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Westwind presents ... Westwind Telegraph Frontline News WTF News date: 7 July 2014 Volume 2014 Issue # 8 A periodic publication of reports from around The West Pacific, Equilism and all of NationStates. WTF News is a public service of Westwind. *Neither The Ancients of Westwind, it's puppet nations, The West Pacific Imperium, nor the Commonwealth of Equilism take any credit or responsibility for the opinions expressed herein. All implied contracts are meaningless halucinations. Students cramming for exams suggest the use of powdered caffine to speed your way through reading the contained material. Personal dilemas resulting from the contemplation of this data are the sole responsiblity of The Universe. Long live individual sovereignty and Happy July. Recommended by Doctors, not by Psychologists... proceed at your own risk. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Topic #1: Pharoah's Fury ! (The Temples of Osiris) What a ride it was in 2013! Osiris was in the news everywhere, the center of attention. WTF News was going to print an article on the ongoing events in Osiris almost exactly one year ago. But a hard drive crash conveniently destroyed the contents for that incisive report. Perhaps that's where Lois Lerner's hard drive data went too. (okay, editor's correction.....so it was a power outage and the file wasn't saved, rather than a hard drive crash.) Instead of that ground breaking report, you get this. A few words to commemorate the interest of WTF News in Osirian events, and the opportunity to make use of the photograph that was prepared to accompany that lost issue. I thought it was a great accompanyment. If you haven't read the "The Osiris Imperium War: One Year Later" on the NationStates forums, you might enjoy it as a reference peice for the events that WTF News failed to cover. As always, we wish a bright future to Osiris. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Topic #2: DEAR DELEGATE! (Regional Message Board, The West Pacific) This reporter was lurking in TWP and happened to stumble upon this 'Dear Delegate' letter posted by The Once Omniscient Powerhouse of TAO the Watcher, Non-WA Delegate of TWP: A variety of answers were provided to this possibly immutable question: "Check for pouchie fur in the air filter..." "Trade the gas gussling polluting mowers for a goat....bonus - possible milk and cheese mini business" "Try a rock garden..." "...a good carburetor cleaning....before the expense and smell of a goat or new lawnmower" "...following the recommendations of Darkesia sounds like a good place to start." The most curious thing about the responses is that so many of them were signed, as was TAO's question, "Avid Anti-marsupialist". However, eventually the Delegate responded: Obviously, the struggle over the issue of marsupials has heated up, having spilled over in the world of lawnmowing. Reporting from The West Pacific RMB, this is Yet Another Puppet Reporter. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Topic #3:TWP Delegate Bhang Bhang Duc, Mass Murderer! WTF News Flash (Administration Island, The West Pacific) An damaging report was leaked to members of the press by a reliable anonymous source (aka Deep BS...no, not Blackshear of TNP) that reveals the homicidal tendencies of the new TWP Delegate. "Appearances are not always what they seem in Bhang Bhang Duc," said Deep BS. He (yes, he, not she) pointed to recent legislation that ensured "retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites." Deep BS revealed, "There's really no need for those luxury suites, since there are no retirees to fill them! "Retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits," he continued while displaying a public overview of the nation. Not only that....there's more! A statistical analysis from the government itself was also provided that showed the leading causes of death to be: Involuntary Euthanasia - 77% Disappearance - 17.9% Lost in Wilderness - 4.3% Suicide While in Police Custody 0.3% Old Age - 0% Some people are left wondering what this could mean for The West Pacific, especially after the Delegate left this note on the Regional Message Board: "*leaves sacrificial mammalian offering to the Mods*" Hopefully, Deep BS will have more for us in future updates. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Topic #4: CUTTING ROOM FLOOR (BBQ Pit,The Rejected Realms) Hey, there's a motto contest in TRR. Or something or other. WTF News suggests: "The Finest BBQ in NS." Or "You Ban 'em, We BBQ 'em." (Equilism World Cup, Equilism) The (nearly) annual Equilism World Cup is now in progress! Feel free to visit by and take a look. Matches begin on the 8th of July so there's still time to enter your team. Equilism citizenship is not required. And stop in at The Golden Goal bar and have a drink with the players and spectators. (Embassies, Everywhere) Are we enjoying the new Embassy cross-posting features? Seems there's been some significant number of Embassy closings here and there as regions trim back to feel safer about opening their RMB's to other regions. It would be nice if there were additional options to open RMB's on a per-Embassy basis. Maybe that's soon to come. Along with Max's hint that more may be soon to come. Although I always keep in mind that "soon" in NS time, might mean three years. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- As always, only the finest data bits were sacrificed in the creation of this data packet. All data bits have been blessed by The Sacred Order of The West Pacific Imperium, Saint Westwind of the Church of Equilism, Grand Inquisitor, Emeritus Rex and Honorary Pacifican presiding. Westwind Telegraph Frontline News is in Distribution many fine regions across NationStates. Sponsored by: The Order of The Known and Unknown Universe, The Spiced Crimson Rum Import/Export Company, and Warrior Thorin's Hot Tub Manufacturers. Brought to you by.... Copyright 2014, Westwind. Better people, Better Food, and Better Beer.