commendation of the Region" makes it sound like the thing that's being commended is the region, not Altino. Hope this helps :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/10/2020 at 11:24 AM, HyFy said:

Don't know much about what Alti's done in TWP but I do have a few grammar suggestions:

One that I see is that "their presence on the region" would be more correct as "their presence in the region".

Also "lasting to the present days" should be "lasting to the present day"

And "merit a commendation of the Region" would be better written as "merit a commendation by the Region" or "merit a regional commendation."

"Commendation of the Region" makes it sound like the thing that's being commended is the region, not Altino. Hope this helps :P

Thanks, HyFy, I've made all those changes you suggested.

Hall: any final comments before we move to a vote? If you feel the proposal is ready for vote, you can motion to vote, and it will require a second motion by another member.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...